Can a married man still be in love with an ex girlfriend?

[krooton25]

Depending on circumstances, wrong timing?

[dichotomy]

Depending on circumstances, wrong timing?

 

 

If he does not really love his wife.

 

but then I have certain definition of love.

[evanescentworld]

Depending on circumstances, wrong timing?

 

It's possible. Care to share...?

[krooton25]

It's possible. Care to share...?

 

 

you broke up with your ex and you ex quickly got into a relationship and got married in 5 months.

Your ex then confessed he still loves you and misses you and haven't moved on completely from the relationship! before the wedding..

[No Limit]

Eh no. Why not ask the wife what she'd think of it?

[evanescentworld]

you broke up with your ex and you ex quickly got into a relationship and got married in 5 months.

Your ex then confessed he still loves you and misses you and haven't moved on completely from the relationship! before the wedding..

Ok, just looked up all your threads.

This is about you and your ex.

What you need to do now, is to cut him off completely, go total No Contact, and let him resolve his own issues and problems.

He's the crazy mixed-up individual playing you along and messing with your head.

 

Have no more to do with him.

He's married now and totally off limits.

Block, delete deny, ignore, move on.

Whether he still says he loves you or not is completely immaterial.

His actions say it all.

He married someone else, and never came back to you.

That makes him one of two things (or possibly both!):

 

He is either a potential cheating jerk messing with your mind and loving the attention, or a spineless coward who's too scared to do what it takes.

 

Either way, you are well rid of him, and should now look to leaving him behind to stew in his own self-made mess, while you get on and live well without him.

[CastlesInTheSky]

Depending on circumstances, wrong timing?

 

You know, everytime I heard that it turned out the woman asking the question was the ex and the guy was married.

 

I'm just spitballing here, but do you happen to be in love with a married ex-boyfriend? If you are, there's an entire thread on being the Other Woman you might be better received in. Not interested? Take my advice, don't...do...him.

[preraph]

Yes, a married person can still occasionally still feel love for their ex or exes, but apparently not deep enough love to keep them from marrying someone else they decided seemed like a good package at the time. Doesn't mean you're "the one." Doesn't mean he'll ever have someone he feels is "the one." Just means he likes to float around different women.

[compulsivedancer]

I will always love my STBXH. I will hopefully meet and fall in love with someone else in the future, but that won't erase my love for him. People don't just stop loving someone because they are with someone else. You can love multiple people, often in multiple ways, but I imagine the love that you have for an ex fades into something more nostalgic or into a fondness as you get more distance on it.

[Gloria25]

Ok, just looked up all your threads.

This is about you and your ex.

What you need to do now, is to cut him off completely, go total No Contact, and let him resolve his own issues and problems.

He's the crazy mixed-up individual playing you along and messing with your head.

 

Have no more to do with him.

He's married now and totally off limits.

Block, delete deny, ignore, move on.

Whether he still says he loves you or not is completely immaterial.

His actions say it all.

He married someone else, and never came back to you.

That makes him one of two things (or possibly both!):

 

He is either a potential cheating jerk messing with your mind and loving the attention, or a spineless coward who's too scared to do what it takes.

 

Either way, you are well rid of him, and should now look to leaving him behind to stew in his own self-made mess, while you get on and live well without him.

 

EXACTLY ^^....

 

To the OP, evanescentworld hit it on the nail with with a bang!!!

[ascendotum]

Yes, a married person can still occasionally still feel love for their ex or exes, but apparently not deep enough love to keep them from marrying someone else they decided seemed like a good package at the time. Doesn't mean you're "the one." Doesn't mean he'll ever have someone he feels is "the one." Just means he likes to float around different women.

 

"not deep enough love to keep them from marrying someone else" - well that could be because it unrequited love. Maybe the guy had his heart broken when his gf that he thought was the one, dumped him or cheated on him. They split but he still thinks he will never find someone as awesome, but has moved on with his life, and met someone and got married because he was getting on, and she would make a good wife/mother, and he thought it would make him forget about the ex, but the same intense passion/adornment/qwirky combination of characteristics is not there. I don't doubt for a minute there are numerous married people of both sexes who still love an ex or wish they were married to the ex. Like CD, I believe its possible to still love (fond love which fades over time) an ex and still be in love with a new person. what you don't want though is to be married to someone where the love for the ex is greater. I'm sure quite a few here have been temporary place holders for someone on the rebound after a break up. Temporary is ok, but long term uh-uh.

