mawkij Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 my gf and fiancé for 2 .5 yrs ,well inshort I love her .....I screwed ...didn't get any hints or signals that were obvious and then she left...during no contact I read a lot...discovered many stuff I was so dumb about...I think I knew where my problem was...she was always pointing towards it but I never took it seriously...I always said our love can bear anything....but now I think I really needed that break up .... I have learnt a lot of things that I d never learn....I knew that a relationship isn't just love...I knew that a girl like the guy who understands her more than herself...a guy who is just there when she needs him...and not there above her head 24/7.... now I am in no contact since 20 days...and I am in a much better state of mind....I have wrote a letter that will let her know for the first time I understood what went wrong....I want to apologize and make her feel I spent time alone thinking of how I ruined it and how I just didn't give up and am sure I can deliver a better me... I also wrote in the letter that I will be happy if she chose to move on and not try a second chance.... its a bit long letter "2 pages" ....I don't know if I should make it brief...or even should I send it in the 1st place as I feel she should understand that I care a lot and I was figuring things out and made serious actions towards myself> willing to start a real mature new relationship from point zero...and see how it goes . Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I did this after one month. PLEASE do not send this. I did and it is still the only thing I truly regret the whole time we were together and after. Trust me on this from my experience. Write to your hearts desire. Spill everything out. Get it all off your chest and then store it on your computer. Do not send it. Do not mail it. Give yourself another 30 days and then read it again. Trust me, your emotions are still too raw after only this amount of time. To try and show someone that you really have learned takes some time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Deidre Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Who asked for no contact? If she did, then you should respect her wishes, and not send that letter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 You should not send that letter whatever the circumstances. Letter is always a tragically bad idea. Like really really bad. It is desperate, it is manipulative and it is needy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 ....its a bit long letter "2 pages" ....I don't know if I should make it brief...or even should I send it in the 1st place as I feel she should understand that I care a lot and I was figuring things out and made serious actions towards myself> willing to start a real mature new relationship from point zero...and see how it goes . If you really want to retain any vestige of dignity, self-worth and pride, then please do NOT even think of sending it. Her one and only reaction will be "too little too late, buddy. You should have thought of all of that at the right time." Effort is always appropriate during, and utterly pointless after. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I agree don't send the letter, if you really need to get something off your chest then say it in person to her face to face if you get that chance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mawkij Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 You know why I really want to send this....I want to make everything clear .... I want to feel I have done all I could do....I do not want to regret later ....she didnot move on yet and sometimes I feel she want to hear these words from me Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 You know why I really want to send this....I want to make everything clear .... I want to feel I have done all I could do....I do not want to regret later ....she didnot move on yet and sometimes I feel she want to hear these words from me No she does not. She wants you to be gone. You will gain nothing from further humiliation. I was there also in that mindset. I tell you it is weak, it is pathetic. The only thing I wish I could change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mawkij Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 She said to me in the last call...."you never say sorry...am always the one to be blamed ur pride prevented you from saying sorry..even when u felt u were wrong u texted me ...u didnt call....i love you but that is so much pressure " that was 20 days ago... Link to post Share on other sites
Deidre Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 You know why I really want to send this....I want to make everything clear .... I want to feel I have done all I could do....I do not want to regret later ....she didnot move on yet and sometimes I feel she want to hear these words from me It sounds like a selfish act, just saying. This sounds like one of those...you don't know what you have til it's gone. I understand why you want to send it, but she would have reached out if she wanted you back in her life. The fact that she isn't...should speak volumes to you. Silence sometimes speaks louder than words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mawkij Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 It sounds like a selfish act, just saying. This sounds like one of those...you don't know what you have til it's gone. I understand why you want to send it, but she would have reached out if she wanted you back in her life. The fact that she isn't...should speak volumes to you. Silence sometimes speaks louder than words. She is hurt ...I dont expect she would reach out for me ...am sorry am just helpless ...I know its selfish and holds some sort of disrespect to contact her now ...I screwed things and I shoild do something ...I dont feel just laying on the bed would solve anything....I gotta try and be honest and talk in a constructive way without putting pressure on her ! Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Oh god, for goodness' sake, please, just take the advice, bud!! If you're really, really honest with yourself, the main reason you want to do this, is for you. Not her. You want her to re-notice you, you want to reappear on he radar, you want, you want, you want.... It's not about what YOU want. It's what she wants. And she has made it clear, that it's not you. The best thing you can do, is by all means write the letter, but then put it in a drawer and forget all about it. Or burn it. Or give it to your best bud, who will read it, laugh, tell you to man up, and rip it to shreds. Hopefully. But honestly - never, ever send it. Leave this thread and come back to it in a month. You'll wonder who the whinging, clingy needy whiner was - and then you'll realise it was you and thank all the saints you never sent it - what a dumbass thing THAT would have been!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mawkij Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Thank you for all who contributed to help me...am really grateful ...and am taking ur advice...pray for cuz holding on is so haaaaarsh 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Yes, it will be hard, but you are doing the right thing. Hang in there and post here when you feel the urge. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Deidre Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Thank you for all who contributed to help me...am really grateful ...and am taking ur advice...pray for cuz holding on is so haaaaarsh The best lessons we learn, are often painful. But, you'll make it. If your paths are meant to intersect again, they will. Look at it, like imagine someone you love is trying to heal from an abrasion. Would you rip the band aid off before it's healed? Sorry, best analogy I can come up with. It's like that. Let her heal, and in time, so will you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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