Struggling with Being Settled For

[Rejected Rosebud]

Well, anyway, to get back on topic - NO, if you think you are being settled for you should not be in the relationship, ever, no ifs ands or buts about that!

[Danda]

OP, this is not an accusation, but I am curious - do you flirt with stereotypically unattractive men?

 

Let's say hypothetically that your perception that the majority of men would find you unattractive is true. Okay, so we are pushing right past that debate and just assuming your perception is true for the sake of advancing the discussion.

 

So you are generally considered to be an unattractive woman and hate feeling like a guy would be "settling" if he chose you.

 

But what about the stereotypically unattractive guys out there? I am pretty sure many of them don't have such hypersensitive egos that they would rather be Forever Alones than be with a woman who will "settle" for them.

 

But the attitude you cop in this thread is that since they would indeed be willing to "settle" for another homely person, they are therefore losers. With the whole "what does that say about them" thing.

 

This makes me suspect that you generally reject these men before they even get a chance to consider you at all. That you go around automatically rejecting all these 'ugly losers' and then lament heavily that you get rejected because you are an 'ugly loser'.

 

Because only the most narcissistic and douchey of douches among men stand there with their less-than-average looks and excess fat, griping about all the "fat women" and babbling about Barbie. Those are not the guys that anyone with an ounce of self-esteem wants, anyway.

 

But generally guys who are younger and fit, want women who are younger and fit. That's.. just how it typically goes. Special exceptions aside.

 

I just remember this classic case from when I was in middle/high school. The sort of homely, overweight gal who would hyper-focus on the most 'popular' and stereotypically 'hottest' guys in school, either not stand a chance or get shot down, and then crumble into a pile of despair and lamentation - as though EVERY other guy in the school didn't even exist.

 

It would basically boil down to a mentality of, "The handful of hotter guys I crushed on didn't want me, so therefore nobody will ever want me and society hates me and I should just kill myself!!!!"

 

Meanwhile every homely, pudgy, nerdy guy in the building might as well have been a ghost, I guess, even though many of them would have been in awe and gratitude to get within two feet of that girl's hooters.

 

Just something to consider.

[chumble]

And again, what help is there to get when the problem is how other people conceive of me? Am I not supposed to care that everyone else views me as unattractive and an object to be mocked/disgusted with?

 

You know, I clicked your profile and in the very first thread you posted (which was about how ugly you believe you are), you linked to your photobucket page in which I see a girl in a pink dress who is far more attractive than I expected to see based on your claim that you are 'mocked/disgusted with'. You have a nice figure, and aside from a kinda quirky nose, really nothing out of the ordinary.

 

Then I snooped further and see you in profile view (next to the pink power ranger) where it's confirmed that you have a totally awesome rack. Jeez woman, lighten up on yourself.

 

As for your worry that any guy would be 'settling' for you physically, I guess it's true that Kirsten Dunst is already taken.

[Toodaloo]

I do see value in myself. That doesn't mean other people do. Seriously, what is difficult about this concept??

 

Well luckily, no guy ever is genuinely interested because, as stated previously, it's been made very clear that any guy who is with me is only settling, because only a guy who is settling would be with an unattractive/overweight woman, as you yourself have said many, many times.

 

What is difficult about this concept is that you continually go on about it.

 

I actively look for lovely women to set my single male friends up with. You could be gorgeous but even if you were with these negative thoughts I would NEVER introduce you to the men to whom looks are secondary to personality. The same men who would look at you as though you were the most beautiful person in the world as you walked down the isle.

 

So if you want to be extraordinary why don't you go and DO something extraordinary?

 

You are the one with no energy or gumption to get up and change the exact thing that you are concerned about! Come on girl! You are better than this and you know it.

 

You think you look nice so you probably do! These blokes are just picking up on your insecurities and lack of confidence in your real value.

 

How about writing down all the nice things that have been said and read those to yourself every morning? Ignore all the horrid comments. People who only have nasty things to say are not good people for anyone to be around so remove yourself from it. Surround your self with positive people.

 

Chumble has gone to a lot of effort to confirm that what those people have said is balls so the least you can do is notice that he has made effort and been honest!

