Jimmyjackson Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 This isn't really a question, more a discussion. I find it weird how exes just become strangers, two people who once claimed to love each other all of a sudden never speak to one another again. It may be months, years but once all communication is cut, it's as if the person never existed; they become a stranger. It's a weird feeling, I know there is no other alternative but it's weird how once a great bond shared becomes non existent, and before you know it they're sharing all of those great moments with somebody else. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 This isn't really a question, more a discussion. I find it weird how exes just become strangers, two people who once claimed to love each other all of a sudden never speak to one another again. It may be months, years but once all communication is cut, it's as if the person never existed; they become a stranger. It's a weird feeling, I know there is no other alternative but it's weird how once a great bond shared becomes non existent, and before you know it they're sharing all of those great moments with somebody else. and so are you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nolan 93 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Yes I know what you mean, I feel it's beacuse one needs space. I told my ex "hey down the road don't be a stranger" cause yes we shared a bond. But we both need to move on and heal. Link to post Share on other sites
bigtrouble Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 This isn't really a question, more a discussion. I find it weird how exes just become strangers, two people who once claimed to love each other all of a sudden never speak to one another again. It may be months, years but once all communication is cut, it's as if the person never existed; they become a stranger. It's a weird feeling, I know there is no other alternative but it's weird how once a great bond shared becomes non existent, and before you know it they're sharing all of those great moments with somebody else. Its ironic... In the End they want the same thing... Dumper is having the time of his/her life and wants to forget... Dumpee hurting so bad, moved on, wants to forget... They both act as if total strangers. See how much they have in common, why the heck the break up. And I thought they never got along or agreed on anything. Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Yes I find it very weird indeed, 20 years of love and closeness now I don't feel as though I know her at all and it freaks me out quite a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I don't think it's weird at all. In fact, that distance and strangerness feels quite normal and I prefer it. I figure we broke up and we broke up for a reason. Time to move on and wish each other well. No need to complicate each others lives by staying in contact unless there are kids and even then I am happy with very, very, limited and impersonal contact. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) The only requirement for moving on is s desire to. Nobody owes anything to anyone or deserves anything from anyone. Words like always and never hurt when the mind and heart clash or change paths. There is a YouTube video called strangers again. Watch it for perspective. Best of luck to you. Edited January 19, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted commercial link 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Poster Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 This is weird, I was literally thinking about this all morning. You spend so much time with someone. You romanticize. You share your deepest secrets and fears. You have love and laughter and growth together. Then someone's feelings change for whatever reason, and you break up and never talk again. It's so sad. The ex that brought me here I've been over for a while now, yet I would still love to hear from her and catch up. Even though we had a disastrous end, we had so many special moments and memories. I'm also a person very much into love and peace, so maybe that's why I wish to get that. These people are all vital parts of our past and who we are today and to never hear from them again as if you never met in the first place is a wonder to me. I've never agreed with the notion that exes should be treated like the black plague. Obviously, I'm not saying to be friends and go to the movies or shopping on a Saturday afternoon, but a simple message or e-mail just to catch up would be nice. It's just something that means something to me, even if I'm in the minority. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) I was thinking about this yesterday. It is strange. We lived together at times. I made a list in my head of people who've seen us together and who I still have contact with. They're many. I've read that a city near where she grew up and where we considered living together may hold olympic games soon. I was thinking about how our future lives would have been affected by them. Our lives have been intertwined quite a bit, now we're almost completely separated. There's a connection from my living room to hers, by fiber and copper cables. But we don't talk and when we do we talk past each other, if you get my drift. An investment of a couple of 100 $ and of about 12 hours would bring us together but it's very unlikely of it ever happening again. The same sun shines down on both of us, but we couldn't be further apart. Yet she's on my mind every day (again that is, I used to have a stretch of about a week where I never thought of her). Odd... Edited January 19, 2015 by umirano Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 This isn't really a question, more a discussion. Ha, I guess I see it more as normal than strange. I find it weird how exes just become strangers, two people who once claimed to love each other all of a sudden never speak to one another again. It may be months, years but once all communication is cut, it's as if the person never existed; they become a stranger. Everyone exists until they're dead. Billions of us on this planet are existing this very second. I know practically none of them and care about even less than that. The end of care or acknowledgment with the end of a relationship or marriage is