Author smellysocksuni Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Personally, it took me a few months to feel some relief. You reopened your wound. And there's the finality now that she's taken her things. It's going to take awhile unfortunately. I will just have to ride it out. Thank you Zahara, for all your advice. It has honestly really, really helped and I have appreciated it greatly x Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 We're not talking now, we haven't spoken since that day. I don't think she'll be back, I think that's it, now. I do feel slightly embarrassed now - you're all telling me the same thing and I did genuinely believe her to be genuine. Anyway, I wish I hadn't had to deal with her. It has really set me back in a big way. As painful as it is, learning from experience is the best teacher. Most people have learned these lessons from experience, which is why we can see the situation for what it is. I saw my ex do what yours did, and I've read many similar threads. It's textbook behavior, and they pull these stunts for a living. You aren't the first and won't be the last. In a way, it's like dealing with a child. They are nice when they want something from you and are generally very self-centered. They have little capacity for seeing a situation from another person's point of view. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 How long does it take to start feeling better... I hate this. I can't even sleep. It took me around 3 months not to feel completely depressed. It's hard, but you have to cling to NC like your life depends on it. I told myself that no matter how awful I felt, I would not contact him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I will just have to ride it out. Thank you Zahara, for all your advice. It has honestly really, really helped and I have appreciated it greatly x Yes, unfortunately the only way to get past it is to go through it. You're very welcome and don't hesitate to keep posting and seeking support. It's going to be fine, not today or tomorrow but it will be soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 You'll feel like a zombie and like you can't cope for the first few weeks. It sucks, but it's all part of the process. The fog will eventually clear in time, as impossible as it seems in the beginning. Like Zahara said, you can completely wallow for a week or two. Then, you'll realize you need to get out and take a walk or do something active at least for a little bit. Feel free to cry as needed to purge all of that intense emotion. Sometimes, listening to love songs helps, esp if the songs are about being hurt and rising above it. Gradually, you'll recognize the need to to reintegrate yourself into life in general and it will hurt, but it's okay. Like Zahara said, as long as you're making the effort, that's all that matters. Even if it makes you want to go into hiding. You're kind of like a wounded animal right now and need time to heal and adapt. I know the present and future looks scary, but trust that there is hope. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I will just have to ride it out. Thank you Zahara, for all your advice. It has honestly really, really helped and I have appreciated it greatly x For me it has been almost 5 months and I think I have finally turned the corner it's different for everyone but after 2 months of moping around I decided to make ME better for ME. Learn to be happy with yourself and the intense feeling you have will subside but you have to want it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 It took me around 3 months not to feel completely depressed. It's hard, but you have to cling to NC like your life depends on it. I told myself that no matter how awful I felt, I would not contact him. That's what I've been doing. I feel rough, but I know that contacting her will only result in either no reply or an "I'm sorry" monotone reply. So that puts me off, no matter how bad I feel. You'll feel like a zombie and like you can't cope for the first few weeks. It sucks, but it's all part of the process. The fog will eventually clear in time, as impossible as it seems in the beginning. Like Zahara said, you can completely wallow for a week or two. Then, you'll realize you need to get out and take a walk or do something active at least for a little bit. Feel free to cry as needed to purge all of that intense emotion. Sometimes, listening to love songs helps, esp if the songs are about being hurt and rising above it. Gradually, you'll recognize the need to to reintegrate yourself into life in general and it will hurt, but it's okay. Like Zahara said, as long as you're making the effort, that's all that matters. Even if it makes you want to go into hiding. You're kind of like a wounded animal right now and need time to heal and adapt. I know the present and future looks scary, but trust that there is hope. Thank you for your reply - yes, I must say I feel just like a zombie. Stumbling into the living room then back to bed. I am struggling with the loneliness of it all. I have a family member who has really helped but apart from her, I have no-one really. I don't know - that just makes it worse. I know that SHE has loads of people around her and supporting her but I have no-one. Literally, just me and my cat. I dread going to college as I will have to be fake and pretend I'm happy, then travel home knowing there is nothing there but me and my thoughts. I think that's why I probably miss her, I miss the company. The having someone around, the not having to wake up alone. to go