Yeah, I'm pretty sure I've scared her off via text in the end :/

[Lockey1995]

Hey,

 

I posted on here not long back about a girl I was speaking to at work, I won't give you the full run down as it's way too much to post I think the thread was called "Have I ruined my chances with a girl i like :/" anyhow. I ended up asking her out through text, waited about a week and just said Hey have you received my message? no reply, Then I sent something random as **** and I have no clue why I'm terrible and don't think sometimes I just said are you alive? Yeah no reply.

 

Waited a couple of days and sent one big one just explaining why I may have been acting weird not talking on that last week at work I just said I was shy/ incredibly tired from working all week and that I hardly spoke to anyone that week at all. I then said Sorry for the text spam I may have gone a little overboard with it. And just said When you told me about the stuff you were going through earlier if you ever need anyone to talk to I'm always here. And then left it at have I done anything wrong? 2 days later why the **** did I send that?!

 

In total I think i sent 9 over a course of 4 weeks, 2 were just asking how she was, one was new year and then the ones I've just explained. Well that's it I will leave it now, but I reckon the damage has already been done Damn I hate my self right now! that I've come across as someone creepy even though I'm not that person at all. So I guess I'll have to suck it up and move on damn my lack of social skills/ anxiety

[CastlesInTheSky]

Hey,

 

I posted on here not long back about a girl I was speaking to at work, I won't give you the full run down as it's way too much to post I think the thread was called "Have I ruined my chances with a girl i like :/" anyhow. I ended up asking her out through text, waited about a week and just said Hey have you received my message? no reply, Then I sent something random as **** and I have no clue why I'm terrible and don't think sometimes I just said are you alive? Yeah no reply.

 

Waited a couple of days and sent one big one just explaining why I may have been acting weird not talking on that last week at work I just said I was shy/ incredibly tired from working all week and that I hardly spoke to anyone that week at all. I then said Sorry for the text spam I may have gone a little overboard with it. And just said When you told me about the stuff you were going through earlier if you ever need anyone to talk to I'm always here. And then left it at have I done anything wrong? 2 days later why the **** did I send that?!

 

In total I think i sent 9 over a course of 4 weeks, 2 were just asking how she was, one was new year and then the ones I've just explained. Well that's it I will leave it now, but I reckon the damage has already been done Damn I hate my self right now! that I've come across as someone creepy even though I'm not that person at all. So I guess I'll have to suck it up and move on damn my lack of social skills/ anxiety

 

You're freaking out over nothing. Sure, you could have handled the situation a little better, but what guy hasn't gotten a little worried and text-happy over a girl who chose to ignore him out of sheer disinterest? She did a pretty immature thing but what can you do about it? I'd say count your blessings.

 

In case you didn't read that last line, she wasn't interested. Beating yourself up isn't going to help. But if you do have anxiety issues, try some therapy.

[Lockey1995]

You're freaking out over nothing. Sure, you could have handled the situation a little better, but what guy hasn't gotten a little worried and text-happy over a girl who chose to ignore him out of sheer disinterest? She did a pretty immature thing but what can you do about it? I'd say count your blessings.

 

In case you didn't read that last line, she wasn't interested. Beating yourself up isn't going to help. But if you do have anxiety issues, try some therapy.

 

She did like me before though, It just got awkward after one text and I never really spoke to her after that I don't know if that ****ed things up I'm not sure.

[CastlesInTheSky]

She did like me before though, It just got awkward after one text and I never really spoke to her after that I don't know if that ****ed things up I'm not sure.

 

Like you is one thing, liking you enough is another.

 

If a person has a high interest level, very few things can change that.

 

But if you want something to blame, you do come off as clingy. And that's unattractive.

[Lockey1995]

Like you is one thing, liking you enough is another.

 

If a person has a high interest level, very few things can change that.

 

But if you want something to blame, you do come off as clingy. And that's unattractive.

 

 

I guess, well ****

[CastlesInTheSky]

I guess, well ****

 

Any reason why you feel so bad about yourself?

 

I'm short and black. What's your story?

[Lockey1995]

Any reason why you feel so bad about yourself?

 

I'm short and black. What's your story?

 

Because I'm convinced I've done something to mess it up . Plus she'll probably never speak to me again. I wouldn't mind just being friends with her but if she'll never talk to me again that's that screwed I guess.

[preraph]

You're not creepy, but you are willing to make yourself available to women who don't want you under any circumstances, so you need to find out why you expect so little in return as to offer yourself up to them under any circumstances when they're not even talking to you.

