cubbbb Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Hello. I just found this site today, and man did I need it. I have been dating this woman for about 15 months, and we have repeatedly broken up (about 6 times) over the past 6 months. I am really coming to the conclusion that its never going to work long term. I actually get by ok for a few days after our break up, but then it really starts to hit me hard. It happens the same way, each and every time. I can't get her out of my head, I get this huge knot in my stomach almost to the point of being short of breath. I lose all ambition to do anything productive and I find myself just laying on the couch not wanting to move. Either her or I usually make contact after about 5 days. We let eachother know how badly we miss eachother, and long to hold eachother in our arms again. Well, without fail that is what always happens. It feels so damn good when I get back with her, and the huge knot in my stomach goes away almost instantaneously. For awhile, all is well with the world again, until the "totally sane" reasons why we will never work out comes back, and we are once again not content in our lives together again. Its a vicious cycle. We actually don't have a lot in common, and with each reconciliation our problems and arguments become much more common. Why can't I just I seem to make a clean break? I guess I'm being pretty weak, but I can't seem to cope when the heartbreak becomes too much, and I have this uncontrollable desire to get back with her (she is the same way). There is a long list of reasons for us to be apart, and a relatively short list why we should be together, but one reason is very powerful why I want to be with her. Our hearts seem to connect. I'm 32 and haven't felt this kind of love before, but at the same time I'm miserable at the same time. Two VERY conflicting emotions. I'm totally screwed up right now. I think I really do need to just make a final break, and just suffer through the heartache. I can't keep doing this over and over. Its killing me. P.S. I live in a small town, and its virtually impossible for me to go anywhere without seeing her, one of her friends, one of her family, or without seeing constant reminders of her. If I wanted to go down to the bar for a couple of drinks, I get the constant barrage of "wheres your girlfriend", "are you two still together?", The "Ahh, you two will be back together in a week or two. You always get back with her", etc.... etc...... I'm starting to break down, phsyically and emotionally.. Link to post Share on other sites
sleeplessincnd Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 You need to give your head a shake and realize that you can exist on your own - without a woman. You are 32 years old so this should not be a hard concept to grasp. If you say that "your hearts connect" then you need to take some time on your own and figure out who you are without her and how she can have a positive impact on your life. And if it turns out that you can't see how or if in that time you realize that these infatuation feelings disappear then you probably aren't meant to be. As for the small town thing... get over it, you found her in this town and you can find someone else. Let people know that you are not interested in their opinions on the situation and get on with life. You are both too old to be so needy, at this point you should have a good idea of yourself and how you exist in the world - with or without the companionship of another person. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author cubbbb Posted March 29, 2005 Author Share Posted March 29, 2005 Thanks for the reply. I do agree that I need to grow a backbone when it comes to this relationship. She's had a spell over me (or should I say curse). I'm thinking the latter. Actually when I think about it I was married at the age of 20 (I moved directly out of my parents house, and right in with her), divorced at 23.. I was only single for about 2 months before I met a girl that I lived with until the age of 30. After we broke up I was only single for about 2 months before I met my present girlfriend. So, in my entire 32 years I've really only been on my own for about 4 or 5 months. I agree with your assessment that its time that I need to learn to be on my own happily, before I'll be able to move on. Now for the hard part, and that is TOTALLY ending my current relationship. She has really did a number on me. She's came back crying, apologetic, angry, and manipulative and I've always taken her back, or I've asked her back. She's did the "trying to make me jealous" with an old boyfriend tactic. You name it and she has done it. This forum does help, just by writing down some of the mean things she has done, only to flip it around trying to make me look like the bad guy all the time. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been no saint, but its definately not a relationship (for either of us) that is meant to last. I'll probably see her tonight at a Poker tournament and I'm going to let her know that the "ping pong" back and forth breakup routine has to end and I'm not going to be able to see her anymore. Hopefully I can carry through in the coming weeks and don't give in to the "broken heart blues" and give in to her pleas about how everything will be better. I'm giving it another shot! Link to post Share on other sites
beatjunkies Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Since this is a fresh breakup I think you need to get the ball in your court ASAP... Just Dont call her at all !! Let her call you.. Did she break up with you ? Make her work at getting you bacK !!! If you do happen to get back together just talk about your problems openly or maybe get counseling... She has to realize that she lost you.. If she comes back begging just say "hey i dont know what I want anymore and I need some time to think about what I want in life" Then just dont contact her and let her sweat you.. If you make it hard for her to come back then she might realize this and not ping pong you around anymore. Put your foot down !! It will be worth it if you just tough this out for the longrun.. Take care.. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 what's the poker game? How'd you make out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cubbbb Posted March 30, 2005 Author Share Posted March 30, 2005 the poker game was Texas Hold Em. They just started having the tournaments down at the local bar (My small town only has a pop. of about 1,500).. Well, she was there and things didn't go exactly as planned, but they didnt go exactly wrong either. I didn't straight up say that "I'm done with you, and I'm not going to see you anymore"... I just couldn't handle the fight that would ensue, and how she would pull out the "Well, he made me hurt, so I'm going to hurt him twice as bad by hanging all over everyone in the bar in front of his face" card that she would play. (She's did that before). There was definately a lot of tension in the air since our relationship has been on VERY thin ice once again. At the end of the night she asked me to come back home with her and stay with her. I said no. She asked why, and I simply said that I don't think that it would be good for me or her. I asked her for a goodbye kiss, and I accentuated the words "Goodbye Kiss" to the point where I think she knows what I was talking about. I hugged her tightly, and gave her a kiss. I really think that was our last kiss that we will ever have. I don't know if I'm prepared for whats ahead, but I do know that we can't go on anymore. I've went back to her several times (and she has done the same for me), but I simply can't handle the reconciles/things are better/things getting worse/things getting bad again chronic cycle that we always went through. I'm a pretty emotional man, and it kills me a little more each time. Its gotten too much.. I can't say its over 100% for sure, because I know in the past I have said that only to give in to my weaknesses and get back with her just to make the heartache go away, even if it was only a temporary fix. I'm so glad that I found this message board because I can atleast see that I'm not the only one struggling through heartbreak, and I can draw strenght from that. In 95% of other areas of my life I consider myself a pretty strong man, but loving the wrong woman has really beaten me down. Hopefully this intense love that I'm trying to leave will make me a better man for the TRUE woman that I'm supposed to live my life with. I don't know, but one thing I do know is that heartache TRUELY sucks! Link to post Share on other sites
Tinkerbelle Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 I totally understand this! I have been going through this, too, for over 1 year now. We've done this about 4 times. It is rough. I love him, I love him like I have never loved anyone else, but we can't get along for long periods of time. I don't know what to do, either. But just so you know, I totally understand :-) Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 OKAY! BUT>>>>>> How did the POKER game goooooooooooo? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cubbbb Posted March 30, 2005 Author Share Posted March 30, 2005 OKAY! BUT>>>>>> How did the POKER game goooooooooooo?>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Not that great. Got about 20th place out of around 30 total people that played It was only my 2nd time playing Texas hold em.. I'm not too good yet.. Link to post Share on other sites
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