Is this inappropriate behavior with a young girl?

[tippydog90]

I have to agree with your roommate on this one. You have no business being with your son with this psycho in your life he is a danger to both of you. You claim to want support, yet have taken none of the advice on this thread. Frankly, I think folks are just wasting their time. I think you should just do what you really want, take that 33k engagement ring, hop on that plane and live happily ever after with the maniac.

[me2me2]

I appreciate this insight. I feel SO down and so morally destroyed. I am not this person. Never have been. I'm not perfect. But this is just a different level of personal trauma.

 

I am spending today with my son and trying to reconnect with him. I am constantly reminded of how much I miss him and also my BF. Even my son mentioned missing him.

 

But, here's what happened. Last night I talked to him. he offered to move to me. But then told me it would be a tough... Awful life... With 3 hours long distance. Then he saud he offered it because he knew I'd want to see my son more than every other weekend and he can't live with an absent wife and that he wouldn't really approve of me having an apartment in my son's city because he would think I would want to have a "single life" while I was out of his sight.

 

It was just this circle of similar drama. He can't seem to really support anything other than me with him and my son w US every other weekend. He does want to be with him too. But it's just Sooo much drama now. How does a judge allow that when he has me followed? And my son overheard arguing etc.

 

It just confirmed to me that this can not work and you all are 10000 percent right.

 

 

Me2Me2, When I was in the absolute pit of my depression...I didn't want to go on. For me, I wanted to just lay down and die. I thought about it, I craved it. But I have kids. And for them I had to get better. They became my reason to get better, they became my "anchor" to this life. I didn't lean on them because I was still able to think that it was unfair for them to be responsible for pulling me out of hell in my mind. But getting back on my feet and back to the parent they needed to be became my goal. Then one day I realized I was on my feet, then soon I realized I was becoming more at peace, eventually I realized I was happy.

 

Trimmer's post is really good. Let your son be your anchor to what you need to be. Everything else will fall into place.

 

Once you realize you are capable of standing on your own. And happy. You will never need to rely on another man. You might one day make one a partner, a companion, but you will be able to stand on your own and make good healthy decisions for yourself and your son.

 

As to your roommate telling you to stay away from your son....he may have just been reacting to you allowing the exBF back into your brain. He possibly feels the exBF is a DANGER to your son (I know I do and many other posters seem to feel the same) and he may be thinking that if you go back to the exBF it is best to cut ties with your son, for your son's protection.

[CarrieT]

But, here's what happened. Last night I talked to him. he offered to move to me. But then told me it would be a tough... Awful life... With 3 hours long distance. Then he saud he offered it because he knew I'd want to see my son more than every other weekend and he can't live with an absent wife and that he wouldn't really approve of me having an apartment in my son's city because he would think I would want to have a "single life" while I was out of his sight.

I'm washing my hands of you and this drama.

 

Repeatedly you have been advised of going NO CONTACT and even when you agree to it, you can't seem to maintain it - returning to the scene of the crime, as it were.

 

I sincerely hope I do not read a news report of the murder/suicide of a doctor and news anchor because the psycho-nature of your BF or - ExBF (or whatever the hell you want to call him) - this is where your story is going.

 

You were going to file a restraining order to protect yourself but instead you are letting him back into your life.

 

He is controlling, manipulative, and is the type of person that (from all I have read) would not shy from killing you to keep you from anyone else...

 

 

 

I AM SERIOUS.

[me2me2]

please understand that I alpreciate the support here Carrie T. I have gone no contact. Last night made me realize that it needs to stick. And I am sorry for showing my vulnerability here. I am working very hard.

 

 

I'm washing my hands of you and this drama.

 

Repeatedly you have been advised of going NO CONTACT and even when you agree to it, you can't seem to maintain it - returning to the scene of the crime, as it were.

 

I sincerely hope I do not read a news report of the murder/suicide of a doctor and news anchor because the psycho-nature of your BF or - ExBF (or whatever the hell you want to call him) - this is where your story is going.

 

You were going to file a restraining order to protect yourself but instead you are letting him back into your life.

 

He is controlling, manipulative, and is the type of person that (from all I have read) would not shy from killing you to keep you from anyone else...

 

 

 

I AM SERIOUS.

