Is this inappropriate behavior with a young girl?

[me2me2]

His ridiculous texts are actually helping me --in a strange way. They are helping me realize just how ridiculous he is...

 

 

Tonight -- while I am ON THE AIR - -he was watching the online feed and telling me that he could see I was in commercial and should be answering him. His texts were that he couldn't believe how this was ending and that he thinks I don't have any respect for him -- and that despite the fact that I don't have a job (he thinks I am just doing a few days of freelance work (WRONG!) ....that he doesn't know what to tell me about where I'll live.

 

 

See, I KNEW that this was a possibility - that I could have quit my job -- and been essentially homeless -- because I would have had no income. He has 1000 percent control. So, that's why I never gave it up and that is why -- I HAD to come back to work ASAP.

 

 

So - my point is -- he's telling me ..."goodluck...hope you have a nice life...you don't have a job ...or money.. But you will be JUST FINE -- you are so talented"

 

 

Could you even IMAGINE if I didn't have this job back? He would just leave me without a dime.... There's no engagement ring -- or marriage etc.. for me to fall back on. And this is why I did NOT feel comfortable flying into his arms.

 

 

He says "people take risks and follow their hears and take it day by day.."

 

 

Ummmm...NOT WITH CRAZY men like him! I just can't!

[CarrieT]

Ummmm...NOT WITH CRAZY men like him! I just can't!

 

Good girl!

 

Hold on to that strength...

[Deidre]

Yes he just texted me to say that he's driving around near his home... He doesn't want to go home to AJ empty house so he is listening to music and crying hysterically.

 

He is texting me this ... And I believe it is true. So unstable

 

I haven't read through the thread, but sounds like he has narcissistic personality disorder. Very erratic behavior. Lying. Cheating. Inappropriate boundaries. Manipulative.

 

 

I agree to block him, and stay no contact. I hope he leaves you be and you can move on quickly from all this.

[me2me2]

He actually just had me followed!!!

 

I went to my ex husband's house to stay because I was fearing for my safety.

 

 

I turned around and he had me followed. Someone was taking pictures of me! I chased after the car and got the license plate.

 

I callec police. I am so so nervous right now!

[CarrieT]

I callec police. I am so so nervous right now!

 

This might be an okay thing. This is the basis for starting the Restraining Order.

[whichwayisup]

Good that you called the cops. Give them your phone, show them all the crazy texts that he's been sending you. Get that restraining order.

 

Stay safe and protect yourself, your son and anybody else you're close to. Let ALL that you're close to know who your ex is, friends, family, co workers (security at work should have picture of him in case he shows up to your work place) and that you have an RO against him.

[me2me2]

Maybe so... But now he thinks that I've been cheating on him w my ex. Lovely.

that is NOT the case. But, yes my ex has seen the warning signs and has helped me when I felt unsafe.

 

Is that totally abnormal? I hate that he's going to go around thinking I cheated. I never did.

[whichwayisup]

Maybe so... But now he thinks that I've been cheating on him w my ex. Lovely.

that is NOT the case. But, yes my ex has seen the warning signs and has helped me when I felt unsafe.

 

Is that totally abnormal? I hate that he's going to go around thinking I cheated. I never did.

 

WHO CARES what he thinks now. You cannot change a crazy narcissistic person's mind. He has issues and nothing you say will change that.

 

You know you haven't cheated, so that is what counts!

 

Your heart is still invested, but your head knows what's what. Time to stay strong and fight the emotions of feeling bad or worried what he may think. Your safety is at risk and that is what you have to focus on, staying safe.

[me2me2]

I have to say I think now that he is INSANE !

 

Hiring a private detective or whatever? Unreak!

 

However, the interesting thing is he still did this despite the fact that I already ended the relationship.

 

It's amazing how this night has totally woken me up!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Yes the daughter is 20 now. As is the girl. However, the ex wife's concern started when these girls were 14.

 

 

 

The point in question, in this, is poster Nikki Sahagin having written in the present tense, about a daughter referenced very clearly in your first post as being 20 years old, and having somehow, unfathomably put together any small iota of that having anything to do with "pedophilia".

 

Most of the people responding to your thread have exactly zero understanding of what a pedophile entails.

 

And as your first post relates only to the "young girl" (** even you weren't fool enough to apply the inapplicable word to it)... there simply isn't enough to go on, even yet, for outsiders to know with certainty that things you cited there are "inappropriate".