 

Great boobs by the way

[verhrzn]

OP, this is not an accusation, but I am curious - do you flirt with stereotypically unattractive men?

 

Yes-ish. I flirt with guys who I find attractive, but I can recognize that my type isn't "traditionally" handsome. For example, I prefer short, somewhat chubby nerd guys. "Adorkable" guys are far more attractive to me than smooth guys. I don't like muscles (at most, I like a guy who is lean/toned.) My big celebrity crush is Daniel Radcliffe; not exactly known for being a universal sex symbol.

 

But what about the stereotypically unattractive guys out there? I am pretty sure many of them don't have such hypersensitive egos that they would rather be Forever Alones than be with a woman who will "settle" for them.

 

You'd be wrong. Because I have dated those guys who considered themselves unattractive or bad with women/Forever Alone. And they had huge egos when it came to their standards of women. I was constantly hearing how I wasn't hot enough; my friend was hotter, his ex-gf was hotter, redheads are hotter, girls with bigger butts are hotter, on and on and on.

 

What I found is that unattractive guys resent that they're dating you. They aren't happy about being settled for, either. They aren't pleased to be touching "any" boobs. They want to be with someone they find attractive; honestly, I can't say I blame them. When they feel forced to settle for someone less hot and more "in their league," they resent the hell out of that. I speak from long, long experience.

 

I have dated a long series of guys who were not traditionally attractive and felt they settled for me/were dating me out of desperation or because I did all of the pursuing. All of these guys would inevitably dump me when they could no longer stand being misery just for the sake of being in a relationship. In some cases, they also discovered that with some confidence, hotter women were willing to go for them.

 

Because only the most narcissistic and douchey of douches among men stand there with their less-than-average looks and excess fat, griping about all the "fat women" and babbling about Barbie. Those are not the guys that anyone with an ounce of self-esteem wants, anyway.

 

Have you been on this forum? There are plenty of threads where the guys who are the most "Forever Alone" are also the ones who are harshest about women's looks. Deciding to pursue the unattractive, Forever-Alone types is not a good strategy for finding a boyfriend who is attracted to me.

 

I just remember this classic case from when I was in middle/high school. The sort of homely, overweight gal who would hyper-focus on the most 'popular' and stereotypically 'hottest' guys in school, either not stand a chance or get shot down, and then crumble into a pile of despair and lamentation - as though EVERY other guy in the school didn't even exist.

 

I frankly think she did the right thing. While rejection hurts, at least there was a reason for it (they're out of her league.) Imagine walking up to a guy you consider your "unattractive equal," hitting on him, and having him insult you and sneer at you because "eww, fat girl." (As has happened to me.) You expect that from stereotypical-hot guys. You don't expect to hear constant criticisms of your body when sitting across from a guy who also has some extra pounds.

 

Meanwhile every homely, pudgy, nerdy guy in the building might as well have been a ghost, I guess, even though many of them would have been in awe and gratitude to get within two feet of that girl's hooters.

 

Perhaps they do at first, but in the long run, no. The "least" stereotypical-hottest guy I've ever dated (very nerdy, pudgy, acne, kinda effeminate) was the cruelest about my looks and comparing me to girls he considered hotter but had no chance with.

 

(snip)

 

I thank you for being nice, but sorry, I don't buy that any of what you said is genuine. Why? Because people in real life treat me as ugly. Because when people describe online what is ugly, they describe me. (I'm 140 pounds at 5'1". I have a big stomach and a flat ass. I have droopy boobs. I have bad skin. All of these have been stressed, over and over, as deeply unattractive and ugly.) You're being nice, which is a good reflection of your character, but there's not always room for insincere kindness.

 

I actively look for lovely women to set my single male friends up with. You could be gorgeous but even if you were with these negative thoughts I would NEVER introduce you to the men to whom looks are secondary to personality. The same men who would look at you as though you were the most beautiful person in the world as you walked down the isle.

