Rejected Rosebud Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Why are you receiving his texts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Under The Radar Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I am going through major withdrawl. He is texting -- asking me to just come back for the weekend - go out like we always do...and let the past go... Much like you have warned me here -- it's very easy to get sucked in. He says that his aggressive behavior was due to my lies about where I was going...and my consistent issue with "taking off..." to my son's hometown -- without him or without discussing it with him. I had promised him that I would always talk to him about it -- if I needed to leave -- but, obviously I didn't because I was attempting to leave him. It was bad on my part...but it was mainly due to my fear of being controlled so heavily. Anyway, I can see his paranoia to a point -- but that still doesn't excuse his extremism -- OR his texting a young girl...right? Right ...... it absolutely doesn't excuse his extremism or his texting a young girl ...... but, you already know this. Why on earth are you still receiving messages from him? No contact means no contact. You are far more likely to break down and give into his manipulative tactics and control issues when he can: Call You E-mail you Text You Visit You What happened to the restraining order and NO CONTACT? Remember your son, your job, your life? In the end we cannot make you do anything ...... You need to do what is right for you ...... stay strong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 Because I'm an idiot -- and should be going total no communication. I kept it open initially because I wanted to hear when he shipped my stuff... But, yes, I'm the moron -- I had heard today that I might be getting an offer from a station in his city ....(bigger city)...where I interviewed 2 weeks ago. So, now I am even more uncomfortable -- knowing that I might have a great job there -- and I won't be with him. He is the whole reason I pursued that job in the first place... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 Yes -- I am shutting down all -- right now. I just can't take it. I need to just go cold turkey. This isn't ever going to work if I keep hanging on hope -- He may love me like he says -- but his vindictive and bullying behavior is just not right .... Right ...... it absolutely doesn't excuse his extremism or his texting a young girl ...... but, you already know this. Why on earth are you still receiving messages from him? No contact means no contact. You are far more likely to break down and give into his manipulative tactics and control issues when he can: Call You E-mail you Text You Visit You What happened to the restraining order and NO CONTACT? Remember your son, your job, your life? In the end we cannot make you do anything ...... You need to do what is right for you ...... stay strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aggie382 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 He is the whole reason I pursued that job in the first place... I think you should pursue something that is all about you, not a man or significant other. What would that involve? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 hmmm good point. I caught myself at work today --- just completely sunk into a zone. No emotion -- not listening to anyone -- and just thinking about how sad I am over losing this relationship I have no real joy in anything right now...except maybe shopping. I just feel dead. When I was with my BF -- we had great times -- dinners -- going out dancing. And lots of chemistry... we were stuck together at the hip... But, as you can see -- when I was separated from him -- he got very uncomfortable... and that left us spiraling out of control. If I lived in his zone.. working out with him... going to Starbucks to do some work with him...making dinner with him....watching TV and then...physical part ... it is all perfect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Pitch this story for February Sweeps to your boss: more women are gun owners. Then viewers can see you learning how to shoot a gun. Might make the BF think twice. Actually, being a public person you might want to buy a gun. At least one TV anchor woman was killed by her stalker. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 I'm just so sad I have to remember that this too shall pass... I know that...but I am feeling so scared -- and lonely. I have to remember how trapped I felt -- while I lived there -- realizing that I was walking on pins and needles if I did anything outside of his wishes. It's hard ... because so much of it was very, very deep and connected. But, that's part of the control, right? I just need to listen to some scripture tonight or something -- How do I stay strong? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 How do I stay strong? Search through this website about psychotic, stalker boyfriends and see how many threads exist that sound JUST LIKE YOURS and realize how - I'll say it again - batsh*t crazy this guy is... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 He is blaming you for each and every one of his actions. Please talk to your therapist about how to recognize abusive behavior. And your ExH would be stupid to allow your son around this man. At the moment, your ExH is the only person focusing on your son. You are so focused on your feelings for this nut case you still are not thinking about how running back to him or not blocking him from your life is and will affect your son. Please tell your therapist you need intensive help so you can make better choices. You might also need a "sponsor" so when you feel weak you can call them and they can talk you down. I am hoping you are able to pull out of this. Sending you positive energy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 Well, I realize I am to blame for some of the lies I told him ...but they were all the result of me wanting to leave him. I kept thinking I needed to escape. And I would take off and tell him a lie about why I needed to go to my son's hometown. Looking back the problems started with my ex husband. He was angry when he saw that I was getting involved in this relationship. My ex was angry. Was calling me repeatedly while I was on a trip w my BF and he grabbed the phone from me and told my ex "I'm gonna fuc& you up". That turned into a firestorm and my ex took that as a major threat. He began fighting for sole custody of my son He didn't want my son around him and my BF made sure that we were always together...and weekends were always w him. He was very good to my son. But my ex husband brainwashed my son and told him that my BF threatened him etc. And when I moved to be with my BF ...I saw my son ... Only every other weekend and of course, that caused problems. My son was very close to his dad. Now, If I stay in my current job, I will at least see my son every night at dinner. My news anchor hours are tough. 1pm to 10:30. But at least i see my son at dinners. If I move to my BF. It will be every other weekend. And my expectation is that my ex would prevent contact given the circumstances. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Looking back the problems started with my ex husband. He was angry when he saw that I was getting involved in this relationship. My ex was angry. Was calling me repeatedly while I was on a trip w my BF and he grabbed the phone from me and told my ex "I'm gonna fuc& you up". That turned into a firestorm and my ex took that as a major threat. He began fighting for sole custody of my son Of course he was angry. You were still married to him at the time. Or is this a different boyfriend? I don't blame him for going for sole custody. In a prior thread, I suggested it would be the best thing. You're all over the place, and now you still seem be weighing the decision to move or not. Take responsibility for the problem starting with you. Maybe? Partially? And a truthful story, from the start, would have helped readers with their advice here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 I met my BF just as I was completing the divorce. And yes I am a mess. I just feel very broken. Very sad. Very weak. I feel sometimes that maybe it's best I'm out of my son's life. Maybe I'm the idiot. My ex is nothing special but he has held it together for my son... To a degree. This BF is wrong for me. I know that. But why is this so hard. I guess I'm insane? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Me2me2, your name is pretty accurate. All you are thinking about is yourself. Stop it. What do you think will go thru your son's mind and how do you think it will affect your son if you just walk away from him. It will screw with his mind for YEARS. You are trying to act the martyr like its in his best interest or because you really don't have a choice because of your ExH and you BF (why the bleep are you still calling the abuser-in-waiting your boyfriend is a whole other topic) Again, all about you. And stop calling yourself insane. You are addicted to the rush and the drama and the thought that being with him means you can just hand over your daily life and not worry about anything. Just like a drug addict or an alcoholic. They have a choice, and so do you. It is a hard choice but it is still a choice. Yes you have tough hours. Yes it will take some coordinating and a good working relationship with his dad to be in your son's life. But that is what being a mom means. People who abandon their children, esp for reasons like you are considering are not mom's or dad's, they are merely DNA donors. Get in therapy, block the nut case that is grooming you to be the next Lifetime movie of the week, and stay involved with your son. You can do this. If you choose. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 Thank you ... I was up late drinking wine and very depressed. Forgive my self pity. You are right...I appear to be only thinking of myself. I am having trouble putting my son first and that's wrong. But, I feel so isolated. For the last 6 months or so...I have not spent enough time with him because I was constantly with my ex boyfriend. He and his father have become so close and it is now hard to stomach. My ex boyfriend and I argued for hours last night. Yes, I broke no contact again. But, I got a bit of clarity because I was able to verbalize that while I made mistakes in the relationship ... that does not excuse 1) interfering with my relationship with my son 2) Unfriending me on Facebook after we had a fight and posting something about betrayal and being lied to. 3) hiring a private investigator to follow me...while I was out of his sight. 4) accusing me of "framing him" or trying to scam him for money because I ended things. 5) texting a young girl telling her he missed her...after she had once been banned from his house... by his ex wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Thank you ... I was up late drinking wine and very depressed. Forgive my self pity. You are right...I appear to be only thinking of myself. I am having trouble putting my son first and that's wrong. But, I feel so isolated. For the last 6 months or so...I have not spent enough time with him because I was constantly with my ex boyfriend. He and his father have become so close and it is now hard to stomach. My ex boyfriend and I argued for hours last night. Yes, I broke no contact again. But, I got a bit of clarity because I was able to verbalize that while I made mistakes in the relationship ... that does not excuse 1) interfering with my relationship with my son 2) Unfriending me on Facebook after we had a fight and posting something about betrayal and being lied to. 3) hiring a private investigator to follow me...while I was out of his sight. 