my family dosnt care if i live or die

[cheese2]

my family dosnt care if i live or die. is there anyone here who understands or can relate?

 

 

i was born to a very unique family. a family of cold hearted selfish psychopaths. yes actual psychopaths, it is genetic in my case and runs rampant on one side of my family. even 2 of my sisters children are psychopaths

 

so they have no ability to love or have compassion for anyone, they are self centered, impulsive, violent with tempers, coniving, sneaky, liars, narcisistic and sadistic

 

if you do anything that makes them not happy they will attack you in some way that causes severe suffering and destruction to your survival

 

 

i was abused severely growing up. the worst kids of abuse a kid can go through. beaten on a daily basis until age 15 when my parents kicked me out of home and started putting me in mental hospitals for no reason for years. i was not allowed to go to school so i got no highschool diploma. im now 31 yrs old with no high school diploma and a 9th grade education because of my parents

 

i got my ged when i was 20 yrs old , i had to argue with my parents to let me

 

their plan was when i turned 18 to have me commited for the rest of my life to a state hospital insane asylum and keep tabs on me to control me behind bars. my mother used to joke with me and scare me when i was 18 saying when she puts me there the men there are going to rape me and tie my tubes so that i dont get pregnant from the raping(i was a virgin then so it scared me)

 

she had a big smile and laughing at me when talking about how she hopes the men rape me there

 

thats the kind of love i got from my mother growing up. she almost killed me a bunch of times and she beat me with a broom and broke my arm and i was starved

 

i never got hugs or anything the only time anyone put their hand on me at home was to beat me or be violent to me since age 2

 

it is scary.

 

i have a few siblings, they were not treated as bad as me, but all of them are some level of psychopath also. i am an empath, the odd one out so they all were jealous and hated me because i was the only good one with a conscience in my family

 

my family all abuses eachother

 

 

but anyways i realize and was shown that my family does not care if i die.

 

im just a toy for my parents to play with. my life and safety is a game for them

 

 

my older sister left home when i was 12 and she never looked back

 

but she is also some form of narcisist/psychopath. it is dangerous for me to be around any of my family members and i dont realize it because ive been conditioned

 

and have some kind of stockholm

 

 

even my parents dont get along with their family. they do not talk to their siblings

 

 

it is really strange, also my family does not believe in celebrating holidays or giving gifts. the few times they did they exclude me

 

 

there is a book called a child called it by dave pelzer, if you make the main character into a girl instead minus the knife stabbing and change a few incidents that is me, my life

 

 

except he was rescued

 

 

as long as my parents are alive no one will believe me, they will make sure to keep me controlled and tell people to not help

 

 

they dont allow me to do anything. if you heard of the saudia arabia king who keeps his unmarried 40 yr old daughters at home still. that is similar to me

 

my parents dont allow me an education or to work.

 

 

the abuse to me was so bad it made me become physically disabled and i can no longer care for myself

 

they allowed strange men to victimize me and do terrible things to me and sexually harass me

 

my parents use threats to control me. they use the courts, mental health system and law enforcement against me and they always win. no one ever believes me and im always labeled as crazy and for 31 yrs never get help

 

 

they create alot of lies against me in some smear campaign

 

my father has a crush on me, yes he acts like im a woman his age and he has flirted at me several times and said inapropriate things. so he tries to keep me as a broken down toy doll and hide me from the world. he tries to make sure no one sees who i am. he tells everyone that he has to hide me and he dosnt like me talking to friends or socialozing in the world

 

maybe it is jealousy or something but he is posessive over me like im property. he does not treat me like a daughter

 

he did not even treat me like a child when i was growing up, neither did my mother. i was sexually abused a few times by my mother when i was a child and that made me question my orientation i started having feelings for females as a teenager after the sexual abuse by my mom, i connect it

 

my parents have munchausens by proxy which is some psychosis they have where they insist something is wrong with me and took me to crazy situations and odd treatments to try to fix the mysterious issue. they had me diagnosed with over 30 different things i never had

 

 

and they would use that to get pity and attention from everyone they talk to. my mother would tell everyone how some stuff was terribly wrong with me

 

it was so embarassing, especially since nothing was wrong but she would get some fix from the pity

 

she would tell the grocery delivery man, the dentist, anyone who came to the door, people at church, the electrician, people who work in the supermarket, basically anyone she could talk to she would make a pity story about how her daughter is terribly sick and they dont know wats wrong with her

 

my grandfather was dying in a hospital bed and i went to visit him when i was 18 and she turned to the nurse caring for him and pointed to me and said her daughter is sick too.

