inpeices Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 So this is my first time posting a thread...yet I have been here since 2011.. My partner of 12yrs cheated on me in spectacular fashion in 2011 and our D-Day was 17th sept of that same year. I never thought in a million years I would ever write this.. EVER! But that's what 3yrs and a few months on can do... She is still cheating..cheating on the affair partner.. Same dramas and troubles that I tolerated unknowingly, are still happening!!non-committal, not moved forward, still messaging me..(had a lovely thoughtful xmas hamper sent again this xmas with all my favourite things) It's astonishing really.. So to all of you out there suffering with the blindsiding,devastating and totally incomprehensible news that you have been betrayed, please know, it is a reflection of them not you.. I'm going out on a date with a lovely lady very very soon.. I NEVER thought this possible! Never in my heart did I think I would ever be able to do this... And I am ;-) They are broken and so is the person they choose to cheat and lie with.. Yes you are broken.. And yes it will take time.. But at least you have hope! I didn't think it was possible to open your heart to love again..but it is..it just takes a whole lot of time and examining who you are and what you can do better ;-) Personal thanks to BetrayedH and several others who stayed to post after their respective betrayals.. This site kept me alive when I truly lost everything and wanted to die and I am not scared to say it... It kills you in a way... My ex so wants to be with me it's hysterical.. I don't do history twice ;-) Be strong ;-) 21 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Great post, inpieces. Great to hear. And good luck on that date. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author inpeices Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 You have been my inspiration.. Burn that sofa and be done ;-) x 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Hells yah!!! Good for you!! Be free and surround yourself with beautiful, happy expierences! Your once wounded heart will carry you forth in strength through endless possibilities. Happy dance over here!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Amazing! Good on you. Wishing you all the love and happiness! You deserve it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 There is life after infidelity, my name says it all. You can't go back in time, you now know all the ugliness of who she really is. Why would you sacrifice yourself just to give her another chance, keep moving on, the past is the past and that is where she belongs. She will never have anyone like you again in her life and she now knows this. Your ship has sailed and she is your anchor, cut her loose. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Glad to hear you're doing so well! And smart of you not to fall for your exes' lies. Good luck with your date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Enjoy your date, your new found peace and strength and your new life- yeah for you! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 (edited) It sounds like you were providing 80% of her needs and the OM was providing the other 20%. Now she’s lost the 80%. I just read a post by a lady who basically said that about her husband and OM. She loved her husband and the OM very much and would never cheat on them with a third man. She thought of her husband as her life partner and planned to grow old with him. Her life was perfect but she wished she could combine her two men into one. That might explain this: still messaging me..(had a lovely thoughtful xmas hamper sent again this xmas with all my favourite things). My ex so wants to be with me it's hysterical. Edited January 14, 2015 by Buckeye2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 This is great news. What cheating is considered spectacular fashion? Link to post Share on other sites
aStranger Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 I'm happy for you - moving ahead must feel so wonderful. I don't feel like I will ever be happy again. Its 6 years before my kids get to high school and I'm not sure I can hold my breath that long. I'd seriously consider suicide but that won't solve any problems - just take me out of pain. I know I could leave if she did it again so I kind of hope she does. But she can sense the resolve I have now and knows I would be gone if she screws up again. She says she will make me change my mind about divorce in 6 years and I tell her as sincerely as I can that I would rather die then stay with her. Sorry to TJ but I am encouraged by your story. You have left the sick bitch in your past and I congratulate you for the courage that takes! Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 So this is my first time posting a thread...yet I have been here since 2011.. My partner of 12yrs cheated on me in spectacular fashion in 2011 and our D-Day was 17th sept of that same year. I never thought in a million years I would ever write this.. EVER! But that's what 3yrs and a few months on can do... She is still cheating..cheating on the affair partner.. Same dramas and troubles that I tolerated unknowingly, are still happening!!non-committal, not moved forward, still messaging me..(had a lovely thoughtful xmas hamper sent again this xmas with all my favourite things) It's astonishing really.. So to all of you out there suffering with the blindsiding,devastating and totally incomprehensible news that you have been betrayed, please know, it is a reflection of them not you.. I'm going out on a date with a lovely lady very very soon.. I NEVER thought this possible! Never in my heart did I think I would ever be able to do this... And I am ;-) They are broken and so is the person they choose to cheat and lie with.. Yes you are broken.. And yes it will take time.. But at least you have hope! I didn't think it was possible to open your heart to love again..but it is..it just takes a whole lot of time and examining who you are and what you can do better ;-) Personal thanks to BetrayedH and several others who stayed to post after their respective betrayals.. This site kept me alive when I truly lost everything and wanted to die and I am not scared to say it... It kills you in a way... My ex so wants to be with me it's hysterical.. I don't do history twice ;-) Be strong ;-) Great post! Nice to hear that people can successfully move on, and I appreciate when they come back here to say so. I read this site for years before saying anything too. Like 5 of them. Link to post Share on other sites
