Va.kid804 Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Hello all,just wanted to say I just joined today,and just here for some advice. My fiancé and I have been together for going on 14 yrs. we have two wonderful children together,and what seems to be a somewhat normal relationship. That's up until the last year or so. I don't know if I am going through a mid-life crisis or what,but it just feel like things have changed drastically on my part. Some background on us....we have definitely had our ups and downs,we have or times when we don't talk for days,and we have times when we are best of friends. Sex has never really been the kind of "swinging from the rafters"type,but it's alright. It only happens a handful of times a year,and it's normally the same way each time. That's the way it's been for the past 5 or 6 years. We are in a single income,so money is always an stressful issue. It's one of our main arguments. I guess my issue is:the past year or so,I have gotten to the point that I'm just ready for a change....of everything. I don't look at her the same anymore,I don't want to talk to her,she just makes me (I hate to use the word disgusted) but disgusted when she walks by. I guess my question is....is this normal? Am I going through a midlife crisis at 35yo? Is it time for a change? Has anyone ever felt like this before?? Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Could you elaborate as to what exactly is it that makes you feel that way about your wife when she walks by lately? What points are argued in regards to money ? What's her stance, what's yours? Have you tried counseling together? Does she know how you feel? Have you made attempts to tell her this time around you are getting serious thought about leaving? Why would you think sex could be better? (I get the feeling it's merely alright) If you could give us a little more insight on why you are feeling the way you are, people will give you more accurate advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Va.kid804 Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 Hey sorry. As far as money,we are extremely strapped for cash when I'm not in my busy season,when I do go back into ot,I try and catch up on the bills,and try to get ahead. Saying that,when the account is low,her attitude is F-it,they can't get what we do not have,when the account is ok,she's quick to tell me we have gotta save all our money,don't try and get ahead...save it and we'll pay em later.. I know both is true,but at the same time with her it's spend spend spend,even when we don't have it. + she had no clue what a credit score does for a person,I don't think she even has one :/. Sex:well I've tried to get her to try new things,from slight changes to some wild stuff. She doesn't want to try anything. When we get into bed,it's the same thing,the same way,everything time. She claims that the reason we don't have sex anymore than when we do ,is because I don't so my part around home...cleaning,dinner,laundry ect. So I try to so more around here and it the excuse is then is,I'm just not in the mood. As far as the way I feel about her.....I really don't know,like I've said,lately she can walk by me and I'm like ugh. I really don't what it is to be honest. She can talk to me,and I would rather hear nails on a chalk board then to carry on a conversation with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Va.kid804 Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 As far as counseling....no I'm not sure I want to,I don't know that it would help on my part Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 It sounds like you've both lost touch with each other's feelings. I would really recommend seeing a counselor. You will be surprised at the changes and eye-opening observations a professional can make you see in yourself and her. That goes for both of you. Any particular reason why you haven't tied the knot officially after 14 years? Few comments on stuff said that come time mind: "she had no clue what a credit score does for a person,I don't think she even has one" Get her involved more in the finances. Make her understand how hard it is on your end. Ask her to help you balance your finances every now and then so she can feel she has some input on things. Even if you're the only one earning income, both of you are contributing to the family (she's taking care of the kids I assume). If she doesn't want to, or finds it boring, then tell her she's forgoing her right to complain or have on opinion by doing so. But give her the opportunity and let her know you're doing it. "I don't so my part around home...cleaning,dinner,laundry ect." If you're outside doing the work, bringing home the $$$, then what's she gonna do , if she also wants you to do this? I would argue that you should be more attentive to her work. Thank her for keeping the house clean. For having your clothes and food ready. And every now and then surprise her with a meal. Cooking can be a stress reliever from work and fun. In her case, 14 years of preparing meals, and doing dunner , laundry and stuff, might go unappreciated by you and the kids. She might feel the same way about it, as you do about your job. You have to communicate and understand that you can rely on each other if you simply empathize with each other. You did after all fall in love once. Again, a marriage counselor I believe will help you tremendously and a 14 year relationship deserves that chance at the very least before you give up on it. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Honestly? I'm not sure how anyone can live together that long, sharing all those responsibilities and having to take care of kids, and still be attracted to one another. I don't know how people do it. So no, I don't think what you describe is unusual. Maybe others will not agree with me, IDK. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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