 

Just saw more info. OP is hoping on her now married ex. If the ex dumped the OP, then no way, he well and truly moved forward. If you dumped him,I still say forget it, its too late. Don't risk ****ing up his new life.Seems like the guy you date next might have to deal with this scenario (still in love with an ex) with you.

[Gloria25]

"not deep enough love to keep them from marrying someone else" - well that could be because it unrequited love. Maybe the guy had his heart broken when his gf that he thought was the one, dumped him or cheated on him. They split but he still thinks he will never find someone as awesome, but has moved on with his life, and met someone and got married because he was getting on, and she would make a good wife/mother, and he thought it would make him forget about the ex, but the same intense passion/adornment/qwirky combination of characteristics is not there. I don't doubt for a minute there are numerous married people of both sexes who still love an ex or wish they were married to the ex. Like CD, I believe its possible to still love (fond love which fades over time) an ex and still be in love with a new person. what you don't want though is to be married to someone where the love for the ex is greater. I'm sure quite a few here have been temporary place holders for someone on the rebound after a break up. Temporary is ok, but long term uh-uh.

 

SO F-ng what his history is...

 

At the end of the day, it's what evanescentworld said:

 

He is either a potential cheating jerk messing with your mind and loving the attention, or a spineless coward who's too scared to do what it takes.

 

So, he's married to his chick, whatever you got/don't got isn't enough for him to leave her....so:

 

Either way, you are well rid of him, and should now look to leaving him behind to stew in his own self-made mess, while you get on and live well without him.

[elaine567]

He left Krooton25 because "He cheated and left me for another ex-gf(now his fiancé)."

He then has an affair with Krooton25 behind his fiancee's back, then he married the girl.

Now he is sniffing around Krooton25 again...

 

It is called - Cake and eat it.

 

Kick his sorry a$$ into touch, he doesn't love you, he is just a user of the first order.

[preraph]

"not deep enough love to keep them from marrying someone else" - well that could be because it unrequited love. Maybe the guy had his heart broken when his gf that he thought was the one, dumped him or cheated on him. They split but he still thinks he will never find someone as awesome, but has moved on with his life, and met someone and got married because he was getting on, and she would make a good wife/mother, and he thought it would make him forget about the ex, but the same intense passion/adornment/qwirky combination of characteristics is not there. I don't doubt for a minute there are numerous married people of both sexes who still love an ex or wish they were married to the ex. Like CD, I believe its possible to still love (fond love which fades over time) an ex and still be in love with a new person. what you don't want though is to be married to someone where the love for the ex is greater. I'm sure quite a few here have been temporary place holders for someone on the rebound after a break up. Temporary is ok, but long term uh-uh.

 

Just saw more info. OP is hoping on her now married ex. If the ex dumped the OP, then no way, he well and truly moved forward. If you dumped him,I still say forget it, its too late. Don't risk ****ing up his new life.Seems like the guy you date next might have to deal with this scenario (still in love with an ex) with you.

 

Yeah. There's also lots of people you can love and not live with and I honestly think living together can take the bloom off a lot of relationships. If you ever once loved someone, to me, it's unrealistic to think there isn't still that remnant of love in your somewhere, even after you moved on. Because you loved them for a reason -- but you also didn't stay with them for a reason. Love doesn't equal being able to stay together forever.

[Gloria25]

He left Krooton25 because "He cheated and left me for another ex-gf(now his fiancé)."

He then has an affair with Krooton25 behind his fiancee's back, then he married the girl.

Now he is sniffing around Krooton25 again...

 

It is called - Cake and eat it.

 

Kick his sorry a$$ into touch, he doesn't love you, he is just a user of the first order.

 

And trust me, karma will come full circle....

