Are we doomed? 3 weeks in to 1 year LDR

[3j15]

Hi me (25) and my gf (23) have been together for over a year now but she just recently left on a trip across the world (16hour time difference) to travel and work for 1 year. We were in a very serious realtionship talking about marriage, and kids ect. She even told her parents I was the one she wanted to marry. And we are a great couple when we are together.

 

Now, I wont lie, I have jealousy and trust issues, but that is also because I have caught my gf lying to me in the past, but that was about a year ago and I know she has been honest since then. It wasnt a major lie she cheated or something, she was just texting some guy she met when she was very unhappy about the relationship. Also I have been cheated on by a gf but that was back in highschool.

 

So my gf is now traveling on a work and hoilday visa, just working and partying, working partying. Probabaly going out 2-3 times a week.

 

Now my gf is the one that wanted to stay in a long distance relationship, I was all against it. I personally knew I could not handle it, this stems back to my jealousy and trust issues. I would rather break up and do our own thing and get back together when she is back from the trip.

 

But she insisted we give it a try, and I said okay why not give it a shot.

But there was just one problem, I still have not fully gained my trust for her back from after what she did.

 

To make matters worse she lied to me about something else, so small but still again about another guy, this time while she was away. She said she did it because she knew I would freak out.

 

Now I am questioning and wondering about everything she is doing there. She is a religious girl with strong morals, she is not the type of girl to sleep around and hook up, but at the same time she is a very good looking social girl, and I know what guys are like at the bars...

 

She promises to tell me the truth from now on, and she has been telling me a lot more about what is going on.

 

Well I guess my point is, are we doomed to fail? Will this lead to a never ending road of bickering and questioning, which will lead to a major fight and accusing and a break up. She is already saying I am questiong and suffocating her. pushing her away.... which is the last thing I want to do. But there are so many thoughts in my head, so many concerns.

 

Or is there a way to fix a long distance relationship during a long distance relationship. Ways for her to gain my trust back.

 

thanks for reading.

[justwhoiam]

are we doomed to fail?

I guess not, unless you try to.

 

Will this lead to a never ending road of bickering and questioning

Never ending? It's less than a year!

 

which will lead to a major fight and accusing and a break up

You figured it all out.

 

She is already saying I am questiong and suffocating her. pushing her away

Not good.

 

is there a way to fix a long distance relationship during a long distance relationship

Yes. There is. But both people involved must want it.

 

Ways for her to gain my trust back

It's not clear what happened exactly that made you lose your trust in her. Though I understand the cheating and generally getting suspicious easily because of what happened to you in the past.

 

First of all, don't be suffocating. Find a way to share each other's activities. Set up a calendar together, that each of you will fill in with dates and times, so that you know where your girlfriend is or if she's up to anything fun, unusual, etc. That helped in my case. Knowing stuff before and not after proved to be working well both for me and my man. Not knowing, be left hanging or guessing, or just be told things later of after days can make you feel out of your partner's life, detached. And it creates tension.

That's a first step.

Then - without coming across as too needy - arrange some time alone for the two of you once in a while. You can take turns, once a month it'll be you staying up late, and once a month it'll be her. I say once a month to keep it easy, but you might make another deal (provided it doesn't become too much effort for either of you).

And third: find ways to make this distance memorable. You know, like when you look back in 3, 10, 20 years, and have awesome/funny/crazy memories of it. Talk to her directly, the first time you get a chance to be on the phone with her, and tell her that you want this time away from each other to be memorable for both. And for it to be memorable, you both have to do some crazy things for each other to show your love, or go out of your way somehow. It'll be fun. See what she says. You can start thinking out things to do for her.