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Stuck in Limbo (Update)


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Wow, I feel like you're writing about her! Not only did she tell her friends that, she made me believe it for a short while. I no longer believe it but I am fuming and want to really lay into her. I won't, but I really want to. She wants everyone to think she's nice but she's terribly fake. Wow.

 

Even if you told her off, she wouldn't care. She wouldn't understand. I never said a bad word about my ex to his face, and I still want to at times. We all do, but mostly I can't even be bothered with him anymore. I don't advise doing anything from a place of intense emotion.

 

Also, things usually come to light on their own. You don't even have to bad mouth your ex, and people will realize if she is wrong. I never thought I would see the day, but my ex looks so bad right now. I've had so many mutual acquaintances tell me my ex was awful for what he did to me. Then, when it came to light that he had another woman lined up, he really looked bad. So he basically dug his own grave. I didn't go around bad mouthing him. I kept my mouth shut, and he brought this on himself. It usually turns out that way.

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smellysocksuni

So...she's coming in the morning, and I feel a mixture of nervousness, sadness and all other things. I'm not looking forward to this, at all.

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So...she's coming in the morning, and I feel a mixture of nervousness, sadness and all other things. I'm not looking forward to this, at all.

 

Is your friend going to be there?

 

Pack all her stuff and leave it outside. You need to be away from the apartment.

 

I know it's hard but you have to go through this. It's a new beginning. This tie is severed and you can start moving on. This pain is temporary.

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smellysocksuni
Is your friend going to be there?

 

Pack all her stuff and leave it outside. You need to be away from the apartment.

 

I know it's hard but you have to go through this. It's a new beginning. This tie is severed and you can start moving on. This pain is temporary.

 

My friend will be here, but my friend is feeling quite nervous about having to deal with her.

 

I have packed all the things and they're ready to be left outside.

 

I was just standing in my room and it looked so empty, and just...bare. :(

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My friend will be here, but my friend is feeling quite nervous about having to deal with her.

 

Well, if all her things are outside, then all he has to do it point out where her things are and go back inside. He doesn't have to entertain her or help her. Or he can show her where the stuff is and leave. Make sure your apartment is locked. He can go and meet you at wherever you are.

 

I was just standing in my room and it looked so empty, and just...bare. :(

 

I know how you feel. It was the worst feeling for me too. It's going to be hard but you need to keep reminding yourself who she really was -- make that list. And now you have a clean slate. You can slowly start decorating the place and keeping it the way you want. There will come a day you're going to love your space and spending your quiet moments in peace and in perfect company!

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smellysocksuni
Well, if all her things are outside, then all he has to do it point out where her things are and go back inside. He doesn't have to entertain her or help her. Or he can show her where the stuff is and leave. Make sure your apartment is locked. He can go and meet you at wherever you are.

 

 

 

I know how you feel. It was the worst feeling for me too. It's going to be hard but you need to keep reminding yourself who she really was -- make that list. And now you have a clean slate. You can slowly start decorating the place and keeping it the way you want. There will come a day you're going to love your space and spending your quiet moments in peace and in perfect company!

 

I've just made the list. I wrote it in my journal so I can carry it around with me and look at it whenever I want to. I've already started planning how I'm going to decorate, for the first time in a year I do actually feel slightly excited. I just want to get this out of the way, first.

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I've just made the list. I wrote it in my journal so I can carry it around with me and look at it whenever I want to. I've already started planning how I'm going to decorate, for the first time in a year I do actually feel slightly excited. I just want to get this out of the way, first.

 

Just a few more hours and you can start putting all this behind you. A new door is opening. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling a spark of optimism and that you're seeing a little light at the end of the tunnel. Imagine how you'll feel a few months from now. You're going to be fine!

 

Stay strong tomorrow. Stay out of her way. If she leaves stuff there or doesn't show up, you have to find the strength to take the next step -- either carting it over to her or getting rid of it. No more holding on and being "nice" guy. Not at the expense of keeping you in painful limbo.

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smellysocksuni

I'm OK, thank you. The night before, my friend cancelled on me and I rung around trying to find a replacement but it was too short notice so unfortunately I had to deal with it - which is something I didn't want to do, for obvious reasons. She also had to come into the flat for other reasons I don't really want to go into.

 

Anyway - she arrived quite early on in the morning and started sorting through the bags I had already packed, throwing bits out and keeping bits, etc. She must have stayed until around 4 or so when her father came to pick her up in the car.

