Fiancé and I are going to buy a house- I saved much more cash than him. What now?

[turronita]

Hi there,

 

My fiancé (30) and I (27) recently decided to buy a house together. We already found one which hasn't been built yet and won't be ready before summer 2016 which we're fine with.

 

So here's the thing- I'm not quite happy with his financial plans. Him and I earn about the same amount of money monthly, me maybe a bit more. He has been working in his job for seven years, while I haven't earned much til about a year and a few months ago, when I upgraded to a really great new job. So while he already has an own apartment (the apartment we live in at the moment where I don't pay rent, but split all bills with him) he already paid off completely, an own car and an own BMW motorbike, I don't have anything like that. No car, no apartment, nothing. I on the other hand have more savings in my bank account than him.

 

Because of more savings in my bank account, we agreed that I pay the bigger part of the down payment for the house (30% of the total price) because I do have the money and he only has a smaller part. I'm fine with that because we decided that each one of us will pay half of the exact price in the end, which means I will pay less for the house later or he will just pay me back.

 

Well, the remaining 70% of the house have to be paid by summer next year when the house is ready and we can move in. I already calculated a bit and figured that I can pay exactly 50% of the total price of the house by next summer (not 50% of the remaining 70% but in total 50% including the down payment). He won't be able to do that so he said we will have to take a credit for a part of the remaining money we have to pay.

 

I didn't say anything yet but I'm not sure if that's fair. Why should I pay interest of a credit if I'm already able to pay my part (50%) of the house? He already has an own apartment but he doesn't want to sell it, which I understand on the one side, BUT at the moment he also doesn't show any interest in renting out his apartment to make some extra money. Instead, he wants his parents to move in, 'at least for a couple of months'. They have had money problems for a long time already so he offered them to move in the apartment starting this March (we will rent an apartment because the house is in another city and we now work in that other city too). I'm already kinda sure it won't just be a couple of months. Of course he's super nice to offer his parents to stay rent free at his place, but it also bothers me because that will mean we'll have to borrow a bigger credit eventually.

Also, he doesn't want to sell his motorbike, which he bought for around 20.000$ last year. He doesn't need it at all since he always goes to work with his car, but he just wants to keep it because he likes it so much. What about me? I'm saving all that money for our house and don't spend it on stuff like motorbikes or so.

 

I don't know, somehow I feel it's not really fair. On the other hand, I don't wanna be a b*tch and say he should just take the credit alone because he's the one who doesn't have enough money, not me. And of course I also don't wanna tell him to kick his parents out of the apartment after a couple of months.

 

 

 

What do you think about this? What would you do in my shoes?

 

Thanks!

[amaysngrace]

Tell him you don't want to pay interest because it's a waste of money. His response is a good indicator on if you two are on the same page about finances or not.

 

Since money is the number one thing that newly married couples fight over it's better to find common ground before you take the next step.

[Mr. Lucky]

OP, what country are you in? I certainly applaud your conservative investing approach and reluctance to burden yourself with debt.

 

Why not let him continue to be responsible for his half? If he has to take on a note by himself to fulfill that obligation, so be it. And you're not a b*tch for expecting him to live up to your agreement.

 

On a broader note, the two of you don't seem to have the same fiscal approach to life and marriage. This is something I hope you've discussed in detail...

 

Mr. Lucky

[CaliGypsy]

You aren't paying rent? How long have you lived with your bf rent free? Did you figure that amount into your calculations?

 

I don't know what "taking a credit is" Are you saying he wants to take out a loan for his portion? If yes, then I don't see any problem. Most people have to take out a mortgage.

[turronita]

OP, what country are you in? I certainly applaud your conservative investing approach and reluctance to burden yourself with debt.

 

 

 

We're from Spain. I'm not greedy or so, I just don't see the point in him having an apartment, a car and a motorbike while I don't have anything but my savings that I will use to buy the house.

 

The problem in Spain and many other Hispanic/Latin/Southern countries is that family is very important here and everyone shares with everyone, which is a good thing on the one hand, but bad on the other one since he's expecting me to share the credit interest with him.

[turronita]

You aren't paying rent? How long have you lived with your bf rent free? Did you figure that amount into your calculations?

 

I don't know what "taking a credit is" Are you saying he wants to take out a loan for his portion? If yes, then I don't see any problem. Most people have to take out a mortgage.

 

 

 

I've been living at his place for a year now. I do consider that amount, but I don't think it's a lot (plus, he already paid his debts of the apt).

 

Sorry, my native language isn't English. Yes, he wants to take a loan for the remaining amount of money, I'd say it will probably be around 35-40% that's missing, which will actually be his part because I will have the complete 50% of my part. That's the problem, I wouldn't NEED the loan, I will have the 50%, while he will only have 15-20% at that point.

[Cailinsona]

To summarise: you will own 50% of the property debt free, whilst he will require a loan for his 50% and wants to split the loan repayments between you 50:50?

 

Since you are not married, I would advise either not going ahead until you have more of a committed relationship or seek legal advice in the event that you separate.

 

This could get very messy.

