smile95 Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Some of you know my story and it is a long one. TO make it short. Dated a man going thru a divorce for 3 yrs. We were in love. However it is LDR and it was tough. He suddenly starts to ignore me for a month or two and then comes crawling back. Each time, I say I will never go back, but either I am so in love or so dumb to fall for his words all over again. So, Feb 17th, I was dropped again and he ignored my calls for 2 weeks and then I gave up, started to move on, and actaully was getting better. So of course, he text me on easter and was really sweet and misses me and wants to see me. I have not replied, but Iam dying to talk to him. I do not want to give in w/out letting him know he cannot walk all over me! How do I do that? Or do I stick to my decision and just move on. I love him so much and never felt this way before, but also, he has baggage and also is not the most caring or kind person. We are both nearly 30, so it is not like this is puppy love. We click. The problem is......do I go back? Do I move on? Could I find another man to love this much????? HELP? I know he will not change, but right now he is doing a good job of menlting my little heart. I have not responded yet to him since his contact on easter. Link to post Share on other sites
DandyBo Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Easter is just like recently, and you're guilty of not replying? Well, you should be guilty. It's pretty rude to not replying to messages, is like as if you guys can't communicate because you are enemies with him. Ok, i'm here not to make you feel any worse, just giving an opinion. In a relationship, my mom thought me to give and take. Forgive and forget, blah...blah...blah... all those stuffs, but yeah, after doing all that, you'll still feel angry or disatisfied. Am I right? Get rid of that! Those are just 'whispers of devil' I call it. Devils are always there to ruin your life. Right now, your ex has tried to give in, and made his first move. You can't deprive him of a second chance. Everyone makes mistakes, even yourself. If you going to ignore him all the way, it's doing you no good lady, just pure misery because you are missing him. So, you got to meet him, and when you talk, try to be nice, try to find any changes in him. And if he still the same hurtful guy, tell him straight that if he is really true to his words, he has to respect you and not treating you like a piece of junk and play with your heart. Then, walk tall! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted March 30, 2005 Author Share Posted March 30, 2005 I appreciate your opinion, however, you must have missed the part where he ignored ME for 6 weeks and acted childish? But, thanks for your post. Link to post Share on other sites
DandyBo Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 I didn't miss that, I was trying to let you forget, remember, give a second chance... Judge him, and if he still the same person that hurts your heart, what's next is your choice! Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 mmm, I kinda disagree. This sounds more like the third or fourth or fifth chance. And you know he isn't going to change, you've said it. And he makes you melt. Yikes. Tough situation. Perhaps tell him straight out that for now you need to maintain a non romantic relationship wiht him, and attempt to distance yourself with irregular contact and allow him to be the pursuer. I dunno. I'm prob not a good one to give you advice re: this turkey. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 I had a bf who did the same thing. He would disappear for days and weeks at a time and would not return my calls. Then he'd come back and I would take him back again and again and again and again. Boy was I a fool! I should have broken up with him for good years earlier than I did. If you move on, you won't regret it. But you will regret wasting your life with him. It's totally not fair that he gets to treat you like this. I don't think he'll ever stop becuase he knows you'll always take him back. There's a point of being nice and givng someone a second chance,,,, then there is being a total doormat for someone to walk all over you. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Beth, you already know whats right and okay for you.. Just because he's made a moment of time for you right now means nada.. I would like to tell you that this time will be different.. but we both know it won't. This is what I was telling you before.. is it painful to end the relationship.. of course it is you've invested your time, your heart and soul into it.. but this isn't a isolated incident Beth.. this has been going on for years. Everyone can tell you to tell this guy to pound sand but until you're ready and you've had enough.. it won't matter. I really wish you would take this opportunity NOW to close the door here and get that closure Beth in not responding to him.. take control back from him and not allow him to give you a bunch of pretty, empty words. He's proven to you again and again that he is NOT a man of his words and he's SHOWN you the person he is.. The Best to you honey.. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 "should I stay or should I go now" you stay if you can handle the relationship the way it is now for all of eternity cause that is all it will ever be. you leave if u want more or deserve more. LDRs are not real relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 OR....think about why you're actually in a LDR.... ....Maybe as much as you have a difficult time with it.... .... you actually LIKE IT!! ... What do you think about that/ Go, hey? I like being in a LDR. IT affords me freedom and my own space? Truth is, I don't wanna be with someone all the time? I dunno, whaddya think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted March 30, 2005 Author Share Posted March 30, 2005 Thanks for all the great posts. It really gave me a lot to think about. I am waaaay too forgiving and I know it has to do with feeling I am getting old and will never find another one. I know that things would be great for a few days, maybe weeks. He would prob plan trips to see me and as soon as I fell back, he would stop the niceness. I can already predict it. And yes, this is the 4th or 5th chance I have given this man. I may one day reply and remain friends, but I am afraid that will suck me in too or maybe I will not be able to stand hearing what he is doing without me or who he is making time for when he used to have none for me. Luckily he is out of the country a few days and I can think w/out being contacted. SO funny that one of his msgs was he wanted to see me and hold me and missed me??? Ok I saw him 2 times last year(both of which were not planned trips to see me, but layovers in my city). I saw him once this yr so far in Jan for a weekend when he was on business in my city. So really in a year, not one trip was planned to just see me and now that I do not want him, he wants to come here???? It is all show and I am glad I see it, but it does not make me love him any less for some reason???? Link to post Share on other sites
DandyBo Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Oh boy! It seems like all the females are against my advice or partly, none of you are for it! This is really cool! Guess this is one reason why men are different from women, LOL! Whatever it is, the choice is yours Lady Beth! And good luck in making the right choice! Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Sorry, but I don't think your answer really made sense. Do you really think that he is going to change now and be a perfect boyfriend. I mean honestly. Your girlfriends must be lucky because they get to walk all over you! Link to post Share on other sites
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