Head to Head

[Rainbowlove]

So...tomorrow my wife and XAP will be at the same place at the same time...only 30 feet will separate their offices.

 

Needless to say, I'm feeling pretty sick about the idea of them potentially seeing each other. They haven't spoken or confronted each other through the whole affair or even after it ended, a year ago.

 

I'm triggering. I'm nervous.

 

I've talked to my wife about it. She says she has nothing to say to my XAP. I suppose, if she wanted to confront her, she would have by now...still, I'm worried about how she'll respond should they see each other.

 

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Both the XAP and spouse being in the same room or area after the affair ended?

 

I know it's all out of my hands and I can't control what happens. Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience and what happened?

 

My wife acts as if she could care less about the OW...says she's dead to her.

[evanescentworld]

Well, I do know one couple on here, where one spouse had an affair - and still works - with a colleague.

 

The trust built up again, is unshakeable. They are very much a totally united couple, and the existence of the ex-AP at work is completely immaterial, because they, as a married couple, have completely reconciled.

 

It's not an issue, at all.

 

You're projecting your own fears, fuelled by your guilt.

Trust your wife to behave as she should.

Give no thought whatsoever to your ex AP.

[whichwayisup]

I know it's all out of my hands and I can't control what happens. Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience and what happened?

Are you worried about your exOW telling your wife something that you didn't disclose in the past? Are you concerned about your wife saying something mean to your exOW and your exOW contacting you to ask you to tell your wife to back off?

 

My wife acts as if she could care less about the OW...says she's dead to her.

 

Then believe your wife. She couldn't care less about the exOW, she's dead to her. Her words. Have faith that your wife can and will be okay.

[Josmatjes]

So...tomorrow my wife and XAP will be at the same place at the same time...only 30 feet will separate their offices.

 

Needless to say, I'm feeling pretty sick about the idea of them potentially seeing each other. They haven't spoken or confronted each other through the whole affair or even after it ended, a year ago.

 

I'm triggering. I'm nervous.

 

I've talked to my wife about it. She says she has nothing to say to my XAP. I suppose, if she wanted to confront her, she would have by now...still, I'm worried about how she'll respond should they see each other.

 

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Both the XAP and spouse being in the same room or area after the affair ended?

 

I know it's all out of my hands and I can't control what happens. Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience and what happened?

 

My wife acts as if she could care less about the OW...says she's dead to her.

We have seen my eAP around town many times and at kids functions and it's really awkward. We try not to look at each other at all.its really hard.

[whichwayisup]

Okay, I read your thread from December. I see exOW has still been contacting you at work and sending you nasty emails and you feel guilty/bad for how things ended with her.

 

Please, be honest - Are you more concerned about your exOW's well being or your wife?

[Rainbowlove]

Well, I do know one couple on here, where one spouse had an affair - and still works - with a colleague.

 

The trust built up again, is unshakeable. They are very much a totally united couple, and the existence of the ex-AP at work is completely immaterial, because they, as a married couple, have completely reconciled.

 

It's not an issue, at all.

 

You're projecting your own fears, fuelled by your guilt.

Trust your wife to behave as she should.

Give no thought whatsoever to your ex AP.

 

Thank you. You are right. It's my own fear I'm projecting. I need to trust my wife will handle herself with integrity and dignity, just as she has all along.

[GirlStillStrong]

This OW sure stresses you out a lot.

 

Even if she makes a scene, there's nothing you can do about it. Let it go.

[Rainbowlove]

Okay, I read your thread from December. I see exOW has still been contacting you at work and sending you nasty emails and you feel guilty/bad for how things ended with her.

 

Please, be honest - Are you more concerned about your exOW's well being or your wife?

 

I'm not afraid of anything coming out of them seeing each other. There's no secrets.

 

I am afraid of causing more hurt on top of hurt to anyone. I don't want my wife to hurt. I also don't want my XAP to hurt any longer. Both have suffered enough.

 

That's what makes me most sick about it. More hurt handed down.

[whichwayisup]

Thank you. You are right. It's my own fear I'm projecting. I need to trust my wife will handle herself with integrity and dignity, just as she has all along.

 

What's the worst that can happen? What's your fear IF your wife chooses to confront your exOW? Or if the exOW confronts your wife?

 

Bolded, if exOW pushes buttons, your wife may certainly react. I think when someone is pushed far, things can be said in the heat of the moment. Again, what are you afraid of, your wife being hurt or your wife hurting exOW?

[whichwayisup]

I'm not afraid of anything coming out of them seeing each other. There's no secrets.

 

I am afraid of causing more hurt on top of hurt to anyone. I don't want my wife to hurt. I also don't want my XAP to hurt any longer. Both have suffered enough.

