Ifonlyihadknown Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Socks, if you could wave a magic wand and have it all back as it was! Would you wave it? Yes or No? Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 Socks, if you could wave a magic wand and have it all back as it was! Would you wave it? Yes or No? As it was? No. But it has to be better than this? If I could wave the wand and she was here, then yes. I would. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 Keep having dreams about her which only makes the urges stronger Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Keep having dreams about her which only makes the urges stronger Your dreams will start changing as you move along in the process. I used to have dreams of chasing and begging him when I was in the thick of my pain. Waking up in a sweat. Then dreams of him and I in a room but evading each other. That was when I was starting to get indifferent. Then dreams of seeing him and not caring and that was when I was detached and moving on -- and those dreams we few and far in between. Everything is going to trigger you. You're going through withdrawals like a drug addict. You need a fix (contact). Keep fighting it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 The latest thing I've been thinking about is, what if I never speak to her again or see her again? I worry that it will weigh on me as I have a habit of still thinking of people from years back and never truly letting go. I hate the feeling of never speaking to people again, that's my hang up and I wish I wasn't like that. I'm also so embarrassed about the emotional way in which I handled the break up, I wish I'd have just said "OK" and gone straight NC. I feel like such an idiot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I'm also so embarrassed about the emotional way in which I handled the break up, I wish I'd have just said "OK" and gone straight NC. I feel like such an idiot. Pretty much everyone in the world has felt this way about a breakup. Try to find one person who hasn't handled a breakup badly and acted in ways they regretted. I bet you won't find anyone. Hindsight is 20/20. All of us can sit here and look back, wishing we had agreed with the breakup and just walked out. But how realistic is that? It's not realistic to expect anyone to show no emotion when someone breaks up with you. Breakups are really emotional and messy, and, in time, you will find a way to forgive yourself and make peace with what happened. Just realize that you are human, you have emotions, and you reacted the way you did for better or worse. Unless you did something truly awful like keying her car or burning down her house, it's okay. However you responded is truly okay because no one knows how they are going to react in such an emotional situation. You handled it the best way you could at the time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 The latest thing I've been thinking about is, what if I never speak to her again or see her again? I worry that it will weigh on me as I have a habit of still thinking of people from years back and never truly letting go. I hate the feeling of never speaking to people again, that's my hang up and I wish I wasn't like that. I'm also so embarrassed about the emotional way in which I handled the break up, I wish I'd have just said "OK" and gone straight NC. I feel like such an idiot. Oh, man...I totally agree with BC1980. We've all been there, don't beat yourself up. Geez, when my ex-husband left me, I would call, text, beg, threaten, you name it. I look back now and just cringe at how I acted. BUT, it helped me deal with this latest beak-up in a much more mature, calm manner. The hell if I'm going to be a "crazy ex" ever again. Plus, it's helped a lot to go straight to NC and get to work on getting over it all. Just learn from how you were and don't do it again! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 Thanks guys - you're always so good with the replies and advice. I don't feel so crazy now! You're right... it doesn't always go the way you'd planned it in your head, unfortunately. How do you guys deal with never speaking to or seeing that person again? Like, never seeing an ex again? That's something I struggle with, too Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 How do you guys deal with never speaking to or seeing that person again? Like, never seeing an ex again? That's something I struggle with, too Over time, it got to the point that I didn't want to see or speak to my ex again. I saw him as the source of my pain, and I also saw him as a person who never valued or accepted me. Once I was able to really accept that he didn't care that much for me, I stopped caring very much for him. I realized that he held me back from doing a lot of things and being who I truly wanted to be. I realized that he was a person who took away more than he ever added to my life, and I didn't want to waste my life on that. It's kind of weird how I came to feel that way, and I never would have imagined having this much apathy towards him in the beginning. I think that when you are as emotional as you are right now, it's very difficult to think in such absolute terms as NEVER. It's a shock to your system, but it becomes more palatable over time. The longer you are in NC, the more acceptable the idea of never seeing her again becomes. It will get so much easier as you work through your grief. I honestly can't even remember what you are describing felt like. I know that I felt those emotions at one time, but I can't remember them in a way that seems real anymore. If I can get to that point, anyone can because I was an absolute mess when I came to LS. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 Over time, it got to the point that I didn't want to see or speak to my ex again. I saw him as the source of my pain, and I also saw him as a person who never valued or accepted me. Once I was able to really accept that he didn't care that much for me, I stopped caring very much for him. I realized that he held me back from doing a lot of things and being who I truly wanted to be. I realized that he was a person who took away more than he ever added to my life, and I didn't want to waste my life on that. It's kind of weird how I came to feel that way, and I never would have imagined having this much apathy towards him in the beginning. I think that when you are as emotional as you are right now, it's very difficult to think in such absolute terms as NEVER. It's a shock to your system, but it becomes more palatable over time. The longer you are in NC, the more acceptable the idea of never seeing her again becomes. It will get so much easier as you work through your grief. I honestly can't even remember what you are describing felt like. I know that I felt those emotions at one time, but I can't remember them in a way that seems real anymore. If I can get to that point, anyone can because I was an absolute mess when I came to LS. I don't know what your full story is but it sounds quite sad. You're right though - the only reason you want them in your life is because you still care about them. But they don't care about you anymore, so the dynamic has totally changed. I just have to keep reminding myself that she walked out on me at Christmas, when I was alone and needing her the most she was talking and exposing herself to other guys. Just gotta remember. Link to post Share on other sites
The Poster Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 The latest thing I've been thinking about is, what if I never speak to her again or see her again? I worry that it will weigh on me as I have a habit of still thinking of people from years back and never truly letting go. I hate the feeling of never speaking to people again, that's my hang up and I wish I wasn't like that. I'm like this too. And those feeling are even stronger for ex-lovers because you're never closer to anyone than you are to your partners. I've said it on this site before, but I'm a man that's all about peace and love, and the last thing I want is to never speak to people I once shared so much intimate time with. Unfortunately, it's not my choice to not speak, it's theirs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 I made a new Instagram account, today and I also downloaded the app that shows you who followed you, unfollowed you, blocked you etc. Bear in mind that this new account I'd opened has only been active say, a day? As soon as I opened it I uninstalled the app anyway, because I don't really use Instagram, I just did it out of boredom - NOT ONCE did I view my ex's page. I checked the other app, and she's blocked me, already. I have had no contact with her, I don't even know how she knew I had opened up an account. We have no mutual friends, etc. Clearly 'moved on' if you're searching for me on Instagram. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 In fact... I remember someone on this very thread saying that she'd reach out, directly or indirectly... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I made a new Instagram account, today and I also downloaded the app that shows you who followed you, unfollowed you, blocked you etc. Bear in mind that this new account I'd opened has only been active say, a day? As soon as I opened it I uninstalled the app anyway, because I don't really use Instagram, I just did it out of boredom - NOT ONCE did I view my ex's page. I checked the other app, and she's blocked me, already. I have had no contact with her, I don't even know how she knew I had opened up an account. We have no mutual friends, etc. Clearly 'moved on' if you're searching for me on Instagram. Well, that is certainly weird. I'm sure she will try to reach out again in some way. She seems like the type that would need any attention, negative or otherwise. They don't want to be with you but can't stand the fact that you have no intention of staying in contact. My ex would do weird things like send birthday cards to my parents, so I had to ask him to stop. This was in the early days of NC. Last week, he sent a small package to my parents' house that was addressed to me and contained two birthday cards that my family had given me in 2012. He left a note inside that said he was cleaning up and found them. My ex is pretty far out there, but I'd expect your ex to do something to try to get a reaction from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 Well, that is certainly weird. I'm sure she will try to reach out again in some way. She seems like the type that would need any attention, negative or otherwise. They don't want to be with you but can't stand the fact that you have no intention of staying in contact. My ex would do weird things like send birthday cards to my parents, so I had to ask him to stop. This was in the early days of NC. Last week, he sent a small package to my parents' house that was addressed to me and contained two birthday cards that my family had given me in 2012. He left a note inside that said he was cleaning up and found them. My ex is pretty far out there, but I'd expect your ex to do something to try to get a reaction from you. Personally? I feel that she has no need for me in her life... I doubt she will reach out to me at any point... she seems well set up for friends, lovers, things to fill her life with. I feel like I was just a spare part. I can't believe only last week he sent that - what the hell? What did he expect you to do to that, lol. Annoying - he knows you've moved on so just wants to remind you that he still exists! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 I just found out that she is seeing someone else - I haven't been anywhere near any of her social media for a while, for exactly this reason... and now the minute I decide to look, she uploads a picture of some heart with the caption "this is me every day since you" I don't even know how I feel, I feel like I can't breathe. I feel sick, I feel angry. I feel embarrassed for thinking she cared, I feel .... I don't know. Oh my God. It hasn't even been two months since we broke up. I feel sick. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 (edited) I feel I should also come clean - I know it appeared that I was a guy, and I just didn't correct anyone because I was a bit embarrassed to but I'm actually a woman, and my ex is a woman, too. I don't know if that makes any difference. I don't know why I even decided to look at that. I haven't even looked at anything of hers for ages. My heart's been broken again. I'm fed of always being the one who has to suffer these heartbreaks - it's always me and I'm sick of it. Edited February 24, 2015 by smellysocksuni Link to post Share on other sites
