counselor doesn't believe in revealing details of my wife's affair

[I Survived]

What your wife did was very very wrong. It sounds like maybe she does not believe that is true. She has caused a lot of damage to your relationship. If she ever wants her marriage to work, she has to be honest and open and answer your questions. You, on the other hand, need to be reasonable about the questions you ask. dsancious - you are in a lot of pain right now and only your wife can help you stop hurting. It will get worse before it gets better. It has to. There was the mess before her affair, she added to it, and you (as a couple) have to clean it all up. It's all excess baggage that needs to be poured through so you can save the good stuff. There IS good stuff, it's just been covered over with a lot of crap.

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by Owl

....it's not the information that you need to heal. It's really the willingness of the person who had the affair to GIVE you that information. To show that they're being honest NOW at least. To show that they're willing to help YOU get over what happened, even if its not comfortable or easy for them to do. It shows that THEY are willing to take responsibility and willing to WORK on fixing their part in the marriage.

 

Originally posted by reservoirdog1

By being willing to answer the questions, the former cheater demonstrates that they've changed. They demonstrate that the dishonesty and lack of respect they demonstrated are being replaced with honesty and respect.

 

I can't see any way for you to make progress with your current counselor. Your needs are NOT being addressed in the process.

 

Perhaps a therapist with a better understanding of the issues regarding infidelity is in order.

[reservoirdog1]

What a f***king idiot that counsellor is. "Emotional abuse"? Give me a break.

 

Sounds like you've been given the indication you need as to her (current) level of commitment to the marriage. What you need to start doing right now is protecting yourself legally. Then, start doing things for YOU. Start getting on with your life. Start going to the gym and getting in shape, if you're not already. Keep yourself busy. See friends as much as possible. Take up a new sport. Get involved in new activities or hobbies, or rediscover old ones. Start TELLING her what your next few days' plans are, rather than CHECKING with her to see if it's convenient. Give the outward appearance of somebody who's detached and couldn't care less about what happens to the marriage.

 

Doing those things will benefit you enormously, whatever happens. If the marriage ends, you'll have build a good foundation for your post-marital life. And the other effect it may have is making your wife more interested in staying married to you -- suddenly you'll seem more attractive to her. And if she indicates she's changed her mind and wants to try again, you tell her that this time, it's according to YOUR rules -- new counsellor, she answers all of your questions, etc.

[elsewhere73]

These things happen daily, probably this very instant somewhere in the world. It happened yesterday and it will happen tomorrow. It happened to me very recently, and I have known about it for less than a week, although I certainly suspected it for much longer than that. How the truth makes a world of difference...

 

My wife and I have been separated for several months, she moved out to figure out who she was and to prove to herself that she could be independent. She felt too attached to me, too dependent. I was sad when she moved, but it felt good at the same time. I had the apartment to myself, could do whatever I wanted. We continued to talk and see each other all the time, and she would spend a couple of nights a week at home with me. The purpose of this "excercise" was to gain perspective and find our way back to each other. We also started couples therapy.

 

I knew she was seeing someone else regularly, but just as a good "friend". Indeed, she had been talking to me about this man for almost a year and how much she enjoyed his friendship. She has always had a lot of male friends, sometimes with - IMO - inappropriate emotional/sexual undertones. But I refused to believe that she could actually go through with it and make those fantasies into reality. So when she moved out, I still trusted her.

 

Two weeks ago she could not hold it in anymore and admitted she had an "emotional affair" with this guy, but that there was nothing physical involved. I still believed her, and reacted calmly to the news - I had been expecting it. She said it felt good to tell the truth and I was looking forward to rebuilding our marriage. I was of course tempted to ask questions, because I had this nagging feeling she wasn't 100% forthcoming with information. She would quickly dismiss those questions and tell me I was reading too much into it.

 

During the following week I was sitting alone at home trying to piece together short snippets of remembered conversations and events from the past year. It dawned on me that she MUST have been lying about this, nothing else made any sense. So one night after therapy I was driving her back to her temporary apartment, and confronted her with some lingering questions that I could not bear to ask her before. When she gave me the same answers as always, I told her I did not believe it. Her silence and sadness told me I was right. A few days later she came home to me and admitted the unthinkable. Yes, she had been sleeping with him. First time right after she moved out, last time a week or two ago.

