995011505 Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Backstory: My bf and I have been together for 1.5 years. We have always lived together, moved away from our home town together, used to work with each other, been on vacations and trips, adopted a kitten together....we're each other’s best friends. We didn't have any problems (fights etc..) for about 8 months. Then, like any relationship, we began to have small arguments which were quickly followed with hugs and kisses. Those small arguments turned into reoccurring ones, which only made the fights get bigger. We knew what we had to do to change the situation but neither of us really tried that hard to fix it. Then at the begging of December (1.5 months ago) we had a HUGE fight which resulted in a 4 hour break up (*rolls eyes* ...i know). But after that we decided it would be better if i move out so we could both have some space. So i found a place and was planned to move in January 1st. However over the xmas holiday we had 1 week off where we spent it with each other and our family and friends. It was relaxing and healing. When it was time for me to move out I was actually a bit excited. It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve moved out. We have had sleep overs about 5 nights/out of 14 and have seen each other basically everyday anyways. My issue: I've never been this confused. My BF is so great to me and apart from what we fight about, treats me like a princess. We share the same outlooks on life, he can make me laugh like no one else, and we are comfortable doing all the grossest things in front of each other. The only issue is down the line i could see us maybe, possibly breaking up since i want to travel for a year + and he doesn’t. Traveling is super important to me and if i don't do it while I’m young I’m going to have a mid-life crisis later on. Anyways, i met this other guy who I’ve developed a crush on. I know he likes me too, but i can’t tell if he actually likes me or just wants to hook up. I've never even looked at guys other than my BF until now. This new guy does offer something my bf doesn’t have, which is we share the same passion for travel. I've done a considerable amount of thinking and seeked advice as well. However i still don't know what to do. I want to be fair to my boyfriend, and would never cheat, obviously. I don't want him to be my back up plan. But if i do love him then why do I even doubt my relationship? I can't tell if im only staying with him out of fear of being lonely? I realize i may just be tempted by those first kisses, and the mystery of the other guy (not knowing what his body looks and feels like, etc...). Do i have commitment issues? Am i bored in my relationship? Also, the guy i have a crush on lives 2 hours away from me. I tried asking myself, 'if the new guy lived in the same city as me and wanted a long term relationship, would i leave my BF for him?' answer: yes But when i ask myself, 'if i knew the guy only wanted to hook up a few times, then peace out would i leave my BF?' Answer: i don’t know.... The relationship I’m in is comfortable, fun, and things are good....why do i want to seek something else?? Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Because the relationship you're in is too comfortable. It's bordering on boring, and things are patently obviously NOT 'good'. Your heart is straying because it's not into what you currently have. If everything was really 'good' this guy wouldn't even get a yes vote, whatever questions you asked yourself. you are living in cloud-cuckoo land if you think your relationship is 'good'. It isn't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 You've reached the point all relationships reach,choosing to love someone or not. In the beginning,loving someone is easy, but as time goes on you have to choose to love someone. It's not as easy as falling in love and never having any doubts. Others will enter the picture(like the new guy you're interested in), you'll have arguments, they'll get on your nerves,kids enter your lives,health issues,you'll change your outlook on life, you may change careers, you may want to move,etc.,, It's life and it involves change. You make a decision to love someone over the long term. It's not "falling out of love". It's simply a choice. It won't be different with anyone else. You'll still need to choose to love them over time. There will always be more attractive,more successful, more entertaining, more exciting people in the world, and sooner or later you're going to cross their paths. This is regardless to whoever you're dating/married to in the future. Choosing to love someone means you'll be there through it all. It's a big step. It's the love that keeps a husband close to his cancer stricken wife, or the wife close to her husband who just found out he has Parkinsons disease. It's your choice and you're not a bad person if you choose not to love someone any longer or you think you might be happier with something else. If you were married,I would say differently,but you're not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 It's not a matter of choosing to love your BF. There are now so many cracks in the foundation of your relationship that it's no longer stable. There are so many little reasons it's no working. This crush is just a symptom but it may be the catalyst you need to let go of something that is no longer working for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 To make the right decision you need to have a very honest and open talk with both men. If you don't do that you could make a very big mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Do you think it's fair that while he's treating you like a princess, making you his focus, you're googly eyed and connecting emotionally with another guy? The fact that if this guy offers you a relationship today, you'd walk away from your boyfriend almost sounds like there's much more to this than just a crush. Or you're smitten to such an extent, romanticizing and idealizing a guy you don't really know. I love to travel too but give me three or four trips a year and I'd be on board but I can understand taking a whole year off just traveling. Some people have commitments, routines, financial responsibilities, etc. Could it be that is possibly why "traveling" by your definition doesn't sit so well with him? Or is he just NO on travel completely? BUT, I don't think travel is the issue here. I think you're trying to find some reason that your boyfriend isn't compatible so that justifies an ending in your brain. Your relationship is relatively young and if after such a short while you're already distracted, with cracks in the pavement, I would have to say that while he is a wonderful partner to you, sometimes that just isn't enough. You should never hold on because he brings 150% the table. It isn't fair or kind to him when you cannot reciprocate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Don't just assume the new guy is offering you a nice, safe relationship. Also, don't assume that new is any better or more exciting just because he's new. The better is option is to stay with the nice, stable person who treats you well, but it sounds like you have a case of the "Grass is Greener Syndrome." I doubt there's anything anyone here that can help you. At this point, you'll have to completely destroy your relationship and partner before you realize you gave up such good, comfortable, healthy thing. Good luck with that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 You come off as quite selfish. You said you asked yourself if this other guy lived in the same city as you if you would leave your boyfriend and you answered "yes". Right there, RIGHT THERE you should of known to break up with your boyfriend. When the only thing prevented you from getting with some other dude is proximity then there is a huge red flag. I also don't even get the point of your relationship if you know you are going to be eventually traveling for over a year and your boyfriend will not be going with. You seriously think you will be able to break up so you can go traipsing around the world for over a year doing what you want, only for this guy to still be waiting for you when you are done? You also don't think maybe one reason you want this other guy is because he wants to travel too? What you need to get is this other guy is no prince charming. He's into a girl who has a boyfriend, and he's telling her he has feelings for her, etc. Sorry, decent guys do not do that to women they know have boyfriends. If you loved your boyfriend you wouldn't want some other creep, period. Dump your boyfriend, he deserves better then someone this selfish. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 I want to be fair to my boyfriend, and would never cheat, obviously. I don't want him to be my back up plan. But according to your other thread, you're already cheating. Yes, please let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Yeah I hate to break it to you OP, but you've already cheated on your boyfriend, at least emotionally. Do not fool yourself into thinking your cheating is not as bad merely because you haven't been physical YET. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Break up with your BF and go for the other guy. Problem solved. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Ugh! Messy messy messy!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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