Is it right that the ex refers to new guy as my sons second daddy?

[Monodare1]

Hi guys

 

This is really getting to me now. My ex only introduced her new boyfriend to my then just turned 3 year old a year ago and is now telling our son that he is his second daddy.

 

In my opinion, you get one father and any new guy that comes on the scene is a stepfather and is referred to by name, not as "daddy".

 

I'm very concerned that this is going to confuse my son as he is only just about to turn 4.

 

This is causing me great anguish and anger, is she right to do this??

[KBarletta]

Hi guys

 

This is really getting to me now. My ex only introduced her new boyfriend to my then just turned 3 year old a year ago and is now telling our son that he is his second daddy.

 

In my opinion, you get one father and any new guy that comes on the scene is a stepfather and is referred to by name, not as "daddy".

 

I'm very concerned that this is going to confuse my son as he is only just about to turn 4.

 

This is causing me great anguish and anger, is she right to do this??

 

 

 

No, this doesn't sound right, honestly. Are you officially divorced or still just separated? I ask because you may be able to act on this legally if you choose to. I know that in the U.S. in some cases you can have specific language in a custody agreement that states that only *you* can be referred to as "daddy," "father," etc. I am not sure if those rules apply everywhere. I would speak to your lawyer about it and see if you have options. This sounds, at the least, confusing for your young child and, at worst, a direct shot at you and your status in his life.

[Monodare1]

Hi

 

We have been separated for a year and a half, divorce proceedings have not started yet.

 

It feels like she is pushing this, I suggested to her that I speak to the new guy to see where he stands on the issue, all I got was a curt "no" by text message, which spoke volumes to me.

 

It's really getting to me and when my son says he has a second daddy, I feel compelled to correct him by telling him that you only get one daddy.

 

I don't feel I should need to do that, but I feel my anger levels against the ex specifically and to a degree her new partner rising and rising each time my son says it.

 

I did pull her up about it by text, but she just said I was being insecure.

 

To be honest, damn right, he's my son not my estranged wife's boyfriends son.

[clevelander321]

Hi

 

We have been separated for a year and a half, divorce proceedings have not started yet.

 

It feels like she is pushing this, I suggested to her that I speak to the new guy to see where he stands on the issue, all I got was a curt "no" by text message, which spoke volumes to me.

 

It's really getting to me and when my son says he has a second daddy, I feel compelled to correct him by telling him that you only get one daddy.

 

I don't feel I should need to do that, but I feel my anger levels against the ex specifically and to a degree her new partner rising and rising each time my son says it.

 

I did pull her up about it by text, but she just said I was being insecure.

 

To be honest, damn right, he's my son not my estranged wife's boyfriends son.

 

 

I just went through this and my son is the same age.

 

My son came home saying " hey daddy, you should meet my other daddy"

 

I told him he has one daddy, and that is me..

 

I contacted my wife and told her she better correct this, and she swears she never said this.. Within 2 months of separation she introduced another guy? Infuriated me.

 

After that my son never said this again.

 

As for trying a legal route, I think that is largely a waste of time.. To be fair some kids call anyone "daddy", especially another man they see around their mom.. The mom would not lose custody over this.. It would just cost a lot in legal fees.

[KBarletta]

Hi

 

We have been separated for a year and a half, divorce proceedings have not started yet.

 

It feels like she is pushing this, I suggested to her that I speak to the new guy to see where he stands on the issue, all I got was a curt "no" by text message, which spoke volumes to me.

 

It's really getting to me and when my son says he has a second daddy, I feel compelled to correct him by telling him that you only get one daddy.

 

I don't feel I should need to do that, but I feel my anger levels against the ex specifically and to a degree her new partner rising and rising each time my son says it.

 

I did pull her up about it by text, but she just said I was being insecure.

 

To be honest, damn right, he's my son not my estranged wife's boyfriends son.

 

 

I would explore what legal avenues you have. There are custody agreements that include language that governs these issues. I would push for one (though when it's just the three of them there's little you can do to enforce).

 

Still, unless they are married (which of course they are not), he is not even a stepfather yet. This sounds way premature and totally disrespectful to you. I would ask her if the shoe were on the other foot (i.e., you have a girlfriend that he calls second mom), how would she feel? Not good, I suspect.

 

You are well within your rights to be angry about this, IMO. As a recently separated father, this would drive me more crazy than thoughts of her with another man.

 

KTB

[Jessie1231]

That is terrible. I separated three years ago when my youngest son was almost three. He has met my three most serious boyfriends in the past three years. I have never encouraged him to think these guys are there to take the place or fill in for his dad. He's never accidentally called one dad or referred to him as that. It is really disrespectful for your wife and the other guy to encourage this kind of thing.

[clevelander321]

That is terrible. I separated three years ago when my youngest son was almost three. He has met my three most serious boyfriends in the past three years. I have never encouraged him to think these guys are there to take the place or fill in for his dad. He's never accidentally called one dad or referred to him as that. It is really disrespectful for your wife and the other guy to encourage this kind of thing.

 

Your son has met three new guys already? in 3 years? Do you have full custody?

[Monodare1]

I have absolutely no interest in the ex, however my three year old is my son and I feel compelled to speak to her boyfriend to put the question "how would you feel mate if she puts you in the same position years down the line?"