 

Gee, cause that sounds fantastic... guys who try to present themselves as morally superior and "non-shallow" by claiming they love a woman's character/personality and don't care at all about looks. Give me a break; we are constantly being told "men are visual," "men can't help looking at other women," "men are hard-wired to care about looks." If you want to buy that bridge in Brooklyn called "Oh I'm totally not shallow, I don't care at all about looks, I see inner beauty!", well you just go right ahead. I'll go ahead and live in the real world where someone with "inner beauty" and outer-ugliness makes an awesome friend to these guys.

 

You think you look nice so you probably do! These blokes are just picking up on your insecurities and lack of confidence in your real value.

 

No. No, they are not. I am not insecure. I think these things because I have been told these things. I could give you examples on this very forum of guys saying "X is ugly/unattractive" when I am X. That is not insecurity. How is it insecurity when guys agree with me?

[CALOVELY]

After reading your latest response, yes, you are always going to be settled for. You cannot fathom that any man would want you for any other reason than nobody else was available, so you will always be a backup in your mind.

 

I think you would benefit greatly from counciling. Your self esteem issues are clouding reason. A person here said you were very attractive, that comment got several upvotes and all you did was tell him he was wrong. Your response to others is very trite and angry when they pay you a compliment.

 

This ends when you say it ends. You can take the necessary steps to fix what is broken on the inside and you will find a whole world of options that open up when you have a better attitude. What are you willing to do to change your situation?

[Emilia]

I do go to the gym. I have for years. Here's a concept to blow your mind... you can work out, exercise, and be healthy, and still be overweight. You can eat well, and still not be skinny.

You don't need to be skinny, just at a good weight.

 

If you eat well and exercise, you lose weight and get trim. If have remained overweight, you haven't been eating well most likely and don't exercise as effectively as you think. Perhaps fixing these issues would make you feel better about yourself. More so than rehashing the same old subject yet in another thread like this.

[Toodaloo]

Gee, cause that sounds fantastic... guys who try to present themselves as morally superior and "non-shallow" by claiming they love a woman's character/personality and don't care at all about looks. Give me a break; we are constantly being told "men are visual," "men can't help looking at other women," "men are hard-wired to care about looks." If you want to buy that bridge in Brooklyn called "Oh I'm totally not shallow, I don't care at all about looks, I see inner beauty!", well you just go right ahead. I'll go ahead and live in the real world where someone with "inner beauty" and outer-ugliness makes an awesome friend to these guys.

 

No. No, they are not. I am not insecure. I think these things because I have been told these things. I could give you examples on this very forum of guys saying "X is ugly/unattractive" when I am X. That is not insecurity. How is it insecurity when guys agree with me?

 

verhrzn - these men are wonderful. The ONLY reason why I am not grabbing them up myself is for reasons such as being related to them etc. These men are all very good looking, fantastic cooks, earn a good wage, own property, are kind and gentle, fit, strong, healthy and importantly treat their women like goddesses. Just the sort of man YOU claim to be searching for.

 

No they are not into looks much. Not one of them is. If YOU are a lovely, interesting, lively person that they get on well with they will find the beauty in you.

 

One has just had a couple of fantastic dates with a woman with a colostomy bag because she has no bladder control any more... He thinks she is the best thing since sliced bread despite the fact her bag leaked in a restaurant (much to her embarrassment).

 

So quite frankly your argument is utter bollocks.

 

You are basing your bitter responses on what a couple of nasty ex boyfriends have said. News flash most people have to kiss a few frogs before they find someone wonderful.

 

You are choosing to have this attitude and you are choosing to ignore the kind and encouraging comments, the wonderful advice and support of many posters. Some of whom have seen what you look like. Of those who have not one has said that you are ugly and many have pointed out some gorgeous things about you all of which you have chosen to ignore or snipe at. THAT IS YOUR CHOICE.

 

The men you seem to be dating sound like absolute pigs that women like myself, who do have a shred of self respect, would not touch with a barge pole. AGAIN YOUR CHOICE.

 

Your opinion of your self is in the toilet and you refuse to accept what is clear as the nose on your face to many here AGAIN YOUR CHOICE.

 

If you refuse to help yourself there is absolutely nothing that anyone here, in a doctors office or anywhere else can do to help you achieve the happiness you claim to desire.