 

We talked, during the day. About the relationship, about what went wrong. She was very apologetic and seemed genuine - she apologised for having been selfish and for treating me badly during the relationship and during the break up. We established that we were at bad times in our lives and that affected the relationship - which is true, I was unhappy with my life and she was unhappy with hers. We took it out on each other.

 

The thing I noticed was that she was quite touchy feely - we hugged a good few times and we were even on the sofa holding hands, at one point. We both cried, and told each other it would be OK, etc. It was a very emotional day. A very emotional day. Very tough on both of us.

 

I was shocked at how much it appears she hasn't moved on. As she was leaving she was crying, and asked me to cuddle her and tell her it was going to be OK. That happened a good few times.

 

I felt quite bad really, I'd done nothing but curse her on here and to my friends but she is clearly still quite upset. As am I, I'm not painting her as a saint.

 

So anyway, the outcome is that we are going to go NC for a few weeks to give each other a bit of space. Which is fine. She's told me that there is no-one else, and that the people she was flirting with were just her rebelling (which I do believe, I've no reason to doubt that).

 

I still struggle with the emptiness of the flat, that is probably the hardest thing. That and the fact that there is no reason for her to contact me, now. I feel sad. I feel OK. It varies. I spent the evening at a family member's house but I couldn't really engage as I just kept feeling low.

 

All my friends seem to think she still loves me, and will probably be back I don't know, I'm not the best judge of anything. I don't hope for that or want that, although it's hard I just want to move on as soon as possible because no-one enjoys the pain.

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smellysocksuni

This has been the first actual day of NC and I have found it very hard - especially because yesterday was such a nice day, even though it was quite emotional.

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I was shocked at how much it appears she hasn't moved on. As she was leaving she was crying, and asked me to cuddle her and tell her it was going to be OK. That happened a good few times.

 

I felt quite bad really, I'd done nothing but curse her on here and to my friends but she is clearly still quite upset. As am I, I'm not painting her as a saint.

 

So anyway, the outcome is that we are going to go NC for a few weeks to give each other a bit of space. Which is fine. She's told me that there is no-one else, and that the people she was flirting with were just her rebelling (which I do believe, I've no reason to doubt that).

 

I've been through this myself and I'm getting really pissed now. What the hell?! She dumped you through texts, treated you like ****, didn't care the slightest about your feelings... and now she wants YOU to comfort HER!?

 

Trust me, I know how hard it is to come to accept that the girl you thought was the love of your life actually is a nasty sociopath.

 

Read this article. Then read your own thread again.

 

Psychological manipulation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

When she contacts you again (and she will), don't answer.

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I'm OK, thank you. The night before, my friend cancelled on me and I rung around trying to find a replacement but it was too short notice so unfortunately I had to deal with it - which is something I didn't want to do, for obvious reasons. She also had to come into the flat for other reasons I don't really want to go into.

 

Anyway - she arrived quite early on in the morning and started sorting through the bags I had already packed, throwing bits out and keeping bits, etc. She must have stayed until around 4 or so when her father came to pick her up in the car.

 

We talked, during the day. About the relationship, about what went wrong. She was very apologetic and seemed genuine - she apologised for having been selfish and for treating me badly during the relationship and during the break up. We established that we were at bad times in our lives and that affected the relationship - which is true, I was unhappy with my life and she was unhappy with hers. We took it out on each other.

 

The thing I noticed was that she was quite touchy feely - we hugged a good few times and we were even on the sofa holding hands, at one point. We both cried, and told each other it would be OK, etc. It was a very emotional day. A very emotional day. Very tough on both of us.

 

I was shocked at how much it appears she hasn't moved on. As she was leaving she was crying, and asked me to cuddle her and tell her it was going to be OK. That happened a good few times.

 

I felt quite bad really, I'd done nothing but curse her on here and to my friends but she is clearly still quite upset. As am I, I'm not painting her as a saint.

 

So anyway, the outcome is that we are going to go NC for a few weeks to give each other a bit of space. Which is fine. She's told me that there is no-one else, and that the people she was flirting with were just her rebelling (which I do believe, I've no reason to doubt that).

 

I still struggle with the emptiness of the flat, that is probably the hardest thing. That and the fact that there is no reason for her to contact me, now. I feel sad. I feel OK. It varies. I spent the evening at a family member's house but I couldn't really engage as I just kept feeling low.

