Friend lashed out at me over a facebook comment

[Kaiten]

I'll keep it short:

 

My (former) best friend, Ryan, is very involved in a super conservative church. I used to be as well, until recently, I just gave up trying to have a certain image in front of them.

 

Ryan posted a picture on facebook of a character from a game series (Final Fantasy) we used to play as kids. He never really played the games much. I, on the other hand, loved them and beat them many times over.

 

When he posted the picture, a two ladies from the church (Lisa and Debby) didn't like that the character had a skull necklace, and asked of the game's origin.

 

I saw the post in my feed, and I figured, since they asked and I knew I could provide a very good answer, that I would answer their question about the game.

 

When I answered their question, my best friend got really upset with me, saying that "You threw me under the bus!" and that I was just doing it to make him look bad.

 

To be 100% honest, I first and foremost wanted to show off to Lisa and Debby my video game knowledge. I was not interested in Ryan whatsoever.

 

I did apologize for the comment, however. But I was also wondering what REALLY made him mad - as I did not mention him in the comment whatsoever and every thing I said was fact (to answer Lisa's question).

 

Can he really get mad at me for them looking down on him because he secretly likes a game series that they disapprove of? Is that fair?

[Kaiten]

Here is the entire comment unmodified, in case you're wondering if I'm telling the truth:

 

"The game is from Japan, Lisa. The whole series was made by a company that used to be called "Square". I played (and beat) almost every single one and I can literally quote the dialogue from Tactics, 8, 9, and 12 (beat those more than 3 or 4 times each).

Their character styles usually vary by the game. So they're Japanese, but the style looks different every installment.

I guess since I beat almost all of them more than once, Im qualified to say that you guys arent very far off in your first impressions of the artwork. In several of the games, the final boss is basically God, who you always have to kill.

In FFX, you literally take on the role of Jesus,( but not actually Jesus ) and attempt to atone for the world's sins, but then they find out that Sin (which is represented physically by a giant whale-like beast) can never be overcome. The other moral of the story is that the church impedes the progress of man by spreading irrational fear (most notably, the fear of machines). You later kill the deity the church worships - who actually turns out to be evil anyway. And then you kill Sin somehow.

In Tactics, the whole plot is about defeating the church. I wont elaborate on that one.

A good bit of those games have elements that draw inspiration directly from the Bible. The most interesting thing to me though is that I played through all of them and never even once did I catch on to what they were saying. "

[Kaiten]

Honestly, I feel like him looking bad is an unfortunate by-product of the actual facts of the situation.

 

I'll admit that I wasn't concerned about how they would view him when they read the comment, but I do sort of feel that that is beside the fact. They asked. I answered truthfully.

 

Why did my friend take it as a very personal attack on him?

 

By the way, I still love and play those games.

[whichwayisup]

It was about his ego. That girl asked a question and you answered it (for him) and that's why he's mad. He may feel it's his page so therefore he should be the one answering any questions, not have someone else answer for him.

[CarrieT]

Can he really get mad at me for them looking down on him because he secretly likes a game series that they disapprove of? Is that fair?

Well, a person can get mad at two ants crossing one's path but that is just life.

 

You can't control what other people do, feel, or say so in the big picture, "It Is Not Your Problem." Learn that mantra: It is not your problem...It is not your problem...It is not your problem...It is not your problem...It is not your problem...It is not your problem...

 

And then move on.

[preraph]

Can he not remove the post if he doesn't like it? That's what he should do. Sounds like you two were already falling off each other before this incident.

[Timshel]

Blasphemy?

[todreaminblue]

Honestly, I feel like him looking bad is an unfortunate by-product of the actual facts of the situation.

 

I'll admit that I wasn't concerned about how they would view him when they read the comment, but I do sort of feel that that is beside the fact. They asked. I answered truthfully.

 

Why did my friend take it as a very personal attack on him?

 

By the way, I still love and play those games.

 

did he realize that was what the game had meaning for?

[Kaiten]

He already removed the post before I realized it. But he came at me one day, and then again the day after about it.

 

No, he didn't realize that that's what the game was about. But I don't see how much that matters. I was answering Lisa's questions.

