JuneJulySeptember Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 OK. So most of us guys who are bad with women are continuously thinking of ways of how we can become more attractive to them. I do believe it's true. Nobody is more self-critical than guys who are bad with women. So, anyway, one of the ways in which I think guys could make an improvement is becoming more interesting people. Specifically, doing more interesting things. I have always tried to do this. However, my core interests continue to be non-condusive to meeting women. For example, I'm really into sports. I watch hours of it because I enjoy it. I am aware that there are some women that do watch sports, but IMO it is the single most destructive thing for guys who are bad with women because it doesn't help you and the women who are typically into sports typically also like jocky guys. If I spent my weekend instead going to wine tastings, poetry festivals, and white water rafting, take up imrov comedy, then that might help. And I do try and do some of that. But what I could do if was serious about getting women is totally cut out watching sports completely or cut way down and start doing the above and more, etc. I was wondering what guys in this situation in particular but anybody else too thinks about this. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Yes, you're right. Why don't you play sports instead of watching them? Preferably sports that women enjoy as well. Join a local tennis club for example, or a sailing club, or a hiking group. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I just dont get why anyone would want to be someone they arent...I mean, nothing wrong with broadening your horizons if thats what you feel will enhance your life, but doing it just for the sake of attracting someone else??.........nah... I have hobbies that would probably bore most women to tears....but Id never give them up because someone ( a woman) doesnt like it or finds it boring...Most women are going to be into stuff most guys wont like either...doesnt mean it cant work out in the end.. .02 TFY 5 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Of course you can both have hobbies that don't appeal to the other. But you need common ground as well. Otherwise what are you going to do together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) I just dont get why anyone would want to be someone they arent...I mean, nothing wrong with broadening your horizons if thats what you feel will enhance your life, but doing it just for the sake of attracting someone else??.........nah... I have hobbies that would probably bore most women to tears....but Id never give them up because someone ( a woman) doesnt like it or finds it boring...Most women are going to be into stuff most guys wont like either...doesnt mean it cant work out in the end.. .02 TFY Well, first off. If you are physically attractive you don't really have to change anything. Secondly, I think a lot of people cater their lives to having 'success with people'. For example, if I were to be in the serious pursuit of catering to women, then I would drop the sports watching from a level of 7 to say 1, do stuff like improv comedy, wine tasting, mountain biking, poetry readings, ultimate frisbee in the park, etc. Some of that stuff I have interest in, some none. You could even go down to which TV shows and movies you watch to have a better chance of striking a conversation. It sounds silly, but I have NO DOUBT a lot of people do this. You know, a lot of guys cater their whole lives around trying to get women. I'm not saying I'm going to do it. I love watching sports. I cannot give it up. It is part of my core. But I could tone it down. I'm also just interested in opinions. Edited January 13, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Have hobbies that make you happy. In general it's a good idea to try new things, meet new people and broaden your horizons. These alone will increase your odds of finding a romantic psrtner. I won't make a hobbie out of things I don't enjoy just to meet women. Many men do though. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I think it's a great idea, especially if you can find an activity with high female participation. You need to find the angle that makes it fun for you. Shared recreation is one of the best ways for meeting people, falling in love, and sustaining relationships. E.g. horses, yoga, art, jewelry making, photography, ballroom or salsa dancing, antiquing, animals and environment generally. Start attending these events and be surrounded by women. Start slow, talk to everybody including the older ladies before you start the sexual approach...... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Change your hobbies to improve yourself 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I just dont get why anyone would want to be someone they arent...I mean, nothing wrong with broadening your horizons if thats what you feel will enhance your life, but doing it just for the sake of attracting someone else??.........nah... I have hobbies that would probably bore most women to tears....but Id never give them up because someone ( a woman) doesnt like it or finds it boring...Most women are going to be into stuff most guys wont like either...doesnt mean it cant work out in the end.. .02 TFY bingo.... I wouldn't change one single hobby.. my hobbies I do for me and are part of who I am..... What.. give up woodworking which makes me happy for sewing Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I took up hobbies to meet men easier and to have more things to talk to them about. I ended liking some of them very much and have been pursuing those hobbies for many years. Adapting your outlook, skills and behaviour to serve you for different purposes in life is intelligent, IMO. You might even surprise yourself. It's never too late to become a better rounded person with wider horizons, I don't understand how that could be ever seen as a negative thing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I took up hobbies to meet men easier and to have more things to talk to them about. Picking up hiking if you don't already hike or rock climbing or that type of thing would be a positive but you should do it for you and if you meet someone fine, if you don't just as fine... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 You don't have to change yourself but you can add in other things. Do wine tasting or white water rafting interest you? Great then add them in. But don't give up who you are. I know a lot of women who like sports. My college alumni association used to have a women's football group. It was a blast. We would catch a lot of inquisitive guys when we went out together to watch certain games. I agree that if you love sports, getting involved in a co-ed group to play them would be a good way to meet people. