Love turning to indifference

[runredlights]

Forgive me if I am littering LS with my story, but I am just so dumfounded by the break up I experienced as the dumpee. The short of it is that essentially I was in a 3 year happy relationship until my now ex girlfriend cheated on me and then broke up with me the day after. In her defense she did tell me immediately after, but what details were left out isn't my cross to bare.

 

I'v seen the exit affair termed thrown around in my other posts which it very well could have been. Iv seen gigs, breadcrumbs, gas lighting, yada yada. Whatever the circumstances may be, no matter how cruelly I was broken up with a discarded like a piece of trash the end result is still the same. She is gone, but more importantly so am I and I'll never look back.

 

My question is that will I ever reach a point of indifference towards her? We are each others first loves and I took her virginity so this is extremely difficult on me. I feel destroyed. In the fashion that she broke up with me I feel like I cannot continue to exhaust myself or search for answers that may not exist. LS is an AWESOME outlet though which has definitely been constructive, but at some point I don't see anything more to do that forget about her, not care, and stop loving her.

 

I really wish I didn't care. Do you ever stop loving someone after a breakup?

[Sandrino]

Forgive me if I am littering LS with my story, but I am just so dumfounded by the break up I experienced as the dumpee. The short of it is that essentially I was in a 3 year happy relationship until my now ex girlfriend cheated on me and then broke up with me the day after. In her defense she did tell me immediately after, but what details were left out isn't my cross to bare.

 

I'v seen the exit affair termed thrown around in my other posts which it very well could have been. Iv seen gigs, breadcrumbs, gas lighting, yada yada. Whatever the circumstances may be, no matter how cruelly I was broken up with a discarded like a piece of trash the end result is still the same. She is gone, but more importantly so am I and I'll never look back.

 

My question is that will I ever reach a point of indifference towards her? We are each others first loves and I took her virginity so this is extremely difficult on me. I feel destroyed. In the fashion that she broke up with me I feel like I cannot continue to exhaust myself or search for answers that may not exist. LS is an AWESOME outlet though which has definitely been constructive, but at some point I don't see anything more to do that forget about her, not care, and stop loving her.

 

I really wish I didn't care. Do you ever stop loving someone after a breakup?

 

I replied on your other post, and this one is just the same. I know the feeling of wanting someone to tell you its alright, and i know the feeling of having to talk about, or ask about it and get new opinions. I've been there, and i'm still there lol.

 

Like i said on your other post. Im dealing with it with you. You have to give yourself time, people are just going to keep giving you the same answers. Wait out the pain, i know it hurts like a bitch, and i know you cant fathom that someone could do such a terrible thing to you, someone that you loved and gave everything for, and she goes behind your back and cheats.

 

Truth is, shes out having a great time, and your crying about it. I learned this the hard way, i just found out my ex is back together with her ex. So while i was riding on hope that she would cry for me, shes back with the one guy that tore our relationship apart. And you know what? She has no guilt, no pain, no care of what your doing. Think of it like that, and maybe you'll move on quicker.

 

I know you miss her man, and i know you love her. But your in love with the girl you thought she was. The girl you thought she was wouldnt cheat on you. But the girl she REALLY is, DID.

 

Mine was my first love too bro. I'm in the same boat. Keep on movin.

[runredlights]

You're right. I am going to just not give a **** anymore.

[Lion Heart]

Hi there, I'm new here so I haven't read your other posts... yet. Being a LS addict for the time being, I will.

This IS an amazing forum for all of us hurting from relationships.

You've no doubt used it when you've needed "us" and you need to keep using it "until".

 

This is when you stop hurting ..... until. It feels like you don't have control of your thoughts & feelings. You need to practise.

 

My 22 yo daughter asked me only last night how on earth I coped with my obsessive thoughts when her father cheated on me when she was 9 months old. (Her son, my grandson is almost that age and she now realizes what an immense effort it must have been).

 

It f****** was an IMMENSE EFFORT.

 

I told my daughter as I'm telling you and as I told my current husband today - 1 month after his affair was exposed.

 

I did two mental exercises simultaneously: 1) I built a totally massive 4 foot thick black solid concrete wall in my mind. Cheating husband on the other side. WHENEVER I caught myself thinking of him doing this or that, working, kissing other women, showering, anything - I would put him and all that behind the wall and build it higher.

Then I'd do 2 coming later.

I'm pretty sure when it first happened and I'd moved house and was spending 24/7 looking after my baby girl. No one else around. I may have thought of him 3000 times a day. I literally thought I was losing my mind! I was ... to him.

BLOCK WALL

Then it got less

BLOCK WALL

Then less

BLOCK WALL

Then sometimes

BLOCK WALL

Then seldom

BLOCK WALL

Then eventually months would go past without a thought but even better without an emotion attached but actually HUMOUR!

 

I HAD to simultaneously apply this next strategy.

FOCUS ON MY FUTURE

I imagined gorgeous things right down to the last little detail. A house I would buy. A great job paying really well. My happy baby girl growing into a gorgeous wonderful woman. Etc etc etc

WRITE MY GOALS

EXECUTE EACH ONE AS I COULD

 

My wise cousin said to me soon after the break up (I had to drive 3 hours to visit her)

"Your mind is a precious space. It is everything to you. It imagines your future so you can create it! So why would you let someone you don't want there to LIVE there? ..... rent free?"

 

Just for fun I'm gonna tell you another one of hers. If someone tries to put sh**on you

"Your opinion of me is really none of my business!"

It's ok you're where you are. You're precious, you're important. You have everyone's permission to stay exactly where you are forever.... if you choose.

 

You need strategies. I've given you my 2 faves and they absolutely worked for me!

It's so fffffun I get to give them a workout all over again.

Best wishes

[Sandrino]

You're right. I am going to just not give a **** anymore.

 

I'm gonna tell you something else. I work in a deli department in a grocery store. Just the other day, a girl i work with that is my friend, was making food for a guy that my ex works with. My friend asked him if he knew her, and he said yes. So my friend said "Oh, thats my boyfriends ex girlfriend!" Me and my friend are not dating, but she was messing with him. So he leaves, and guess who tries to contact me not even 5 minutes later? My ex. She added me on snapchat, but then deleted me. My exes friend must have had her number and told her about me having a girlfriend.

 

She must of gotten jealous or something lol. But i just thought that was funny, that she immediately tried to contact me, as soon as she found i was dating someone new.

 

My point is, these types of girls only care about themselves, and when they see you moving on and doing good, they get interested again. They want you to miss them, and want you to think about them. Even after they hurt you, they want you all to themselves, to control you.

 

But when you start doing better, they get jealous.

[me85]

I'm very sorry that happened to you. I completely understand the pain you're going through. My ex was the worst bf yet the best bf I ever had. He shattered my heart and broke my spirit and it's been a long hard road since the BU (like, 17/18 months ago.) I'm not indifferent yet but very close to it. Although I do think I will always have a certain type of love for him, I know I'm no longer in love with him, nor do I want him back in my life.

 

All you can do is keep living your life and wish those who are now gone the best. Even if they don't deserve best wishes from you. It's freeing to forgive and eventually you forget. Maybe you don't forget everything but you will forget most things. That's what happens. Sad but true.

[runredlights]

sandrino you've got one hell of an ex. Yes, there's no way she feels as badly as I do if at all. I suppose I just need to experience these feelings and try to move on, which I am doing in terms of positive changes. I'm sure the pain will dull in time.