 

they tell people i have cancer and diabetes and random mental illnesses

 

they told some people i had lead poisoning

 

 

my parents have gone to court against me over 10 times because they like the excitement and attention they get from a court room and authority figures, it gives them some thrill to dupe and lie to authority figures to help them abuse their broken toy doll

 

i would be dragged to court for nonsense reasons, handcuffed because i was not mobile because i had a broken back so i could not walk very well and was trying to recover from broken bones and was using a walker

 

they had me hauled off at 8am to court hearings for nonsense to lie about me

 

 

it was so bad, the abue broke me down at that time i stopped caring if i lived or not. i was suicidal for about 2 yrs because of the stuff my father would do to me every single day for his entertainment. i watched my life goals flushed down the toilet as i was a victim of abuse every single day , i was tortured worse that pow prisoners

 

everyone my age was graduating college and growing as people and i was kept around to be abuse

 

 

but i decided after that there is nothing productive about ending your life

 

so that is something i will never think of again.

 

my father went to court against me and got conservatorship over me

 

so he thinks he can control me now for the rest of his life

 

a year after that from the stress i developed an autoimmune disease and a life threatening infection from their home.

 

i never got rid of the infection and later on developed encephalitis when the infection got to my brain

 

i started having seizures and stroke symptoms i was psychotic and catatonic for years with horrible physical symptoms

 

they left me to die. i had to go alone to the emergency room

 

they didnt care what happened to me and i was left alone in a room of their house to stare at the wall and not able to speak and losing my skills from the brain infection.i could talk sometimes but it depended on the day, for a long time when i had lucid moments i thought i developed early dementia

 

 

i still have confusion and cant think and dont understand the basic things. its like the info is there but i cant get to it.

 

one symptom of dementia is wandering off place the sudden need to want to bolt out the door and walk randomly for miles in any direction for no reason

 

your mind thinks it needs to go on random adventures even if that means walking into a forest

 

while i was wandering some creepy men found me, maybe they wanted to rape me or something. but they followed me and found out where i live. i bstarted to get stalked and taken advantage by them and i told my parents within a few months and they never wanted to help me

 

the guys contacted me on my computer because they eventually hacked my internet when they found out where i live they also told me they put bugs and cameras in my home because they would describe how the inside of the home looks like and what im wearing, how my hair looks, what i say in the home

 

they put me under surveilance

 

so these criminal guys were taking advantage of me and they got angry and one day decided they want to kill me so i was severely injured by these guys

 

and i still cant go to police because im too disabled and it is my parents job and they wont

 

 

i ended up in the hospital and was going to die because they beat me so terrible that i got brain damage and other serious things

 

 

my eye sight is not the same since the attack and my hearing is not the same

 

i think they hurt me because im disabled and because they think my family does not love me

 

 

i have alot of physical damage in the past year because of the injuries

 

 

it is things some people dont survive from, even when i got injured i was alone in the hospital and my family did not care they yelled at me and gave me attitude and said they dont care

 

they let these men take advantage of me

 

 

i dont like being watched and listened to

 

i ended up in the homeles shelter because i was scared to come back home but i was so badly injured/ and previousely sick from infection and physically disabled that they could not admit me to the homeless shelter because i could not walk so they sent me back to the hospital

 

i feel really stuck, my parents abuse me and opened the door for more psychopaths to abuse me , those people physically beat me and are violent to me. i get followed outside my parents home so im scared because i dont want them to know where i am

 

 

i thought at 31 yrs old now that my life would be happy and that i would be independant and proud and have supportive friends and a nice job/career, go on fun trips, drive a car, a boyfriend or married

 

all the stuff everyone else gets

 

 

i have none of that, im practically crippled, with severe medical trouble and damage and injuries that can kill me and i cant take care of myself and my parents keep me like that to control me and they let strange men physically and sexually abuse me

 

im 31 and do not even have a highschool diploma. if i go out the door i will not make it in this big and bad world where everyone is in a competition

 

i cant even go to the grocery store and push a shopping cart or walk down the street

 

even things like using the bathroom/dressing/bathing are physically difficult for me since my mobility trouble but i had to change thing to manage that on my own. but it i extruciating painful

 

 

i wont make it alone in the world and i have no adult skills since my parent controll everything and dont let me learn to make my own deicisions