[eye of the storm]

Me2Me2, Ill stick it out with you as long as I can. I figure that as long as you are posting, you know what is going on is wrong. You just need to work up the courage to follow thru.

 

I get as frustrated as the other posters when you say you let him back into your brain. Why? because years ago when I was much younger, I had a good friend. She got sucked in with a psycho. We did everything we could to separate them. She just kept going back. Finally, he was able to get her pregnant (he threw away her pills and forbid her to take them) She left what little protection we were able to provide her and is now dead. He killed her and the baby she was still carrying.

 

She quit trying, she accepted that this was the life she deserved. She didn't fight for her life or the life of her child.

 

You are still posting, which I am going to hope means you haven't quit. You are just scared. And that's ok. Be scared. But don't quit

 

Look, you are a powerful being. You are able to create life. Look at your son, he would not exist on this planet without you. You have a great job, a workplace that values you, friends that support you (your roommate), and the ability to get on your feet faster than most people due to your income.

 

Some recommendations, talk to your therapist about why you are so afraid to stand on your own, talk to a financial counselor about how to get out of this hole and to provide for yourself and your child. (retirement, college, emergency funds, etc) get an apartment that feels like home when you walk in, and take your roommate out to a nice dinner as a thank you for supporting you and giving you a soft landing place.

 

But the thing you need to do most is don't talk to the ExBF. If he shows up at your door, you or preferably your roommate tell him to leave or you will call the cops. Don't even open the door, yell it thru the door. Then follow thru, if he sticks around, call the cops. If he calls from a number you don't know and you recognize it is him, hang up. The second you know its him, don't speak, just hang up.

 

Hard? yes. Necessary? yes

 

Me2Me2, you can do this. You have the ability. For yourself and for your son you must do this.

 

And show your vulnerability, its ok. Just keep working towards your goal. Don't quit.

[Satu]

My conclusion is that the OP is an attention-seeking fantasist.

 

Goodbye thread

[elaine567]

please understand that I alpreciate the support here Carrie T. I have gone no contact. Last night made me realize that it needs to stick. And I am sorry for showing my vulnerability here. I am working very hard.

 

I am so very glad to hear this.

[me2me2]

Thank you so much ....

 

I know I need to do this and this advice is critical and so helpful.

 

I am also praying today too. I have to stay firm today. He emailed me my boarding pass for the trip tomorrow. I am staying firm. I'm not responding. I just can't lose my job ... Independence. And most of all my son.

 

 

 

Me2Me2, Ill stick it out with you as long as I can. I figure that as long as you are posting, you know what is going on is wrong. You just need to work up the courage to follow thru.

 

I get as frustrated as the other posters when you say you let him back into your brain. Why? because years ago when I was much younger, I had a good friend. She got sucked in with a psycho. We did everything we could to separate them. She just kept going back. Finally, he was able to get her pregnant (he threw away her pills and forbid her to take them) She left what little protection we were able to provide her and is now dead. He killed her and the baby she was still carrying.

 

She quit trying, she accepted that this was the life she deserved. She didn't fight for her life or the life of her child.

 

You are still posting, which I am going to hope means you haven't quit. You are just scared. And that's ok. Be scared. But don't quit

 

Look, you are a powerful being. You are able to create life. Look at your son, he would not exist on this planet without you. You have a great job, a workplace that values you, friends that support you (your roommate), and the ability to get on your feet faster than most people due to your income.

 

Some recommendations, talk to your therapist about why you are so afraid to stand on your own, talk to a financial counselor about how to get out of this hole and to provide for yourself and your child. (retirement, college, emergency funds, etc) get an apartment that feels like home when you walk in, and take your roommate out to a nice dinner as a thank you for supporting you and giving you a soft landing place.

 

But the thing you need to do most is don't talk to the ExBF. If he shows up at your door, you or preferably your roommate tell him to leave or you will call the cops. Don't even open the door, yell it thru the door. Then follow thru, if he sticks around, call the cops. If he calls from a number you don't know and you recognize it is him, hang up. The second you know its him, don't speak, just hang up.

 

Hard? yes. Necessary? yes

 

Me2Me2, you can do this. You have the ability. For yourself and for your son you must do this.

 

And show your vulnerability, its ok. Just keep working towards your goal. Don't quit.

[me2me2]

I forgot to mention...

