My mother is making us crazy!

[fyrwyfe]

[color=darkblue]I need advice guys. My mother is stressing my me & my sister out. She is hard to deal with at times because she is so stubborn and want's things HER way and want's us kissing her butt. We aren't children anymore - I am 32 & my sister is 34. We have homes and families and lives, yet have to deal with her weird, controlling behavior - we cannot figure her out.

 

She came over to my sister's house for Easter, where my sister and I were in the kitchen eating & talking and the guys were sitting in the front room watching a basketball game on TV. We had only been inside for maybe 20 or 30 minutes (after the egg hunt) and she had popped into the kitchen, presumably to see what was going on and then she wen't back into the front room. A few moments later she said out of the blue "Okay, I'm leaving. See ya." By her tone we knew she was pissed but we had no idea what we'd done. We tried getting her to stay; she left anyway. Everyone in the house new we were "in trouble" - we don't know what we did.

 

All I can figure is that she felt excluded from the conversation because we were in the kitchen...? Not that we were doing anything wrong, but that's not how she may view it. Another thing... perhaps the TV watching by the guys aggravated her because she hates it when people turn it on during family get-togethers. My thoughts... she's outvoted and it's not her house. I dunno what the problem is - nothing of significance for sure. I emailed her yesterday, made small talk & included pictures of her grandkids from Easter - no response. Her behavior really frustrates us. I know there are two sides to every story, but this is it guys... this is what happened. I think she want's us to call her, kiss her ass and beg for her forgiveness - my sister & say there is nothing to apologize for. If anyone is to apologize it should be her for her dramatic exit on Easter.

 

I just don't have the energy to play these games; I have enough problems in my own family and I really don't need this in addition. It's as if she thinks it's all on us to keep a relationship going with her because she's the mother and mothers can do & say whatever the hell they want to their kids.

 

So what does everyone think? Keep emailing her as if nothing happened, then ask her why she hasn't returned any of them? Let her call me? Feels to me like she doesn't value the relationship with her children & her grandkids very much... [/color]

[Elmo]

Yuck. I feel for you.

 

I'd pull back a abit.

 

Yep. I think she needs alot of attention...and it worked when you were all little kids. Problem now is that the little kids are adults and surprised and turned off at her histrionic behavior.

 

I know it will be hard...but I think you should hold her to an adult standard. If she acts like a brat....pull back.

[DandyBo]

You know that mothers, when they turn old, they tend to be a little more sensitive and emotional. You have to accept that fact, especially when their children are all grown up and have families of their own, they'll feel all lonely. From an Asian perspective, we can never ignore our mothers or expect our mothers to give in, because they've done a lot for us. She bears 9 months of pain of torture and pain, gives birth to us, grew us up till we are good adults with great families - all thanks to her. It's common that we just couldn't see why she should react is some ways unpleasant, but as a child, this is the time for us to repay all her kindness by giving her attention, despite of any outcome. Anyway, there's nothing wrong being a filial daughter/son to a mother.