Philosopher Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Does anyone else think online dating would be so much easier for both guys and girls if online daters tried to stick to the following ten rules? 1) Only sign up to an Online dating website if you have at least some intention of meeting someone from the site. Do not join the site to seek attention or to play games. If you after a few days you decide the site is not for you, then delete your profile. 2) Always read their profile properly before you wink, favourite or message someone and then only wink, favourite or message them if you like the sound of them. 3) If someone messages you, view and read their profile before replying to them. Don't waste people's time by only viewing the profile when they suggest meeting up and then deciding they are not for you. 4) When messaging someone refrain from personal insults, sending photos of certain body parts or very obviously sexual comments. If you not interested in that person, either don't reply or reply with a thanks but no thanks message. 5) Try to reply to messages within a couple of days. If you couldn't reply for several days for some reason, for example if you have trekking across Antarctica, then explain why it took so long for you to reply. 6) Only suggest meeting up or agree to meeting up if you genuinely want to meet that person. 7) When arranging to meet up with someone, try to set up the date within a week if possible and always meet in a public place that is convenient to both of you. 8) If during a phone conversation you don't like the sound of someone who suggests meeting up, then either explain upfront that you don't fancy it or say you are busy and can no longer meet up. Do not reply with non committal answers such as "I will check my diary". 9) Do not cancel dates unless you have a very good reason to do so. Being tired or having a bad day at work does not count. If you do have to cancel, apologise, explain why you have had to cancel and mention that you are still keen on meeting up. This way it should be obvious that are cancelling the date for a genuine reason and that you are not flaking. 10) If a date does get cancelled do not get angry with the person cancelling the date and do not pressure that person into another date by insisting that the date has to happen. 2 Quote
Jame22 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 there's only 1 rule you need to know; No one owes you anything Send your message and forget about it. If they reply; cool, great,..go ahead and ask them out. If they don't, move on. 8 Quote
applej4 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Those rules sound great, but expecting everyone to follow them isn’t realistic. The fact is that a large number of people go on dating sites and lie about their marital/relationship status, their looks, profession, etc. Many just want to play around and email/text endlessly then make excuses for not meeting in person. Others are chatting up dozens of people at a time – playing games. Sure, some are honest and sometimes it works out (I know a few married couples who met online). People know they should be honest and treat others with respect, but the anonymity of dating sites unfortunately makes it very easy not to. 2 Quote
Author Philosopher Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 Those rules sound great, but expecting everyone to follow them isn’t realistic. The fact is that a large number of people go on dating sites and lie about their marital/relationship status, their looks, profession, etc. Many just want to play around and email/text endlessly then make excuses for not meeting in person. Others are chatting up dozens of people at a time – playing games. Sure, some are honest and sometimes it works out (I know a few married couples who met online). People know they should be honest and treat others with respect, but the anonymity of dating sites unfortunately makes it very easy not to. People hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet is definitely one of the problems with Online dating, many people behave far worse on these sites than they would in real life as they know they are likely to never meet that person in real life. The problem is you never know whether that person behind that profile is being honest and is genuinely keen on meeting people, or whether they just there to play games, are blatantly lying or generally just messing people around. That said I do think that on the paid sites, online daters generally behave a bit better, perhaps because only those who actually want to meet others would be willing to pay to join the site. Quote
Author Philosopher Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 there's only 1 rule you need to know; No one owes you anything Send your message and forget about it. If they reply; cool, great,..go ahead and ask them out. If they don't, move on. My suggestions are not being owned anything, they are about being courteous and not wasting other people's time. In my view there is a difference between being treated honestly and with respect and feeling entitled to something. 1 Quote
Phoe Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I think some general courtesy isn't too much to ask. I wasn't on OLD for long, but I wanted to be courteous while interacting with others. Not only because I'd want the same in return, but after being on this forum, I realized that many of the guys talking to me likely hadn't always had the best time on OLD. I didn't want to contribute and be another negative experience to add to the pile. 2 Quote
CM2009 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 How bout when sending a message put something more then just "Hi" or "Hello" add some substance, I have gotten plenty of msgs from woman with those two words.... 1 Quote