 

In the first minute to follow, I was relieved by her honesty, but in a vacuum. Then it hit me - a wave of sadness and despair that I could not have imagined possible. What I already had "known" for a while to be true was suddenly TRUE. That tiny nudge brought me over the edge and my entire world collapsed. I started asking the same questions, "how did it feel", and she answered: "sad". I asked how many times, but that she refused to reveal, "what difference does it make, once, three times, ten times", she said. We settled it by her firmly denying it happening at least every week. It could be true, or not. I cried, she cried, we hugged and cried for hours, even days.

 

Now the images started forming in my mind. I craved the details, I wanted to know everything. And I mean every single little juicy detail. But I did not ask more questions. I don't NEED the answers. I know how sex feels, how it feels before, during, and after. I know how it feels when it's new and fresh, how you can't keep your hands off each other. The excitement of feeling someone different. But all the best advice in the world cannot keep you from WANTING to know the specific feelings and circumstances. I know I must never find out, because it will destroy me - even if I leave her and find someone new.

 

My biggest surprise, however, was the instant feeling of renewed love for her. I wanted her in every possible way, to make her happy and never ever let go. She stayed with me for several days, to help us both through the pain. I could feel in my heart that I wanted to forgive her, but I also knew that it would be impossible to forget it. I think she was surprised by my reaction. I believe she had pretty much given up and decided to slowly move in her own direction, hoping that I would divorce her and go away. Now she seemed full of doubt. Definitely not eager to give up this other guy either. She is torn between him and the one that will love her like no one ever has or ever will. She knows this. But she does not know herself well enough yet to fully commit to a single person, marriage may not be what she seeks. It is my mission to change that.

 

So as it stands, I have found this new passion for her, realized how I have ignored her feelings (and my own) before. Not blaming myself, but understanding why things went wrong. What she did was a completely and utterly selfish act (or acts), there is no denying that. I have not taken my anger out on her, although I am angry at her. What is important for her is to find a way to forgive herself. And if I love her the way I say I do, then it is my responsibility to make that happen - even if we leave each other. I am not convinced she will give up the other guy, and it's eating me alive each minute of the day. What I do know is that we are so deeply connected in our souls that we will always be a part of each other, and there is still hope. You must let go of the jealously and stop being curious about the details. The truth is, it probably felt fantastic for her. Good, I say. I am glad she got to feel something wonderful, but it still drives me mad wishing that I was the one who was there with her. Now, if I can learn to direct that curiousity towards the future and what I can do to my wife to make sure she never wants to stray again, then guess who are the winners.

 

I don't want to go around for months feeling terrible, with nervous knots in my stomach, zero appetite, sleepless nights, crying when I wake up in the morning. It is unacceptable. I need complete honesty about the FUTURE. I do hope to stay married to this wonderful woman, use this disaster as a starting point for something extraordinary. You burn down the evil and twisted, old forest to make new innocent life grow. If we can be honest and truthful from this point on, then we do not need to dig up the past. Bad things happened, for sure. I don't need her to reveal those details for me - but I do need something more in the years to come. If it turns out she can't do that, the marriage must end.

 

Embracing this mindset might make you feel better. The images in your head will not go away, but when they pop up, use them to your advantage. Twist them around and project them onto your future with her. The second you know how to do this, you are healed. It doesn't have to take that much time.

[dsancious]

My wife left for the 3 day weekend and left the questions that I had written to her in our mailbox. Again, the answers were "already answered that question" to vague, rambling responses. When I asked her why she had called her ex. on our wedding day, her response was "stupidity, I guess. To say good morning. I don't know." These are the same bull**** answers that I have been receiving for almost four months now.

 

I think that I am going with Resdog's suggestions. I am going to be so nonchalant about the affair and will "sweep it under the rug." Unfortunately, I am afraid that other things will be swept up and placed under the rug also. If she is unwilling to "do anything" to save our marriage, as she has said so many times in the past, then I am basically giving up on this marriage. I will not ask her any further questions about her affair and will refuse to go back to our current counselor, who believes that my OCD level is so high that I can't get past the "asking questions" phase of recovery.

 

We plan on separating for 10 days in early July with no contact. I believe that at the end of those 10 days I will tell her that our marriage is over, has been over since 2 months after we were married when she first f***ed her ex. I am truly starting to believe that this woman has no real remorse or guilt for what she has done. Well, I know she doesn't as she has already informed me of this since it was with her "ex." I guess "some people ain't no damn good" and unfortunately, I may be married to one of them. I am going to start looking out for myself and what is best for me.

