Josmatjes Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 They say third times a charm. Well after 3 weeks no contact we had started texting again but after 3 days I finally had a lightbulb moment. This man needs me to be his fallback girl and an ego boost for him. So I finally texted him.."I don't want anything to do with you ever again! You are dead to me! Goodbye!" I hope it wasn't to harsh but it was straight to the point! That was 5 days ago.... Not missing him or his words spun with lies! Now I just need to be strong. I think this was it!! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Why do you want to end the affair? It seems like your husband has stuck his head in the sand. Why not keep it going? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 Why do you want to end the affair? It seems like your husband has stuck his head in the sand. Why not keep it going? He didn't. I've just realized how much I hurt him and I'm truly sorry. Plus my husband is a better man than OM could ever be. Think I just lost myself for awhile. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 He didn't. I've just realized how much I hurt him and I'm truly sorry. Plus my husband is a better man than OM could ever be. Think I just lost myself for awhile. That was really a bait question, and your answer suggest you won't end it. Your husband was hurt from the start yet you continued. So until YOU want it over because YOU want it over you will continue to break NC. Your husband being hurt really doesn't matter enough to keep you NC, if it did you would have stopped after Dday. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 That was really a bait question, and your answer suggest you won't end it. Your husband was hurt from the start yet you continued. So until YOU want it over because YOU want it over you will continue to break NC. Your husband being hurt really doesn't matter enough to keep you NC, if it did you would have stopped after Dday. I did end it and it's over and I have no desire to be with him at all. I want to give 100% to my marriage and with OM in picture it won't happen. I definitely floundered the past few months but I feel it in my heart that this was it for me. As far as my husband, we still have issues but we are definitely making progress. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I did end it and it's over and I have no desire to be with him at all. I want to give 100% to my marriage and with OM in picture it won't happen. I definitely floundered the past few months but I feel it in my heart that this was it for me. As far as my husband, we still have issues but we are definitely making progress. You have ended it before, what's different now? Your still not being open and honest with your husband. And five days ago "YOU WANTED" the OM. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 until YOU want it over because YOU want it over you will continue to break NC. This is absolute truth. It has nothing to do with how your husband feels or how my wife felt about my relationship with my XAP. She never liked it from the start of it's conception. It wasn't until I wanted to stop feeling like Sh it and feel better did I finally take control of my life and end my relationship with XAP. I hope you are at NC for you and no other reason. It's like hitting rock bottom, I think. Once you hit rock bottom, the only place to go from there is up. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 This is absolute truth. It has nothing to do with how your husband feels or how my wife felt about my relationship with my XAP. She never liked it from the start of it's conception. It wasn't until I wanted to stop feeling like Sh it and feel better did I finally take control of my life and end my relationship with XAP. I hope you are at NC for you and no other reason. It's like hitting rock bottom, I think. Once you hit rock bottom, the only place to go from there is up. Good luck. That's actually it! I hit rock bottom! So sick of betraying myself and having low self esteem. This nc is all about me. I need to make myself better before I can fix my marriage. I've been seeing a therapist and she is helping. Me ending it had everything to do with me! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 That's actually it! I hit rock bottom! So sick of betraying myself and having low self esteem. This nc is all about me. I need to make myself better before I can fix my marriage. I've been seeing a therapist and she is helping. Me ending it had everything to do with me! So what steps have you taken to ensure you won't break NC again? or if he does? What's your plan? Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 This is absolute truth. It has nothing to do with how your husband feels or how my wife felt about my relationship with my XAP. She never liked it from the start of it's conception. It wasn't until I wanted to stop feeling like Sh it and feel better did I finally take control of my life and end my relationship with XAP. I hope you are at NC for you and no other reason. It's like hitting rock bottom, I think. Once you hit rock bottom, the only place to go from there is up. Good luck. THAT AND THAT ALONE, is the only reason you will actually want to stop the affair. Poppy Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I take it your husband knows of your affair? Did you tell him about this last bit of contact, show him the texts? You need to change your cell number. Blocking is pointless as exOM could just contact you from a different phone or number. If you want it over, truly make it over and make yourself accountable for your decision. If you waiver or continue contact for any reason again in the future, it's all on you. Not sure what happened or what changed between now and 5 days ago that made you hit your rock bottom, but I do hope you stick to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 I was sick of feeling like a loser! I want to get who I was back. I have been working out and making a lot of plans with friends and family. I take classes and they start next week and I quit the job I hated and have been sending resumes to other places. The whole A made me feel bad about myself and I'm working on trying to make that better. When he texted me last time before I sent him the final text,it made me feel anxious and sick. It's such an awful feeling that I'm just done! I don't want to feel that way anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Karmacharm Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I was sick of feeling like a loser! I want to get who I was back. I have been working out and making a lot of plans with friends and family. I take classes and they start next week and I quit the job I hated and have been sending resumes to other places. The whole A made me feel bad about myself and I'm working on trying to make that better. When he texted me last time before I sent him the final text,it made me feel anxious and sick. It's such an awful feeling that I'm just done! I don't want to feel that way anymore. Good for you Josmatjes - I commend you and hope you continue NC. We all have our own reasons for starting and continuing NC. No one reason is right or wrong - it's a combination of what works for YOU. And let me give it to you straight - this NC is good for you! It's a win-win! I continued NC because my MM hurt me terribly and I decided not to be part of his bulls** anymore. All he thought about was himself - we were both in love with the same person. Good luck and continue - you can do it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 Good for you Josmatjes - I commend you and hope you continue NC. We all have our own reasons for starting and continuing NC. No one reason is right or wrong - it's a combination of what works for YOU. And let me give it to you straight - this NC is good for you! It's a win-win! I continued NC because my MM hurt me terribly and I decided not to be part of his bulls** anymore. All he thought about was himself - we were both in love with the same person. Good luck and continue - you can do it! Thank you for your words and good for you also!! Link to post Share on other sites
HtotheN Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Good for you. Hey I tried to quit smoking a few times before I was actually able to do it "for real." Until I reached that "I am so DONE" feeling, I couldn't really stop. It seems to me that you have def reached that point. Keep on keepin' on! Link to post Share on other sites
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