to the shops alone. I hate being alone. For me it has been almost 5 months and I think I have finally turned the corner it's different for everyone but after 2 months of moping around I decided to make ME better for ME. Learn to be happy with yourself and the intense feeling you have will subside but you have to want it Thank you for your reply. I'm glad things started feeling better for you - I really am. I know what I need to do to be happy just finding the motivation to do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kevin_D Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I started feeling better after maybe 5-6 months. Unfortunately, I've been stuck in another kind of limbo since then. Women loves me, but nothing seems fun anymore. Words mean nothing to me now. I don't trust anyone. Food doesn't taste as great as before. The last time I heard from her was in May last year. I didn't answer. NC will make things a bit easier, but some of the pain will propably never wear off. I believe that it will be a bit easier for you. Your relationship didn't last as long and you weren't backstabbed the same way I was. But don't be it surprised if it takes at least a year before you feel like your old self again. Have patience. Work out, improve your skills, date beautiful women... It will get better, but it will take time. A lot of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Feeling pretty weak, right now. Feeling like contacting her, but I know that the reply I'll get (if any) will not be the one I want. I know all the bad things about contacting her but a tiny tiny part of me is like "just do it, she misses you too" - Agh! Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Feeling pretty weak, right now. Feeling like contacting her, but I know that the reply I'll get (if any) will not be the one I want. I know all the bad things about contacting her but a tiny tiny part of me is like "just do it, she misses you too" - Agh! How do you know she's missing you? Even if she's missing you, she's not choosing to be with you. Plus didn't you say that after she left her responses were again cold? How does that translate to the warm and fuzzies of missing someone? Delete her number and block her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 How do you know she's missing you? Even if she's missing you, she's not choosing to be with you. Plus didn't you say that after she left her responses were again cold? How does that translate to the warm and fuzzies of missing someone? Delete her number and block her. I don't know that she's missing me! And I did delete AND block her - I have no contact details, but as with all these things I do know her number by heart. Exactly, she's still choosing to be not with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I don't know that she's missing me! And I did delete AND block her - I have no contact details, but as with all these things I do know her number by heart. Exactly, she's still choosing to be not with me. You have to ride this out. You'll go through these urges and they'll come in waves. One moment you're fine and the next you're struggling wanting to make contact. It's you going through withdrawals. It will pass but you have to resist and let it take its course. When you want to contact, tell yourself that you will give yourself an hour to let it pass. During that hour -- go and do something. Don't sit there and dwell on that "contact" thought. After an hour you still feel that urge, give yourself another hour -- go back and read the list, go out and run, clean the apartment, turn on a comedy show and laugh -- do something. Most times the urge will pass. Or you would have been able to talk yourself out of it. Just don't sit there and dwell on contacting her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 :(:( Really tempted to message her :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 :(:( Really tempted to message her :/ What do you want to tell her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 What do you want to tell her? That I miss her - I'm worried that she'll forget about me. All that stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 (edited) That I miss her - I'm worried that she'll forget about me. All that stuff. And what does it mean when you have to remind someone of your existence? Does that make sense to you? If you are important she can't forget. If she forgets, you have your answer. So you're going to send her a text every 3.5 days to remind her not to forget you? You want to text her to tell her all that other stuff eventhough she's showing you everyday she doesn't feel the same way? Look, she's moving on. It's done. And you need to go back and read your list -- missing someone, loving someone are all not justifications to revisit someone that treated you badly. Edited February 11, 2015 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 And what does it mean when you have to remind someone of your existence? Does that make sense to you? If you are important she can't forget. If she forgets, you have your answer. So you're going to send her a text every 3.5 days to remind her not to forget you? You want to text her to tell her all that other stuff eventhough she's showing you everyday she doesn't feel the same way? Look, she's moving on. It's done. And you need to go back and read your list -- missing someone, loving someone are all not justifications to revisit someone that treated you badly. I guess so. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I guess so. The moment she left your apartment the responses turned cold. You need a fix (contact) to salve those bad feelings but trust me when I say that you'll feel 10 times worse when you break contact because the non-response will hurt you even more. Push through this. It's an urge. You have to fight it. There is no alternative. You can't keep giving in to these feelings because they're going to be around for quite awhile. So best to fight and overcome. You can't seek comfort from what hurts you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 The moment she left your apartment the responses turned cold. You need a fix (contact) to salve those bad feelings but trust me when I say that you'll feel 10 times worse when you break contact because the non-response will hurt you even more. Push through this. It's an urge. You have to fight it. There is no alternative. You can't keep giving in to these feelings because they're going to be around for quite awhile. So best to fight and overcome. You can't seek comfort from what hurts you. I'm in total denial, and I hate it. Link to post Share on other sites
towardthefuture Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I'm in total denial, and I hate it. You'll get through it friend. Just remember not to contact her. Give yourself the same rules you'd give yourself on lsd. Feel and experience it all but don't go around phoning people and telling them you're on drugs and showing them your state. Talk it out with friends and family. Just dont phone her you'll mess up your healing and you'll feel like a punk. Trust me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I'm in total denial, and I hate it. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-we/201406/the-7-stages-grieving-breakup It's something you just have to feel. There is no other way around it but to try and cope. Link to post Share on other sites
fronk Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 :(:( Really tempted to message her :/ I'm feeling like you today :X Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 You'll get through it friend. Just remember not to contact her. Give yourself the same rules you'd give yourself on lsd. Feel and experience it all but don't go around phoning people and telling them you're on drugs and showing them your state. Talk it out with friends and family. Just dont phone her you'll mess up your healing and you'll feel like a punk. Trust me I won't contact her. I just can't believe this, I never wanted to go through this. Why did she have to leave, what the hell - I don't want to go through this, and I know I have to, but I just don't. I won't contact her. I think she's assuming I will so for that reason alone I won't. And because I want to heal, I want to move on. I just keep getting flashbacks to things we did and I just don't understand. I just don't get this. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-we/201406/the-7-stages-grieving-breakup It's something you just have to feel. There is no other way around it but to try and cope. It's horrible, and I wish I could just stop it somehow. I'm feeling like you today :X I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully it helps to know you're not alone 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I won't contact her. I just can't believe this, I never wanted to go through this. Why did she have to leave, what the hell - I don't want to go through this, and I know I have to, but I just don't. I won't contact her. I think she's assuming I will so for that reason alone I won't. And because I want to heal, I want to move on. I just keep getting flashbacks to things we did and I just don't understand. I just don't get this. Everything you are feeling is normal, and I completely empathize. The shock, denial, I can't believe this is really happening. What did I do to deserve this? I feel like I'm in a movie. How did I get myself involved with this person and into this situation? Wait, is this really happening? Yup, I've been there. The only way thorough this is to grieve the emotions and feel them. What helped me was journaling. I'd write down exactly what I was feeling and WHY. Then, I'd try to give it a positive spin and write down how I planned to protect my heart and avoid this in the future. Don't forget the list of all the bad things she did to you and why she isn't the one for you. As for the flashbacks. . . . they are difficult, and you can't avoid them. Flashbacks of happy times are truly painful for awhile. When I would remember good times, I would sometimes feel sick to my stomach. I just had a sick feeling that would linger. One thing to remember is that while you can't avoid memories, you don't have to linger with them and let them fester. For me, the flashbacks made me wonder why we had all these good memories when it ended so sh*tty. What was the point? You will get through this. Now, when I have a flashback, I'm not even interested. I just think, "meh, yeah, so we went on this trip that one time. Who cares?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 I don't think or know how I'm going to get through this. You all tell me to go for a walk and to stay busy, and that's wxactly what I've just tried to do. But the problem is, the surrounding area where I live is where we used to hang out. Even the park across the road is where we met for the first time. How am I supposed to cope with this?! Everytime I step out of my house I'm reminded and everytime I'm indoors I'm reminded. And where is she? Does she care? NO Link to post Share on other sites
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