Do I access her facebook after my trust has been shaken?

[Rko28]

I understand how you feel.

 

Listen, if i were you i also would want to talk with her about everything, and in the past i actually did. I wish i had someone then, to give me the right advice.

 

And the right advice is not to talk to her at all as the next step. ignore her for few days, and go back to contact only if she is searching you desperately. and only THEN have that "talk". not before.

 

Because if you talk now, you put yourself in the needy position. it's like you are begging for her to answer you, and you're insulted, you're immature, and you are the weak in the equation. If you "talk" on the right timing, it's the opposite.

 

Really? I mean I expect a text or call later off her that will be guaranteed, how do I reply to that?

[lolablue17]

Really? I mean I expect a text or call later off her that will be guaranteed, how do I reply to that?

 

Reply with the mood you're now, just don't give details.

 

You're mood now is that she is not enough into you and she doesn't try to make any effort to reach out for you.

 

You can be indifferent, You can answer only after a few hours, giving vague replies, not committing to anything, and not showing too much affection. Not because you're playing games, but because this is how you feel and you don't trust her enough to share that with her.

 

I know it's hard, because it's against your nature. But it will keep you from being hurt by her in the next few days.

 

Even if she wants to meet you. Tell her you already made other plans. and go to see friends. have fun by yourself.

 

I belive she's playing a risky game. And the terms of that games are that you're the one who's gonna get hurt soon. Protect yourself.

Edited January 15, 2015 by lolablue17

[Rko28]

Reply with the mood you're now, just don't give details.

 

You're mood now is that she is not enough into you and she doesn't try to make any effort to reach out for you.

 

You can be indifferent, You can answer only after a few hours, giving vague replies, not committing to anything, and not showing too much affection. Not because you're playing games, but because this is how you feel and you don't trust her enough to share that with her.

 

I know it's hard, because it's against your nature. But it will keep you from being hurt by her in the next few days.

 

So not mention that she could have text me filet me know her plans?

 

She's popping up on my facebook timeline commenting on other things so I know she's not busy.

 

So angry right now

[lolablue17]

So not mention that she could have text me filet me know her plans?

 

She's popping up on my facebook timeline commenting on other things so I know she's not busy.

 

So angry right now

 

If you show anger you're weak. And you also can be dumped before you know what's going on, a nasty break up which will throw you to the bottom, crashed, shocked, and devastated. It will take you month and more to heal.

 

If you handle it right, you could be hurt just a little, with a rapid healing, while you're standing strong on both feet.

[Rko28]

If you show anger you're weak. And you also can be dumped before you know what's going on, a nasty break up which will throw you to the bottom, crashed, shocked, and devastated. It will take you month and more to heal.

 

If you handle it right, you could be hurt just a little, with a rapid healing, while you're standing strong on both feet.

 

What about putting my point across but not being angry?

 

I can honestly see it ending with this conversation anyway as before Xmas this wasn't like her at all. She's pulled away for whatever reason and just isn't "there"

 

Although I can't be accurate, I think deep down now I want to end it.

[Satu]

I think this relationship is now too compromised to stay afloat for much longer.

 

That's a pity, because I think it could have worked before the snooping got completely out of hand.

 

She did something she shouldn't have done.

 

OP did (and is still doing) something he shouldn't have done.

 

The good feelings have been replaced by blame, shame, regret, and anger.

 

There are lessons to be learned by both parties.

[lolablue17]

What about putting my point across but not being angry?

 

I can honestly see it ending with this conversation anyway as before Xmas this wasn't like her at all. She's pulled away for whatever reason and just isn't "there"

 

Although I can't be accurate, I think deep down now I want to end it.

 

I will say it for the last time. Your instinct is pure and honest but you might end up bad. If you follow your instinct and gamble and let her set the tempo and terms. DONT!

 

If you want to end it now, end it! just don't tell her yet. If you wish, end it in your mind.

[kendahke]

What about putting my point across but not being angry?

 

I can honestly see it ending with this conversation anyway as before Xmas this wasn't like her at all. She's pulled away for whatever reason and just isn't "there"

 

Although I can't be accurate, I think deep down now I want to end it.