 

i cant work and only have a ged and no college diploma i cant concentrate or study becaue of my health trouble so i cant take classes

 

i have no friends becaue im isolated and homebound my whole adult life becaue of physical diability

 

i do not feel well

 

im very shy and miunderstood alot and too trusting and naive so it i very hard for me to make friend

 

and im embarased of what happened to me, i have nothing to show

 

if people ask me what am i up to i dont want to say i sit home and dont feel well and fight with my abusive parent to try to get permision to eat food

 

it is not normal and no one else my age goes through that

 

every other girl my age i know goes to work every day or classes or takes care of a baby

 

i have no family in the world. by the look of it it would be a huge miracle if i ever married or had kids

 

my sibling dont care about me and even my parents are mean to them but they are 10 times meaner to me. my parent let them do thing with their life and suceed im the only one with no highchool or college degree

 

they are healthy with college degree and jobs

 

 

 

my parent are multi millionares but they use their money to abuse me and didnt use any of that to help me or pay for college . but i dont feel like any financial burden but they dont want me to work ever

 

 

i dont have any nice thing or even basic stuff i need like clothing or shoes that fit i feel embarraed about my appearance

 

because i gained weight from the health trouble and don thave money to by clothe i need so i wear sweatpant and shoe that are too big becaue i only have one pair of shoe and they are the wrong size.

 

so i cant dress nice like women my age. i cant get money i need to get baic thing

 

i get yelled at by my parent and threatened. even tho i have life threatening injurie and a brain injury

 

my parent tell me if i try to get legal help or retraining order on the men who hurt me that he will punish me and have me put away

 

he said it i wrong for me to try to protect myelf from the men who almost killed me

and he aid it i a good idea that thoe men watch me and bother me

 

 

my parent are really crazy and my sibling will never care if i live or die

 

 

there i no one that loves me

 

im trying to make the best of what im going through but there i no one who want to genuinely help me

 

any time in the past that i tried to get help from the abue i ended up being put into a mental hospital and called a liar and medicated until i changed my story and said there is no abuse so they can send me back to my parent

 

i wish there was somewhere safe to go where i wont get abused again or drugged on antipsychotic medication more while i have a brain infection and severe brain injury that is not healed yet

 

 

im afraid to do anything becaue im afraid to be medicated in a mental hospital again for the 40th time

 

maybe there i some easy sit down job i can get where i can live at my job,be away and make money

 

maybe a hotel desk clerk, something easy. where there is room and board

 

or maybe some kind of housing where they can check on me and help me with stuff like supermarket shopping and make sure im ok

 

 

 

 

im also very sad that i will never have any sort of family. i spend every holiday and thanksgiving of my life alone

 

only one of my younger sibling sometimes cares about me but she will do nothing to help me. she also has some selfish side and can be mean and snotty

 

my family tells people i do not exist when they go to family weddings and events they tell the in laws that i dont exist that they only have a certain number of kids and they dont mention me

 

or they tell people im crazy

 

they like to use the term emotional problems but that is what my family has because they have no ability to love or emotions

 

 

sorry if this is difficult to read but i was surprised when i found out there are families worse than mine

[hoping2heal]

Why are you still living with your parents? Is it because of the lack of education that you are now dependent on them?

[Satu]

Move out.

 

Make your own way in life.

 

You don't need them.

[cheese2]

Why are you still living with your parents? Is it because of the lack of education that you are now dependent on them?

 

 

because im physically and mentally disabled and i have not been able to take care of myself yet.

 

and i do not have education but my disabilities get in the way. it is not safe for me to be alone but i cannot do many things

 

but no education is one of the main things. but im too disabled for any job. i am not even able to get around on my own or walk much. so i cannot even be a fry cook in mcdonald that is much too hard for me

[StalwartMind]

Is the computer/laptop you currently write on yours, as in safe from prying eyes of your family? Have you tried to look up some domestic violence services that can help you. Despite your physical and mental handicaps, you express yourself quite clearly and it was not difficult to read at all. That's a good thing.

 

There is always help to be gotten and what you write are some pretty serious issues, which you do some to be aware of. Depending on where you live, there are going to be different local services available that can help you.

 

You shall be welcome to write more and there may be some member here who knows what the best course of action would be for someone in your situation.