Jame22 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 (edited) My suggestions are not being owned anything, they are about being courteous and not wasting other people's time. In my view there is a difference between being treated honestly and with respect and feeling entitled to something. Still, you are only responsible for you. If someone doesn't show up it's your fault. Flaky people are very common when it comes to OLD. You knew this when you signed up and did anyway. If you're a guy ask her out very quickly. If she doesn't respond or fails to show up, great!, at least you didn't waste 3 months talking to her online. If you're a girl and a guy doesn't suggest a date within a time frame you'd like, cut him off and don't look back. OLD becomes very easy when you take responsibility for yourself. Edited January 23, 2015 by Jame22 2 Quote
Author Philosopher Posted January 24, 2015 Author Posted January 24, 2015 Still, you are only responsible for you. If someone doesn't show up it's your fault. Flaky people are very common when it comes to OLD. You knew this when you signed up and did anyway. I agree that flaky people are very common on OLD and that it is one of the risks of Online dating. However saying it is the fault of the person who is being flaked on because they knew it was a problem and signed up anyway in effect just provides an easy justification for people to flake. It implies flaking is OK because this is what they should have expected when they signed up. The end result is that if everyone on OLD sites had this attitude then flaking would be even more common than it is. Both sides have to take responsibility for their actions. If a date has been arranged it is up to both sides to make sure the date happens, not just the person who asked for the date. That can be done by both showing not cancelling dates unless you have a good reason to do so, making an effort to appear attractive and interesting, being truthful and not getting annoyed if one of you has to reschedule for some reason. 1 Quote
Jame22 Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 I agree that flaky people are very common on OLD and that it is one of the risks of Online dating. However saying it is the fault of the person who is being flaked on because they knew it was a problem and signed up anyway in effect just provides an easy justification for people to flake. It implies flaking is OK because this is what they should have expected when they signed up. The end result is that if everyone on OLD sites had this attitude then flaking would be even more common than it is. Both sides have to take responsibility for their actions. If a date has been arranged it is up to both sides to make sure the date happens, not just the person who asked for the date. That can be done by both showing not cancelling dates unless you have a good reason to do so, making an effort to appear attractive and interesting, being truthful and not getting annoyed if one of you has to reschedule for some reason. I see what you're saying but I just think it makes life easier when you expect absolutely nothing from the other person. People are never going to be 100% honest with you and they never will...it's human nature. 2 Quote
thecrucible Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 What's the best etiquette if you've been on a few dates but you might think it's not a match? How to convey this without sounding like a tool? Quote
carhill Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 What's the best etiquette if you've been on a few dates but you might think it's not a match? How to convey this without sounding like a tool? Be direct about it. Thanks for the experiences but I feel we're not a good match. I heard this, in various forms, many times during the couple decades or so I dated. I greatly valued this clear and direct communication, even if it did sting a bit in the moment. It stimulated the right emotions for me to erase any attraction I had for the person and move on. Looking back, I thank those people for their forthrightness and honesty. 1 Quote
kendahke Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 How bout when sending a message put something more then just "Hi" or "Hello" add some substance, I have gotten plenty of msgs from woman with those two words.... same here and it was obvious they didn't read my profile because of who was responding to it. A little reading goes a long, long way in not wasting one's time. Quote
thecrucible Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 same here and it was obvious they didn't read my profile because of who was responding to it. A little reading goes a long, long way in not wasting one's time. I don't reply to those 'cause I feel the guy is either being lazy about it...or thinks something like..."this girl isn't really my type but she seems all right so I'll send her a message". I don't want the guy to write me an essay but something about three sentences long is about right. 1 Quote
thecrucible Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 Be direct about it. Thanks for the experiences but I feel we're not a good match. I heard this, in various forms, many times during the couple decades or so I dated. I greatly valued this clear and direct communication, even if it did sting a bit in the moment. It stimulated the right emotions for me to erase any attraction I had for the person and move on. Looking back, I thank those people for their forthrightness and honesty. I took your advice when I replied to the guy. He was in a meeting and he was taken aback by it, saying he couldn't concentrate . Anyway he invited me to talk on the phone after about it. We agreed to hang out more in an informal casual way with no expectations from either side. It may go somewhere, it may not. I'm just really glad I followed your advice and was honest with him. I feel so much better and I'm going to do this in future. I think I've reached a real point of maturity in my dating life. So thank you for giving me that advice. Quote
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