William Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Since it appears the thread starter hasn't returned, feel free to discuss, in general, the thread topic. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Thanks William. Hopefully this is sufficiently on-topic... It's odd how everyone is basically agreeing that travelling for some time, over some distance, to a friend's wedding is both reasonable and perfectly acceptable... I just wonder how everyone correlates that with maintaining LDRs...? If people are ready, willing and able to make the time and effort to attend nuptials, I wonder why it seems so difficult for some people to consider negotiating travelling for the same amount of time, and the same distance (maybe even less!) for someone they're in a relationship with...?! Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 If people are ready, willing and able to make the time and effort to attend nuptials, I wonder why it seems so difficult for some people to consider negotiating travelling for the same amount of time, and the same distance (maybe even less!) for someone they're in a relationship with...?! Because I am not in a relationship or trying to plan a life with my best friend! Because people have commitments such as work, family etc that are not easy to give up. Weddings are one off events (or at least they should be)... Being able to sit and have a cup of tea, hug and catch up on your day should be every day. The relationship between my friends and family is very different to that I would wish for with a lover. While I believe LDR can last if the separation is temporary a permanent separation is just that regardless of how either of you feel about it! You may as well be single and find someone to love who can be with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Thanks William. Hopefully this is sufficiently on-topic... It's odd how everyone is basically agreeing that travelling for some time, over some distance, to a friend's wedding is both reasonable and perfectly acceptable... I just wonder how everyone correlates that with maintaining LDRs...? If people are ready, willing and able to make the time and effort to attend nuptials, I wonder why it seems so difficult for some people to consider negotiating travelling for the same amount of time, and the same distance (maybe even less!) for someone they're in a relationship with...?! I think Toodaloo said it perfectly. But it's one thing to take a couple of days off to travel far for a wedding and possibly even make a full holiday out of it than to have to do that frequently to see your loved one. I don't know about you, but I would not be ok with seeing and SO only once a month/every few months... And you need to take into account the amount of time off of work you'd have to take in order to see them. I mean... it's one thing to go away for a weekend. It's another thing completely to have to go away every weekend to even be able to see your SO. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Well...A relationship is a two-way thing, isn't it? I'm also thinking of them, coming to you..... Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Well...A relationship is a two-way thing, isn't it? I'm also thinking of them, coming to you..... Yes, but even so... If you're 8 hours away, how can you do that every week? You can't. Even alternating who goes to who. There physically isn't enough holiday time and most people would not have the money to make that work. 1 hour away? 3 hours? Sure, it can work. A friend of mine has been dating his soon to be wife for a couple of years and they're long distance and spend every weekend together, alternating who goes to whom. She's relocating once they're married. But that is a 3h drive/1h flight away, that can be taken on friday after work and then either early monday morning or late sunday evening. Anything more than that and it just becomes too much. Why would you want that for yourself?? Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Oh, I wouldn't! That's why I've always lived next door to dishy men.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Oh, I wouldn't! That's why I've always lived next door to dishy men.... Darn so this is where I am going wrong!!! But seriously, your partner is a much more intimate relationship. If they live hours away then how can you be there for them if they are ill? How can you do all the silly little things for them that couples do for each other? With a large amount of distance you can't. It is that simple. I don't want to move away as my parents are getting older, my Grandmother is getting older and if any of them have a fall or are ill I need to be around to help them out. As it is, if Mum has a bad day and is struggling she can ring me up and I can pop round after work or in between jobs. If I am hours away I can't do that for her. I guess this all rolls round to the values thing as well. I value the care given to me by my family and I am going to be there for them. No nursing homes in this family! Its why my best friend moved to America. So she could be there for her parents as they get older. Trust me I have been tempted to move out there on many occasions and was even offered a job over there but I can't leave my parents and Grandmother... Unless one is going to move to be with the other I am afraid I just don't see how it can work. For one to move they have to leave their old life behind and that includes the ties that go with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I doubt that this 8 hour journey applies to UK as most places aren't that far apart (unless you are going into the highlands of Scotland). If it involved going abroad then I wouldn't do it, as I don't like flying ! Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I doubt that this 8 hour journey applies to UK as most places aren't that far apart (unless you are going into the highlands of Scotland). If it involved going abroad then I wouldn't do it, as I don't like flying ! The associated costs with travelling the length and breadth of the UK, are higher than those of flying to the continent, though.... Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I doubt that this 8 hour journey applies to UK as most places aren't that far apart (unless you are going into the highlands of Scotland). If it involved going abroad then I wouldn't do it, as I don't like flying ! There is life south of Liverpool Took 13 hours (excluding breaks to get to Inverness). My backside was numb for about 24 hours... Didn't take so long coming back as didn't get caught up in traffic around Manchester or Glasgow. Only took 9/ 10 hours to get to Texas... Cost was about the same for both. I hated flying. First flight was to Texas (how not to do things by halves) and I was covered head to toe in sweat by the time I got there from panic. Quite relaxed about it these days. Doesn't bother me at all and am booking a parachute jump and possibly some flying lessons... Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 There is life south of Liverpool Took 13 hours (excluding breaks to get to Inverness). My backside was numb for about 24 hours... Didn't take so long coming back as didn't get caught up in traffic around Manchester or Glasgow. Only took 9/ 10 hours to get to Texas... Cost was about the same for both. I hated flying. First flight was to Texas (how not to do things by halves) and I was covered head to toe in sweat by the time I got there from panic. Quite relaxed about it these days. Doesn't bother me at all and am booking a parachute jump and possibly some flying lessons... It took my housemate aorund 24h to get from London to the islands north of Inverness, this Christmas. Sure, she did it the cheap way, by bus, but with the waiting times for ferries and such, it ended up being 24h each way. People in this thread keep mentioning "close friends" and how they'd travel for close friends... do you guys really get invited to wedding of NOT close friends??? Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 People in this thread keep mentioning "close friends" and how they'd travel for close friends... do you guys really get invited to wedding of NOT close friends??? Texas was best friend, Inverness was second or could be third cousin... I don't speak to him so much these days but I do speak to his Mum (second cousin I think) about every 2 months, his uncles either most days for one of them or every couple of months for the others... I make an effort with my family and friends. Its hard work but worth it. No I can't be close to everyone but I do make an effort. Friends and family ARE important. Weddings and funerals are important. Its a chance to reinforce the family connections with those you do not get to see often. Its a chance to celebrate and also to show solidarity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Texas was best friend, Inverness was second or could be third cousin... I don't speak to him so much these days but I do speak to his Mum (second cousin I think) about every 2 months, his uncles either most days for one of them or every couple of months for the others... I make an effort with my family and friends. Its hard work but worth it. No I can't be close to everyone but I do make an effort. Friends and family ARE important. Weddings and funerals are important. Its a chance to reinforce the family connections with those you do not get to see often. Its a chance to celebrate and also to show solidarity. Exactly. The point I'm trying to make, though,is that I don't really get invited to weddings of people I wouldn't be excited to see anyway. Even if they are second or third cousins! So I would ALWAYS travel to their wedding, unless it was just too expensive (as in a location wedding in the Maldives or something like that!). Otherwise, I would definitely make the effort to be there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Yep totally would id get to dress up nice, have an adventure, see a new place and hopefully there's a bar count me in! And wedding fooooooood drool* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Yep totally would id get to dress up nice, have an adventure, see a new place and hopefully there's a bar count me in! And wedding fooooooood drool* This. ^^^^^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Exactly. The point I'm trying to make, though,is that I don't really get invited to weddings of people I wouldn't be excited to see anyway. Even if they are second or third cousins! So I would ALWAYS travel to their wedding, unless it was just too expensive (as in a location wedding in the Maldives or something like that!). Otherwise, I would definitely make the effort to be there. Recently (a few months ago) drove 7 hours each way for a funeral for my Grandmothers sister. None of us had seen her for at least 30 years... Christmas cards and that was it as far as contact went. I went as "proxy" for my Grandmother because she would not have been able to make the journey. She was really grateful that I did go for her. The cousins from that bit of the family were thrilled with the effort made and were over the moon that we had thought of them and gone all that way for them to support them. I met more cousins that I didn't know existed. They are great people we have kept in touch so far. So 14 hours for 2 hours at a funeral. Was it worth it. Absolutely. The comfort it brought to my Grandmother knowing I was there for her and my cousin knowing I was there for her does not have a price tag. Yes I would do it again. I have had some invites from family members that I do not get on with and turned them down. I don't like them, they don't like me so why ruin their day and mine by being there...? I did send cards and gifts though. Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I would! Especially if it was a close friend.... Link to post Share on other sites
TaylorTrek Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Yes. If he's/ she's a close and a best friend. It is something that I shouldn't miss. Link to post Share on other sites
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