 

The OP thinks his now "wifey" is getting the whole "kit and kaboodle", but it's only a matter of time when he gets bored of wifey and starts messing around on her butt and/or he's trapped in misery with his "comfortable" situation.

 

If I was the OP, instead of pondering whether or not to be his back-door mistress, I'd be relishing in the moment that he's not satisfied with his situation and is crawling back to her.

 

I mean, I've been "the other woman", but the "arrangement" if you will - was understood. I don't care for some dude playing with my head to get his ego stroked. The guy the OP described is selfish and cruel. He also had the chance to marry the OP and didn't take it. Now, I understand where people will marry the one their family/friends/society will approve of - then, if this is the case, this guy should fess up and lay his cards on the table and stop with the back and forth. But, I don't think this is the case with the OP.

 

This guy sounds like an insecure fliberdigibit, who can't handle a real RL, so he craves a woman like the OP, but isn't man enough to take it on...so, he just is all over the flippin place. But, I don't feel sorry a bit for him, cuz while his actions may lie in his insecurities, he doesn't care who (the OP) he bounces around to get his needs met.

 

I mean, a lot of guys who cheat are insecure. They need constant reassurance. Then, guys who just jump and marry the first thing that pops into their world are also insecure. The guy the OP is describing is a combo of both....especially since his insecurity is blocking him from being with a woman that appears to meet his needs (the OP in this case).

 

Again, leave this guy alone. Just sit back with a bag of popcorn and watch the show. In time you will find someone worthy of your time.

Edited January 18, 2015 by Gloria25

[autumnnight]

I think it is always possible to "feel" something for an ex. That is why grownups don't encourage those feelings. They draw strong boundaries.

[evanescentworld]

I see the OP has abandoned the thread.....

[krooton25]

And trust me, karma will come full circle....

 

The OP thinks his now "wifey" is getting the whole "kit and kaboodle", but it's only a matter of time when he gets bored of wifey and starts messing around on her butt and/or he's trapped in misery with his "comfortable" situation.

 

If I was the OP, instead of pondering whether or not to be his back-door mistress, I'd be relishing in the moment that he's not satisfied with his situation and is crawling back to her.

 

I mean, I've been "the other woman", but the "arrangement" if you will - was understood. I don't care for some dude playing with my head to get his ego stroked. The guy the OP described is selfish and cruel. He also had the chance to marry the OP and didn't take it. Now, I understand where people will marry the one their family/friends/society will approve of - then, if this is the case, this guy should fess up and lay his cards on the table and stop with the back and forth. But, I don't think this is the case with the OP.

 

This guy sounds like an insecure fliberdigibit, who can't handle a real RL, so he craves a woman like the OP, but isn't man enough to take it on...so, he just is all over the flippin place. But, I don't feel sorry a bit for him, cuz while his actions may lie in his insecurities, he doesn't care who (the OP) he bounces around to get his needs met.

 

I mean, a lot of guys who cheat are insecure. They need constant reassurance. Then, guys who just jump and marry the first thing that pops into their world are also insecure. The guy the OP is describing is a combo of both....especially since his insecurity is blocking him from being with a woman that appears to meet his needs (the OP in this case).

 

Again, leave this guy alone. Just sit back with a bag of popcorn and watch the show. In time you will find someone worthy of your time.

 

Thank this has really helped me a lot. He was offering me to be a mistress before he left and got married and asked me if I was ok seeing him behind everyone's back. According to him, he loves me too and can't stand to see me with another guy. BUT, he loves her too and his wedding is all set. He even said if there was no wedding and if i had only messaged him earlier (ok he was the one who first contacted me and told a lot of fake things like i regret leaving you and i love you still blah blah), he would've left her and chosen me. I doubt that! But i messed up his evil plan by telling HIS family what he has been sending me. So pissed him off and suddenly he posted a message on his wall on fb saying "I am not a boy but a man now. Thank you lord jesus for the blessings" something like that.

I am really stupid to think he still loves me. I don't really know why he is like that, a very insensitive user.