 

All my friends seem to think she still loves me, and will probably be back I don't know, I'm not the best judge of anything. I don't hope for that or want that, although it's hard I just want to move on as soon as possible because no-one enjoys the pain.

 

Dang, so she's still manipulating you and playing the victim. My ex did this. All the tears and how it was so hard on him, but we just couldn't be together. It's a load of bull. If she does come back, she will only hurt you. This is why you never allow yourself to be around an ex that treated you badly. They will reel you in with this sad act. Remember how she has treated you.

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smellysocksuni
I've been through this myself and I'm getting really pissed now. What the hell?! She dumped you through texts, treated you like ****, didn't care the slightest about your feelings... and now she wants YOU to comfort HER!?

 

Trust me, I know how hard it is to come to accept that the girl you thought was the love of your life actually is a nasty sociopath.

 

Read this article. Then read your own thread again.

 

Psychological manipulation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

When she contacts you again (and she will), don't answer.

 

She did seem quite genuine...

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She did seem quite genuine...

 

Someone that is genuine is consistent. They don't manipulate and treat you badly when they're with you and then treat you with genuine intent when you're not in their control anymore. When it isn't consistent, it isn't real.

 

People that manipulate will exhibit a 180 when they need something from you. They give you sweet words, show tears, exhibit remorse. It's the Jeckyl and Hyde in them.

 

I think you'll have to recycle this and possibly hurt yourself a few more times until you finally see her for who she is.

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smellysocksuni
Someone that is genuine is consistent. They don't manipulate and treat you badly when they're with you and then treat you with genuine intent when you're not in their control anymore. When it isn't consistent, it isn't real.

 

People that manipulate will exhibit a 180 when they need something from you. They give you sweet words, show tears, exhibit remorse. It's the Jeckyl and Hyde in them.

 

I think you'll have to recycle this and possibly hurt yourself a few more times until you finally see her for who she is.

 

I have to be honest. As soon as she'd left, we were messaging and she'd turned cold, again. One word replies, etc.

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I have to be honest. As soon as she'd left, we were messaging and she'd turned cold, again. One word replies, etc.

 

As I said, you will probably have to keep going back and forth this way. I'm sure she will be back to play head games with you. I think you're still in denial but there will come a time when you will be sick and tired of being sick and tired -- you will then be able to block her and move on, even through the pain.

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As I said, you will probably have to keep going back and forth this way. I'm sure she will be back to play head games with you. I think you're still in denial but there will come a time when you will be sick and tired of being sick and tired -- you will then be able to block her and move on, even through the pain.

 

We're not talking now, we haven't spoken since that day.

 

 

I don't think she'll be back, I think that's it, now. I do feel slightly embarrassed now - you're all telling me the same thing and I did genuinely believe her to be genuine.

 

 

Anyway, I wish I hadn't had to deal with her. It has really set me back in a big way.

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We're not talking now, we haven't spoken since that day.

 

I don't think she'll be back, I think that's it, now. I do feel slightly embarrassed now - you're all telling me the same thing and I did genuinely believe her to be genuine.

 

Anyway, I wish I hadn't had to deal with her. It has really set me back in a big way.

 

She'll be back. They always come back to revisit those that they know they can control.

 

You didn't have to deal with her. You could have left all her things outside, and shut the door. But you've learned a valuable lesson to know not to do it again.

 

Most of us speak from experience and mistakes, and when we believe our situation is different, most times it isn't. That's why we have been giving you advice -- to protect you. But sometimes you need to learn in your own way.

 

I hope you block her. It's the only way to move on.

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She'll be back. They always come back to revisit those that they know they can control.

 

You didn't have to deal with her. You could have left all her things outside, and shut the door. But you've learned a valuable lesson to know not to do it again.

 

Most of us speak from experience and mistakes, and when we believe our situation is different, most times it isn't. That's why we have been giving you advice -- to protect you. But sometimes you need to learn in your own way.

 

I hope you block her. It's the only way to move on.

 

Well, I do appreciate all of the advice.

 

I have just blocked her. In general I just feel so depressed. I don't think it has anything to do with her, I just feel completely void of any motivation. I've been in bed all day sleeping - I do think my depression has come back. Oh well, never mind.

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towardthefuture
Well, I do appreciate all of the advice.

 

I have just blocked her. In general I just feel so depressed. I don't think it has anything to do with her, I just feel completely void of any motivation. I've been in bed all day sleeping - I do think my depression has come back. Oh well, never mind.