I also heard from my EX BF that since I was sending him a cease and Decist he had contacted a criminal attorney and had intense background checks and computer monitoring done on my ex husband because be wanted to have leverage against me.

 

He was planning to sue me for anything he could come up with ... If I got the restraining order. And that's why I never carried it out.

[clia]

I forgot to mention...

I also heard from my EX BF that since I was sending him a cease and Decist he had contacted a criminal attorney and had intense background checks and computer monitoring done on my ex husband because be wanted to have leverage against me.

 

He was planning to sue me for anything he could come up with ... If I got the restraining order. And that's why I never carried it out.

 

Do you see how toxic and dangerous this man is? He's threatening you! I think you are insane not to get a restraining order against him. Do not get on that flight tomorrow.

[MidwestUSA]

I forgot to mention...

I also heard from my EX BF that since I was sending him a cease and Decist he had contacted a criminal attorney and had intense background checks and computer monitoring done on my ex husband because be wanted to have leverage against me.

 

He was planning to sue me for anything he could come up with ... If I got the restraining order. And that's why I never carried it out.

 

What on earth could he possibly sue you for? Do you see how ridiculous this is?

[eye of the storm]

Me2Me2, he lies. Tell yourself that. He lies.

 

You cannot go to a lawyer and just have someone's computer monitored without a COURT ORDER. And no court will order that unless they think there is something CRIMINAL going on. Not so this A-hole can sue someone. (and porn is not illegal unless it has children in it)

 

And what on earth would a "intense" background check find? What? Are you in a witness protection program? Are you a mobster? Serial killer?

 

He keeps threatening you with stuff that 1. would land him in jail and 2. wouldn't do much for him.

 

Stop letting him in your head with this utter Bu11$h1t!

 

He is stepping up the crazy because he can feel you slipping away. Just keep moving. Keep focusing on your child. Keep focusing on your job.

 

Do not speak to him. block emails, block calls, if he shows up at your door, do not open the door, call the police if he will not leave, if he calls from another number hang up when you hear his voice.

 

If you don't understand how important this is (and it is important) go to an abused women support group. What he is doing to you is classic for an abuser.

 

Stop letting him control you with his lies and your fear. Do you see? You have built him up in your head as this all powerful being that can do anything he wants and you are powerless. IT IS ALL LIES!

 

Take back your power and block his @$$.

[me2me2]

Yes he is def stepping it up. Tonight he figured out where I was at dinner and apparently called the hostess to see who I was with! It's just off the charts crazy.

 

I guess it's just shocking to me.

 

I tested him. In all honesty. I told him that I couldn't go to the trip because there could be an emergency hearing for my son because of the drama we caused. He told me I was a liar and said he would never talk to me again. Hung up. Said that he was going skiing and I missed out on the chance of my life.

 

Then he took video of the ring he bought and texted it to me and said that I missed out on the love of my life.

 

I told him he was making me choose him over my son at a custody hearing! He said it wasn't nevesaary that I'm there and I shoukd go on ski trip instead. And to start driving now if I want to save this...

Of course I didn't... But wow!

[clia]

Block his number from your phone. Why are you continuing to engage with him? He's a lunatic. Seriously, your story is one of the most disturbing I have ever read on this site, and that's saying a lot!

[me2me2]

Well thank you for your support and feedback Clia. I need it. I'm feeling so uneasy tonight. I am actually sleeping in my ex husband's couch tonight because I know I was followed tonight. He went to the extent of calling the hostess at the restaurant I was at!

 

I am worried. But I also know that I am so grateful that this happened now. Before more damage was done but I need to stay strong.

 

 

Block his number from your phone. Why are you continuing to engage with him? He's a lunatic. Seriously, your story is one of the most disturbing I have ever read on this site, and that's saying a lot!

[eye of the storm]

Every time you talk to him you allow him into you head.

 

Stop it.

 

Every time you talk to him you lose momentum on getting healthy.

 

Stop it.

 

Every time you talk to him you give him information to use against you.

 

Stop it.

 

Just stop it. Stop trying to trick him. Stop trying to figure out what he is doing or thinking. You have the ability to stop it. Do it. It's simple. Write it down. Post it everywhere. 2 words.

 

Stop it.