 

Seriously, Rko--re-read everything LolaBlue17 wrote in this thread and follow his advice to a T.

 

When you've sprained your ankle, you don't go run a marathon on it the next day. That leads to all kinds of unnecessary pain. If you just do what you need to do to avoid pain, the ankle gets stronger and less painful.

 

End things when you are far emotionally stronger than you are now.

[Rko28]

I think this relationship is now too compromised to stay afloat for much longer.

 

That's a pity, because I think it could have worked before the snooping got completely out of hand.

 

She did something she shouldn't have done.

 

OP did (and is still doing) something he shouldn't have done.

 

The good feelings have been replaced by blame, shame, regret, and anger.

 

There are lessons to be learned by both parties.

 

I don't see what I've dong wrong this time? We arranged to meet today, I double checked 1st thing and she even said she would let me know and I haven't heard anything.

 

What exactly have I done wrong here? Seriously?

[kendahke]

All that you need to do now is to determine in your mind that it's over and then act accordingly. You need to go ghost on her for a few days.

[kendahke]

I don't see what I've dong wrong this time? We arranged to meet today, I double checked 1st thing and she even said she would let me know and I haven't heard anything.

 

What exactly have I done wrong here? Seriously?

 

put her in the driver's seat on how this is going to play out. You're going to be on her terms, not your own. That's why you needed to leave her be for a few days.

[Spectre]

Yes he does. It matters not a jot if you don't agree.

 

No, he doesn't lose the high ground.

 

Snooping is being deceitful, so that comment is quite true, even if you don't want to agree with it. There is no excuse for snooping. He knows all he needs to know to make all the decisions he needs to make without stooping to deceit.

 

The excuse for snooping is the shady behavior, so again, not that deceitful when it's only happening because the other person initially broke trust.

 

Twitter gave him the truth.

 

Not the entire truth.

[Satu]

I don't see what I've dong wrong this time? We arranged to meet today, I double checked 1st thing and she even said she would let me know and I haven't heard anything.

 

What exactly have I done wrong here? Seriously?

 

You continued snooping on her long after the point where you felt bad about doing it.

 

That is how you sabotaged yourself.

 

You should have stopped, and addressed the issues face-to-face.

 

You felt bad about her telling you a lie, but the snooping gave you another thing to feel bad about, and that is something you did to yourself.

 

Unless you tell her about your snooping, you're as dishonest as she was. Even more so, in my opinion.

 

Rule #1: Don't do things that will cause you to feel bad about yourself.

 

Try to learn from this mistake.

[Rko28]

If it's ok with everyone here then I'll wait until she texts me and then tell you all what she says and you can advise what's best to say and do?

 

I think I'm wearing the heart on my sleeve too much at the minute so to reign that in might benefit although I HATE playing games and doing that as it's not who I am.

[Satu]

If it's ok with everyone here then I'll wait until she texts me and then tell you all what she says and you can advise what's best to say and do?

 

I think I'm wearing the heart on my sleeve too much at the minute so to reign that in might benefit although I HATE playing games and doing that as it's not who I am.

 

I don't think it matters much what you say and do at this point. She will tell you soon that your lack of trust, means that the relationship is no longer viable.

 

I might be wrong, but I don't think I am.

[Satu]

Yes he does. It matters not a jot if you don't agree.

 

Snooping is being deceitful, so that comment is quite true, even if you don't want to agree with it. There is no excuse for snooping. He knows all he needs to know to make all the decisions he needs to make without stooping to deceit.

 

Twitter gave him the truth.

 

I see this my way. You see it your way. OP's going to a therapist to get professional help in dealing with this, which is what he really should do.

 

I agree.

 

The fact that she told him a lie doesn't excuse the fact that he spent huge amounts of time secretly snooping on her.

 

He has been deceitful.

 

Definitely.

[Rko28]

I don't think it matters much what you say and do at this point. She will tell you soon that your lack of trust, means that the relationship is no longer viable.

 

I might be wrong, but I don't think I am.

 

She has no idea how I'm feeling. I told her after what happened that I trust her nothing happened sexually with anyone.

I haven't once complained about not seeing her often or asked who such and such might be. She has no idea

[Satu]

She has no idea how I'm feeling. I told her after what happened that I trust her nothing happened sexually with anyone.

I haven't once complained about not seeing her often or asked who such and such might be. She has no idea

 

You have analysed her behaviour to death and back.

 

You need to think about your behaviour now.

 

In particular, your secret snooping on her.

 

If you are not willing to come clean about it you are more dishonest than she.

Edited January 15, 2015 by Satu

[Rko28]

You have analysed her behaviour to death and back.

 

You need to think about your behaviour now.

 

In particular, your secret snooping on her.

 

If you are not willing to come clean about it you are more dishonest than she.

 

Whilst I admit I shouldn't snoop, although it is on social media for the whole world to see, I woudlnt class it anywhere near as bad as what she did sorry.

[Satu]

Whilst I admit I shouldn't snoop, although it is on social media for the whole world to see, I woudlnt class it anywhere near as bad as what she did sorry.

 

Well you just keep your guilty secret then.

[Thicke2013]

The courts have stated that married couples have less of an expectation of privacy on a computer that is used within the marital home, be it a laptop or a desktop, than would a boyfriend/girlfriend who do not cohabit. So I would say that one's spouse would have less of an expectation of privacy due to the nature of and legal ramifications involved in marriage.

 

Interception of a Communique in Transit is part of the Federal Wiretapping Statutes. People have successfully been prosecuted for snooping using this. It all depends how vindictive the person whose privacy was violated decides to be, or if they even know this exists at all to punish the person who snooped.

 

Having nothing to hide has nothing to do with not wanting someone all in one's business. That some have no problems with it is non sequitur to those who do--not everyone is you. Some people, like me, had a parent who would invade their privacy by picking the lock and reading their diary and so, do not like the idea of people taking it upon themselves to determine what about my thoughts they feel they have a right to know. I also had an ex who would reach for my journal the minute I left the room--and he was the one who was cheating. I don't cheat, but that still doesn't mean my partner can read my journals. With regards to emails, the people with whom I correspond didn't give anyone else but me permission to read what they said.

 

I agree with you that married couples should be more transparent than someone merely dating. I wasn't insinuating at anytime that I thought he should snoop or invade her privacy. For me, her body language would tell the story just by him asking to see her fb messages. I know if I was dating someone seriously that had lied recently and I asked to see something and they got fidgety or defensive, I would know all I needed at that point. Thus my saying, those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. I wouldn't expect her to give up her passwords and lock codes, but she is lying about simple things such as her whereabouts so who's to say she wouldn't lie about fb messages or texts. Asking for proof that she isn't texting or messaging someone else isn't too far fetched at this point IMO.

[evanescentworld]

Whilst I admit I shouldn't snoop, although it is on social media for the whole world to see, I woudlnt class it anywhere near as bad as what she did sorry.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

You're now trying to justify being deceitful as if you have the moral higher ground and a sense of entitlement.

 

It's wrong of you.

And trying to justify it by saying "well, she was more wrong than I am!" is like having two pregnant women and one of them saying "I'm more pregnant than you are!"

 

One may be more advanced in the pregnancy - but they're both still pregnant.

 

Same with you.

Wrong, is wrong, is wrong.

[Rko28]

She had such a busy day she didn't have time to text, then on her journey home the weather was so bad she had to cent rate hard to get home and forgot she was meant to see me and she was soaked through from the terrible weather.

 

 

Unbelievable

[Satu]

She had such a busy day she didn't have time to text, then on her journey home the weather was so bad she had to cent rate hard to get home and forgot she was meant to see me and she was soaked through from the terrible weather.

 

 

Unbelievable

Will you be putting a tracker on her car?

 

She did tell you a lie, after all...

[evanescentworld]

Had to 'cent rate'....?

 

I often have very busy days that mean my H and I do not get to text/talk/communicate at all. Sometimes, I get to work, and I do not stop, sit down, or have time for a break, and have to 'eat on the run' as it were.

 

And just before Christmas, the weather where I live was quite very bad, and both my H and I completely forgot we had been invited out to dinner that evening....We made it, about a half-hour late.... fortunately our 'hosts' were totally understanding....

 

Boy, you know, I think it would just be fairer on the pair of you if you backed out of this one, called it a day, and chalked it up to experience....