LookAtThisPOst Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 This isn't a gender bashing thread. Nor is it one-sided, but I hear the old addage that when getting to know a woman, to be a good listener as women love to talk about themselves and that men enabling this is an attraction in unto itself. Basically, if she sees that you're listening to what she's saying, she will find it more appealing. I've been in situations where I would know more about a woman than she would ever know about me...sometimes later in the dating situation I would say, "Hey, I know a ton of info about you, but you know very little of me." She would go, "Yeah, you're right...hm, maybe I should ask you some questions about yourself." LOL Not saying that this is some kind of red flag or anything, but I'm sure eventually she'll ask questions. But anyhow, that being said, as a man, is being a good listener attractive, and is the old addage still true that a woman enjoys talking about herself is true and can thusly reinforce her attraction to the man getting to know her? Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I read many years ago that in a social experiment, child psychologists took a bunch of same age children - about 6 or 7-year-olds, and divided them into equal number groups of girls and boys. Then, they gave them something to do - again, the same task, with identical equipment and kits - and asked them to 'build a castle according to these instructions'. They gave the children an hour. The boys easily completed the task, and built the perfect model. However, they did not know anything about each other, at all, not even their companions' names. The girls failed to build the castle in the allotted time, but knew everything about one another - names, ages, favourite colours, pets, mums and dads, schools, best friends..... In another experiment, with much younger children, they ran tests to establish how early children were spatially aware, and aware of themselves.... they placed a paper dot on the nose-tips of the children, and stood them in front of mirrors. Children become aware of their own individuality at around 2 years of age (hence the terrible twos!) and only then, moved to remove the paper spot from their own noses. Up to that age, they tried to get the spot off the nose of 'the child in the mirror'. When a group of spatially-aware children were put together, little girls automatically (instinctively?) also helped other children by pulling the spots off their noses. Boys just focused on their own spots, and let other kids work it out for themselves. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 This isn't a gender bashing thread. Nor is it one-sided, but I hear the old addage that when getting to know a woman, to be a good listener as women love to talk about themselves and that men enabling this is an attraction in unto itself. Women are taught that as well about men!! Basically, if she sees that you're listening to what she's saying, she will find it more appealing. Wouldn't everybody find it more appealing if someone is listening to what they're saying? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 If a person talks only about themselves and makes no effort to get to know me then i would ditch them. Its rudeness and shows that they're probably not interested or dont know how to socialise 3 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 What, like.... "Oh, puh-leese! That's enough talking about me! Let's talk about you! How do you like my new frock?" Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 And again, nothing to do with gender. I'm not a shrink, i dont sit and listen and provide free therapy for them lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Personally I can fit the stereotype but it depends on the guy with whom I'm talking, and whether it's in person or online. I tend to enjoy it when someone shares about themself with me, but in person I definitely spend more focus reading their body language, expression, tone, etc. As well as observing their behaviors and responses to various things. The actual information coming out of their mouth is only a small part of the communication I'm receiving from them. I might learn quite a bit about them but it might not be a matter of 'facts' that one would list in bullet-point format. I tend to care more about a person's character, how they perceive, how they think, etc than stuff like where they work, where they were born, how many siblings they have, etc. So while I do ask questions or provide plenty of prompts, it's usually a different sort of "getting to know you" process than constructing a mental profile of the person reflective of what one might see on an OLD or FaceBook profile. IF the guy chooses to share bullet-point type information with me, I do pay attention and usually remember, but I'm honestly not going to be super interested in that sort of stuff in comparison to my interest in other aspects of him as a person. For example if he talks about his parents, the particular details aren't what will interest me, so I'm probably not going to ask him questions like, "So how old is your mother?" or "How old were you when your parents divorced?" etc. I'm more likely to prompt and pay attention to how he perceives, how he thinks, how his emotional processing works, etc in regards to the topic - whatever the details of that topic might be. If a guy doesn't offer up random details like that on his own, I tend not to pry or not to honestly care. However, 1. Online there is a lot less non-verbal communication going on, of course, so I'm more likely to ask more objective-detail type questions. 2. I've noticed that when most guys are trying to get to know me, they take an almost opposite approach. They tend to ask for objective details, as though they're constructing a picture in their mind and drawing their own conclusions and suspicions. Very rarely has a guy ever asked me something along the lines of, "How did you feel about that?" or "What do you think about ____?" or "Why did you ______?" So I do think there have probably been plenty of times when a guy thought/felt that he knew way more about me than I did about him, but I would have disagreed with that notion. But I would agree that the type of information I gather and the ways in which I gather it, are probably less obvious and definitely don't always involve explicit questioning. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Active listening is about hearing the other person and actually engaging with them. "So what kind of music are you into?" "Oh, I saw the screaming fems last week" "Sounds awesome, what draws you to their music?" etc etc etc. You draw conversations out, offering pieces of information back and forth. Asking questions, listening and responding is the key of communication. Link to post Share on other sites
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