harleygirl92156 Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 He swears he has only had one, one night. stand in the 12 years we have been married. Last night he made the statement "It always happened when I was really drunk." Ok, what would you make of that statement? ALWAYS?????? He back pedaled and said he was including his first marriage, which he cheated in as well. What would that statement mean to you? Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Originally posted by harleygirl92156 He swears he has only had one, one night. stand in the 12 years we have been married. Last night he made the statement "It always happened when I was really drunk." Ok, what would you make of that statement? ALWAYS?????? He back pedaled and said he was including his first marriage, which he cheated in as well. What would that statement mean to you? That he's a cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 At this point, his cheating is a moot point. You know he did. You'll need to take your focus off the cheating and your victimization in it - and get the two of you to work toward fixing what it is that got him cheating in the first place. Then you can work on the fallout it caused. As long as you only treat the symptoms, you'll never cure the illness. You two need marriage counseling. You both need help at this point, and should either of you not get it: the relationship will not survive. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 I disagree, LB. It's important to know if he did a one time slip, or if he's a serial cheater who's been lying to her about it for a long time. It may not make a difference in HOW they address the problem, but it can make a big difference in whether or not she choses to remain with him at this point. And yes, I'd read his comment as it's happened more than once, and that he's only admitted to the one time to you. At this point, you need to tell him he needs to come totally clean...and expect that he's not going to be willing to do so. He's been lying all this time to avoid the problem...and I'd be astounded if he came clean now. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Men use that as an execuse to get away with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 If memory serves, this guy was in treatment for alcohol addiction. How's that going? Because if he's not actively working to recover from his alcoholism, the cheating is the least of your worries. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveOneAnother1 Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 +First off, what does it matter if it was ONLY one time? One time is plenty! He had a slip of the tounge, he obviously cheated on you more than once, mistakenly told on himself and easily covered it up with a lie. Since it "only" happens when hes drinking, he needs to quit drinking. Link to post Share on other sites
lohrewok Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 So he has cheated in 2 past relationships. What makes you think he'll treat you any differently? Link to post Share on other sites
Author harleygirl92156 Posted March 29, 2005 Author Share Posted March 29, 2005 The alcohol thing is going well. He is going to AA and aftercare and remained sober for going on 4 months. The "program" tells him that he doesn't have to tell me anything that it is his personal business and I have no right to know. Whatever! Yea, he cheated on his x-wife, he cheated on me, he has a daughter with a woman that was married to someone else when he knocked her up and he had an affair with his brothers wife that lead to an abortion. Your right, why in the hell would I think he would treat me any different. I am a fool and need to get out of the relationship or see it for what it is, buy condoms for both of us to use and open the marriage up. What is good for the gander should be good for the goose too. Problem is I love the bastard. He is a good guy when he is good and horribly awful when he is bad. I swear I am tempted to go out and have an affair so he can feel the pain it causes. He has never been cheated on to his knowledge so he has no idea what it is like. But, then why should I drag myself down to his level. He is a serial cheater and will never change so my hope for a future with him looks pretty dark. Thing is I do have enough information to ruin his life if I so choose and I SO CHOOSE!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 I can't remember....Have you looked into Al-Anon? I'm glad he's been off the sauce for 4 months, but that doesn't mean that YOU don't need help and support. What you've been through yourself has been abusive and traumatic. His counselor is no doubt treating him and his alcoholism. Your needs won't be attended to until YOU attend to them. So, don't waste time in bitterness. Prioritize yourself and your kids (if you have them). http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/ Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 What he said basically meant: "Once...so far...as much as I remember!" How low your self-esteem should be to stick to a lush who sleeps around? Is he sweet to you, a good father to your children a successful man who makes good money? Given his behavior, I wouldn't believe that...my two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
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