 

And with texting, it's a very basic rule: If they don't respond, do NOT keep writing them texts or trying to contact them. She has other people to keep tabs on her and worry if something happened. Unless you are her fiance, you are not that person who MUST know if she is okay and use that as an excuse to keep sending unwanted texts. Always remember that even on the off chance a text got lost somehow, if she had any interest in you, she knows where to find you.

[Lockey1995]

You're not creepy, but you are willing to make yourself available to women who don't want you under any circumstances, so you need to find out why you expect so little in return as to offer yourself up to them under any circumstances when they're not even talking to you.

 

And with texting, it's a very basic rule: If they don't respond, do NOT keep writing them texts or trying to contact them. She has other people to keep tabs on her and worry if something happened. Unless you are her fiance, you are not that person who MUST know if she is okay and use that as an excuse to keep sending unwanted texts. Always remember that even on the off chance a text got lost somehow, if she had any interest in you, she knows where to find you.

 

So, you don't think it's anything I've done?

[preraph]

Well, the texting didn't help any because that's a desperate thing, to keep reaching out when someone is trying to cut you off. So that's making things worse. I don't know how much of that you were doing before she cut you off, though. In general, just don't text back until someone has responded and don't try to keep it going back and forth continually because that is also just too much. I don't think of it as creepy, though.

[todreaminblue]

maybe you shouldnt have sent 9 texts.....but the fact is if she had answered just one you wouldnt have sent more and you wouldnt have developed anxiety over her perceiving you as a creep....some people are just rude....and yes it s rude not to answer someone when they inquire if you are ok....however everyone has been thoughtless with another ....all of us.....you arent a creep....and she made mistakes with social etiquette as well....etiquette requires polite courteous and thoughtful behavior towards others ...that to me is being social......i smakign others feel comfortable and at ease...maybe you made her a litle uncomfortable by your texts bu ther non response set that in motion by maing you uncomfortable...so whose to blame?

 

no one

 

 

move on with your life and find someone who makes you comfortable,at ease able to be yourself without worrying about being creepy..or anxious..and forgive the ones who dont realize how they have made you feel..... its hard to let it go sometimes when you really just want to have a response from someone you think of a fair bit.....but you have to let it go....concentrate on others who care about you or hobbies that make you happy.......best wishes...deb

[Lockey1995]

Well, the texting didn't help any because that's a desperate thing, to keep reaching out when someone is trying to cut you off. So that's making things worse. I don't know how much of that you were doing before she cut you off, though. In general, just don't text back until someone has responded and don't try to keep it going back and forth continually because that is also just too much. I don't think of it as creepy, though.

 

This is the last post, it's big aha. But yeah I'm gutted I really did like her , I'm depressed as **** at the minute and have done nothing for like the last 2 weeks no hobbies or anything I just feel like a ****ing idiot for ruining it ! and I know she'll never reply again.

 

Previous post*******************************************************

 

Hey,

 

I've always been someone who over thinks everything, anxiety etc. It can get crippling when I talk to girls I've been over thinking this for a about a week now and i Just can't get it off my mind but I'm pretty sure I have actually messed up here.

 

About 2 weeks ago I found out a girl that was in my job induction liked me according to a friend I worked with, So I started talking to her a little although be it nervously, but in the induction I told her I've always been very shy and I think she understood.She's also very shy, but I managed to talk a bit I was asking her about what she does and so on, she said she goes to college we were talking about that and I said do you enjoy it. She said the course yes but being there no as I get bullied quite a bit. I just said have you spoke to anyone about it and so on and she said yes but nothings been done about it she also said she was sad most of the time as well. Ideally I wanted to help her out with this but I doubt she even trusts me anymore

 

She was only in one day a week so I didn't really speak to her that much my friend said do you want her number, so he asked her to see If could have it and she said yes we started talking about work etc and that she was finishing on x mas eve due to a terminated contract etc.

 

On the Saturday, I went to the works party she was there, It was quite awkward and uncomfortable at the party so I didn't speak to her much, when she left she just smiled and waved at me from across the room. When I got home I text her saying "Sorry for being awkward I am at times :/" She said Don't worry I don't think you were being awkward" I then took it a little too far and told her what happened after college and not being able to speak to people but I'm getting over it now. After this there was no reply the next day I just asked when she broke up from college? and a pointless text that didn't really need an answer don't know Why i sent it, nothing.

 

So the next week things in my mind just went awkward and I was over thinking through the week what shall I say, what shall i say and ended up saying nothing that day at all one smile I think that was it, It might just be me paranoid that she didn't want to speak to me, But i was convinced in my mind she didn't want to speak to me.

