Could be cheating - Done it before.

[fever79]

Been with boyfriend for 2.7 years.

 

After first 6 monthes together, found out he was seeing another girl behind my back from 2 monthes. He swears he did not have sex with her.

 

Took a 2 week separation from him (we lived together) - then got back together after him swearing that if he was ever interested in anyone else he would let me know.

 

Now, 2.1 years later, the same thing seems to be happening.

 

He just started a new job and has been there for 2 monthes.

 

A girl from his work who is only 20 (He and I are both 25) has been calling the house. He said at first that he didnt know why she was calling, but that he thought that she wanted to be friends.

 

He said that he told her not to call.

 

She proceeded to call one night, Friday, while I was there to ask him what he was doing that night. He told her he was with me.

 

He spends weekends with me. Last weekend he planned to go with a friend to the city for a concert. He was supposed to get home that night, but did not come home until 8am. He said that he fell asleep on the couch. When I checked his cell phone for that night, her number was on it.

 

Yesterday, she called and hung up when I answered. Today, when I was home for lunch, she called, he answered and became nervous and put the phone on the bed. I picked it up and she hung up. I called her back and asked her why she was calling my house and why she hung up on me. She said that it was because she was calling for him and not me. She proceed to tell me that they were friends and that I should have no problem with it, and called me bitch. She seemed very defensive about the situation. I hung up the phone and asked him to leave and move out of our home.

 

I feel that because he lied to me over and over about the friendship and talking to this girl, there must be something going on. The girl seemed low class, just by the way she was on the phone. I love him, but because this type of situation already happened before, and he was lying regardless of if he is cheating or not, that my best bed is to have him leave our home.

 

My family says that I may be overreacting, and that she may just be a friend. Over the last month or so, he has been overly affectionate, extra loving and reassuring. I feel this may be a effort to cover up whatever he may be doing wrong.

 

I am not sure how I feel yet fully, since it just happened. But I feel like for now I need him out of our home. If he is associating with low class people who have no problem disrespecting me, and ofcourse that he could bring this element of chaos into our life, I may be better off without.

 

What do you think?

[whichwayisup]

He spends weekends with me. Last weekend he planned to go with a friend to the city for a concert. He was supposed to get home that night, but did not come home until 8am. He said that he fell asleep on the couch. When I checked his cell phone for that night, her number was on it.

 

Yesterday, she called and hung up when I answered. Today, when I was home for lunch, she called, he answered and became nervous and put the phone on the bed. I picked it up and she hung up. I called her back and asked her why she was calling my house and why she hung up on me. She said that it was because she was calling for him and not me. She proceed to tell me that they were friends and that I should have no problem with it, and called me bitch. She seemed very defensive about the situation. I hung up the phone and asked him to leave and move out of our home

 

If he was 'just' friends with her why is he acting so weird and secretive...And WHY did she call you a b!tch??? Why is she calling the house when she knows not to?? Making trouble and let's see...Hmmm, she's jealous of your relationship! Something isn't right here. I don't think you are over reacting at all and he isn't doing much to ease your mind either.

 

You need to come right out and ask him wtf is really going on! Not knowing for sure is worse.

 

Good luck and keep on posting!

[LucreziaBorgia]

The mantra of the OW/OM is often "deny, deny, deny" - because they have no intention of losing what they have with your man/woman. The truth only outs when one of them are no longer invested in the relationship. Right now, they are both invested in their relationship. You can ask directly what it going on, and even if you get a morsel of "truth" - it will only be the tip of the iceberg. You'll need to catch this guy red-handed and present him with evidence before he will admit to anything.

 

You sound like you know what the deal is - he isn't fooling you but so much in this situation. You can either leave (and I understand that sometimes it is best to just walk away), or you can get to the bottom of it. It depends on how much you want to put into fixing this. If you want to go the repair route: You have probable cause to think something is up - so go with your gut and start doing some digging. Do you know any of his co-workers who would be able to verify your suspicions? Is there online contact? Can you request copies of his phone records? Thought of hiring a PI? You'll need to smack him in the face with some hard proof.

 

Once you do that, you can decide what to do: go to marriage counseling or proceed with a divorce. It depends really on what's best for you.

[Karlise13]

If she is really 'just friends' with him then she should be willing to be friends with you.

 

After all, there's nothing going on between the two of them, right?

 

If she's calling you a 'bitch' then she obviously has something to hide.

 

I'd trust your intuition. Sounds fishy to me!

[Tatertots]

He wants to be friends with someone that called you a bitch?! Uh uh. I don't understand why he would.

I say listen to your instincts on this. I don't think it's overreacting at all.

And really, given his past, he should expect you to be suspicious.

If she's just a friend, then he and the girl should have no problem with you talking to her.

But given that he isn't fully honest with you about when she calls him, there's something going on that shouldn't be.

[Donut]

Sounds like he's cheating to me.

 

Let them get on with it and find someone better for you.

[RoxStar]

Go with your gut feeling. If you think he is cheating then ask him or find out for sure. Your gut feeling is usually best to follow in these situations. I was an expert at the telling if he was cheating because I knew the signs and followed my gut feeling. Its very easy to turn a blind eye sometimes but you only hurt yourself more when you look the other way. I say check it out. Ask him. See what he has to say. Snoop a little if you must but dont do anything stupid either like show up at his workplace.

[Lolla]

Why would you want "S - Seconds"? Your being cheated on Hun. Sorry but you are .. too much back and forth with this girl and your overly affectionate boyfriend .... for this week anyway

[RecordProducer]

I would never associate with a person who called my boyfriend a name or called my mother a bitch or my kids or anyone from my family. I was very mad at a BF I had long time ago who let his friend call me a name for no reason.

If I were you I would actually sit and wait what he does about it. If he continues to talk to her and call her a friend, then you will have a package of reasons to dump him. He is supposed to be on your side, not hers.

It's not obvious whether he cheats on you or not, but it's obvious that this girl wants you to break up. That's why she calls, hangs up on you, and calls you names. She wants to create dramatic tension between the two of you and make you ditch him so she can be with him.

Don't talk to her and don't call her! Ignore her and deal with him only. You're encouraging her to fight for him and your BF is enjoying it.

Perhaps the best way to catch him cheating would be to tell him you're going out, say at 8 pm, and will be back at midnight, then show up at 9 if he is at home. Or tell him you'll go out with a friend then change your mind and see if he is going to call her to let her know that he can't make it. (Keep an eye on all the phones you have).

[fever79]

Thank you all for your advice. It is so helpful when dealing with all the crazy emotions.

 

After all of this happened, the calls ended. I have not heard a word about her, and every moment he is off work he spends with me.

 

The relationship is stressed. We went to counseling together and he said that he was having doubts about the relationship because we argue too much. He says that it is a constant battle and he doesnt know if he wants it anymore. I was pretty suprised and hurt to hear this after all of our time together.

 

I told him that I was unwilling to be with someone who is wavering on their love for me. He said that he loves me. I told him still that I think he should move out.

 

To actually mean what I said is another thing. I love him and am hurt to know that he has doubts about us, but it has been really hectic lately. We argue constantly. He says that he cant handle it, and really neither can I.

 

I just wish that there was a way to fix everything.

[lonelyctg]

Boy, it sure sounds like he is cheating to me. My first husband did it to me 6 times. Jerk!

He is not worthy of you!!!!

[westernxer]

He's just practicing on her so he can be ready for you.

 

And I'm saying this with a straight face. Not.

[New_Wife]

I don't want to sound patronizing here, but if, at 25, you can already take an honest look at your situation, say to yourself 'this isn't what I want' and tell him to fly right or get out - you're more ahead of the game than I was at your age.

 

Good for you for having some standards and moxy - even when it hurts. I hope you keep that and don't buy into anything you know (in that quiet place we'd rather ignore sometimes) to be B.S.

 

Good luck.