Spongerob Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Hello all, I would really appreciate some advice as to how to tackle my current situation. Me and my ex started dating just over 2 years ago. I am now 26 and she is 20. After 6 months or so she started to open up more and more with me. This was the point that I found out she was suffering from depression and it started affecting our relationship. Previously she had kept it hidden but now she directed it all onto me. It was hard but we both coped and our love for eachother remained strong. Fast forward a year and she came off her anti-depressants as she was advised she no longer needed them. She said she could never have done it without me and she began talking about our future, ie. getting married and having kids etc. However a short time later she got pregnant unexpectedly. This resulted in her going through an abortion and her being depressed again, this time worse than ever. Eventually it got too much as it was making me really unhappy and I told her to leave me, so she did. I immediately regretted it and begged and pleaded but to no avail. She started dating a new guy a few days after our split (he's 31). Since then we have been in contact almost constantly. When I have asked her if we would ever get back together she has always said "never say never". She speaks a lot about comparing her new guy to me and how much better I am in certain areas etc. I'm well aware this could all be BS just to string me along. She has always said we would still be together if I had not told her to leave. I went into NC with her for 12 days until she reached out just after Christmas and said she regretted leaving me and wanted us to try again. So she came over and we went for a walk and talked. She said she was going to leave her bf and try again with me. That night she went around to his place and sent me a text saying she wasn't ready to do it that night, but she would do it the following morning. At this point I reacted badly and said to her she either did it that night or not at all. So it turned out to be not at all. Today she texted me saying her mum had kicked her out of the house because she didn't agree with her relationship and the age gap and that she has gone back on anti-depressants. She has been texting me every day this week, but I haven't been replying until today. So I'm wondering if I should ignore all her messages, go NC and leave her with this new guy or try to reconcile with her. My emotions have now died down a lot and I feel much more in control of myself, but I still really want her back. I KNOW she still loves me, but she doesn't want me back because she is scared I'll hurt her again. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Block, delete, ignore. That sounds very brutal, but its whats best for you. Let her be with the man she's with. Move on, find yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spongerob Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 Hey Satu, thanks for the reply. I'm aware that NC will make me move on, but I'm wondering if I have a chance here. I've been on a few dates (she knows about these and she acted very jealous) with a girl but ultimately it didn't work out. I just think the signs are there that we could possibly reconcile. I have no intention of putting everything into it and getting emotionally tied up in pursuing her, I will still be meeting new girls and living my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Just leave her to sort out her problems, this is what caused your break up in the first place. Until she sorts out her issues, the same problems will occur again. As she is with someone else now, just leave her to it and you go enjoy your life. Who knows what will happen down the line but don't go waiting around for anything to happen now. Go out and date other girls to see what you really want in a person x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Hey Satu, thanks for the reply. I'm aware that NC will make me move on, but I'm wondering if I have a chance here. I've been on a few dates (she knows about these and she acted very jealous) with a girl but ultimately it didn't work out. I just think the signs are there that we could possibly reconcile. I have no intention of putting everything into it and getting emotionally tied up in pursuing her, I will still be meeting new girls and living my life. Brother, if she really wanted to, she would breakup with this other dude and actually be with you. I don't know what her underlying reasons are for saying those things to make you hope when she actually wouldn't push through with it. If I'm taking your story at face value my impression is that she is using you as an emotional crutch while having her BF. Having her cake and eating it too kind of situation. Imo the only way to have a chance for her to come back is to disappear. Remove your crying shoulder from the fray and she'll come looking for it, though I wouldn't really expect it right now. You have the right mindset in continuing living your life. Is there a chance? Maybe, nothing is impossible but she should be the one initiating it not you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Hey Satu, thanks for the reply. I'm aware that NC will make me move on, but I'm wondering if I have a chance here. I've been on a few dates (she knows about these and she acted very jealous) with a girl but ultimately it didn't work out. I just think the signs are there that we could possibly reconcile. I have no intention of putting everything into it and getting emotionally tied up in pursuing her, I will still be meeting new girls and living my life. Don't be her fallback plan. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spongerob Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 Thanks for all your replies. Just one thing, do you not think how we split up makes this a slightly different scenario? I mean, we only split up because I told her to leave, so in a way it was me that did the breaking up. Would it not be better to try and regain her trust and show her I won't hurt her again rather than just completely ignore her and make her think I don't care about her? After all, the reason she left is because she though I didn't care about her because I asked her to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 The split-up isn't the big factor here. The problem is that your GF has issues she can't handle, and until she does she shouldn't even be in a relationship. NC, move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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