The Poster Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Whether you're a guy or girl doesn't matter. Love is love no matter what. I'm sorry you are going through this. Social media is a real curse sometimes. Hopefully this helps speed up your recovery. Good luck to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 I feel I should also come clean - I know it appeared that I was a guy, and I just didn't correct anyone because I was a bit embarrassed to but I'm actually a woman, and my ex is a woman, too. I don't know if that makes any difference. QUOTE] Makes no difference to me.... Pain and heartache don't discriminate. Blessings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 Whether you're a guy or girl doesn't matter. Love is love no matter what. I'm sorry you are going through this. Social media is a real curse sometimes. Hopefully this helps speed up your recovery. Good luck to you. Thank you, that means a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 I feel I should also come clean - I know it appeared that I was a guy, and I just didn't correct anyone because I was a bit embarrassed to but I'm actually a woman, and my ex is a woman, too. I don't know if that makes any difference. QUOTE] Makes no difference to me.... Pain and heartache don't discriminate. Blessings. Thank you, those words mean a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 All of my friends are currently sleeping, so I guess I'm going to have to vent here... So she was with me for 16 months, and immediately began looking for someone new. She did this to the last person - I was the someone new, that time. It angers me so much - she hurts people by doing this! She makes no effort to hide these things, either. If confronted, she'll say "I'm single, I can do what I want" - and yes, she is and yes, she can. That doesn't mean it hurts any less, does it. I am absolutely FED UP of being the person who keeps getting dumped, like, is it me? Am I choosing the wrong people? What? People tell me that I do go after the wrong type of partners...but I'm starting to question that. I think there must be something wrong with me, as a person. And she's there, claiming to be "happy" with this person - regardless of when she started detaching from me, how can she just jump into something with someone so quickly? It doesn't compute, in my mind... Like, give yourself a cooling off period, at least. I feel so sick when I think that all the time I've been upset, worrying, sad, angry - she's been pursuing this, with probably not a second thought for me. What a fool I must have looked to her and that person. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 I am absolutely FED UP of being the person who keeps getting dumped, like, is it me? Am I choosing the wrong people? What? People tell me that I do go after the wrong type of partners...but I'm starting to question that. I think there must be something wrong with me, as a person. You're choosing the wrong people. I've been guilty of the same exact thing. Anyone who jumps from one relationship to the next so quickly is not a good partner for anyone. That is a huge red flag and a deal breaker. She's not in love with these people. They are objects to her. I truly doubt that she cared for you in the way you cared for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 You're choosing the wrong people. I've been guilty of the same exact thing. Anyone who jumps from one relationship to the next so quickly is not a good partner for anyone. That is a huge red flag and a deal breaker. She's not in love with these people. They are objects to her. I truly doubt that she cared for you in the way you cared for her. I know that everything you're saying is true - it's a major red flag and I regret not spotting these things earlier, as I would have saved myself a lot of pain. I am choosing the wrong people. It hasn't even been two months since we split, so - she hasn't allowed herself to grieve, to mourn the end of a relationship. This thing, with whoever this is - it won't last. Not because I'm bitter, but because, it just won't. I feel sick that I even let someone like this fool me into thinking I was special. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 I just found out that she is seeing someone else - I haven't been anywhere near any of her social media for a while, for exactly this reason... and now the minute I decide to look, she uploads a picture of some heart with the caption "this is me every day since you" I don't even know how I feel, I feel like I can't breathe. I feel sick, I feel angry. I feel embarrassed for thinking she cared, I feel .... I don't know. Oh my God. It hasn't even been two months since we broke up. I feel sick. My ex got engaged 5 months after we stopped speaking. Talk about a slap in the face. He strung me along for 3 years, promising marriage. He strung me along for 8 months after the relationship ended, promising that he wanted to work it out but "needed time." I finally got the courage to go NC, and he was engaged 5 months later. The funny thing is that I didn't even find all of this out until after I had been NC for a year. And yes, this is the guy who just sent that stupid package to my parents' house last week. Still trying to get a rise out of me even when he's engaged to another woman. After I found out, I still felt some hurt for a few days, but, overall, I don't care and am glad to be rid of his sorry self. He was like your ex. Had a line of women a mile long. I thought I was different, but I wasn't. I was just a person who was there, a placeholder to fill his time until he found the next person, the newer and shinier toy. His new woman won't be different either. Never trust those types. There's something really wrong with people who have a history of jumping from one person to the next. They are usually impulsive and lack an empathy for how the other person might feel. They see people as objects. You will be okay in time, but I know you are shocked right now. Use this new information to kick this crazy b*tch to the curb for good. She sounds awful and heartless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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