*Updated* I took her back about 2 years ago

[LovingTooMuch]

The first part of this is my original post about 2 years ago. My second post is the update. I hope this helps others.

 

Didn't Think It would Happen, But it Did.Backstory:I am 30 and she is 23. I have a job that requires 55 hours a week. On top of that I am attempting to start my own business which, as you can imagine, takes some time. She works 5 days a week and has 2 kids. So her time can be very limited as well.I had been dating her for over a year. Things were actually pretty good. Very good. About a week and a half ago she told me that it would be best if we split up because she was having issues with how often we were seeing one another. (Every other weekend for a few days and a couple days sprinkled in between.) She also had issues with how often we were having sex. This was not sue to my lack of intrest, rather a very early miscarriage (sp*) that scared the **** out of me. I asked that she get on birth control but to this day she still hasn't. So the sex was not as often as we both would have liked. The breakup didn't even last a day, as we were able to work it out. I also understand that she was going through a lot of stress at the time. For the next week, all is well. At least I thought. At the end of the following week she does it again. This time it stuck for a day until she showed up at my door and wanted us to try and fix anything that was an issue because she truly loved me and she knew that I am worth everything to her.*I love her. Very much. I bought a car for her, (the kids and she needed it.....and I love the kids as well.) Paid for the insurace and a phone. Simply because I wanted her to have it and I know she needed it. I did not nor have I ever held this over her head. Basiclly, she needed it, I couldn't see her as much as I wanted, but I wanted her to know that I will take care of her and I love her.The day we got back together was fantastic. We REALLY talked about many things and saw eye to eye on the direction we wanted to go and what it would take to get there. GREAT!Not really. THe very next night I get a phone call from her neighbor. (they were pretty close) He told me that she had had cheated on me twice with her boss. There was no lie in his voice, I knew it was true when he said it. I drove over to her house and confronted her. She attempted to act like she didn't know what I was talking about, but I think she saw that I really knew. So she came clean. She slept with him 2 nights in a row about a month ago. Unbelievable.*Now she wants to make it right and im not sure how I feel. I do believe she is upset and sorry for her actions. She told me that she felt so dirty and ashamed and was willing to do anything at all to start working on this. I've been hurt and angry. I'm not sure really what to do at this point. I'm also not sure what if anything she can do to fix this. She has already told me she is looking for another job and wants nothing to do with him or anyone else since that night. She told me that she was very lonely and very confused about where we were headed and she made some very bad decisions that she will regret forever.She is a good person, I know this, even though I wish it weren't true right now. This is ongoing so I will update.....just looking for some advice or support. I love her very dearly. I can forgive. But forgetting, forgetting and trust is always the problem.

[LovingTooMuch]

I debated updating this thread. But I figured it has a possibility of helping others while allowing me to vent.

 

So much has happened since the original post. And so many of you were right:It took so long to try and work through the cheating. I knew the trust factor was going to be a huge hurdle to overcome.*

 

I live with 2 roommates. Shortly after she cheated one of my good girlfriends (also good friends with my roommates,* and ZERO history with any of us) crashed at our house on the couch 2 times. I never told her,* and it wasn't on purpose,* simply put I would never ask a friend to drive home after a few drinks. In addition, my girlfriend and her were friends as well.*For the next year and a half she was* constantly accusing me of sleeping with her and making up stories to cover it up. Like I said,* I've never even hugged her strangely.*In addition we spoke on many occasions about how the relationship would need to start off slow again and make full effort to repair trust. No more talk of moving in together, no talk of marriage.....etc.* working on trust.*

 

Everything was up and down. Everything. She was evicted and moved in with her sister. She ALWAYS complained about them. Saying how manipulative they were and zero respect for her. She spent most of the time visiting me. We live in the same city but on opposite ends, mainly because she couldnt stand them. They didnt like me either, because I would get irritaed with them constantly feeding her BS about me cheating and thats why I visit rarely.*

 

Fast forward to this past summer. We had plans to move in together in about a year. Once she got stable with a job. (She seems to bounce around an awful lot)Things had been better, tho she would still randomly accuse me of cheating. Still complaing about how she dislikes her family and a day later being upset I dont spend more time with them or visiting her. We would see each other 2 times a week. 8-10 a month.

 

*We had a long conversation.*I told her:* I have a demanding job that I work 50-55 hours a week at. Sometimes im not home till 2. You have 2 kids, don't have your own place and need to get a job that you hold onto and become more stable. I thought we were doing pretty good seeing each other as much as we did. To be honest, I felt like there was a complete lack of effort for her to get a job and start helping herself and the relationship.*

 

We had another talk in october. I was irritated with her communication. I always felt like she held back feelings that needed to be discussed. She still wanted me to visit more.*Both things improved. I was able to get a schedule that allowed me to visit more and she did her part. We visited my parents in another city(she has met them before) and everything was great. Fit in pefectly so it seemed.

 

Not 2 weeks later things seem to change. We were calling and texting one another all the time and the I love you's and baby's were fantastic.*Then one day like a light switch it stopped. It went to one word responses, phone being off. No more phone calls. It went from "baby" to actually using my name. I heard from her once on my birthday. It was a text wishing me happy birthday "name"**The next day I was supposed to meet her brother at night after I got off work. Her phone was off for most of the evening. She called me much later and said he went somewhere to hang out with friends.

 

Fast forward to the day before new years eve. She is at my house, I make dinner we watch movies etc....The very next day she was supposed to come see me again. Turns out that she was needing to watch the kids. I told her no problem, ill come down to see her. She said no, that she was going to her sisters NYE party and didn't want to deal with them not liking me. She said that plus drinking would be bad. This was while she was at work. She then said that her phone was about to die....again. I didn't hear from her the rest of the night or the entire next day. I tried contacting her one time on NYE.