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Changing your hobbies to improve with women Secondly, I think a lot of people cater their lives to having 'success with people'. The thing with hobbies is they are activities that you like. Picking up a hobby that you are not really interested in, but do it to impress members of the opposite gender, becomes a chore and misleading. I also want to point out that this is what you are trying to do. You are attempting to cater part of your life to have success with women. Of course, you never know if you'll really like wine tasting or poetry readings unless you try it once. You also have to know what type of woman you want to attract. If you are doing it just improve your chances, attending wine tasting or poetry readings, you may not like what you get. But to offer some new hobby ideas that you may really get into for the long run, you can try runner groups (women are into jogging and health), softball and/or dodgeball (some women like being competitive), cooking classes, yoga and/or pilates, dancing, hiking, reading clubs, travel groups, board game groups (lots of women enjoy this one), or various volunteering (animal shelter, neighborhood clean-up, homeless shelter, etc.). Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I know of tons of successful relationships/marriages where the two people share little to nothing in common, in terms of hobbies...And I dont want to ever have someone falsely liking what I like in order to just feel like they are sharing the experience.. One of my hobbies involves motorsports...Some of the women in our group go to the events, but are bored to hell and cant wait to get out of there..And their husbands/bfs dont even pay any attention to them..They force themselves to go, but I dont think its all that good of an idea... I dunno...I have seen couples that literally do everything together...I cant see any scenario where I would find that enjoyable...The husbands tag along with their wives at the shopping mart and when they go and get their hair done....Ugh...I shudder at the thought... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 OK. So most of us guys who are bad with women are continuously thinking of ways of how we can become more attractive to them. I do believe it's true. Nobody is more self-critical than guys who are bad with women. So, anyway, one of the ways in which I think guys could make an improvement is becoming more interesting people. Specifically, doing more interesting things. I have always tried to do this. However, my core interests continue to be non-condusive to meeting women. For example, I'm really into sports. I watch hours of it because I enjoy it. I am aware that there are some women that do watch sports, but IMO it is the single most destructive thing for guys who are bad with women because it doesn't help you and the women who are typically into sports typically also like jocky guys. If I spent my weekend instead going to wine tastings, poetry festivals, and white water rafting, take up imrov comedy, then that might help. And I do try and do some of that. But what I could do if was serious about getting women is totally cut out watching sports completely or cut way down and start doing the above and more, etc. I was wondering what guys in this situation in particular but anybody else too thinks about this. No point in taking up poetry if you hate the stuff or do not understand it or are hopeless with words or remembering poet's names, because you wil be sussed out in an instant, by anyone who loves it. Hobbies are filled with people who like doing that hobby. So yes try stuff, you will either loathe it or love it, but I don't think you should persist doing anything you do not like doing or attending simply to speak to women, as they will sense the phoniness. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, women are attracted to passion. So on that note, I wouldn't say watching sports that much means you are really into them. You're just sitting there, WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE do stuff, like a gazillion other shlubs. And that is far less attractive than ACTUALLY DOING STUFF YOURSELF. And if you are watching sports by yourself in your own place instead of at a bar or live, then then you are denying yourself the chance to watch the game and interact with other people. On the other hand, so many people on here make it sound like getting a girlfriend is the equivalent of getting into an Ivy League school plus being a Calvin Klein underwear model, like you have to be the most interesting guy ever plus you have to be good-looking. That just isn't so. Hell I remember witnessing a date a few months ago. (I got the impression the couple had been dating a month and were about to meet each others' friends.) Guess what the guy was talking about? Well, it wasn't about how he was looking for a cure for cancer or he went skydiving on a different continent every weekend last month. It sure wasn't about going to poetry readings. It was instead about the guy going to all these football and baseball games with his friends and his dad. What WAS attractive to the girl was that it was clear that he was passionate about rooting for his team, AND for his friends and family. Nothing wrong with some self-improvement and trying new things though. Maybe you could use some of the time you spend watching sports to try one hobby where you are actually DOING something and not just watching. You might actually hit it off with someone there. OR at least spend some of the time you now spend watching sports either (a) going to the games live or (b) going to a sports bar to watch the games. Edited January 13, 2015 by Imajerk17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Ill second that about passion. Its been noticable inmy dealings with women that they get a kick out of a man who gets fired up about something. My ex used to like wstching me play the guitar, not for any superifical ZOMG hes a musician!!1 nonsense but because she liked how I would concentrate on it to the exclusion of everything else going on around me. I would take issue with the point about mundane concersations. This is part of the problem with social media these days and camera phones, everyone projects a life full of sky diving and cuddling drugged tigers and so if you are an ordinary guy who has a career so hasnt had the luxury of a year off to travel the world then you can face a struggle to keep up with some of these people who expect to talk about pygmy tribes in the amazon basin. Ive noticed that from OLD at least, dates with girls who love waxing lyrical about their travels never end up going very well. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Take a flower arranging class. I guarantee you will be the only straight male so women will flock to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 No!! Don't change your hobbies. No matter what your hobby is, there are women out there who like it too. NO MATTER WHAT. I like sports. Alot. And I don't have a type, so whether someone's a jock or not is not relevant. The biggest thing though.... is that if you stop doing things you genuinely enjoy, you are going to be less happy. And a man who is not happy is detrimentally less attractive than a happy one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) I think it's better to expand your interests than to start lopping them off of your life. It's usually just a matter of balance. I'm pretty nerdy, the sort of person who could be totally content to spend a weekend PC gaming, watching anime, etc. So a guy who has nerdy interests isn't going to bother me with those nerdy interests. BUT even though we hypothetically have those interests in common, if ALL he ever does is sit at his computer, that would be pretty awkward. I also have a major outdoorsy streak in me. I love hiking, camping, rock hounding, gardening, etc. I also like taking my nerdiness out to events, such as the Renaissance Festival. These different things can make for 'blending' of interests. Like maybe my hypothetical SO doesn't really get into hardcore hiking and camping, but he loves photography. We could both enjoy a day spent in a beautiful wilderness setting, me collecting rocks and such and him photographing birds or whatever. And sometimes, I just need to some quiet downtime. I also have a pretty artsy streak in me, but it's a low-key personal thing, like sometimes I'd just like to chill with some music and work on some sketches and such. So ideally an SO of mine would be able to share some things with me, and also have his own stuff to do when I need some downtime (like in the case of the artwork, it's a 'me' activity and something I don't really like doing with someone else). So for the OP's example of sports, I wouldn't say to totally lop off sports from your life. After all you need stuff to entertain yourself with when your future lady needs to do her own thing for a while. But if you spend nearly ALL of your freetime on sports, then I would agree that it couldn't hurt to broaden your interests a bit, or to just go out and try new things, see what else you can enjoy. Edited January 13, 2015 by Danda 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Do dancing. Anywhere there's dancing, there's millions of women without partners dancing with themselves. Take dance lessons if you want to or just go to clubs that have dancing. If you're a bit older, retro nights are great for this and a friend of mine met his wife that way. Take a basic cooking class. Nothing expensive or accredited. Just a course somewhere there's women in your age range likely to be there. Some gourmet stores have them, some junior colleges, even some restaurants, I imagine. Learn to play an instrument. Get a part-time job doing something in retail or restaurants or bars to meet people, preferably someplace that targets the age of women you'd be dating. So if you're 40, you're not getting a job at the Gap. You end up making friends with the other employees and maybe some customers at retail and restaurants. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Most well-rounded, emotionally healthy, curious people will take some time to (within reason and feasibility) explore new places, ideas, activities, events and hobbies that genuinely interest them. That's true regardless of the person's status...single, in a relationship, married. It's fun, it can make for great memories and funny stories, it broadens your horizons and it's a great way to meet people and get a better understanding of how the world and its cultures work. You may also unlock new previously latent passions of yours. Just like with going to the gym or taking an informal class or changing careers...you should explore new hobbies/interests for yourself. Becoming more attractive to others is a potential positive by-product of that, but that shouldn't be the main focus. Never completely ditch existing hobbies...it's more important to be yourself. Exercising better balance and moderation of those hobbies may be a good idea, though. I think you should look at becoming more active and visible in general. Consider your existing hobbies...chances are there are available options within the framework of those hobbies that are more social and less solitary. For example, joining a co-ed sports club. However, don't over-focus on becoming more active or more interesting...and also don't focus too much on "self-improvement". There is value in true downtime...where you can just "let go" for a little while and just want to have fun doing whatever or just chill. Take dance clubs for example...lots of people go there to just get their groove on and lose themselves in the pulsating beat of the music. I also think there's more to becoming an interesting person than just taking up some new hobbies. How you communicate also matters. I have an acquaintance who's well-traveled and into winter sports and stuff, but when he talks his delivery is just mundane. While being active can definitely help, it's more important that you be happy and comfortable with yourself and your life. That should then naturally translate to how you communicate with others, including women you date. You have more zeal, more confidence, possibly more spontaneity, your sense of humor shines through more clearly, and so on. Originally posted by Imajerk17 On the other hand, so many people on here make it sound like getting a girlfriend is the equivalent of getting into an Ivy League school plus being a Calvin Klein underwear model, like you have to be the most interesting guy ever plus you have to be good-looking. That just isn't so. Hell I remember witnessing a date a few months ago. (I got the impression the couple had been dating a month and were about to meet each others' friends.) Guess what the guy was talking about? Well, it wasn't about how he was looking for a cure for cancer or he went skydiving on a different continent every weekend last month. It sure wasn't about going to poetry readings. It was instead about the guy going to all these football and baseball games with his friends and his dad. What WAS attractive to the girl was that it was clear that he was passionate about rooting for his team, AND for his friends and family. This is also very true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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