 

First of all, how much credence should you give to the words of any ex wife???

 

Second, by what factor should you multiply that credence when it is a jealous ex wife??

 

Third, you conveniently fail to disclose whether the daughter's friend could, by reasonable third parties, be seen as "gorgeous".

 

 

So you confronted your b/f, who said there was nothing to hide... and that (the boyfriend) just sees the girl like a daughter to him

 

(which is where your post ends)

 

 

Your question being: "Is (all that you cited within) inappropriate behavior with a young girl?"

 

The answer is, we don't know (as you had not given us enough information to clearly discern anything)

 

(...beyond the fact that the daughter is twenty), which I just reiterated.

 

 

Many pages in, you added the mucho-important part about your own past, and that allows that you might see in this person far more than would the average reader on Loveshack - and that's fine.

 

 

So until you have some damning evidence to present, about this guy, then don't cut out your own heart just to please a bunch of people who cannot relate to much of what you feel.

 

If he signs up to become a Girl Scout leader - then come back and run it by us again.

 

If in ten years he's still friends with the thirty-year-old friend of the daughter... it might not make sense to bring the subject back up in these waters and have your now-boyfriend re-branded as a "pedophile" for such a reason!!

 

 

There has been exactly nothing in this thread, penned by you, which connects your boyfriend to anything remotely relating to pedophilia... yet why don't you count how many unique respondents have inappropriately brought up some derivation of the word?

 

 

Now who do you want to listen to?... them?... or your heart ??

[CarrieT]

Now who do you want to listen to?... them?... or your heart ??

Have you read the rest of the thread?!?!?

 

This has gone way beyond his actions with teenagers; he has turned into a stalker and is potentially abusive to the OP as she is having to hide from his because she is afraid of repercussions.

[Josmatjes]

I just discovered that my boyfriend...who has a 20 year old daughter had a strange situation develop in his previous marriage.

 

His ex wife felt that he was spending too much time with his daughter and her girlfriends. They were around 15 at the time.

Apparently, it was so intense that the daughter's best friend was banned from their home for awhile....

 

He said his ex eventually admitted she was just jealous.

 

Well, fast forward to present day -- I found text messages between my boyfriend and his daughter's best friend. He's telling her that he missed seeing her "pretty face"...called her gorgeous at one point -- and then in another text told her he was mad because she didn't stop by and say hello while she was home from college.

 

I confronted him and he said that there was nothing to hide and that he just sees this girl like a daughter to him...

 

It has ended in a big fight and I am questioning the relationship. I was abused as a teenager by a family friend and this is very sensitive to me. He offered to stop texting the girl and block her on FB.

 

However, after the fight was coming to a close he told me he couldn't believe I ruined his night with those questions.....

 

 

 

Am I misjudging?

No you are not misjudging!! This is completely inappropriate!!

I wonder what her parents would think? I have a daughter and if I found out that a grown man was texting her I would be livid!!

Tell him he needs help and get away from him...ASAP!!

[BlueIris]

The point in question, in this, is poster Nikki Sahagin having written in the present tense, about a daughter referenced very clearly in your first post as being 20 years old, and having somehow, unfathomably put together any small iota of that having anything to do with "pedophilia".

 

Most of the people responding to your thread have exactly zero understanding of what a pedophile entails.

 

And as your first post relates only to the "young girl" (** even you weren't fool enough to apply the inapplicable word to it)... there simply isn't enough to go on, even yet, for outsiders to know with certainty that things you cited there are "inappropriate".

 

First of all, how much credence should you give to the words of any ex wife???

 

Second, by what factor should you multiply that credence when it is a jealous ex wife??

 

Third, you conveniently fail to disclose whether the daughter's friend could, by reasonable third parties, be seen as "gorgeous".

 

 

So you confronted your b/f, who said there was nothing to hide... and that (the boyfriend) just sees the girl like a daughter to him

 

(which is where your post ends)

 

 

Your question being: "Is (all that you cited within) inappropriate behavior with a young girl?"

 

The answer is, we don't know (as you had not given us enough information to clearly discern anything)

 

(...beyond the fact that the daughter is twenty), which I just reiterated.

 

 

Many pages in, you added the mucho-important part about your own past, and that allows that you might see in this person far more than would the average reader on Loveshack - and that's fine.

 

 

So until you have some damning evidence to present, about this guy, then don't cut out your own heart just to please a bunch of people who cannot relate to much of what you feel.