[darkmoon]

you see what matters, but only what matters to you

 

he even told you twice and you still are not just saying yes ok

 

you do not really respect this man, not to a great exent, or you would not be here on LS ignoring what matters to him

Edited January 15, 2015 by darkmoon

[Art_Critic]

easy peasy... block his but and defriend him.. life is too short to worry about FB drama.

[mrs rubble]

Forget it and move on, when I was hanging out with one of my old church friends, she insisted I MUST revove all the dragon figurines out of my house because they were "evil".

I decided that my (other) friends bearded dragon was cute not evil and my figurines were my business and if my mate's bearded dragon wasn't evil neither were my figurines, so I removed the old church friend from my life.

 

What you have experienced is similar, the crazy ideas of over zealous religous "freakery"

[todreaminblue]

He already removed the post before I realized it. But he came at me one day, and then again the day after about it.

 

No, he didn't realize that that's what the game was about. But I don't see how much that matters. I was answering Lisa's questions.

 

 

if it were me kaiten.....seeing you already had knowledge he didnt know what the game was about......as a friend as i believe friendship to be ...i would have private messaged him letting him know before posting anything to lisa exactly what you had intended on posting to lisa in response to her post and whether he really wanted to keep the post up........and asking him what he wanted to do about it.....suggesting with hindsight to his conservative church affiliations that maybe he should take the post down .after informing him what the post signified really.........as a friend i would be first and foremost thinking of him.....not the fact lisa was needing an answer

 

 

then he could have explained i had no idea what the game actually signified i never really got into it like kaiten did.....

 

 

do you wonder why it was so important that you yourself answer lisa on his page on his post..that you say i was answering lisa...are you friends with lisa?...deb

Edited January 15, 2015 by todreaminblue

[kendahke]

I'll keep it short:

 

My (former) best friend, Ryan, is very involved in a super conservative church. I used to be as well, until recently, I just gave up trying to have a certain image in front of them.

 

Ryan posted a picture on facebook of a character from a game series (Final Fantasy) we used to play as kids. He never really played the games much. I, on the other hand, loved them and beat them many times over.

 

When he posted the picture, a two ladies from the church (Lisa and Debby) didn't like that the character had a skull necklace, and asked of the game's origin.

 

I saw the post in my feed, and I figured, since they asked and I knew I could provide a very good answer, that I would answer their question about the game.

 

When I answered their question, my best friend got really upset with me, saying that "You threw me under the bus!" and that I was just doing it to make him look bad.

 

To be 100% honest, I first and foremost wanted to show off to Lisa and Debby my video game knowledge. I was not interested in Ryan whatsoever.

 

I did apologize for the comment, however. But I was also wondering what REALLY made him mad - as I did not mention him in the comment whatsoever and every thing I said was fact (to answer Lisa's question).

 

Can he really get mad at me for them looking down on him because he secretly likes a game series that they disapprove of? Is that fair?

 

He's being overly dramatic. You just answered a question. If his panties are all in a wad over that, then let him go and be stupid like that.

 

fwiw--I've played the franchise from Mystic Quest up to XI, but haven't played the tactics games.

Edited January 15, 2015 by kendahke

[SpiralOut]

He probably got mad because he posted artwork from a game where you "kill god" and you told his strict church friend details about the storyline. Surely you must have known that your response would offend her. And yeah you did throw him under the bus because you pointed out to his group that he supports a game that to them, is blasphemous. Had they seen the comment he would have been stuck trying to explain things to them. Those strict religious types need to be dealt with carefully, might have been better to let your ex-friend deal with the question.

Edited January 15, 2015 by SpiralOut

[Kaiten]

if it were me kaiten.....seeing you already had knowledge he didnt know what the game was about......as a friend as i believe friendship to be ...i would have private messaged him letting him know before posting anything to lisa exactly what you had intended on posting to lisa in response to her post and whether he really wanted to keep the post up

 

This is damn near perfect, and I wish I had thought about this. Honestly, I charged right in because I am not a big fan of Lisa (which I did tell him). I mean it is my favorite franchise of stories of all time after all. Ha, I guess I went in trying to defend Final Fantasy first and foremost. My comment was my way of saying, "I know all of this about Final Fantasy, and I still play it even now."