billy baru Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Cannot like this enough!! I'll be there someday! Have fun on that date inpeices!! Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 (edited) Okay so color me confused. Post after post of "this is great news!". Okay, so explain to me what the "she is still cheating..cheating on the affair partner!". That kinda makes it sound like the woman is still with the person she is cheating with...it's just the person she is cheating with doesn't know she is back with her husband. So I am confused, did I misunderstand something? It sounds like you were providing 80% of her needs and the OM was providing the other 20%. Now she’s lost the 80%. I just read a post by a lady who basically said that about her husband and OM. She loved her husband and the OM very much and would never cheat on them with a third man. She thought of her husband as her life partner and planned to grow old with him. Her life was perfect but she wished she could combine her two men into one. That might explain this: Oh I love the crazy people. She loved her husband AND the OM, what a hilarious notion. Edited January 14, 2015 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
billy baru Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Okay so color me confused. Post after post of "this is great news!". Okay, so explain to me what the "she is still cheating..cheating on the affair partner!". That kinda makes it sound like the woman is still with the person she is cheating with...it's just the person she is cheating with doesn't know she is back with her husband. So I am confused, did I misunderstand something? Dude, the karma bus is running her over, backing up, and then taking another run again... She's cheating on the AP with yet another guy, all the time wishing that inpeices would give her another chance. he's saying "not a chance", even with her groveling, sending him gifts, etc. He's moved on, man. What's there not to like about that? baru 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 You have been my inspiration.. Burn that sofa and be done ;-) x Lol. No couch burning in my neck of the woods for a few years now. It's probably time to change my avatar. It's funny how you never know what impact your posts mights have on someone. I found such support here thru my nightmarish scenario (and personal mistakes) and it just inspired me to give back. It's great to know that some one from my early days (with a whopping twenty posts before yesterday) has been lurking all this time and found some strength just from a few keystrokes on an iPhone. This last week I put some considerable thought to taking a hiatus. I'm still likely ro do so (was laid off recently and need to get my sh*t together) but I'm glad I procrastinated long enough on the decision to be able to see your post. Glad to see you're successfully detached from the crazy ex. Sometimes it takes us forever to get there but it's an amazing transition to go from being distraught over divorce to being relieved by it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author inpeices Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 This is great news. What cheating is considered spectacular fashion? Everyone has their story to tell, but for me, when the Ap is someone you have known a long long time and you re-connect after years because they are suffering from a break-up.. And you comfort them, and introduce them to your partner and family and social scene to help them, only to later find out they have been screwing your mrs under your nose, in your bed, yeah that to me was spectacular.. And a second D-day, an attempted reconciliation,the stalking, the nuisance calls, the emails, losing your home and job and watching as the Ap literally steals your life.. Yeah it was spectacular to me that someone I trusted with my life could stoop to such levels.. If you don't want to be with someone..end it.. Don't flip flop and cake eat and gaslight..it's narcissistic and abusive...and when there are two them playing this game against you, it's impossible! 8 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Everyone has their story to tell, but for me, when the Ap is someone you have known a long long time and you re-connect after years because they are suffering from a break-up.. And you comfort them, and introduce them to your partner and family and social scene to help them, only to later find out they have been screwing your mrs under your nose, in your bed, yeah that to me was spectacular.. And a second D-day, an attempted reconciliation,the stalking, the nuisance calls, the emails, losing your home and job and watching as the Ap literally steals your life.. Yeah it was spectacular to me that someone I trusted with my life could stoop to such levels.. If you don't want to be with someone..end it.. Don't flip flop and cake eat and gaslight..it's narcissistic and abusive...and when there are two them playing this game against you, it's impossible! Nice to be away from that crap, ain't it? I started a thread back about a year after my divorce expressing frustration that I wasn't over it yet (or something to that effect anyway). A poster from those days (Jonah) said that it was simply too soon and that I'd feel better after two years. Most of the time his advice was very quirky and cryptic but you could sense some real wisdom behind it. This time he was crystal clear. And he was right. I'm a bit past the two year mark now and I do have a different perspective. Much of that angst is just gone and I do find myself rather happily looking forward. I get the sense that you're getting there, too. Kudos. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 What a great post, so glad to hear it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inpeices Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 What many of you won't know is that I had a disasterous relationship after the 12yr maybe in a desperate attempt to distance myself from the memories/hurt/pain/seeing them together. I became infatuated by the new life offered, all new hopes and dreams seemed possible. I relocated 220mile away to be with someone I hardly knew, and whilst I thought I had my head well and truly screwed on, I absolutely did not. It was fast, moved in together within 3 months. The lesson here is for those who have had their self esteem shattered into a million fragments from infidelity (and sexual prowess etc) and are dabbling in the world of starting again, who may meet a supposedly 'nice, decent, loving, open etc" potential new partner.. Be careful! Anyone worth their salt, who knows you are fresh out of a longterm relationship would probably steer clear or certainly NEVER allow you to move in with them or allow that level of intensity so soon. I was exceptionally vulnerable and I fell into a trap which compounded my pain further, nothing like a couple of split lips and being beaten to keep you down.. Add isolation from your friends and family, not only by distance but in living style and bingo.. You go from hell to the depths of hell...yes I have had a really interesting three years! But anyway, I survived! And date one went amazingly well, date two even better, date three off the charts and date four, on valentines day, should be equally as wonderful. If it works out it works out, if it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be.. She is a wonderful, beautiful, tactile, soft, loving and caring woman and I absolutely fancy the pants off her! But I am now in much better place to trust my instinct, it was seriously off whack in 2012. I thought I had the porsche, then I had the 4x4, now I'm dating a Maserati. Classy with style.. Wish me luck 5 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Great advice, great story- Enjoy!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Good luck! Not that you need it. Well done too. Inspirational story. Thanks for sharing. Lion Heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 So this is my first time posting a thread...yet I have been here since 2011.. My partner of 12yrs cheated on me in spectacular fashion in 2011 and our D-Day was 17th sept of that same year. I never thought in a million years I would ever write this.. EVER! But that's what 3yrs and a few months on can do... She is still cheating..cheating on the affair partner.. Same dramas and troubles that I tolerated unknowingly, are still happening!!non-committal, not moved forward, still messaging me..(had a lovely thoughtful xmas hamper sent again this xmas with all my favourite things) It's astonishing really.. So to all of you out there suffering with the blindsiding,devastating and totally incomprehensible news that you have been betrayed, please know, it is a reflection of them not you.. I'm going out on a date with a lovely lady very very soon.. I NEVER thought this possible! Never in my heart did I think I would ever be able to do this... And I am ;-) They are broken and so is the person they choose to cheat and lie with.. Yes you are broken.. And yes it will take time.. But at least you have hope! I didn't think it was possible to open your heart to love again..but it is..it just takes a whole lot of time and examining who you are and what you can do better ;-) Personal thanks to BetrayedH and several others who stayed to post after their respective betrayals.. This site kept me alive when I truly lost everything and wanted to die and I am not scared to say it... It kills you in a way... My ex so wants to be with me it's hysterical.. I don't do history twice ;-) Be strong ;-) Can you please translate to simple English? I read it as you have hooked up with a woman that is still broken as shown by the fact that she is still cheating. How is that good news? Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Can you please translate to simple English? I read it as you have hooked up with a woman that is still broken as shown by the fact that she is still cheating. How is that good news? He's left his wife who was a cheater (and is currently cheating on her AP). His wife is also interested in getting back together with him, which isn't going to happen. In the meantime, he has a date with a new woman planned and he's excited about it. He's otherwise saying that if your spouse is cheating on you, don't blame yourself because it is the cheater that is broken. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 [but anyway, I survived! And date one went amazingly well, date two even better, date three off the charts and date four, on valentines day, should be equally as wonderful. If it works out it works out, if it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be.. She is a wonderful, beautiful, tactile, soft, loving and caring woman and I absolutely fancy the pants off her! But I am now in much better place to trust my instinct, it was seriously off whack in 2012. I thought I had the porsche, then I had the 4x4, now I'm dating a Maserati. Classy with style.. Wish me luck Friend, you got the better end of the deal in the long run, classy and style is so much better than a serial cheater. Your ex friend may have saved your life, they deserve each other. She is his problem now. I wonder which one will give the other an STD first? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts