flirtatwork Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 So I'm going to get this out as fast as I can. I started talking to a girl online three weeks ago. She initiated contact, which I loved. It was instantly mutual and we both share lot of things in common. We are interested in many of the same things and have been talking a lot the past three weeks. She even came to an event that I was planning and There I thought something really good was happening. We hugged and kissed each other on the cheeks but we were both on a hurry but kept flooding the chatroom and sent each other photos and videos. Then I asked for her number. I called her and we talked for an hour. The next day 2 hours and the day after that 3 hours. But something happened in this 3 hour conversation. We started talking about sexual things and we started driving each other crazy and this conversation ended up in full blown phone sex. The next day the fourth call happened and she wanted more, we started talking about sex again but we both came to an agreement that we would meet, in the middle of the night. She drove all the way to my place to pick me up, because I dont have a car. I took the opportunity when we stopped on a red light and kissed her while we were waiting. We arrived at her place and had really good sex and then snuggled and fell asleep. The next morning was a bit strange, she kissed me when she woke up but stayed in bed a little longer. After an hour she drove me home but I could feel some insecurity on both of us but I kissed her outside my house though. We didnt talk at all until late in the evening and I was hoping it would be a nice phone call but she told me that she had been thinking all day and that she is not ready to go any further. She told me that she has been single for some time, and that has been enough for but then she started searching, and she didnt like that she was searching but then she found me, but it takes her mind away from everything in her life, work, family etc and she is slways thinking about the phone to see if Im sending her something. I realized also that after this sex everything got more serious and I think we bot realized that we had to decide if we would stop or keep going. I was ready to keep going and tension was building up in me, wanting to talk to her more and get to know her more. I just dont understand this or how to act I asked my brother and he told me that she is just playing a game and I would have to start acting like its the beginning again, talk about the things we were talking about before the sex. A friend of mine told me to not make any contact for 2 days to see if she will contact me. This is just so hard because I grew so many feelings for her in this short period of time and then she wants to back off so quickly and right after the first sex and when all the emotions are like a flood. Can you give me some advice what I should do? And also ask questions if you need something more in to the story.
Andy_K Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Take the pressure of expectation off her. Something like: "Hey. I really enjoyed spending time with you and I'd like to see you again. I know you've got mixed thoughts on this, so let's keep things simple. Treat it as a one day at a time event... If you wake up in the morning and feel you'd enjoy staying in touch or meeting up that day, then great. If you wake up one day and think you've had enough, we call it quits. No hard feelings. Just follow what you want." 2
Awon Apanilerin Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 The sex wasn't as good as you thought. It was good for you but more than likely lame for her. Trust me, whenever a girl has mind blowing sex, she won't give a guy the "I'm not ready for relationship" line. At this point, I would simply text her back and say "Hey, xxxxx. I can't say I'm surprised. Anyway, I completely understand. Cheers". Then delete her number and start prospecting other women. Her insecurities will more than likely get the better off her and she will wonder why you didn't "fight" for her. She will contact you in desperation just to see if you're still around. Whatever you do, don't respond to her. The moment you do, it will confirm in her mind that you're still her orbiter.
candie13 Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 sorry, OP, loads of people out there that have no idea what the hell they want. It's not about you, it's about her. Don't take it personally. I sort of agree to giving her space to react. keep light contact if possible and have no expectations. Maybe she just wanted sex, who knows... no expectations, ok? cheers 1
SycamoreCircle Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 How much do you know of her recent dating past? She may have recently broken up with someone and was looking for an emotional escape. She found it temporarily. People deal with their emotional hang ups in the most irresponsible way. This is about her. But you are at fault, too. Next time, be patient. It sounds like you want a girlfriend. It takes time to get to know people. Just because the two of you have a lot in common means only so much. What is more important is that you are both emotionally stable, respectful and looking for similar things. I know it's difficult. Put two people that are attracted to each other together and there's little obstacle to sex. But sex is not intimacy. Sex doesn't guarantee intimacy, either. If she does come back, I would advise starting the courtship from square one. Do not sleep with her. Get to know each other. But I think you should be prepared for the reality that she is not emotionally capable of a relationship.
DivorcedDad123 Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Dont take it personal OP. I've done this before. For some reason the other person didnt match my expectations and I called it off the next day after sex. Still had sex because. .well sex! We're all adults so just take it in stride. At least she let you know early and didnt string you along. Move on to the next one and dont get so emotuonally involved early on. 1
SycamoreCircle Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 yup, another female who demands mind blowing sex the first time, and if she doesn't get it, it's on to the next guy I don't agree that this is what happened. If the woman's only concern was mind-blowing sex, why would she bother getting to know the guy at all? That would be a waste of time. More likely the emotional relief/release she was seeking was not satisfied. As is very common with people who do not adequately deal with the fallout of a failed relationship. She probably is thinking about an ex. OP, don't go around beating yourself up over not satisfying her. It's not about you. 1
Omei Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 The sex wasn't as good as you thought. It was good for you but more than likely lame for her. Trust me, whenever a girl has mind blowing sex, she won't give a guy the "I'm not ready for relationship" line. I agree with this much of the post, thats true and both genders do it. But if it wasn't good for her and she left you because of that trust me shes not going to get all insecure or come back thats just wishful thinking.
Author flirtatwork Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 I don't agree that this is what happened. If the woman's only concern was mind-blowing sex, why would she bother getting to know the guy at all? That would be a waste of time. More likely the emotional relief/release she was seeking was not satisfied. As is very common with people who do not adequately deal with the fallout of a failed relationship. She probably is thinking about an ex. OP, don't go around beating yourself up over not satisfying her. It's not about you. I've been trying as hard as I can to not beat myself up for this. She said that there was nothing that I did or said that made here choose this, she just felt something was not clicking. It's just so weird because she usually initiated contact and literally was going nuts about me and that made me go nuts about her.
SycamoreCircle Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) The sooner a woman jumps into bed with a guy, the sooner she'll move on. Why shouldn't she go nuts about you? You're making her forget or feel something she hasn't felt in a while. She has sex with you. It isn't like how it was with the ex. Something is not right. I can't do this. I'm sorry. It just isn't clicking. This is something that could have been determined without sex. Edited January 17, 2015 by SycamoreCircle 2
Art_Critic Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 To me it sounds like this was the female version of the pump and dump... She just wanted to get laid... 1
SycamoreCircle Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) To me it sounds like this was the female version of the pump and dump... She just wanted to get laid... She wanted to get laid and rather than sound shallow she used the excuse "we're just not clicking" as a way out. Edited January 17, 2015 by SycamoreCircle 1
Emilia Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Take the pressure of expectation off her. Something like: "Hey. I really enjoyed spending time with you and I'd like to see you again. I know you've got mixed thoughts on this, so let's keep things simple. Treat it as a one day at a time event... If you wake up in the morning and feel you'd enjoy staying in touch or meeting up that day, then great. If you wake up one day and think you've had enough, we call it quits. No hard feelings. Just follow what you want." Agree with this. It was too much too fast. Let her calm down a bit.
Author flirtatwork Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 Agree with this. It was too much too fast. Let her calm down a bit. A am battling my ego about not giving in at this point and holding it out 2 days unless she contacts me. I feel like it would sound desperate if I try to "save" this now. What do you think?
Author flirtatwork Posted January 17, 2015 Author Posted January 17, 2015 Lol. Don't be silly, she's not thinking about an ex. The sex just wasn't good enough for her. Plain and simple. I don't understand why everybody are jumping to conclusion about the sex. I just didnt want to get in to too much detail. But she had multiple orgasms and at a point she couldn't move and shaked like she was having a seizure. She didnt expect me to have this good stamina and Im pretty sure she liked it. Of course it could be that she was used to her and the ex's sex and this was not up to her expectations but I guess there is no way of knowing now.
PogoStick Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Some women enjoy casual one night stands and don't want a relationship. She could be bipolar or have some bad history and trust issues. Who knows really?
bdhouston Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 From what I've noticed in my still short life, most women are more conscious about sex and how soon they sleep with guys than men are. She likely enjoyed the pleasure that came along with having sex with you. However, she probably got to thinking about what happened, and she's probably second guessing her decision to sleep with you so early. I would suggest that you give her some space right now. This whole thing is likely due to her emotional status right now, and she'll figure that out. I know it's hard because you can't stop thinking about her, but you'll be doing yourself more harm than good if you press the issue. Good luck to ya! 2
mrs rubble Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 A am battling my ego about not giving in at this point and holding it out 2 days unless she contacts me. I feel like it would sound desperate if I try to "save" this now. What do you think? I think you should leave her be in the meantime. She might be back in touch once she gets horny again!
mortensorchid Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I don't care how good or bad it was, the girl is not interested in you anymore. I think you two met, it was like ka-BOOM, and that's that for her. You don't know this person at all. I think by the tone of this you feel used. And you're right to feel this way, because you were used. Nevermind the reasons how or why, you two are done.
Ebelskiver Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Best I can figure is that she is still dealing with emotional hang-ups from the past. The sex could have been great but it still would have just made her miss her ex. Again, it's not about you at all. 1
Popsicle Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I don't agree that this is what happened. If the woman's only concern was mind-blowing sex, why would she bother getting to know the guy at all? That would be a waste of time. More likely the emotional relief/release she was seeking was not satisfied. As is very common with people who do not adequately deal with the fallout of a failed relationship. She probably is thinking about an ex. OP, don't go around beating yourself up over not satisfying her. It's not about you. I agree with your brother and this. Try talking to her and reassuring her. If she still doesn't respond positively then she is probably just not into you.
SycamoreCircle Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I would not talk to her. Back off. Disappear. Set your sights elsewhere. If she contacts you treat her with caution and coolness.
Danda Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Was the night you two had sex the first time you experienced each other in person? People can seem very different online than they are in person. Hence why first dates with high hopes and expectation sometimes turn out as unpleasant surprises. My guess would be that the version of you that had been created in her mind did not match the in-person you that she picked up and had sex with. Then consider the reverse: You seem to have had a notion of her that she was very focused, open and knew exactly what she wanted, but that could have been way off the mark in reality. You were only experiencing select and limited pieces of her online and over the phone, not her as a whole package. If this had been simply a first date, then I think it would just be a rather common story of, "He/She wasn't what I was expecting based on our online and/or phone interactions. Sucks but oh well." But because you had sex, it probably feels as though it has much more gravity and significance (probably to her, too, naturally). So just like it would be silly to question yourself all over the place because you didn't mutually "click" with someone on a first date, there is no sense is doing that to yourself over this. The sex makes it feel different, definitely, but it's not actually a different phenomenon from the first date scenario.
WonderKid Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Sometimes girls want to just get laid too believe me it's not rare. I'd just leave it alone. Knowing the real me, if she contacted me again, it would lead up to a FWB deal. But that's just me. I wouldn't sit and ponder why this and why that because it is what it is. She showed me. So it would be FWB. What most people don't realize is even though sex is fun, it is always, and always will be, fun with a soul mate or a person you have been dating for years. Because you'll know all of eachother's moves and kinks.
Author flirtatwork Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 I haven't heard from her since she dropped this bomb the day before yesterday. And it feels so weird. Somebody said that I maybe feel used and the feeling is similar to that but more like confused. We met once before the sex but it was quite brief. It's just so strange how she can let it go so easy and I am still thinking. Maybe it wasn't easy at all for her but she wasn't ready. I have been thinking about liking a picture from her on facebook but after reading the replies from you Im not going to do it. It's probably best for me to keep doing what I do. But I have one more question. What if she contacts me? I dont think she will but I still have her on all my social networks. I have to be honest. I am kind of hoping that she will say something...
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