 

It all boils down to one simple question.

 

What is YOUR CHOICE going to be?

 

Carry on belittling yourself and attention seeking?

 

Or getting off your backside, accepting you are the way you are, getting some help, being proud of who you are and starting to make better choices?

Edited January 21, 2015 by Toodaloo

[Toodaloo]

You don't need to be skinny, just at a good weight.

 

If you eat well and exercise, you lose weight and get trim. If have remained overweight, you haven't been eating well most likely and don't exercise as effectively as you think. Perhaps fixing these issues would make you feel better about yourself. More so than rehashing the same old subject yet in another thread like this.

 

Emilia - she isn't fat... not so it would make a difference...

 

We are banging on and trying to help a brick wall.

[verhrzn]

You don't need to be skinny, just at a good weight.

 

If you eat well and exercise, you lose weight and get trim. If have remained overweight, you haven't been eating well most likely and don't exercise as effectively as you think. Perhaps fixing these issues would make you feel better about yourself. More so than rehashing the same old subject yet in another thread like this.

 

I do eat well and exercise. I know it's completely impossible for anyone here to buy that someone can eat well, exercise, and still be overweight, but it is absolutely true.

 

I work out 3 times a week. I lift, I run. I eat under 1500 calories. When I ate even lower and also did Paleo (no grains, no processed foods) I still didn't lose weight. The only time I've lost weight in the last few years was when I was severely depressed, barely exercising, and routinely eating cheeseburgers and chocolate cake (I lost 15 pounds in 2 months, which is scary-bad.) As soon as I went on an anti-depressant, the weight went right back up.

 

Nobody is forcing you to read this thread.

[Timshel]

I wish I could hug you, I really do. People on this thread are giving you some wonderful feedback but your not hearing it.

 

I have two daughters. Honestly, the hardest threads for me to read have been some to the ladies who have so much doubt in themselves, so hurt and bewildered. As a mom I just want to hug them and show them somehow that they are valuable and worthy. I think, what if this was my girl feeling this way, thinking this way about herself, it makes me want to cry. You didn't get brought into this world to do this to yourself.

 

Darn it, romantic relationships are grand when it is a real deal. In the mean time, until you get there, relax. Why do women place so much value on being in a R with a man? There are so many other fulfilling activities to engage in. So many other kinds of rewarding relationships to be had. There is so much a woman has to offer others besides romance.

 

Maybe I sound naive or simple-minded, I get we all want special love. In this day and age when women can do so much outside of a relationship, even have and raise children, so much more than my mother's generation... and this?

 

Oh well, I agree with most of the other posters and I hope you realize your value as a human being and a woman. You may not get everything you want when you want it but you can have so much joy that you forget to sit around waiting for it.

[verhrzn]

verhrzn - these men are wonderful. The ONLY reason why I am not grabbing them up myself is for reasons such as being related to them etc. These men are all very good looking, fantastic cooks, earn a good wage, own property, are kind and gentle, fit, strong, healthy and importantly treat their women like goddesses. Just the sort of man YOU claim to be searching for.

 

Um, actually, no, they don't sound like the type of guy I would go for. I'm not a big fan of "extremely good looking, fit" guys who claim they "don't care about looks." Mm-hmm. Sure. If these guys are so incredibly attractive and have absolutely no standards when it comes to looks, exactly why are they single? There are many amazing, kind, "inner beauty", overweight women out there.... if these guys don't care about outer beauty, why haven't they snatched one of them up?

 

Probably because these guys do care about looks. Because they probably do have standards; they probably want women who are like them, very good looking, fit, healthy, etc. And hey, I don't blame them! I think that makes complete sense. The only reason they get any side-eye from me is claiming they don't have these standards and trying to moralize about how not-shallow they are.

 

One has just had a couple of fantastic dates with a woman with a colostomy bag because she has no bladder control any more... He thinks she is the best thing since sliced bread despite the fact her bag leaked in a restaurant (much to her embarrassment).