 

Depression is normal. It's one of the stages of grief which is the most fun emotional mixtape ever that's going to be playing in your brain on loop for a while. Get ready to alternate depression with rage induced adrenaline, fantasies about getting her back mixed with fantasies about screaming in her face.. Denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance, the whole deal. It's not a straight shot, it's a big blended drink and you'll be sucking it down for months.

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Well, I do appreciate all of the advice.

 

I have just blocked her. In general I just feel so depressed. I don't think it has anything to do with her, I just feel completely void of any motivation. I've been in bed all day sleeping - I do think my depression has come back. Oh well, never mind.

 

Depression is normal at this stage. You need to stop magnifying what you feel and making it seem bleak in your head. Laying on the couch and feeling unmotivated is normal. Not wanting to eat is normal. Feeling hopeless is normal. Crying at the grocery store is normal. All normal after an ending.

 

Feel what you feel but know that it won't always be this way. This is one of the stages of grieving but they don't always happen in those exact stages but more so randomly cycle when you are grieving and healing. Read about those stages and understand that what you feel is just your slow journey to the other side.

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Depression is normal at this stage. You need to stop magnifying what you feel and making it seem bleak in your head. Laying on the couch and feeling unmotivated is normal. Not wanting to eat is normal. Feeling hopeless is normal. Crying at the grocery store is normal. All normal after an ending.

 

Feel what you feel but know that it won't always be this way. This is one of the stages of grieving but they don't always happen in those exact stages but more so randomly cycle when you are grieving and healing. Read about those stages and understand that what you feel is just your slow journey to the other side.

 

Thank you, Zahara. People keep telling me to stay busy but I genuinely don't want to or have the energy or the desire to. I know it won't always be this way, but I sort of feel like I should be forcing myself out of this... but I just can't seem to! I'm such a mess.

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Thank you, Zahara. People keep telling me to stay busy but I genuinely don't want to or have the energy or the desire to. I know it won't always be this way, but I sort of feel like I should be forcing myself out of this... but I just can't seem to! I'm such a mess.

 

You just had contact with her. It brought up a lot of emotions and reopened the wound again. You're literally back to square one. With that said, you are allowed to spend the next couple of weeks quietly nursing your pain. You're allowed to sit on your couch and mope. You're allowed to stay in bed and cry all day. Give yourself a week or two to feel this way and wallow in your feelings.

 

Week 2/3 -- you need to tell yourself that you've given yourself enough time to wallow but now it's time to take baby steps into rebuilding, even when it hurts. That means stepping out and going to the gym, even if it's for 30 minutes. Calling a friend and meeting them for a movie and if you get home after and cry your eyes out, that's fine. Finding a meetup online and spending your time doing something you like even if your mind is thinking about her. Going for a hike by yourself and enjoying your own company even if you're missing her by your side. Baby steps.

 

It's normal to feel sad. But you have to keep moving forward regardless. It's the only way you're going to start filling those voids and soon enough the good will start outweighing the bad. The bad feelings will be few and far between because you'll slowly be putting the pieces together.

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You just had contact with her. It brought up a lot of emotions and reopened the wound again. You're literally back to square one. With that said, you are allowed to spend the next couple of weeks quietly nursing your pain. You're allowed to sit on your couch and mope. You're allowed to stay in bed and cry all day. Give yourself a week or two to feel this way and wallow in your feelings.

 

Week 2/3 -- you need to tell yourself that you've given yourself enough time to wallow but now it's time to take baby steps into rebuilding, even when it hurts. That means stepping out and going to the gym, even if it's for 30 minutes. Calling a friend and meeting them for a movie and if you get home after and cry your eyes out, that's fine. Finding a meetup online and spending your time doing something you like even if your mind is thinking about her. Going for a hike by yourself and enjoying your own company even if you're missing her by your side. Baby steps.

 

It's normal to feel sad. But you have to keep moving forward regardless. It's the only way you're going to start filling those voids and soon enough the good will start outweighing the bad. The bad feelings will be few and far between because you'll slowly be putting the pieces together.

 

How long does it take to start feeling better... I hate this. I can't even sleep.

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How long does it take to start feeling better... I hate this. I can't even sleep.

 

Personally, it took me a few months to feel some relief. You reopened your wound. And there's the finality now that she's taken her things. It's going to take awhile unfortunately.

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