 

Even still, I do not see how I threw my friend under the bus. As I said before, I knew that he did not know what I did; he never made it halfway through a single one. I don't see why he could not simply explain his side? He could have told Lisa,

 

"I just liked the art, Lisa. I didn't know any of what Kaiten knows about the series. I've never played the game extensively."

 

I certainly would have defended him if he did that. Instead, he snapped at me, and told me I was a terrible friend. It almost seems as though attacking me seemed necessary to him.

 

By the way, I apologized to him some 4 or 5 times afterward.

[Kaiten]

Now that I'm at the end of this conflict I think what I hate most about this (and 90% of all my other problems with this friend) is that these can so easily be avoided. Not only that, but they always result in him attacking my character in some way or another.

 

That's what bothers me the most.

[todreaminblue]

This is damn near perfect, and I wish I had thought about this. Honestly, I charged right in because I am not a big fan of Lisa (which I did tell him). I mean it is my favorite franchise of stories of all time after all. Ha, I guess I went in trying to defend Final Fantasy first and foremost. My comment was my way of saying, "I know all of this about Final Fantasy, and I still play it even now."

 

Even still, I do not see how I threw my friend under the bus. As I said before, I knew that he did not know what I did; he never made it halfway through a single one. I don't see why he could not simply explain his side? He could have told Lisa,

 

"I just liked the art, Lisa. I didn't know any of what Kaiten knows about the series. I've never played the game extensively."

 

I certainly would have defended him if he did that. Instead, he snapped at me, and told me I was a terrible friend. It almost seems as though attacking me seemed necessary to him.

 

By the way, I apologized to him some 4 or 5 times afterward.

 

i dont feel his reaction was fair or handled correctly kaiten at all......but try to understand his side.....i think you do anyway...obviously his church means a lot to him.....like the game means a lot to you his feelings about what you said probably shocked him as he had no idea that was what the game meant...its an over reaction...but we all do that dont we.....i think he needs to have a little bit of maturity and come to the realization that he should have maybe known about what he was posting before posting it....you have apologized and obviously are a friend to him....respect he has friends you dont gel with......thats ok...as long as he affords you as much respect as he does them...and vice versa with you..do you think on a subconscious level that you might have had intentions on sabotaging a friendship and a person you are not fond of..this person being lisa.....

 

 

.whatever the case was ....the blame isnt on only you for this miscommunication....but search your heart where your true intent lies for posting that on his page...a bit of jealousy maybe on yoru behalf...i am just guessing....

 

 

..and then be truly sorry for that if it is indeed a matter of putting lisa on the back foot...apologies should be heartfelt going on what your intentions were.....sorry only needs to be said once if it comes from the heart....anything more than that and it is you convincing yourself you are actually sorry...when you are not.......profuse apologies tend to be more in defense of yourself than correcting what was actually done....and for his sake...he should endeavour to accept a genuine apology always the first time it is said...not drag out your remorse...but give a bad situation closure........especially with true friends....friends are friends and far more important to keep than to deny or ignore....most importantly if you are truly sorry you deserve to be understood............deb

[Kaiten]

that's interesting. I had told my friend recently that I had always felt a little jealous of his relationship with the church. It was something that I just could never attain (because I was unwilling to behave/submit to them). I admitted that to him.

 

When I told him that, he actually lashed out on me that time too, saying that I hadn't learned how to be a true friend - an individual while still being part of a community. (Not as easy as he makes it sound in a church in the South)

 

As far as Lisa goes, she is actually a person I do not hate. But I hate seeing my friends and others not stand up to all these overly-religious types in their lives. It kinda hurts me when kids tell me about how their parents impose so much on them through their churches; trying to get their kids to be 'holy'.

 

I actually hate to see Lisa commenting like that on a friends photo like a religious lioness getting ready to pounce on him. That makes me upset just typing about it.

 

I won't even say that I want to see the church crumble to the earth. I just want to hold my ground against them and respect what they believe. No insults. No attacking character.

[Timshel]

that's interesting. I had told my friend recently that I had always felt a little jealous of his relationship with the church. It was something that I just could never attain (because I was unwilling to behave/submit to them). I admitted that to him.