 

That doesn't mean he doesn't have any standards about looks! Like if this girl is otherwise a 10 looks and personality wise, why shouldn't he overlook such a tiny flaw as that? But there's a world of difference between "very attractive woman with a tiny flaw" and "physically unattractive with an average personality." Good Lord. The fact that you conflate the two situations (a small flaw/disability and physical unattractiveness) suggests that you really don't get it.

 

You are basing your bitter responses on what a couple of nasty ex boyfriends have said. News flash most people have to kiss a few frogs before they find someone wonderful.

 

It isn't just ex-boyfriends. It's guys everywhere. It's guys on this forum. It's guys in real life. It's guys posting anywhere about what they want in a woman. I barely have to stretch out my hand and I can find it.

 

You are choosing to have this attitude and you are choosing to ignore the kind and encouraging comments, the wonderful advice and support of many posters. Some of whom have seen what you look like. Of those who have not one has said that you are ugly and many have pointed out some gorgeous things about you all of which you have chosen to ignore or snipe at. THAT IS YOUR CHOICE.

 

Kind and supportive?? What freaking thread are you reading? The one where people deny my experiences? The one where people claim guys don't care about looks on the same forum where there is widespread and accepted fatshaming? Support that essentially boils down to "You're just crazy"?

 

Saying nice things when trying to prove a point is not the same thing as actually believing nice things. Saying nice things in an effort to prove me wrong is akin to a lie.

 

It's like telling your friend "Oh you have such a great personality!" when you know she's unattractive. Sure, it's a nice thing to say, but it's a nice thing clouding the truth.

 

The men you seem to be dating sound like absolute pigs that women like myself, who do have a shred of self respect, would not touch with a barge pole. AGAIN YOUR CHOICE.

 

Also the only guys who would date me. Yeah, it's my choice, because it's that, or be alone forever. As someone already pointed out above thread, this is the very best I can expect to get as an unattractive woman... unattractive guys who are bitter they can't get any hot women. I haven't fully accepted being Forever Alone, but sure, that's probably preferable. Still doesn't mean I can't be upset that I never get to have a loving relationship or a family.

 

Or getting off your backside, accepting you are the way you are, getting some help, being proud of who you are and starting to make better choices?

 

I am freaking accepting the way I am; unattractive. That is what is so mind-blowing about your bizarro posts. You say "accept yourself", and yet turn around and claim I have low self esteem for doing so. You say "make a choice," when I am, by trying to accept that I'm going to be settled for, and somehow that's unacceptable to you. I struggle with this, and somehow I'm attention-seeking??

 

You just do not get it. At all.

[verhrzn]

Emilia - she isn't fat... not so it would make a difference...

 

How the hell would you know?? You have no concept of what I look like. That's what's even more bizarre about calling me insecure or attention-seeking; you actually have no evidence that I'm NOT ugly. Go look on the thread about fat women; 5'1" and 140 is grossly overweight according to people right here on this very forum. Geez. You're the one who is the brick wall, not absorbing anything...

[Toodaloo]

I am not responding any more.

 

I saw the pictures you posted of yourself before you removed them. THAT is how I know what you look like. Unless that was a lie.

 

Your angry, bitter, self absorbed and insulting responses have given me all the information I need...

 

Your not ugly on the out side. Your ugly from within. No man worth his salt is going to want that regardless of how he looks or how he treats his women.

 

Thats what you need to change.

 

Good luck.

 

I really do hope you get help with this but suspect that you will not.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

You're the one who is the brick wall, not absorbing anything...

 

Oh the irony...

 

 

I'm sorry but at this point, you have your mind made up. I wish you could see the other side, it's quite nice over here.

 

Simply put, yes, I would not hit on a girl who is unattractive, overweight, and unkept. If she can't respect herself enough to look presentable, I won't ever respect her enough to fall in love.

 

It's like the overweight women who claim they are big boned. No, you're not big boned. You're just fat.

[verhrzn]

I'm sorry but at this point, you have your mind made up. I wish you could see the other side, it's quite nice over here.

 

Simply put, yes, I would not hit on a girl who is unattractive, overweight, and unkept. If she can't respect herself enough to look presentable, I won't ever respect her enough to fall in love.