[swirlingdaisy]

My goodness,

That "counsellor" should be losing their license to practice as a counsellor. The questions you had asked were absolutely valid and legitimate questions.............and no friggin way were they "emotionally abusive" in nature. My God, that's just ludicrous.

 

You have every right in the world to get the truth that was kept from you. Your wife sounds absolutely void of feelings, remorse or any degree of understanding over what she's done to you.

 

I wouldn't be at all surprised if her pathetic "answers" are due in part to her still being a part of this affair........and maybe she's only half-heartedly going through the motions (counselling, writing vague, lame answers to your questions) because she's not financially able to move out at this point......so she's playing the game until such times as she can.

 

Please don't think all women are like this, they're not. You deserve a lot better and you will surely find her some day.

[fleafly]

WWIU, sorry I didnt respond, I have not been spending as much time in here as I probably should lol. No she is not has not seen OM, contact was broken immediately after I found out. As far as I am concerned, life has turned upside down for me, I was actually thinking about starting a new thread to desribe my trials and tribulations of the last couple of months, although some things would probably be to painful or even embarrassing to describe! I will say that I am currently back in therapy to help deal with these issues, I am sick and tired of feeling this way. Hope all is well with you.

[reservoirdog1]

We plan on separating for 10 days in early July with no contact. I believe that at the end of those 10 days I will tell her that our marriage is over, has been over since 2 months after we were married when she first f***ed her ex. I am truly starting to believe that this woman has no real remorse or guilt for what she has done. Well, I know she doesn't as she has already informed me of this since it was with her "ex." I guess "some people ain't no damn good" and unfortunately, I may be married to one of them. I am going to start looking out for myself and what is best for me.

 

Yeah, I married another one of them, DS. Sorry to hear you were in the same boat, with a wife who started screwing around within two months. There are many far better people out there.

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by fleafly

WWIU, sorry I didnt respond, I have not been spending as much time in here as I probably should lol. No she is not has not seen OM, contact was broken immediately after I found out. As far as I am concerned, life has turned upside down for me, I was actually thinking about starting a new thread to desribe my trials and tribulations of the last couple of months, although some things would probably be to painful or even embarrassing to describe! I will say that I am currently back in therapy to help deal with these issues, I am sick and tired of feeling this way. Hope all is well with you.

 

I think you should do another thread, sounds like you could use some help and support Flea. Don't worry about it being embarressing...You can control how much you want to share, remember that. We all do what we can to help ya!

 

I know you're sick of it, and I'm glad to hear you're in therapy - It will help you cope.

 

Yeah, I'm doing OK. Thanks for asking!

[dsancious]

Well, my wife has been gone for 3 days to her Mom's and held her son's 5th birthday party there. Her ex. was also at the party as she had told him that I wouldn't be there due to a previous engagement. She is on her way back home now and should be here in about 2 hours.

 

I realize that her ex. is always going to be in the picture, at least for the next 12 years or so. I know that No Contact is the way to go in cases of trying to recover from infidelity but I realize that NC does not apply here. I just don't know if I can continue in a marriage where the other man is still involved/around from time to time. How do I know that she wasn't with him this weekend? How do I know that she won't be with him in the future? She says that it has been over with him for over a year but who knows if something (an argument with me, a little alcohol) could lead her to sleeping with him again? She lied to me so long (over a year) about the true nature of their relationship that I'm sure she could look me in the eye and deny anything. That, and the fact that she has admitted little if no remorse for sleeping with him after we got married causes me to really wonder if I can stay in this relationship.

 

I don't want to spend the next 12 years or so wondering if she is still having sex with him on occasion. I do not trust her and don't know that I ever will. We are planning a 10 day separation in early July (yep, she's going to be at her Mom's, 20 minutes away from him) and we are supposed to have no contact with each other. I think this 10 day separation will make or break us. I'm strongly leaning toward the break part of the deal. Our sex life is non-existent and I have little respect for her right now. It is obvious that she had little respect for me or our marriage when she f***ed her ex 2 months after our marriage and again 6 months after our "vows."

 

In my heart, I know that I can no longer be with her. I cannot get over what she did and I believe that she realizes this, too. The passion/committment is not there for me anymore, and I'm not sure if she feels the same way. I believe that she married me for financial security but was still in love with her ex. I don't know if that is the case anymore, but believing this has caused my self-respect to plummet to an all-time low. I am no longer angry or depressed, just apathetic.

 

To sum it all up, the past two years since we have been married has been a nightmare for me, and I don't think I can take another month of being married to her (much less another year). I think for my own sanity that I am going to have to let her go.