 

Think carefully before proceeding and like a previous poster said, you need to be on the same page financially if you are to have a successful long term relationship

[Cailinsona]

I've just noticed that you are engaged, which puts a different perspective on things.

 

Have you discussed where you stand on finances once you marry? If not, why not?

 

Does the law in Spain mean that everything is jointly owned?

 

Will you have a prenup?

 

To an outsider (and I'm assuming you are looking for an unbiased opinion), your fiancé is already bringing assets to the relationship, which will end up being jointly owned after marriage.

 

He may not have as many savings as you, because he been working on owning his apartment outright.

 

You have been able to save more than him as you haven't been paying off a mortgage and have been living rent free (albeit splitting the bills) whilst he has been supporting you financially.

 

Without knowing what you have discussed and what equity your fiancé is bringing to the marriage, it is difficult to speak to the 'fairness' of your question.

 

That you are asking this question at all suggests that perhaps you and your fiancé need to have a more in depth discussion regarding your financial expectations in the future before you go any further with regard to buying a house together.

 

Good luck

[dichotomy]

I dont pretend to understand law in spain. But if you were here in the US I would advise you, if you were not married, to just get the house yourself in your name only and let him help with bills later (not mortgage - other stuff).. Premartial assets are just that in the US - premartial - the home would stay yours in a later marriage and divorce. Consult a lawyer in your country and local area.

[Mint Sauce]

I like your boyfriend: he's got his own place, all paid for, a car and a nice motorbike, all paid for, he's letting you live with him in his place for free, and he considers doing the same for his parents. He's generous, fun-loving, and still responsible enough to have no debt.

 

That doesn't take away the fact that such financial commitments such as buying a house are best written down, and as fair as possible. If he (understandably) doesn't want to sell his apart. or bike, and doesn't want to rent it out, I'd say it's on him to pay the interest on the loan, if it's much more than what you gained from your free stay at his place (until 2016!).

 

In any case you should be able to have a constructive discussion about this with him!

[d0nnivain]

You are getting married. Married people share & communicate, at least if you want your marriage to last.

 

Talking about money is tough but you need to do just that before you sign a contract for the house & before you get married.

 

If you had to take a loan & pay the interest would you feel better if he signed part of the apartment he's not selling to you? Then you would both have additional equity? There are a lot of potential solutions to your dilemma but they all require you talking to each other.

[Realist3]

Tell him you don't want to pay interest because it's a waste of money. His response is a good indicator on if you two are on the same page about finances or not.

 

Since money is the number one thing that newly married couples fight over it's better to find common ground before you take the next step.

 

Actually, in today's economic climate it is not a waste of money, but free money. I would suggest financing as much of the property as you can at a locked in rate. Spain's economy has recently hit bottom, and is currently in the beginning stages of recovery. So, if you finance a large portion of the house you will be paying it back with inflated money. That is a huge win for you.

 

Invest those savings you would have put towards the house in some wise investments(mutual fund), and you will make a killing.

 

My other thought is why not wait until you are married to buy the house?

[Selfish]

Where I live it doesn't matter who pays what in it gets split 50/50. So a few things. Names don't matter. Once you are married it all becomes ours. I have no idea about spanish law.

 

Money is one of the leading causes of divorce in north america. Right up their with cheating. It is because while cheating may go undiscovered or be forgiven money usually creates a constant argument from the get go. So when spouses are on different pages in their spending habits... I've seen some bad cases. One case is a couple who try so hard to keep things fifty fifty theey are constantly blowing money and sinking into debt. When the one stopped the resentment started. They are miserable. Another one is where the one spouse was so concerned about only paying half when they weren't they grew resenful.

 

Money was always the focus.

 

-Reconsider marriage if he is bad with his money and you are good. Otherwise you will be the money warden when your incomes combine.

-motorbikes decrease here a lot. That bike would be worth half. That may be why he isn't selling.

-if he actually is good with money now (those purchases may have been when he is single). Stop worrying about 50/50. This is more true if upon D where you live assests aren't split 50/50.

-a marriage where there is no obsession over money and 50/50 has a lot less stress and resentment. When my husband and I married we threw our money in together and stopled worrying about who put in what. When we got married he had debt and a motorbike:laugh: But money is not important to me except to be managed correctly. But money not being an issue can only be true if he isn't overspending constantly.

[MJJean]

If it were me I wouldn't buy the house until he has his 50% of the purchase price and you're married. But that's just me.

 

Talk to a lawyer and make sure you protect yourself from losing your investment if you should split up before marrying or divorce later.

Edited January 16, 2015 by MJJean

[newlywedder]

Right now, I am in the same boat as you. I came into the marriage with a sizeable savings inherited from a relative and my husband only had 10k. We decided to combine our savings into one account and then live off of my income , whilst saving his. This has really helped ease up the money issue in our marriage because while I am paying all the bills, he is contributing to our savings. It has become a partnership in building up a future. You should consider seeing it as BOTH of your money, not MINE or HIS.

 

You will share the cost of the debt and both of you will be on the home title. In the event that a divorce were to occur, I do recommend getting a prenup that details the house among other assets.

[loveboid]

You are both debt free? I think you should both wait and save more money. And wait until you're married to buy property together.