 

If he signs up to become a Girl Scout leader - then come back and run it by us again.

 

If in ten years he's still friends with the thirty-year-old friend of the daughter... it might not make sense to bring the subject back up in these waters and have your now-boyfriend re-branded as a "pedophile" for such a reason!!

 

 

There has been exactly nothing in this thread, penned by you, which connects your boyfriend to anything remotely relating to pedophilia... yet why don't you count how many unique respondents have inappropriately brought up some derivation of the word?

 

 

Now who do you want to listen to?... them?... or your heart ??

 

I don’t care about whether it’s called pedophilia or not. I have never known a normal regular dad in a healthy family to establish personal relationships of any kind with their daughter’s friends. I raised two daughters and knew their parents and never saw this, never saw any dad cross that line, and never even saw a dad enter a grey area along these lines, if you think it’s that. This was aberrational. He says the parents are his friends, but he didn’t communicate with them- his supposed friends- he communicated with the much younger girls. Not good at all. Major red flag. And now his insanity and lack of respect and restraint are being played out on OP too. Good riddance.

Edited January 15, 2015 by BlueIris
spelling

[me2me2]

Yes, and now my friends are telling me that he is posting bad stuff about me on FAcebook etc.

 

I have filed a police report and I'm pursuing a restraining order.

[CarrieT]

Yes, and now my friends are telling me that he is posting bad stuff about me on FAcebook etc.

Advise your friends that this is a toxic situation and unless it is on your own FB wall (which you can control and have him blocked), you do not want to be apprised of what he is posting.

[BlueIris]

Advise your friends that this is a toxic situation and unless it is on your own FB wall (which you can control and have him blocked), you do not want to be apprised of what he is posting.

 

Good advice. I'm wondering though if they should screenshot it in case she needs it in the future. ?

 

Rethought it, and yes, I'd have them take screenshots going back a while too to show when it started. Might be helpful for a restraining order.

Edited January 15, 2015 by BlueIris

[me2me2]

Good idea. It's just crazy how this has all developed. It's very sad. I am on the high of anger, but now Im having moments of sincere sadness.

 

It's tough. I miss him despite the madness. Obviously we had good times, too. Not sure how to break my cycle.

 

I'm going to therapist tonight.

[Got it]

Good idea. It's just crazy how this has all developed. It's very sad. I am on the high of anger, but now Im having moments of sincere sadness.

 

It's tough. I miss him despite the madness. Obviously we had good times, too. Not sure how to break my cycle.

 

I'm going to therapist tonight.

 

Talk to the therapist about it. But ask yourself, do you miss HIM or the good guy that he would portray at times? What you are mourning is the fantasy not the reality. He is showing you the reality right now.

 

I am really glad you aren't moving away from your son. Boys need their moms.

[MissBee]

Maybe so... But now he thinks that I've been cheating on him w my ex. Lovely.

that is NOT the case. But, yes my ex has seen the warning signs and has helped me when I felt unsafe.

 

Is that totally abnormal? I hate that he's going to go around thinking I cheated. I never did.

 

What does it matter what he thinks???

 

You should be done with him.

 

Plus it isn't the first time he's thought you've cheated. He is always thinking you're cheating or lying so nothing new here in that regard.

 

His insane opinions don't matter.

[MissBee]

Good idea. It's just crazy how this has all developed. It's very sad. I am on the high of anger, but now Im having moments of sincere sadness.

 

It's tough. I miss him despite the madness. Obviously we had good times, too. Not sure how to break my cycle.

 

I'm going to therapist tonight.

 

This is normal.

 

In all relationships, crazy or not, people tend to go through ups and downs. The anger is easiest and most productive IME as it helps with your resolve to move forward but the periods of sadness can make you want to rethink, but don't be fooled! It's part of the cycle and you'll come back from the sadness. That's why almost everyone who needs to do NC hates it because they at some point want to "back slide" so think it means that NC is the wrong thing, it's not. It's the right thing, it's just not easy. But once you understand it's normal to feel sad or miss him as you detox you'll be fine...so long as you don't look back.

 

Keep his craziness at the front of your mind. The "good times" do not seem to be qualitatively more significant than the bad, that's what counts. Most of us will have something we miss about an ex and it's normal for your mind to seem to want to sabotage you by reminding you of the good...but it's normal. You can think of the good, acknowledge it and move it along and not think it means you should go back to him.

 

Good for you on the therapist! The more you focus on yourself the less head space you give to him and the more you get involved with working on you the less idle time you have stewing about him.

[MJJean]

Possibly a sociopath -- the only thing is I've seen him show emotion. But, typically it's when he's feeling the pain regarding losing me.

 

No, what you see is a psycho feigning emotion as a way to manipulate you.

 

 

 

 

See, I KNEW that this was a possibility - that I could have quit my job -- and been essentially homeless -- because I would have had no income. He has 1000 percent control. So, that's why I never gave it up and that is why -- I HAD to come back to work ASAP.

 

 

So - my point is -- he's telling me ..."goodluck...hope you have a nice life...you don't have a job ...or money.. But you will be JUST FINE -- you are so talented"

 

 

Could you even IMAGINE if I didn't have this job back? He would just leave me without a dime.... There's no engagement ring -- or marriage etc.. for me to fall back on. And this is why I did NOT feel comfortable flying into his arms.

 

My honest question is why the heck were you ever talking marriage? He's obviously an insane person. What security would marriage have given you? You'd be 3 hours away from your child, not allowed to see him without Psycho there to supervise, completely financially dependent on Psycho, and completely under his control without even your friends and family. Does that sound like a healthy way to live?

 

Not to mention you've just been through a divorce. If anyone knows that marriage doesn't always mean forever it should be someone freshly divorced.

 

And who'd want forever with this bat****crazy psycho anyways?

 

Maybe so... But now he thinks that I've been cheating on him w my ex. Lovely.

that is NOT the case. But, yes my ex has seen the warning signs and has helped me when I felt unsafe.

 

Is that totally abnormal? I hate that he's going to go around thinking I cheated. I never did.

 

So what? Maybe if he thinks you cheated he'll think your damaged goods and leave you alone! Who gives a rats pink patootie what some insane person thinks of you!

 

Yes, and now my friends are telling me that he is posting bad stuff about me on FAcebook etc.

 

I have filed a police report and I'm pursuing a restraining order.

 

YES! Police report and restraining order is a wonderful idea! I hope you have already finished up and gotten the restraining order done. I don't know how it works where you live, but here it's a matter of filling out the paperwork and then submitting it, wait for the judge to do a fast review, and it's done. I had to do one for a friend and it took us about 4 hours total. It also went into effect immediately.

 

Curious, have you spoken to his ex wife and gotten her side? Have you thought of explaining what has happened and asking her how she managed to get rid of him? Who knows, she could turn into a friend and a source of support.

[Under The Radar]

Just saw an interview on television with the woman who started the website:

 

dontdatehimgirl.com

 

I'm surprised this guy's picture isn't uploaded to the site yet.

[pteromom]

Good for you for staying strong.

 

Yes, he may have been driving around crying. But don't fall for some crap that it is because he adores you and misses you. It's because he lost control, and he doesn't like that feeling of not having control.

If he LOVED you, he would have treated you better when he had you. He would have supported your relationship with your son. He would have trusted you. He would have been kind. So don't get sucked in by his emotional manipulation.

 

Because you have said that he isn't even offering a ring, that is coming next. If he doesn't go off the deep end, just expect that he is going to make some grand gesture to propose to you. AND DO NOT FALL FOR IT. It will not be sincere. It will be with the purpose to WIN, and that's it. Once you are engaged, he would be nice for just long enough to draw you back in, then the control and anger would start again.

 

He has major issues.

The only thing worse than dating him would be to be married to him.

 

Stay strong.

[FitChick]

Let's hope the OP doesn't end up as the lead story on her station's evening news.

[me2me2]

Thanks for this support! My gosh this has been such a crazy time.

 

He keeps texting and saying he now believes that I never loved him... That I cheated w my ex... And that since be found me going to my ex's last night, it's his belief that he was part of a big scheme where I was just with him (in cahoots w my ex) to scam him for his money and that I would have stolen from him.

 

Insane!

 

The other part about this is while I have a job now... I have been an unpaid leave. I have no money. Zero. He always promised me (from past fights) that he would never leave me homeless or without money. That even if we broke up.. He would always make sure I could survive.

 

Well, as you might imagine ... He has not. He cut off all access to money. And texted that I should ask my ex for money if I need it.

 

Little does he know... I truly have nothing. Thank God I WILL have a paycheck next Friday, but i don't even have clothes or my belongings! They are in his house and he won't offer them.

 

I am grateful I didn't end up dead... But I am really stuck. Could you imagine how much worse it could have been?!!?