4) accusing me of "framing him" or trying to scam him for money because I ended things. 5) texting a young girl telling her he missed her...after she had once been banned from his house... by his ex wife. You may believe you helped your cause by saying all that to him, but you just gave him more ammunition and insider knowledge on how to manipulate you further. He now knows what works, and what doesn't. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 You seem to be enjoying this a lot!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 I am not enjoying it. I actually found myself crying for hours last night. I can't stomach the thought of him with another woman. It is destroying me. And now he is angry that I called the police etc. He says now he thinks I am preparing to have him arrested. And that I'm "framing" him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Wouldn't most women want at least an engagement before moving ... Giving up their job and leaving their 9 year old in the custody of his father? I mean ... Me leaving my son is HUGE. And I may never get him to come with me. The more he stays with dad... And mom's out of town.., the worse it is. So I'm supposed to say okay! I've moved in. I've quit my job. I've left my family. And I'll wait patiently for a commitment from you?! I stopped reading the story right here. I stopped respecting you right here. I don't give a damn about this man you are so crazy about, I don't give a damn about you. I am just angry that you are spending all your energy on a random jerk and abandoning your kid who needs you more than ever while there are women who desire a kid so much they spend years and years and money and energy to manage to have a kid and give them their all. I'm so mad and I realize my post is angry and out of topic, but I can't help it. Just get in the place of these women for a second and listen to yourself. There is a kid (your kid) who needs his mom and his mom is spending her energy on a man who doesn't even respect her and can't even be a role model for her kid. I mean, wake up woman! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author me2me2 Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 Summer dreams, you are right. 1000 percent. And I am going to a therapist in an hour to talk about what the hell is wrong with me. From the outside, I see this very clearly. And I would say the same thing! But, something happened to me during the divorce Thad caused me to snap. I'm not the same. I was SO involved in my son's life ... I don't know what happened to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I am not enjoying it. I actually found myself crying for hours last night. I can't stomach the thought of him with another woman. It is destroying me. And now he is angry that I called the police etc. He says now he thinks I am preparing to have him arrested. And that I'm "framing" him. BLOCK HIM!! Delete, deny, do not give him access, do not engage with him, converse with him, talk to him or accept any further contact, or MAKE any further contact!! Jeesh, will you listen to yourself?? You're a 'public figure', but you'r acting pathetically!! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 OP is gonna end up marrying this guy whilst still being all like "yeah yeah I know hes not a good person but I wuvs him!!!1" Normally I will cut people some slack when their feelings cloud their judgement but this guy actually sounds deranged and dangerous and yet he has still not been totally binned! It is clearly an open and shut case and I cant help but think that his status afforded to him by his job has allowed him all through his life to push other peoples boundaries in dangerous ways and continue to get away with it. I just cant imagine a Bic lighter salesman getting cut quite the same amount of slack as this guy seems to be getting both with women his own age and his predilection for 'bonding' with under age girls whilst responsible adults continuously look the other way. He has basically learnt that he can act how he likes and he will always be rewarded for it because people cant say no to a man with status like him. Good luck making a pillar of society out of this guy OP- you will need it! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Yes, I broke no contact again. Stop that! But, I got a bit of clarity No, all you did was re-open the wounds and give him the idea that there is "hope" because you are still communicating with him. You don't need clarity and you don't need to verbalize any rationale to him whatsoever. It will gain NOTHING. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Is this the same guy you've been writing about on here with your other user names? How many times do you need to write the same details and get the same responses, I don't think anybody's going to react any differently! If this is for real you know what to do, your constantly feeding it with all these threads, why don't you focus on other parts of your life like your kid!! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
tippydog90 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I am confused because in your post from May 2014 you refer to having two children with your ex-husband, but in this post you just refer to your son. Do you have one or two children with your ex? Regardless, I am finding it extremely difficult to believe that you could even consider just packing up and moving three hours away from your child(ren) for ANY man, much less the one you describe. Your priorities are way, way off here. Do you have any idea what kind of damage that would do to your child? While I can understand that occasionally parents may have to relocate for important reasons, your reason is NOT important and should not even be a consideration. Your child(ren) needs to come first. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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