[DSANCIOUS]

It has been awhile since I posted on LS but felt the need to do so tonight. We have continued going to the last counselor we had been going to even though I am not particularly fond of her techniques. We live in a small town and our options are very limited. The counselor told me that I am the most OCD individual that she has ever seen in marriage counseling and suggested that I change meds. from Zoloft to Lexapro about a week ago.

 

My wife and I are still having big time problems even though it has been 6 months since D-day. She has said from the beginning that she is willing to do anything to keep our marriage intact but I just don't believe it anymore. I have asked her several times to read articles and books on how to recover from infidelity and how to restore trust in a marriage, but she has refused because she doesn't like to read and "those people aren't us." I know that I get on her nerves big-time by continuing to ask questions about the affair but she always refuses to talk about it. She doesn't see how talking about the affair will help us at all but will only hinder our progress. I have continued to suggest to her that if we could set aside 15-20 minutes one day a week to answer any questions about the affair then I would agree not to bring up the subject during the rest of the week. She continues to refuse to do so. I believe her WILLINGNESS to do this would go a long way in restoring my trust in her.

 

Meanwhile, she continues to have sporadic phone contact with her ex. that I consider excessive. Calls ranging up to 18 minutes are not appropriate in my opinion unless they are talking about their child, which they are not. She has told me that she is about ready "to walk" and last night I told her "well f---ing walk then." We have not spoken since. I believe that I should once again tell her that I believe some of her phone calls to her ex. are excessive in length and that to continue in this marriage she will have to be willing once a week to answer any questions that I may have about the affair.

 

Any feedback/suggestions would be appreciated.

[Cecelius]

It seems to me that you have done all that you can at this point. Her unwillingness to help in any way get over what she's caused shows that she either doesn't really care enough OR that she assumes you'll always be around (my vote is on this one, since she is still trying to maintain some kind of denial about the whole thing since she won't accept that you two are "those kind" of people).

 

It is not my place to suggest courses of action, but I honestly would just say to her that what's going on is not good enough and that you're interested in getting out. Make it clear that that exit will be pain and controversey free (or else you will bring the adultry hammer down).

[jmargel]

The reason why she doesn't want to talk about it is because the affair is still going on! Wake up man! 20 minute phone calls are not permissible. You know they aren't talking about the child for that long. This is a woman who cheated on you with him.

 

All she hears is 'Blah blah blah blah' from you, since she doesn't want to work this out. Words are cheap and she is just using you as a safety net. She continues to disrespect you by not even doing the simplest of things in regards to your questions. She continues to have this 'affair' even if she's still not having sex. You know you can still cheat and not have physical contact, right? The emotional part IMO is more damaging then the physical.

 

Read the book love must be tough. Tell her you want you both to see another MC. This one is not working out for you. Give her until the end of this weekend to really think on what she wants to do and if she wants this marraige to work then she needs to abide by your wishes on some of these questions that need to be answered. Honestly though do you expect the truth from her even if she decides to agree to it? Especially when she's still talking to him?

 

I would tell her this weekend that you want her to pack her things and leave. Only then will she face somewhat of a consequence. More than likely she'll go back to him but then you truly know the truth here. She has sucked you into the mind game scene. The only way to win is to not play it.

[blind_otter]

Woah momma, 20 minute phone calls, eh? God forbid.

 

I still talk to my exHusband, and my fiance doesn't care. He knows that I once felt something special for that man, so he honors that. I obviously felt special enough for him to marry the f***er.

 

It makes me more confident and secure in my relationship because he trusts me.

 

I learned long ago that once there is too much water under the bridge, effing leave it. Stop torturing each other. I've cheated and been cheated on. Too many times, and from my experience I realize...with infidelity there isn't usually just one bad guy. When my partners cheated on me, it was, in retrospect, because I failed them in some way. And the same goes for me.

 

It's often painful to look at what you've contributed to the end of a relationship. But it's better to learn from your mistakes than live forever in denial, making the same mistakes over and over again.

[dsancious]

Thanks for the input Cecelius and Jmar. These have been my thoughts exactly; I just needed to hear them from unbiased individuals. She has left today to go spend the weekend with her Mom because she is tired of fighting with me. I strongly suspect that she may be seeing her ex. this weekend. I will be working in the area this weekend and I think I'll do some detective work. We are not planning on staying together Sat. night at a motel room as is our custom. You can bet your ass I'll be checking out his house (I know where he lives but she doesn't know that I know).