 

The alarms were going off. I opted not to contact her on new years day. She didnt as well. The next morning I get a phone call from her and she immidiately starts in about not visiting enough and claiming the sex life was non existant. I asked her if she was trying to break up with me and she said yes. She said she was going into work and would call me when she got off.

 

I haven't heard from her since, nor have I attempted to contact her.*Same excuses as last time.

 

Here is what I think.

*She cheated once and I took her back.

*She had major jealousy issues since that point.*

She lead me on and cheated again once she got what she thinks she wanted/needed.

*She broke up with me over the phone after 3 1/2 years because she knew what she did. She would never admit to cheating again.*

This way, she can justify her actions and blame everything on me.*

Never take back a cheater.*

[Deidre]

I would move on. You never would have known this had it not been for the neighbor telling you. Go no contact and move on.

 

 

She seems manipulative and to have been using you.

 

 

Trust your gut. I'm not an unforgiving person, but cheating...that's a deal breaker for good. You can forgive her from afar. lol

 

 

I hope you find peace, and that you make the right choice for you.

[Deidre]

oops, my advice above was for the first post. (I didn't see the date it was first posted lol)

 

 

but I see the update, and as suspected...she sounds like she brought more drama.

 

 

Two words....NO CONTACT.

[No Limit]

My opinion on the first part; break up, yesterday.

My opinion on the second part; finally she's gone!

[PegNosePete]

Sorry you got hurt dude.

But yeah, should've listen to the advice to dump her the first time around.

Shoulda woulda coulda...

[Spectre]

You say she is a "good" person, but good people do not cheat on their husbands with their boss. That should of been your first red flag man.

[kendahke]

The first part of this is my original post about 2 years ago. My second post is the update. I hope this helps others.

 

Didn't Think It would Happen, But it Did.Backstory:I am 30 and she is 23. I have a job that requires 55 hours a week. On top of that I am attempting to start my own business which, as you can imagine, takes some time. She works 5 days a week and has 2 kids. So her time can be very limited as well.I had been dating her for over a year. Things were actually pretty good. Very good. About a week and a half ago she told me that it would be best if we split up because she was having issues with how often we were seeing one another. (Every other weekend for a few days and a couple days sprinkled in between.) She also had issues with how often we were having sex. This was not sue to my lack of intrest, rather a very early miscarriage (sp*) that scared the **** out of me. I asked that she get on birth control but to this day she still hasn't. So the sex was not as often as we both would have liked. The breakup didn't even last a day, as we were able to work it out. I also understand that she was going through a lot of stress at the time. For the next week, all is well. At least I thought. At the end of the following week she does it again. This time it stuck for a day until she showed up at my door and wanted us to try and fix anything that was an issue because she truly loved me and she knew that I am worth everything to her.*I love her. Very much. I bought a car for her, (the kids and she needed it.....and I love the kids as well.) Paid for the insurace and a phone. Simply because I wanted her to have it and I know she needed it. I did not nor have I ever held this over her head. Basiclly, she needed it, I couldn't see her as much as I wanted, but I wanted her to know that I will take care of her and I love her.The day we got back together was fantastic. We REALLY talked about many things and saw eye to eye on the direction we wanted to go and what it would take to get there. GREAT!Not really. THe very next night I get a phone call from her neighbor. (they were pretty close) He told me that she had had cheated on me twice with her boss. There was no lie in his voice, I knew it was true when he said it. I drove over to her house and confronted her. She attempted to act like she didn't know what I was talking about, but I think she saw that I really knew. So she came clean. She slept with him 2 nights in a row about a month ago. Unbelievable.*Now she wants to make it right and im not sure how I feel. I do believe she is upset and sorry for her actions. She told me that she felt so dirty and ashamed and was willing to do anything at all to start working on this. I've been hurt and angry. I'm not sure really what to do at this point. I'm also not sure what if anything she can do to fix this. She has already told me she is looking for another job and wants nothing to do with him or anyone else since that night. She told me that she was very lonely and very confused about where we were headed and she made some very bad decisions that she will regret forever.She is a good person, I know this, even though I wish it weren't true right now. This is ongoing so I will update.....just looking for some advice or support. I love her very dearly. I can forgive. But forgetting, forgetting and trust is always the problem.

 

Did they at least use a condom?

[LovingTooMuch]

She told me they did.

 

This still hurts. Still no contact. Some days are good. Others I miss her.

[Darren Steez]

Yup and this time listen to the advice given. You could have saved yourself all that wasted time and effort.

 

Guess what? She'll contact at some point, probably a text to see how you're doing once she's got bored of which dude she's banging now. DO NOT REPLY!

 

It's very easy to get back into the cycle of things. You text, you talk, you meet then bam, things start up again. Minimum fuss and effort. But as you have seen, it's just a recipe for your heart getting busted time and time again.

 

Cut her off and start getting with more stable chicks. Go and have fun and enjoy life. That's what life is for. Stop wasting time on this loser.

[kendahke]

She told me they did.

 

This still hurts. Still no contact. Some days are good. Others I miss her.

 

she's a liar, so I wouldn't trust what she says.

 

Stay the course with no contact. In the end, the good days will outdistance the bad as you get past her.

 

In the future, when you run into a woman who is as messy as this one is, don't put yourself in hock to provide her a car for another man's children--their father needed to make sure his children get to where they need to go safely. In fact, don't deal with a messy woman ever again.