 

Anyway wasn't thinking I got home and sent " I'm going to be honest here, I can get a little shy at times, but I really enjoy talking to you " This made things worse in my opinion so the next time I saw her I just said "Have I done anything wrong because I don't want to come off as someone I'm not" She said no, no you're fine the only thing That's killing me now is I sort of approached it a little quick/nervous and I'm worried it may have even scared her even though when she walked off she did smile so might be me over thinking again. On I think it was the Monday before christmas eve she was on my both of my breaks and sat directly in front of me on the table infront twice!, I just couldn't speak to her at all, just couldn't get any words out .

 

Anyway, to avoid the details we'll fast forward to her last day x mas even Wednesday, I've felt so guilty and depressed that I've done something wrong this week I've hardly spoke to anyone, I saw her 3 times and she kept looking at me but I never reacted :/, One of them I was walking past the aisle she was in and got stuck behind 2 customers and for literally 10 seconds she just looked at me and what did i do look at the floor!. So On my lunch I just walked up to her and said hey, how are you etc, wished her a lovely christmas which she said thank you, you too then said I just wanted to say I'm sorry about those two texts, she said it's fine don't worry. But I just don't know if it is fine maybe it is I just over think alot of things. I saw her once more When I walked past her I looked away and she just looked at the floor. Anyway 5 pm comes around and she leaves the staff door opposite the aisle I'm working in and walks around the aisle and behind me. now this is where it gets weird she walked past my aisle 5 or 6 times then walked off.

 

I went on my break and turns out she cried when she left because she wasn't returning back unless she gets called sometime, So I just sent a text saying heard you were upset, are you ok? No reply.

 

I sent her one more message for new year saying "Happy New year, hope it's a great one for you.

[Lockey1995]

This is the last post, it's big aha. But yeah I'm gutted I really did like her , I'm depressed as **** at the minute and have done nothing for like the last 2 weeks no hobbies or anything I just feel like a ****ing idiot for ruining it ! and I know she'll never reply again.

 

Previous post*******************************************************

 

Hey,

 

I've always been someone who over thinks everything, anxiety etc. It can get crippling when I talk to girls I've been over thinking this for a about a week now and i Just can't get it off my mind but I'm pretty sure I have actually messed up here.

 

About 2 weeks ago I found out a girl that was in my job induction liked me according to a friend I worked with, So I started talking to her a little although be it nervously, but in the induction I told her I've always been very shy and I think she understood.She's also very shy, but I managed to talk a bit I was asking her about what she does and so on, she said she goes to college we were talking about that and I said do you enjoy it. She said the course yes but being there no as I get bullied quite a bit. I just said have you spoke to anyone about it and so on and she said yes but nothings been done about it she also said she was sad most of the time as well. Ideally I wanted to help her out with this but I doubt she even trusts me anymore

 

She was only in one day a week so I didn't really speak to her that much my friend said do you want her number, so he asked her to see If could have it and she said yes we started talking about work etc and that she was finishing on x mas eve due to a terminated contract etc.

 

On the Saturday, I went to the works party she was there, It was quite awkward and uncomfortable at the party so I didn't speak to her much, when she left she just smiled and waved at me from across the room. When I got home I text her saying "Sorry for being awkward I am at times :/" She said Don't worry I don't think you were being awkward" I then took it a little too far and told her what happened after college and not being able to speak to people but I'm getting over it now. After this there was no reply the next day I just asked when she broke up from college? and a pointless text that didn't really need an answer don't know Why i sent it, nothing.

 

So the next week things in my mind just went awkward and I was over thinking through the week what shall I say, what shall i say and ended up saying nothing that day at all one smile I think that was it, It might just be me paranoid that she didn't want to speak to me, But i was convinced in my mind she didn't want to speak to me.

 

Anyway wasn't thinking I got home and sent " I'm going to be honest here, I can get a little shy at times, but I really enjoy talking to you " This made things worse in my opinion so the next time I saw her I just said "Have I done anything wrong because I don't want to come off as someone I'm not" She said no, no you're fine the only thing That's killing me now is I sort of approached it a little quick/nervous and I'm worried it may have even scared her even though when she walked off she did smile so might be me over thinking again. On I think it was the Monday before christmas eve she was on my both of my breaks and sat directly in front of me on the table infront twice!, I just couldn't speak to her at all, just couldn't get any words out .

 

Anyway, to avoid the details we'll fast forward to her last day x mas even Wednesday, I've felt so guilty and depressed that I've done something wrong this week I've hardly spoke to anyone, I saw her 3 times and she kept looking at me but I never reacted :/, One of them I was walking past the aisle she was in and got stuck behind 2 customers and for literally 10 seconds she just looked at me and what did i do look at the floor!. So On my lunch I just walked up to her and said hey, how are you etc, wished her a lovely christmas which she said thank you, you too then said I just wanted to say I'm sorry about those two texts, she said it's fine don't worry. But I just don't know if it is fine maybe it is I just over think alot of things. I saw her once more When I walked past her I looked away and she just looked at the floor. Anyway 5 pm comes around and she leaves the staff door opposite the aisle I'm working in and walks around the aisle and behind me. now this is where it gets weird she walked past my aisle 5 or 6 times then walked off.