 

It's like the overweight women who claim they are big boned. No, you're not big boned. You're just fat.

 

So let me get this straight.... I have low self-esteem because I think guys see me as unattractive. That somehow makes me delusional. Even though you just confirmed that you see women, like me, as unattractive.... And even make value judgments about their personalities.

 

What other side exactly are you referring to? The side where I somehow, magically get skinny so I can be attractive to men? (And it would be magical, because I have done everything short of plastic surgery and still not lost weight.) And yet somehow I'm in the wrong because I assume men think exactly what you think??

 

Seriously? What the hell? How does this work inside your head?

[verhrzn]

I saw the pictures you posted of yourself before you removed them. THAT is how I know what you look like. Unless that was a lie.

 

Or you're confusing me with someone else. That could never happen of course.

 

Your angry, bitter, self absorbed and insulting responses have given me all the information I need...

 

Or maybe I'm angry and bitter because no one is listening, no one seems to actually care about my experiences or what I have to say, everyone is in a rush to be judgmental even while confirming exactly what I've been saying. Go on, look at Dr. Rhymes post. He confirms that he would never fall in love with an overweight woman because he makes assumptions about her personality based on her appearance.

 

Exactly what I've been saying all along. That guys don't freaking CARE about inner beauty, because they'll judge you from the outside first.

 

And yet somehow, SOMEHOW, you still insist I'm wrong!

[DrReplyInRhymes]

How the hell would you know?? You have no concept of what I look like. That's what's even more bizarre about calling me insecure or attention-seeking; you actually have no evidence that I'm NOT ugly. Go look on the thread about fat women; 5'1" and 140 is grossly overweight according to people right here on this very forum. Geez. You're the one who is the brick wall, not absorbing anything...

 

A few of my exes were around that size. They were also arguably unattractive to some. Not to me, however. She ended up being my baby's momma. I still have love for the woman.

 

What you think, or what you've experienced thus far, is tragic to say the least. I really do wish you the best.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Go on, look at Dr. Rhymes post. He confirms that he would never fall in love with an overweight woman because he makes assumptions about her personality based on her appearance.

 

Exactly what I've been saying all along. That guys don't freaking CARE about inner beauty, because they'll judge you from the outside first.

 

And yet somehow, SOMEHOW, you still insist I'm wrong!

 

UNATTRACTIVE, but UNKEPT. UNATTRACTIVENESS is subjective and a matter of perspective. UNKEPT is just a sign of laziness and no self control. It's the latter than turns me off.

 

It's like a bill being passed through Congress with all of it's stipulations as well... You can't just take one side of my logic and apply it without the other side. Taking half of my logic is only eating half of the cake babe.

[verhrzn]

UNATTRACTIVE, but UNKEPT. UNATTRACTIVENESS is subjective and a matter of perspective. UNKEPT is just a sign of laziness and no self control. It's the latter than turns me off.

 

It's like a bill being passed through Congress with all of it's stipulations as well... You can't just take one side of my logic and apply it without the other side. Taking half of my logic is only eating half of the cake babe.

 

Except you yourself have outlined that overweight = unkept. That regardless of anything else the woman does, if she's overweight, that means she's "lazy and has no self control."

 

Regardless of the fact that perhaps that overweight woman does go to the gym, does eat well, and does take care of herself. You are making a snap character judgment based on someone's looks.

 

Which, fine, but then own that, and don't turn around and accuse someone of having low self-esteem when they correctly assume that people are going to make assumptions about their personality based on their looks.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Except you yourself have outlined that overweight = unkept. That regardless of anything else the woman does, if she's overweight, that means she's "lazy and has no self control."

 

Regardless of the fact that perhaps that overweight woman does go to the gym, does eat well, and does take care of herself. You are making a snap character judgment based on someone's looks.

 

Which, fine, but then own that, and don't turn around and accuse someone of having low self-esteem when they correctly assume that people are going to make assumptions about their personality based on their looks.

 

You keep trying to twist my words to fit your argument. It doesn't. Stop doing that please. When I mention unattractive, BUT unkept, it's not the same as unattractive=unkept. HUGE difference.