[cheese2]

my computer is safe from my parents. it is my own laptop but at their age they dont know much how to use a computer. but they dont check my computer

 

they are a different generation that dosnt understand technology

 

 

on the other hand the psychopath men watch my computer every day for 5 yrs. im under constant surveilance by these men. they even had some of them drive to my home on my birthday to heckly me in the driveway and it scared me because one of the guy is old enough to be my parent

 

it i some gang member affiliated thing with guys who have killed innocent people before and they are prone to violence and have acess to alot of types of weapon even ones that can make it look like someone died by accident

 

but i wont get into that

 

im scared because they said they want me dead, i dont know why but they have some kind of reason. the brain injury was a warning shot of what they want to do to me and im seriousely painfully injured in my home every day it is excruciating and i cannot sleep much do to it.

 

but i have so much internal damage that it can kill me

 

im in alot of pain every day from the injuries but i cant explain them here because only a couple of people will understand

 

i dont seem as disabled when i type but in person im very disabled. most days worse than others especially in the winter. i can barely walk around the home and i stay in a room

 

and my mental state and other things like that are not what they were. i sometimes become psychotic or have delusions or feel stoned. which is embarassing but it is not a psychiatric issue it is due to my medical problem

 

i write better than i speak. im very nervous to speak in person or on the phone and i sometimes cant say words or cant talk at all, or slur speech or cant think of words when i talk

 

there were times that i did not know english anymore , it was weird but that is a common symptom

 

i dont know why people always seem to want to hurt me if not my parent some violent people who dont know me

 

it is satanists who made me have injuries

[Keats]

Hello cheese,

 

You were born into such a hard environment. It's so difficult reading your post

 

I don't know how to help you.

 

Your family may not care but lots of other people do.

 

You must access them.

 

I pray that you find peace from evil people x

[Sugarkane]

Hi Cheese what is your cultural background? How were they allowed to put you multiple times in mental hospitals, if nothing is wrong with you? Don't you need a doctors referral?

[cheese2]

i was under 18 when they started putting me away and you dont need a doctor referral. anyone can be admitted to a psychatric hospital in the usa. if you are an adult you are allowed to sign yourself out after a few weeks if it is for no reason

 

they can admit you for "observation". but i have severe social diabilities because of the abuse so i cant verbally communicate with people normally so that made me seem like something is wrong

 

since i was not an adult the first few years of being hospitalized i could not sign myself out. your parents can force you to stay. your family has to agree to take you home or else they just keep you there as placement. they make alot of money each week you stay there

 

i have a personality and limited social skills that make me seem crazy. when i first meet people alot of them are like you seem schitzophrenic or different, socially awkward but when they get to know me after a long time they realized that im not

 

im always very scared around others so they dont understand me

 

i think i might be developmentally delayed or have wild child syndrome where im not like everyone else because i was not exposed to normal things in my younger years

 

i didnt know until i was 14 yrs old that people make eye contact or that they are supposed to shower every day. in my home growing up my mother told me to bathe/shower once every 2 weeks. it was a shock to me when i got to a mental hospital at 14 yrs old that they thought i was crazy for not knowing to shower every day or make eye contact or be sociable.i had selective mutism so i could not be sociable and didnt want to spend time around people. i was not taught what is socially normal regular behavior

 

i was actually 14 right before i turned 15

 

but i think mental hospitals should be a last resort for suicidal people or those who hear voices and hallucinate. but anyone with a "history" can end up there and if they have nowhere to go to they can be stuck there for months or a year. i have seen it in rare cases people in a psych ward floor for a year in a row because they had no where to live. that can make people insane

 

 

ive been really crazy the last 5 yrs tho, i had a psychotic break at 26 yrs old but it is not exactly a psychotic break because it is due to medical reasons. so mental health professional cant help with that.

[anika99]

OP what country do you live in and where are your parents from?

 

 

I have some concerns about some of your claims and I do wonder if you are suffering from some delusions as well. I mean family abuse aside some of your story is almost too outrageous to be true. Like the strangers who follow you around outside and who hacked your computer and put bugs around your house so they can watch you when you are home. I mean don't your multimillionaire parents have any home security? Are you saying that strangers can just freely enter your house and plant bugs? That sounds a little over the top.

 

 

How did your parents become multimillionaires and yet remain completely computer illiterate? I suppose that's possible but I'm wondering how they managed to do that?