[anika99]

I believe you are placing your son and your ex-husband in danger by continuing to entertain this psychopath. The guy has no love or respect for you. He is not acting this way because he loves you, he is acting this way because he is a crazy selfish nut job. The man is making up all kinds of crazy stories and having you followed but still you won't cut him off and get the police involved. If you don't care for your own safety that's your choice but what if he goes after your child or your ex husband? How will you feel knowing that you brought this lunatic into your lives?

[clia]

Well thank you for your support and feedback Clia. I need it. I'm feeling so uneasy tonight. I am actually sleeping in my ex husband's couch tonight because I know I was followed tonight. He went to the extent of calling the hostess at the restaurant I was at!

 

I am worried. But I also know that I am so grateful that this happened now. Before more damage was done but I need to stay strong.

 

Please tell me you are not even entertaining the thought of going on this trip with him tomorrow. Promise me you are not going to go to the airport or get on that plane.

 

Calling the hostess at the restaurant you are at is so far into the land of crazy that I don't even know where to begin. I'm disturbed on many levels that this man is a surgeon. He is nuts. He's the guy whose story you hear about on Dateline.

[eye of the storm]

Do you hear what we are saying? Talking to him endangers your son. This is what your roommate was telling you when he told you to stay away from your son.

 

You need to stop wringing your hands and going back and forth.

 

Choose: your son or the psycho.

 

Its not grey, it is very black and white. Your son or this nut.

 

Say it out loud then do it.

 

Every time you talk to the nut you choose him over your son.

[me2me2]

No after I told him I wasn't going because of my son..he cancelled the trip. Went nutso and called the restaurant I was at... And tried contacting my attorney to verify my "story".

 

Now HE has gone no contact with ME and has told me he wants to get a restraining order against me! Crazy since I am the one who has gone no contact.

 

He also threatened to go to my competitor's news station and offer them a story about me.

 

Yes I see how dangerous he is and I am grateful to my ex husband for helping me right now.

 

I am not contacting him whatsoever even if he contacts me.

[MidwestUSA]

 

Now HE has gone no contact with ME and has told me he wants to get a restraining order against me! Crazy since I am the one who has gone no contact.

 

You've been NC for what, a day? You don't really seem to understand the concept.

 

 

Let him take an RO out on you, might be your best option at this point. Just obey it.

[me2me2]

no way to get one against me.... Since I haven't been the one contacting him.

 

And my attorney just called... He said that my ex BF was calling him this morning... To ask him questions to verify my story ...

 

My attorney is calling him back and telling him to leave me alone.

 

 

You've been NC for what, a day? You don't really seem to understand the concept.

 

 

Let him take an RO out on you, might be your best option at this point. Just obey it.

[elaine567]

I know, with you being in the media, taking out a RO onto a man, will be a scandal, and the gossip mongers will have a field day, but if he manages to take one out on you, then that will make you look mad, crazy and potentially unemployable.

 

He is a highly manipulatve person and no doubt charming and extremely plausible, so don't assume just because he is the one initiating all the contact and harassing you, he will not manage to persuade others that you are this mad media woman ruining his life.

Whist he on the other hand, is the pillar of the community, a surgeon saving lives.

[eye of the storm]

Every time he attempts to contact you, hang up and notify your attorney.

 

Now HE has gone no contact with ME and has told me he wants to get a restraining order against me! Crazy since I am the one who has gone no contact. (ummm no you haven't)

 

He also threatened to go to my competitor's news station and offer them a story about me.

 

I highly doubt the competitor's news station cares a hill of beans about you. He lies and you believe every thing that comes out of his mouth (I live in a competitive news market area and the only time I have heard one station mention an anchor from another station was when the lady quit due to her fight with cancer, they wanted to say on air they wished her well with her fight...first and only time I have ever heard it done)

 

He lies and you believe it, every word of it. Like it is the gospel of John.

 

BTW...How can you know this if you are not talking to him?

 

Stop it.

[CarrieT]

I figured out why he was trying to scare you out of filing a restraining order (which I still believe you should do).

 

If he is a real, practicing doctor that restraining order could affect his medical license.

 

Now what he has been doing is not directly related to practicing medicine, but there is a trickle-down effect if he doesn't shape up (I'm married to a surgeon).

 

Seriously, if he is having you followed again, YOU should be the one to instigate the restraining order.

 

Like, TODAY.