 

When I told him that, he actually lashed out on me that time too, saying that I hadn't learned how to be a true friend - an individual while still being part of a community. (Not as easy as he makes it sound in a church in the South)

 

As far as Lisa goes, she is actually a person I do not hate. But I hate seeing my friends and others not stand up to all these overly-religious types in their lives. It kinda hurts me when kids tell me about how their parents impose so much on them through their churches; trying to get their kids to be 'holy'.

 

I actually hate to see Lisa commenting like that on a friends photo like a religious lioness getting ready to pounce on him. That makes me upset just typing about it.

 

I won't even say that I want to see the church crumble to the earth. I just want to hold my ground against them and respect what they believe. No insults. No attacking character.

 

Yep, that's a tough one. Southern born, church raised. I am with you on finding your own place and beliefs and standing for yourself in that.

 

Bible Thumpers, Holy Rollers. No offense to any but wow, just wow.

 

Leave those friends to their own journey in faith, I mean, it's the most personal thing we do. RESPECT where they are and make your own way with it.

 

Peace Out

[aggie382]

It was about his ego. That girl asked a question and you answered it (for him) and that's why he's mad. He may feel it's his page so therefore he should be the one answering any questions, not have someone else answer for him.

 

This is the only reason I can think of why this friend would get mad, and it's a pretty silly reason to lash out.

[SpiralOut]

 

I actually hate to see Lisa commenting like that on a friends photo like a religious lioness getting ready to pounce on him. That makes me upset just typing about it.

 

.

 

 

So if she was ready to pounce on him for something as silly as a skull necklace, how do you think she would have reacted to your explanation about the game being about killing god? While it's true that a reasonable person would not take offense to your comment, you're not dealing with reasonable people. They don't think the same way as you.

 

 

Your friend is probably worried that these people will get angry with him or reject him. It sounds to me like he is afraid, and that's not about you. It's about him. Imagine yourself in his shoes.... afraid to speak up for himself and hanging out with people who might drop him at any moment, just for offending them accidentally. It actually makes me worry for him and I don't even know the guy. It would bother me to see a friend of mine in that postion. But if this is what he wants there is nothing you can do but wait. Maybe sometime in the future he will change his mind and he'll be ready for a friend like you. Right now it sounds like he can't handle it.

Edited January 17, 2015 by SpiralOut

[hoping2heal]

Well, what I took from this whole thing is that Lisa and Debby both need a life.

 

Your friend is upset because what you said will not meet Lisa and Debby's approval, he probably feels like you already knew that and I am sure you did. That said, I am not saying that is why you did it and really, Ryan is in denial. If it is not this issue it will be something else that Lisa and Debby disapprove of. If he's going to choose to live his life trying to appease Lisa and Debby and those like the two of them, he had better get used to it.

[anika99]

He probably got mad because he posted artwork from a game where you "kill god" and you told his strict church friend details about the storyline. Surely you must have known that your response would offend her. And yeah you did throw him under the bus because you pointed out to his group that he supports a game that to them, is blasphemous. Had they seen the comment he would have been stuck trying to explain things to them. Those strict religious types need to be dealt with carefully, might have been better to let your ex-friend deal with the question.

 

 

 

This has been the best explanation for the friends anger on this thread. He absolutely didn't want his strict church friends knowing that he plays games that involve killing God or playing the role of Jesus. However I don't think he was justified in lashing out at the OP. If he wants to be a hypocrite and pretend to be one thing while secretly doing another then that's his problem. He can't expect everyone else to help him maintain his image.

Edited January 17, 2015 by anika99
spelling

[Kaiten]

Your friend is probably worried that these people will get angry with him or reject him. It sounds to me like he is afraid, and that's not about you. It's about him. Imagine yourself in his shoes.... afraid to speak up for himself and hanging out with people who might drop him at any moment, just for offending them accidentally.

 

When he confronted me about it, I did ask him what was the real issue. I even told him that if anything, I was sticking up for him because I knew full well that he used to really enjoy playing those games ( I still do. Probably about to right now actually).

 

I asked him if he was so concerned about his image that he would completely deny on FB what he enjoys doing in his spare time. It was all me and him ever talked about! And so it's like one the greatest bonds we shared was less important to him than Lisa or Michelle's view of him.

 

I hadn't really thought this deeply into it until I posted on LShack.