 

I went on my break and turns out she cried when she left because she wasn't returning back unless she gets called sometime, So I just sent a text saying heard you were upset, are you ok? No reply.

 

I sent her one more message for new year saying "Happy New year, hope it's a great one for you.

 

 

 

But yeah, That's the last post

[organizedchaos]

Because I'm convinced I've done something to mess it up . Plus she'll probably never speak to me again. I wouldn't mind just being friends with her but if she'll never talk to me again that's that screwed I guess.

 

Are there no other women in this world?

[preraph]

I'm sorry you're hurting. If it's any consolation, we all do get hurt as we go about dating. It's not just you.

 

I think your first mistake was you shared too many negative things about yourself right up front. You laid all your insecurities on the table. It's one thing to say "I can be a little shy" and then drop the subject. But if you don't advocate for yourself, who is going to. The girl liked you going in, but then you said one negative thing after another about yourself, making her think you were too much of a hot insecure mess. That will scare people off. Most people can handle a wide range of personality issues as long as the person with the issue can handle it himself. But you making this the main topic told her you are not handling your issues well and that you just drug her in on them. That time would have been much better spent asking her questions about herself so you could see if you actually like her or not, instead of going in as if you already know her, which you don't, and like her automatically, which you shouldn't since you don't know her. So at that point early on, she knows she has a guy who is superficially attracted to her and he's telling her what a mess he is. How is that conducive to building a rapport with a date?

 

The good news out of this is that without any effort whatever, you managed to attract a girl to you. This means more opportunities will come along. Before they do, it's time for you to take formal steps in overcoming your shyness. You can start by simply doing a google search for "courses for overcoming shyness" and "charm schools for men" and read a lot of techniques. But in the end, you must get out there and participate in something that will force you to get up in front of people and speak. Improv, debate team, work presentations, teaching a church group, taking an acting class. You have to get over a fear of making a mistake and a fear of a lot of other things to overcome shyness. As you become practiced and doing what's uncomfortable to you, that in itself will increase your feeling of accomplishment and self-worth and give you a visible confidence boost. There's a lot on the internet on these subjects, so start reading. Sometimes it's just about turning your thinking around about your fear. But follow up all the research with getting involved and making yourself interact in a big way publicly so that one-on-one will seem like a cakewalk in comparison.

[Lockey1995]

I'm sorry you're hurting. If it's any consolation, we all do get hurt as we go about dating. It's not just you.

 

I think your first mistake was you shared too many negative things about yourself right up front. You laid all your insecurities on the table. It's one thing to say "I can be a little shy" and then drop the subject. But if you don't advocate for yourself, who is going to. The girl liked you going in, but then you said one negative thing after another about yourself, making her think you were too much of a hot insecure mess. That will scare people off. Most people can handle a wide range of personality issues as long as the person with the issue can handle it himself. But you making this the main topic told her you are not handling your issues well and that you just drug her in on them. That time would have been much better spent asking her questions about herself so you could see if you actually like her or not, instead of going in as if you already know her, which you don't, and like her automatically, which you shouldn't since you don't know her. So at that point early on, she knows she has a guy who is superficially attracted to her and he's telling her what a mess he is. How is that conducive to building a rapport with a date?

 

The good news out of this is that without any effort whatever, you managed to attract a girl to you. This means more opportunities will come along. Before they do, it's time for you to take formal steps in overcoming your shyness. You can start by simply doing a google search for "courses for overcoming shyness" and "charm schools for men" and read a lot of techniques. But in the end, you must get out there and participate in something that will force you to get up in front of people and speak. Improv, debate team, work presentations, teaching a church group, taking an acting class. You have to get over a fear of making a mistake and a fear of a lot of other things to overcome shyness. As you become practiced and doing what's uncomfortable to you, that in itself will increase your feeling of accomplishment and self-worth and give you a visible confidence boost. There's a lot on the internet on these subjects, so start reading. Sometimes it's just about turning your thinking around about your fear. But follow up all the research with getting involved and making yourself interact in a big way publicly so that one-on-one will seem like a cakewalk in comparison.

 

 

 

Technically she didn't get to know me in the first place :/, she was only in one day a week and I didn't see her that much and she was always with quite a few other work colleagues and I just couldn't speak and after I sent those texts it got beyond awkward and I got paranoid that she didn't want to speak to me and so on so in the end I ended up hardly saying anything.