Am I just not attractive enough to chose? Should I just settle for whatever I can?

[Eddy Street]

My dream of finding true love and becoming a father and maintaining a strong family with love and respect and integrity with a woman who I consider attractive both physically and intellectually is becoming more and more distant to me. I came to the realization that I'm probably too old to have standards at this point in my life, that I'm too old to chose, too old to be picky. By that I am not implying that I had that luxury when I was younger solely by virtue of my looks, I never had decent looks, what I mean is that doors of financial opportunities are fewer and fewer in between as I get closer and closer to 30 each year. I don't have the time to do a career change now, nor do I have the energy or financial resources. I know that I'm never going to be tall, dark-haired and handsome and I'm probably never going to be a doctor, lawyer or whatever else it is that women look for. I'll probably never meet that perfect Yelena Noah or Alicia Keys lookalike because what would I offer them? Should I just follow the hordes of failed American dudes and pay for the first East Asian woman to come to the US that I can find online? At least I can have children and devote all my efforts to loving them and raising them so that they don't become a failed human being like me.

 

That's what I want to do. She can use me all she wants, I will use her to get my meaning out of life. Have children that I could love and for whom I could create an experience better than my own. I'm ready to be divorced too, as long as I can still have some impact on my kids' lives.

[Gloria25]

I just don't see how some people could marry someone knowing that the person is only or partly with them cuz what they can "do" for the person (i.e. paying their bills, green cards, etc.)

 

For that I'd rather be alone...

 

Besides, all those RLs based on "quid-pro-quo" usually end up with the hotter/more advantaged person cheating and/or the relationship ending badly. So, on top of you "settling" for someone "just because" you don't wanna be lonely, you get to suffer in silence while they also get some hot stud to clean their pipes (or "fill" their pipes when you think about it) now and then.

Edited January 18, 2015 by Gloria25

[Eddy Street]

I just don't see how some people could marry someone knowing that the person is only or partly with them cuz what they can "do" for the person (i.e. paying their bills, green cards, etc.)

 

For that I'd rather be alone...

 

Besides, all those RLs based on "quid-pro-quo" usually end up with the hotter/more advantaged person cheating and/or the relationship ending badly. So, on top of you "settling" for someone "just because" you don't wanna be lonely, you get to suffer in silence while they also get some hot stud to clean their pipes (or "fill" their pipes when you think about it) now and then.

 

I don't care if she dumps me for some better looking guy. I just want to have children and have some positive impact on their lives, even if it's from a distance.

[Gloria25]

I don't care if she dumps me for some better looking guy. I just want to have children and have some positive impact on their lives, even if it's from a distance.

 

Well, if you wanna make a different in kid's lives, there's "Big Brothers" volunteer programs...you can even volunteer to go like to pre-mature baby wards in hospitals and just "hold" them (kids need that as a baby).

 

As a person that came from a messed up childhood - where I believe my mom had us to "trap" my dad, trying to have kids when there is an unhealthy or non-existent marriage/RL only hurts the kids.

 

If you try to have kids with some bimbo, and bimbo acts the fool, the kids will suffer. Bimbo will take the kids and/or want visitation/custody. Or, you can just sit around and play dumb while you know she's boinking a stud - but trust me, you can't keep those situations under wraps for 18 years. The kids, family, friends etc. will eventually figure out what's going on and again, bimbo might just wanna take the kids and run off with her stud.

[Gloria25]

Well, if you wanna make a different in kid's lives, there's "Big Brothers" volunteer programs...you can even volunteer to go like to pre-mature baby wards in hospitals and just "hold" them (kids need that as a baby).

 

BTW....

 

Believe it or not, my last FWB didn't have kids. He used to volunteer in like a Big Brother's thing. There's always healthier ways to channel our needs w/o putting innocent parties (i.e. kids you want to actually "have") at risk.

[Eddy Street]

Big brothers? That's my problem. I have tremendous respect for my father and mother, they're very intelligent people. I could have been like them too if I didn't play around with sand paper and lead paint chips when I was little. I remember I had some pretty cool ideas when I was very young. I lost a lot of that through abuse and lead exposure but I think I can contribute something to the future gene pool. But I'm known for my delusions. This will probably be the most difficult of my delusions to overcome... I really want to have my own biological kids.

[Gloria25]

BTW....

 

Believe it or not, my last FWB didn't have kids. He used to volunteer in like a Big Brother's thing. There's always healthier ways to channel our needs w/o putting innocent parties (i.e. kids you want to actually "have") at risk.

 

Well, if you wanna make a different in kid's lives, there's "Big Brothers" volunteer programs...you can even volunteer to go like to pre-mature baby wards in hospitals and just "hold" them (kids need that as a baby).

 

There's always healthier ways to channel our needs w/o putting innocent parties (i.e. kids you want to actually "have") at risk. There's also Boy Scouts, coaching soccer/football/etc. Volunteering at the YMCA or troubled youth programs.

 

Shoot, with all the broken homes now a days, there are so many boys out there who need strong/consistent male influence.

 

Less than half of U.S. kids today live in a ?traditional? family | Pew Research Center

[Rejected Rosebud]

I'm probably never going to be a doctor, lawyer or whatever else it is that women look for. I'll probably never meet that perfect Yelena Noah or Alicia Keys lookalike because what would I offer them? Should I just follow the hordes of failed American dudes and pay for the first East Asian woman to come to the US that I can find online?

There is no middle ground between Yelena Noah / Alicia Keyes and "the first East Asian woman" you can pay?

[Gloria25]

Big brothers? That's my problem. I have tremendous respect for my father and mother, they're very intelligent people. I could have been like them too if I didn't play around with sand paper and lead paint chips when I was little. I remember I had some pretty cool ideas when I was very young. I lost a lot of that through abuse and lead exposure but I think I can contribute something to the future gene pool. But I'm known for my delusions. This will probably be the most difficult of my delusions to overcome... I really want to have my own biological kids.

 

So, to heck with adopted kids?

 

Look, when that kid has booboos that need kissing, or is up at night crying from an upset tummy - doesn't make a difference who's bloodline/gene pool that kid came from.

 

Yes, it's true that a lot of people try to repair their childhood through having kids of their own, but IMO, that should not be your reason to have kids - especially in the type of unhealthy environment you are setting up here (an unloving wife who only/partly married you for what you could do for her). The way you wanna have kids is gonna do more damage than good.

 

You know, one of my siblings did what you are alluding to.

 

Even in my tweens, and without the knowledge I have now, I told her it was a bad idea. She wanted kids and a "family" so bad. She tried it with pretty much any guy she got involved with. I told her the guy she currently had in mind wasn't ready for it. I told her to have fun with him and call it a day. Well, she didn't. He was on drugs, a loser and already had kids with other women....

 

But noooo, she had kid after kid, after kid. She worked X jobs to build her "dream" house with him. Well, she died after complications with her umpt-eenth kid, and he died shortly after cuz the drug abuse. Her kids cry a lot and miss her although they barely know her. They endured abuse from him and from my siblings who didn't properly care for them. I tried to step in, but was blocked from taking them in (cuz siblings wanted money off of them). Now they are grown, but struggle with being stable people and having relationships with people....

 

So again, trying to have kids in an unhealthy situation only results in the kids suffering. I mean that from what I've seen in real life and on TV and stuff.

Edited January 18, 2015 by Gloria25

[xxoo]

I'll probably never meet that perfect Yelena Noah or Alicia Keys lookalike because what would I offer them?

 

The great majority of people who find love, marry, and having children are not with a perfect Yelena Noah or Alicia Keys (or the male equivalent).

 

Have you never developed a crush with a normal woman in your life?

[Gloria25]

There is no middle ground between Yelena Noah / Alicia Keyes and "the first East Asian woman" you can pay?

 

From what he's posted here, if either of those chicks (Yelena Noah or Alicia Keyes), or something close to them, even came his way, he'd not be comfortable with it and blow them off.

 

I mean, you can see the hostility in his OLD exchanges with the few women who actually show him any interest.

 

The key here isn't being a lawyer, doctor, etc. It's having confidence in yourself that you deserve a certain caliber of woman. I mean, I've heard/seen of unemployed bums - even living with their parents - who have women catering to them.

[Gloria25]

To the OP, just like those 'scared teens straight' programs where they take young girls on the Maury show who just wanna get preggo to spend a day caring for a kid, so they can see what they're actually getting into....

 

Why don't you look into the volunteer programs I mentioned (Boy Scouts, Big Brother, YMCA, troubled youth) to see if you can get a "fix" for your desire to give a child what you never had and/or satisfy your need to be around kids.

 

Oh, and pleeze don't do the "captain save a ho" thing and pick up some chick with kids already. I've seen a ton of those situations go south too. Shoot, most of those chicks are already just looking for some guy to take advantage of, and those situations, IMO, also end up badly - especially for the kids who lose "another" father and bounce from unstable situation to unstable situation.

 

Also, don't to the 'Jacko' creepy thing and build a Neverland and have kids sleep in a bed with you. That's over the top and just creepy.

 

Kids need stability for their development. All these broken homes result in broken children, who evolve into broken people.