 

 

Now even if you are mentally ill or brain injured that doesn't mean you haven't been abused. As a matter of fact I wouldn't doubt that many mentally ill people are abused on a regular basis because they don't have a way to stick up for themselves and that is a very sad plight. If you can't verbally express yourself to someone then maybe you could just print out what you have posted here and take it to someone who could help you. That might the police or a counsellor or a doctor. Just think of someone who has been kind and understanding towards you and start there. Perhaps someone will listen to you. However I would take out the parts of your story pertaining to strangers following you and breaking into your house because even if those parts are true they kind of take away from your credibility.

[cheese2]

OP what country do you live in and where are your parents from?

 

 

I have some concerns about some of your claims and I do wonder if you are suffering from some delusions as well. I mean family abuse aside some of your story is almost too outrageous to be true. Like the strangers who follow you around outside and who hacked your computer and put bugs around your house so they can watch you when you are home. I mean don't your multimillionaire parents have any home security? Are you saying that strangers can just freely enter your house and plant bugs? That sounds a little over the top.

 

 

How did your parents become multimillionaires and yet remain completely computer illiterate? I suppose that's possible but I'm wondering how they managed to do that?

 

 

Now even if you are mentally ill or brain injured that doesn't mean you haven't been abused. As a matter of fact I wouldn't doubt that many mentally ill people are abused on a regular basis because they don't have a way to stick up for themselves and that is a very sad plight. If you can't verbally express yourself to someone then maybe you could just print out what you have posted here and take it to someone who could help you. That might the police or a counsellor or a doctor. Just think of someone who has been kind and understanding towards you and start there. Perhaps someone will listen to you. However I would take out the parts of your story pertaining to strangers following you and breaking into your house because even if those parts are true they kind of take away from your credibility.

 

 

 

i definately have delusions but the stuff i wrote has been what ive been saying since childhood.

 

i dont know how old you are but, a multi millionare means different things. where i am a million dollar home is a small plain house or tiny apartment.

 

my parents are geriatric , in their generation they never learned to use computers. most people their age have trouble sending emails

 

they barely know how to use a basic cell phone

 

 

 

the men on the street yes they are there, they follow my sister too

 

i dont know how they got into the house

 

but when i say im being listened and watched it is true

 

 

how else would they be able to type to me things i say and do in the home and what it looks like

 

 

but when you become mentally ill you have a very high chance of being abused and watched by sickos. it will happen if no one protects me

 

 

ive had psychosis and other psychiatric symptoms for years because of a medical issue

 

 

my parents dont have security on our small plain house they are not smart or responsible lke that, they dont care

 

my parents earned their money in the 1970s and 1980s when people used type writers and handwritten notes

[cheese2]

when i say geriatric my mom is in her late 60 and my father is in his early 70s

 

but they are both mentally ill and often act much older and irresponsible, so they dont want to help and cannot due to their mental illnesses/ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER

[cheese2]

last year they were planning on selling me to a strange man i dont know.they know a family who has an unmarried son and they were secretly planning to force me to live with him as a wife . i got very scared because it was while i was really psychotic and having stroke symptoms(i was close to dying) they said they were going to lock me in a car to go to his home to lock the door

 

 

these people dont care about me if they will sell me to people. its not legal here but they thought no one would find out since i could not run away and was too handicapped to speak up

 

so they are desperate for any creepy men to come by and harm me

[anika99]

It is true that a million dollars doesn't go far these days but you said your parents are multimillionaires and they earned their millions back in the seventies and eighties when real estate was much less expensive and a million dollars was still considered an obscene amount of money. Back in the eighties a million dollars certainly bought much more than an apartment.

 

 

But that's neither here nor there. I'm not interested in arguing about what's real and what's not. I just think you need more help than you are going to find in a public forum. As I said before, if you cannot verbally communicate then write it all down just like you did here, but leave out the more outrageous stuff (because I don't think people will believe those stories right away, even if they are true) and find someone to share it with.

[EverLastluv]

wow this is the most outrageous story I ever read here. I thought my family dissapeared on me but, you living with your family that is causing you all this pain. If you are living anywere in the United States of America I am pretty sure most of this could be avoided. In America children is very important!!!!! Now with all this that going on, girl I will pray for you that you feel better and God take you away from all the disaster you in. May you find some peace in your self by using the internet, by telling your stories, making friends and probably one day a mericle will happen for you. Dont give up, be strong and keep faith in your self that all of what you going through will be better one day. Do not dwell on the past, think of the present and do little by little and things will be okay. At least you have access to the internet, forward your stories to places where there is people or media who will be interested in helping you out. All the best!

Edited January 21, 2015 by EverLastluv