I see his wife's name on my friends suggestion list all the ****in time and it bugs me. And there had been numerous people after the wedding adding me on social media with my name misspelled or something. His wife and her family have been hand in hand stalking me (for the idea that he still might be in contact with me) ever since we broke up! I even see my ex's name on there..ANd the wife has been stalking my blog and other online stuff for about 6 months now. (maybe long before we broke up...and i wasn't aware of it)

 

It just doesn't sound and look right.... i was the one who got hurt the most here and yet they still stalk and mess around me WHEN i am no longer doing anything to them. She has him already. He chose her..and yet she still feels insecure.

Edited January 19, 2015 by krooton25

[evanescentworld]

Very glad to see you back, krooton25...

 

Thank this has really helped me a lot. He was offering me to be a mistress before he left and got married and asked me if I was ok seeing him behind everyone's back. According to him, he loves me too and can't stand to see me with another guy. BUT, he loves her too and his wedding is all set. He even said if there was no wedding and if i had only messaged him earlier (ok he was the one who first contacted me and told a lot of fake things like i regret leaving you and i love you still blah blah), he would've left her and chosen me. I doubt that! But i messed up his evil plan by telling HIS family what he has been sending me. So pissed him off and suddenly he posted a message on his wall on fb saying "I am not a boy but a man now. Thank you lord jesus for the blessings" something like that.

I am really stupid to think he still loves me. I don't really know why he is like that, a very insensitive user.

I will tell you something a fully-qualified psychologist told me once, in the UK:

 

Men are very often brought up to stifle their emotions, keep them under control, and on a tight rein... 'stiff upper lip' and all that. They're sometimes taught that it's unmanly to cry, for example, and that they have to be the strong ones.

Now, I do not know, and could not possibly tell, understandably, whether your ex has been subjected to such an upbringing, BUT often, some men who are brought up under such misguided, stringent and utterly mistaken ideals, have difficulty therefore with self-expression. So when they DO get emotional, and feel some kind of upset, they revert to being their child-self.

In other words, it sounds as if he's acting like a little kid. His behaviour is puerile and childish, and he's manifesting his 'little miffed boy' side....

 

 

I see his wife's name on my friends suggestion list all the ****in time and it bugs me. And there had been numerous people after the wedding adding me on social media with my name misspelled or something. His wife and her family have been hand in hand stalking me (for the idea that he still might be in contact with me) ever since we broke up! I even see my ex's name on there..ANd the wife has been stalking my blog and other online stuff for about 6 months now. (maybe long before we broke up...and i wasn't aware of it)

I have a friend who fell out with her sister, big time. Then, on FB, my friend located a lot of people she met at school, and through interacting on FB, she 'friended' them. Now, her sister (who doesn't have a single solitary clue who these people are) is sending them friend requests - just so's she can keep tabs on her sister/my friend. Every time my friend receives a friend requests, or sends one, guaranteed within the hour her sister is in on the act....

 

So naturally, she has sent PMs to all these new friends explaining the situation. She has also blocked her sister (I know, sad, but there you go.....) and all these new friends are now wise to her sister's shenanigans....

 

It just doesn't sound and look right.... i was the one who got hurt the most here and yet they still stalk and mess around me WHEN i am no longer doing anything to them. She has him already. He chose her..and yet she still feels insecure.

Olease take the advice I gave you in my first post.

You have been putting up with this for far too long,a nd if we're honest, you've been playing into it, up to a point.

 

Break this off now, cut off all contact, and if necessary, delete your current FB profile and create a new one.... but honestly, FB sometimes is dreadfully over-rated....

[MJJean]

Thank this has really helped me a lot. He was offering me to be a mistress before he left and got married and asked me if I was ok seeing him behind everyone's back. According to him, he loves me too and can't stand to see me with another guy. BUT, he loves her too and his wedding is all set. He even said if there was no wedding and if i had only messaged him earlier (ok he was the one who first contacted me and told a lot of fake things like i regret leaving you and i love you still blah blah), he would've left her and chosen me. I doubt that! But i messed up his evil plan by telling HIS family what he has been sending me. So pissed him off and suddenly he posted a message on his wall on fb saying "I am not a boy but a man now. Thank you lord jesus for the blessings" something like that.