 

As she doesn't want be to broach the subject with him, it seems like she is trying to goad me for some unknown reason.

 

I've moved on myself and I'm in a relationship with a decent roman with no children do see no advantage in her trying to goad me.

 

Unfortunately, the separation has left me in a financial position which is not conducive to going down the legal route, feel almost powerless to stop this other than to indirectly challenge her by correcting my son each time he mentions the "another daddy" thing.

[Monodare1]

I can also tell that it's not an innocent observation by my three year old as when I spoke to my son on the telephone this evening, it was the first thing he said to me with no prompting, and the ex was in the room with him without correcting him either.

[sandylee1]

I have absolutely no interest in the ex, however my three year old is my son and I feel compelled to speak to her boyfriend to put the question "how would you feel mate if she puts you in the same position years down the line?"

 

As she doesn't want be to broach the subject with him, it seems like she is trying to goad me for some unknown reason.

 

I've moved on myself and I'm in a relationship with a decent roman with no children do see no advantage in her trying to goad me.

 

Unfortunately, the separation has left me in a financial position which is not conducive to going down the legal route, feel almost powerless to stop this other than to indirectly challenge her by correcting my son each time he mentions the "another daddy" thing.

 

It seems she's being spiteful and doing this to hurt you. I'd never do such a thing?

 

Did you have a difficult break up? Some women can get very bitter about that and try to infuriate their X. Tell your son he has one daddy and that is you, he should call the other guy by his name.

 

I really don't understand why a mother would want to confuse her child like this. It could be she refers to him that way to your son, but your son actually doesn't call him daddy.

[MJJean]

I have absolutely no interest in the ex, however my three year old is my son and I feel compelled to speak to her boyfriend to put the question "how would you feel mate if she puts you in the same position years down the line?"

 

As she doesn't want be to broach the subject with him, it seems like she is trying to goad me for some unknown reason.

 

I've moved on myself and I'm in a relationship with a decent roman with no children do see no advantage in her trying to goad me.

 

Unfortunately, the separation has left me in a financial position which is not conducive to going down the legal route, feel almost powerless to stop this other than to indirectly challenge her by correcting my son each time he mentions the "another daddy" thing.

 

I agree that this isn't right. I might say it would be ok to have two daddies if she were married to this new man and he was acting as a father when you aren't able to be with your son, but I don't think mere boyfriends should be called anything but their names.

 

You haven't started divorce proceedings yet? If not, when you do ask that it be in the papers your child refer to no other man as "daddy" and that there are no unrelated opposite sex overnight guests while your son is at home. These two things are very common in divorce agreements here, so it's possible it is the same in your state.

[HereNorThere]

I do wonder how she would feel if your child came home with a new Mommy.

[Monodare1]

The unfortunate thing is that once the ex and I sold the house, she bought another in her new boyfriends home town and moved him in with her and my son, she got into a relationship with him 5 months after we split then introduced my son to him after only 7 months, she has moved so quickly that I'm concerned it will have a detrimental effect on my son later down the line.

[Monodare1]

I did broach the "what round you go if I suggested my girlfriend be referred to as my sons second mummy (with no intention to, just using that as an example)", her retort was "yes, but our son doesn't live with her, where as he lives with my boyfriend".

 

The whole situation depresses and infuriates me both at the same time.

[frigginlost]

That is terrible. I separated three years ago when my youngest son was almost three. He has met my three most serious boyfriends in the past three years. I have never encouraged him to think these guys are there to take the place or fill in for his dad. He's never accidentally called one dad or referred to him as that. It is really disrespectful for your wife and the other guy to encourage this kind of thing.

 

You have introduced your son to three different "serious" guys in 3 years????

[frigginlost]

Hi guys

 

This is really getting to me now. My ex only introduced her new boyfriend to my then just turned 3 year old a year ago and is now telling our son that he is his second daddy.

 

In my opinion, you get one father and any new guy that comes on the scene is a stepfather and is referred to by name, not as "daddy".

 

I'm very concerned that this is going to confuse my son as he is only just about to turn 4.

 

This is causing me great anguish and anger, is she right to do this??

 

Oh man, do I feel for you. No, she is not right *at all* for doing this. And if her boyfriend had an ounce of class, he would not allow it as well.

 

My ex had three little ones (5,7,9) and while we were all fine and happy, I absolutely showed not one ounce of disrespect to their biological father. I was with them for 2 years and when ever one of them would jokingly call me their "second dad" I would immediately correct them. I would tell them "maybe someday I will be your step dad, but you will only ever have one daddy, and that is your father".

 

Needless to say, their father and I got along great and had mutual respect for each other.

 

Talk to your ex and tell her do not put you in the position of having to be the person that teaches your son who his one and only father is.

[TheBladeRunner]

What she is doing is NOT COOL. It's written into my divorce decree that neither my XW nor I can do that. I despise what my XW did to me but there is NO WAY I would EVER have my daughter call another woman "mommy" and I know she wouldn't do that to me. Mondare: your XW sounds like a real selfish POS in my opinion. Just keep taking the high ground and be the best dad you can be.....trust me......your boy knows who his REAL dad is. You may want to seek legal advice to see if there is anything you can do.

 

What she is doing to your son at his young age is despicable and borders on child abuse IMO. What a witch!