 

I am just tired of not getting any answers that make sense, if I get them at all. And I know that she is also in phone contact with him using other people's phones because a month ago she told me that she called him that day to talk about his "relapse" into drinking but the call did not show up on her cell phone bill(we were "UP there" so she couldn't have used our home phone. She talks about being ready to" walk" all the time, well guess what. I'm going to put her running shoes on her and tell her to run, don't walk. Just get the f--k out of my life, you lying, worthless bitch. I'll bet you 10 to 1 my health problems will improve dramatically.

[Guest]

Well, we live in a country where men work 40 hours a week, women marry men, cheat on men, divorce men, get half their money, and can live off of alimony for the rest of their life. It doesn't matter how difficult a job a man has, if a woman is a "homemaker," then automatically her job is 10 times more difficult than the job of any man. Women have emotionally castrated men, financially drained men, then they wonder why men are bitter. Women have such little appreciation for how hard men work, yet expect to be treated like queens, and even use sex as a bargaining tool. Women are cruel, manipulative, unfaithful liars and yet still blame men for their problems. You're taught my society that you have no responsbilities. That anything a woman does it's out of the goodness of their heart. But a man, he's obligated to fulfill his responsibilities. Women aren't obligated to do anything. And most of the time, NOTHING is exactly what they do.

 

Yes, some men cheat but when men cheat, women get revenge in court.

 

 

 

I beg your pardon, not all woman are like that and you sound bitter, my husband cheated on me 5 yrs ago I am a stay at home mom at the time my children were 6, 4, and 2 while he was off having fun I was cleaning and doing laundry getting up all hours of the night because my youngest has asthma. I am still married to him so don't put all women in the bitch category how we are all out for blood and money. Last time I checked I was the faithful one in my marriage

[stillafool]

I just read this and it sounds like your wife had sex with her ex because she isn't over him. To continue to ask for details (especially about what they did sexually) is non productive. Like Jmargel said sometimes there's just too much water under the bridge and we need to move on.

[Salicious Crumb]

I found out 7 weeks ago that my wife had an affair shortly after we were married two years ago. She states that she had sex with her ex 3 times over a six month period. My wife refuses to discuss any details of the affair other than some lame, generic reasons for the affair.

 

The counselor that we have seen twice sides with my wife and states that details are not necessary. She wants to work on making our marriage whole again. I strongly disagree and from everything I've read and heard, discussing the affair is necessary to healing. Neither my wife nor the counselor believe that talking about the affair and what led up to it are important. I am very angry and resentful at BOTH of them and just want to get some feedback and advice on this subject.

 

Thanks in advance for any help.

 

Sounds like she is paying the counselor extra so the advice goes in her favor as to make it as easy on her as possible.

 

As far as details...do we really need them?..no. But without details, its like we are being lied to.

 

Question, how did you find out about your wife's affair?

 

And do you have kids together?...if not...ever thought of divorcing her?

[Salicious Crumb]

Thanks for the input Cecelius and Jmar. These have been my thoughts exactly; I just needed to hear them from unbiased individuals. She has left today to go spend the weekend with her Mom because she is tired of fighting with me. I strongly suspect that she may be seeing her ex. this weekend. I will be working in the area this weekend and I think I'll do some detective work. We are not planning on staying together Sat. night at a motel room as is our custom. You can bet your ass I'll be checking out his house (I know where he lives but she doesn't know that I know).

 

I am just tired of not getting any answers that make sense, if I get them at all. And I know that she is also in phone contact with him using other people's phones because a month ago she told me that she called him that day to talk about his "relapse" into drinking but the call did not show up on her cell phone bill(we were "UP there" so she couldn't have used our home phone. She talks about being ready to" walk" all the time, well guess what. I'm going to put her running shoes on her and tell her to run, don't walk. Just get the f--k out of my life, you lying, worthless bitch. I'll bet you 10 to 1 my health problems will improve dramatically.

 

Oh ya...sounds like she really wants to repair the marriage if she is still seeing him.

 

I'd say do exactly what you stated in that last sentence. Tell her to get the hell out and run to her ex. And yes, your health probably will improve.

Get a membership at the local gym....work on yourself and get in the dating game again.

It sounds like you haven't been married long and I suspect you have no kids. So put her to the curb like the trash she is and move on with your life before too many more years are wasted. Life is too short to have to deal with a cheater...believe me, I know.