I am really stupid to think he still loves me. I don't really know why he is like that, a very insensitive user.

I see his wife's name on my friends suggestion list all the ****in time and it bugs me. And there had been numerous people after the wedding adding me on social media with my name misspelled or something. His wife and her family have been hand in hand stalking me (for the idea that he still might be in contact with me) ever since we broke up! I even see my ex's name on there..ANd the wife has been stalking my blog and other online stuff for about 6 months now. (maybe long before we broke up...and i wasn't aware of it)

 

It just doesn't sound and look right.... i was the one who got hurt the most here and yet they still stalk and mess around me WHEN i am no longer doing anything to them. She has him already. He chose her..and yet she still feels insecure.

 

First, what did you think would happen if you had an affair with a guy who was taken? OF COURSE his woman and her family would want to keep an eye on you! Duh! You've marked yourself as a homewrecker as far as they're concerned. You are not to be trusted. That simple. If you don't like it retire from social media.

 

And, OF COURSE they're also keeping an eye on him. He's branded himself a cheater. His now wife has good reason to be insecure. He gave her that reason. First by breaking up with her, then by cheating on you with her, then by leaving you for her, and again by cheating on her with you. You're not paranoid if someone is really out to get you, ya know? It's obvious this guy isn't capable of fidelity. A woman married to a man like that has to be constantly vigilant. It's miserable and exhausting. I wouldn't wish a guy like him on my enemy.

 

Just because he married her doesn't mean he chose her as evidenced by his attempt to keep up a relationship with you. When one truly chooses a mate, unless they are in a mutually agreed upon open relationship, one ceases trying to screw other people.

 

Stop having any contact with him. If he loved you he would have married you. And if he loved her he wouldn't be trying to cheat on her with you. Seems to me he doesn't actually love anyone but himself.

[krooton25]

First, what did you think would happen if you had an affair with a guy who was taken? OF COURSE his woman and her family would want to keep an eye on you! Duh! You've marked yourself as a homewrecker as far as they're concerned. You are not to be trusted. That simple. If you don't like it retire from social media.

 

And, OF COURSE they're also keeping an eye on him. He's branded himself a cheater. His now wife has good reason to be insecure. He gave her that reason. First by breaking up with her, then by cheating on you with her, then by leaving you for her, and again by cheating on her with you. You're not paranoid if someone is really out to get you, ya know? It's obvious this guy isn't capable of fidelity. A woman married to a man like that has to be constantly vigilant. It's miserable and exhausting. I wouldn't wish a guy like him on my enemy.

 

Just because he married her doesn't mean he chose her as evidenced by his attempt to keep up a relationship with you. When one truly chooses a mate, unless they are in a mutually agreed upon open relationship, one ceases trying to screw other people.

 

Stop having any contact with him. If he loved you he would have married you. And if he loved her he wouldn't be trying to cheat on her with you. Seems to me he doesn't actually love anyone but himself.

 

She had been stalking me since a few years ago, me and my ex were still good together. Then we had issues and there was a time we fought a lot, thats when my ex started to notice her. She wanted him back ever since and I am not even aware of it until all these happened. I don't know but they have been doing something behind my back for a long time already before I even found out about it. Everything is screwed up, I know. What I can't get over with is the fact that my ex told me so many lies and in one split of a second, he managed to change his image into a "good man". Now my friends all think he's changed. I feel like he was able to turn things around...and I fell into the trap, making me look like the loser in the end. I tried so hard to move on in the past 5 months, i was doing well until he popped out of nowhere and lead me on to things that he couldn't stand up for. He even told me to "fight for him" so i did and he betrayed me. I was still hoping that he'd finally see my worth and I was so wrong, he wrecked the hell out of me one more time. I know it was my responsibility to know that he's only using me from the very beginning, but I was weak and the more he initiated contact, the more I wanted to give in which I eventually did. Just to let you guys know these all happened in 6 months time. We broke up, he rushed his wedding, came back to me, drop me, married her and now he's playing happy family with them. How could men like this exist in the freakin world.

Edited January 20, 2015 by krooton25