 

Unattractiveness is subjective. Being overweight is not. Unless you have a disorder which causes your body to keep weight on, your body is innately tuned to BURN CALORIES if you expend energy. If you can't seem to lose weight and you are normal in terms of not having some medical condition that causes you to keep weight on, then you are simply not burning the calories that you put into your body.

 

Anyone can go to the gym 3 times a week. But if you only run at the gym, and burn a total of 200 calories (that's a very gracious number for running...), then eating 1500 calories and sitting on your ass is STILL going to cause weight gain.

 

An overweight person, to me, is a lazy person. Would I give a judgement to someone in passing if they were overweight? YES. Everyone meeting someone for the first time will ALWAYS be judged. Is that a good or bad thing? Depends on how you present yourself.

 

Yes, I'll admit that I'm not going to chase after someone I deem unattractive and overweight. But to assume my preferences stop with a number rated in pounds and doesn't penetrate her personality is just asinine. My initial attraction will be swayed by your appearance and demeanor. If you don't respect your body enough to keep it in shape, how the hell can I expect you to respect me enough to pursue something romantic??

[Timshel]

I took it to mean your as ugly as you think you are.

 

Your argument just doesn't hold weight OP. If you were right, there would be no overweight or "unattractive" women who are happily married. If you look around, there are. The TRUTH is beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

The problem is not your looks, it is what you believe about yourself that men are beholding.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Well anyway, just never be with any guy who you feel is settling for you that should solve every problem you have! Either you will stay single (because you believe any man who would date you is settling) or you will become dateable (your personality I mean) and I hope you will do the latter, good luck to you!!

[verhrzn]

Unattractiveness is subjective. Being overweight is not. Unless you have a disorder which causes your body to keep weight on, your body is innately tuned to BURN CALORIES if you expend energy. If you can't seem to lose weight and you are normal in terms of not having some medical condition that causes you to keep weight on, then you are simply not burning the calories that you put into your body.

 

Well I'm unattractive AND overweight, how's that? Either way, your simplistic view of how bodies work is pretty laughable.

 

Anyone can go to the gym 3 times a week. But if you only run at the gym, and burn a total of 200 calories (that's a very gracious number for running...), then eating 1500 calories and sitting on your ass is STILL going to cause weight gain.

 

Except I run and lift. Furthermore, any lower than 1200-1400 calories is considered starvation mode for my gender and size. You burn that many calories just by existing as a living creature. So eating 1500 calories a day and then doing lifting (and actual heavy lifting; currently I do bench press, bar squat, dead lifts, etc., 5 sets somewhere between 70-130 pounds) and running actually means I am more than burning enough calories.

 

And yet I'm still overweight.

 

(Links: Starvation Mode: Are You Eating Enough? - BuiltLean

How Many Calories a Day Is Considered Starving? | LIVESTRONG.COM)

 

An overweight person, to me, is a lazy person. Would I give a judgement to someone in passing if they were overweight? YES. Everyone meeting someone for the first time will ALWAYS be judged. Is that a good or bad thing? Depends on how you present yourself.

 

You claim that I twist your words. But I am literally just repeating what you say back at you. You think overweight people are unattractive and lazy. Fine. But then why exactly is it low self-esteem for me to believe that when people see me, they think I'm unattractive and lazy? You yourself make that judgment about people who look like me.

 

Which fine, you get to make that judgment, but then don't turn around and get mad at the fat people you are judging for realizing you are judging them.

[verhrzn]

I took it to mean your as ugly as you think you are.

 

Your argument just doesn't hold weight OP. If you were right, there would be no overweight or "unattractive" women who are happily married. If you look around, there are. The TRUTH is beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

The problem is not your looks, it is what you believe about yourself that men are beholding.

 

Actually, my argument was not that fat or unattractive women can never be married. It's that a woman has to have a fantastic personality if ugly OR be extremely lucky. Neither of which I have (my personality is average.)

 

And no, it is not what I believe about myself. Because I haven't always believed this about myself. I believe it because of what I was told. Look around this forum; why would any overweight woman believe she's attractive to men after seeing what guys here say about overweight women?