[dsancious]

I read many posts on these forums but haven't posted in awhile. Yes, she is gone. I told her I wanted a divorce in Sept. and she has been gone for three months now. I still feel an incredible amount of anger toward her and realize it is hurting me more so than her. I do believe that she still had a "thang" for her ex. when she married me and I could never overcome that. Hell, what man (or woman) could.

Anyway, her ex. is now remarried and she is alone. We have no kids together but she has three of her own. Man, it was so f*cking selfish of her to do what she did, not just to me, but to her kids. I'll be alright if I can just kick this nasty little Vicodin habit that I acquired through all of this sh*t.

[Guest]

I wonder if these councilers can be sued for malpractice.

[CaliGuy]

It has been awhile since I posted on LS but felt the need to do so tonight. We have continued going to the last counselor we had been going to even though I am not particularly fond of her techniques. We live in a small town and our options are very limited. The counselor told me that I am the most OCD individual that she has ever seen in marriage counseling and suggested that I change meds. from Zoloft to Lexapro about a week ago.

 

My wife and I are still having big time problems even though it has been 6 months since D-day. She has said from the beginning that she is willing to do anything to keep our marriage intact but I just don't believe it anymore. I have asked her several times to read articles and books on how to recover from infidelity and how to restore trust in a marriage, but she has refused because she doesn't like to read and "those people aren't us." I know that I get on her nerves big-time by continuing to ask questions about the affair but she always refuses to talk about it. She doesn't see how talking about the affair will help us at all but will only hinder our progress. I have continued to suggest to her that if we could set aside 15-20 minutes one day a week to answer any questions about the affair then I would agree not to bring up the subject during the rest of the week. She continues to refuse to do so. I believe her WILLINGNESS to do this would go a long way in restoring my trust in her.

 

Meanwhile, she continues to have sporadic phone contact with her ex. that I consider excessive. Calls ranging up to 18 minutes are not appropriate in my opinion unless they are talking about their child, which they are not. She has told me that she is about ready "to walk" and last night I told her "well f---ing walk then." We have not spoken since. I believe that I should once again tell her that I believe some of her phone calls to her ex. are excessive in length and that to continue in this marriage she will have to be willing once a week to answer any questions that I may have about the affair.

 

Any feedback/suggestions would be appreciated.

 

 

I'm sorry about your situation, but it's been 6 months and she's making little to no progress. She seems to want to have her cake and eat it too. She wants the marriage but doesn't want to work at it.

 

I will tell you any contact with her Ex should not be tolerated. If I were you I would go to marriagebuilders and buy the book "Love Must Be Tough" which is excellent for working on rebuilding a marriage OR when to give up and move on.

 

I am really sorry for your situation. You are bigger man than I will ever be. If my wife (when I get married) was to cheat on me for any reason, that would be the end of it. Infidelity to me is unacceptable under any circumstances.

[Sup]

Um, this is an old thread, dated 2005.

[Guest]

Neither my wife nor the counselor believe that talking about the affair and what led up to it are important. I am very angry and resentful at BOTH of them and just want to get some feedback and advice on this subject.

 

Thanks in advance for any help.[/

 

 

Good evening my name is janet my husband and I were together for 35 years, we had a great marraige, he was a great father yada yada ... long story short .. caught him in our bed doing someone else... found out they've been together for 29 years... went to see our pastor for counseling,,, and my husband cried like a whiny s.o.b. (my husband was a deacon at our church) and put an act on the whole time...i lost what little sanity I had left and started yelling... the pastor tells me i need to calm down forgive and move on ... like nothing happened... i tried that for months and it made literally sick.. I thought I like having a heart attack and I never have lived in so - much misery in all my life...until i came in here and these kind people helped me.through it ... I hate these so - called counselours that dont know what were going telling us to smile through it and be happy and taking our money

You guys have to discuss this is much as it will hurt or you will stay bitter and hurt and it will eventually ruin your marriage.

hope I helped...and i don't come off the wrong I tend to do that quite a bit..

 

sincerely,

Janet

praying for you

 

p.s. your counselor seems very oily. I wonder if him and your wife aren't together..

[tweldy]

Side note: That is the worst counselor I've ever even heard of

 

Vicotin - Its more than a nasty habit. Vicotin, as is the case with all optiates, is deeply physically addictive and its damn near impossible to quit on your own. The only non-detox way I know of kicking it is to take a long vacation or actually move somewhere that you can't get it for several weeks, which may be the worst weeks of your life. I wish you well and I hope that POS counselor gets another job - like the guy that cleans up pornos booths after patrons have had their way with them.