 

That's what makes me most sick about it. More hurt handed down.

 

Okay, ignore my most recent reply, you answered it here.

 

You are compassionate but keep in mind too, that in Dec your exOW was totally bombarding you with rude and nasty emails to your work office, so I hate to say it, if contact has stopped, it may start up again after she realizes your wife will be working very close by.

[Rainbowlove]

Okay, ignore my most recent reply, you answered it here.

 

You are compassionate but keep in mind too, that in Dec your exOW was totally bombarding you with rude and nasty emails to your work office, so I hate to say it, if contact has stopped, it may start up again after she realizes your wife will be working very close by.

 

That's a concern of my wife's. That it will trigger the XAP and retaliate against me.

 

Should she send anymore nasty grams, I'm not going to open them. It only sets me back and her as well.

 

Thank you everyone for your support. I appreciate it.

 

RL

[whichwayisup]

Were you able to speak to anybody in your IT department at work about blocking her email address? There could be a way for them to do this for you.

 

Yup, if she does email, just ignore and delete. No point in making yourself feel worse and stressed out.

 

May I ask how your wife ended up (coincidence?) working so close (I take it same type of job) to your exOW?

[Rainbowlove]

Were you able to speak to anybody in your IT department at work about blocking her email address? There could be a way for them to do this for you.

 

Yup, if she does email, just ignore and delete. No point in making yourself feel worse and stressed out.

 

May I ask how your wife ended up (coincidence?) working so close (I take it same type of job) to your exOW?

 

I haven't contacted IT, but I will. I have a buddy in IT who could help me.

 

We all worked together at a college as adminstrators in various departments. While my wife and I have relocated jobs, my wife still teaches there.

 

When I moved out of my house, I set us back some financially. The teaching pay is good considering it's only 6 days worth of work. My wife loves to teach and she doesn't want to give it up nor should she.

 

We weighed the benefits and agreed she would teach the course. Tomorrow is the only day they could potentially see each other. The remaining teaching days are weekends.

[Missinghim17]

I met my MM at our kids school. I thought he was a single dad until I started seeing his wife pick the kids up. Needless to say, there were some days when she picked up the kids and I was literally standing right next to her. She never knew about me but it was akward for me to say the least. In my mind, I was always thinking this is so weird, if she only knew....Part of me felt bad. But, my MM trusted that I wouldn't say anything because he knew it would be over if she ever found out and he knew I was crazy in love with him.

 

 

My situation is not like yours but it is going to be akward for both of them to be close. Most likely nothing will happen. Because of the affair, it probably is natural to have anxiety about them being so close. I think it will be fine but you won't calm down until after they meet.

[GirlStillStrong]

I haven't contacted IT, but I will. I have a buddy in IT who could help me.

 

We all worked together at a college as adminstrators in various departments. While my wife and I have relocated jobs, my wife still teaches there.

 

When I moved out of my house, I set us back some financially. The teaching pay is good considering it's only 6 days worth of work. My wife loves to teach and she doesn't want to give it up nor should she.

 

We weighed the benefits and agreed she would teach the course. Tomorrow is the only day they could potentially see each other. The remaining teaching days are weekends.

 

Rainbow,

Your spouse has said she is not worried about it. So I can only assume that your issue is internal. What you did is in the past. Let it stay there. Live in today. Worry comes when we live in yesterday and tomorrow. I bet your spouse is strong enough to handle whatever she needs to handle.

[Selfish]

So...tomorrow my wife and XAP will be at the same place at the same time...only 30 feet will separate their offices.

 

Needless to say, I'm feeling pretty sick about the idea of them potentially seeing each other. They haven't spoken or confronted each other through the whole affair or even after it ended, a year ago.

 

I'm triggering. I'm nervous.

 

I've talked to my wife about it. She says she has nothing to say to my XAP. I suppose, if she wanted to confront her, she would have by now...still, I'm worried about how she'll respond should they see each other.

 

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Both the XAP and spouse being in the same room or area after the affair ended?

 

I know it's all out of my hands and I can't control what happens. Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience and what happened?

 

My wife acts as if she could care less about the OW...says she's dead to her.

My husband has been in the same room as my xAP many times. Infeel for you though the first time I was out of town and ill about it. But my H enjoyed their uncomfortableness. He has never done anything towards him as it is his belief that my infedlity is 100% my fault. And that xMM is nothing to him.

 

Don't borrow trouble. There are people who keep it together.

[Rainbowlove]

Thanks again, everyone.

 

I talked to my wife about it last night.

 

She really seems okay with the whole thing. She's not concerned about the OW at all.

 

I'm just going to let it all go and not sweat it.

[whichwayisup]

How did it go the other day? Just wondering if there's an update.