simply respecting that they are again one of the billions one doesn't include in one's life experience. It's a change and life is about change. I didn't know them before I knew them and didn't care about them before I cared about them. Knowledge and care lasted awhile and then time, and us, moved on. It's a weird feeling, I know there is no other alternative but it's weird how once a great bond shared becomes non existent, and before you know it they're sharing all of those great moments with somebody else. Yes, it did feel 'weird' at first, but with more life and relationship and marital experience, I began to understand it better. This knowledge and understanding from two prior marriages helped my exW move on quickly when her third marriage failed. Why? Because she had the practice and experience of accepting endings, reconciling them and moving on to the next person of interest. And so it will go for the rest of life with the time and care being completely unknown except in retrospect. IMO, accepting it (life) is the key to being contented with the changes it throws at us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Yeap, sometimes it seems as if it was a dream. There's a very good video about it. Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 This has just made me cry, I don't think I should read any more on this topic its too painfull for me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 I don't think it's weird at all. In fact, that distance and strangerness feels quite normal and I prefer it. I figure we broke up and we broke up for a reason. Time to move on and wish each other well. No need to complicate each others lives by staying in contact unless there are kids and even then I am happy with very, very, limited and impersonal contact. Yeah I know, I'm not saying to do the opposite to what you say, as I said there is no alternative but it is still a weird feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Ha, I guess I see it more as normal than strange. Everyone exists until they're dead. Billions of us on this planet are existing this very second. I know practically none of them and care about even less than that. The end of care or acknowledgment with the end of a relationship or marriage is simply respecting that they are again one of the billions one doesn't include in one's life experience. It's a change and life is about change. I didn't know them before I knew them and didn't care about them before I cared about them. Knowledge and care lasted awhile and then time, and us, moved on. Yes, it did feel 'weird' at first, but with more life and relationship and marital experience, I began to understand it better. This knowledge and understanding from two prior marriages helped my exW move on quickly when her third marriage failed. Why? Because she had the practice and experience of accepting endings, reconciling them and moving on to the next person of interest. And so it will go for the rest of life with the time and care being completely unknown except in retrospect. IMO, accepting it (life) is the key to being contented with the changes it throws at us. Interesting post, I think the fact this is my first break up is why I find it weird how someone just becomes a stranger, my ex on the other hand had 4 relationships before me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Yes I know what you mean, I feel it's beacuse one needs space. I told my ex "hey down the road don't be a stranger" cause yes we shared a bond. But we both need to move on and heal. Yeah, "lets be friends" .... yet you never speak ever again haha. It is the only way as I mentioned but it's funny how in a moment you don't realise you may see or talk to someone for the last time, and not even realise it until the moments gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 This is weird, I was literally thinking about this all morning. You spend so much time with someone. You romanticize. You share your deepest secrets and fears. You have love and laughter and growth together. Then someone's feelings change for whatever reason, and you break up and never talk again. It's so sad. The ex that brought me here I've been over for a while now, yet I would still love to hear from her and catch up. Even though we had a disastrous end, we had so many special moments and memories. I'm also a person very much into love and peace, so maybe that's why I wish to get that. These people are all vital parts of our past and who we are today and to never hear from them again as if you never met in the first place is a wonder to me. I've never agreed with the notion that exes should be treated like the black plague. Obviously, I'm not saying to be friends and go to the movies or shopping on a Saturday afternoon, but a simple message or e-mail just to catch up would be nice. It's just something that means something to me, even if I'm in the minority. Yeah I'm the same in a way, I'm 4 and a half months post break up now and for the most part I'm healed I think, I still think of her from time to time when I'm not doing anything though. Recently I've been realising that I probably won't speak to her again, and I think that is a good sign for moving on, I now acknowledge she is a stranger to me. In terms of the black plague, I think it depends on the nature of your relationship and why it ended, if someone really dropped you like a bag of ****, cheated etc...then I can see why you'd want nothing to do with that person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 I was thinking about this yesterday. It is strange. We lived together at times. I made a list in my head of people who've seen us together and who I still have contact with. They're many. I've read that a city near where she grew up and where we considered living together may hold olympic games soon. I was thinking about how our future lives would have been affected by them. Our lives have been intertwined quite a bit, now we're almost completely separated. There's a connection from my living room to hers, by fiber and copper cables. But we don't talk and when we do we talk past each other, if you get my drift. An investment of a couple of 100 $ and of about 12 hours would bring us together but it's very unlikely of it ever happening again. The same sun shines down on both of us, but we couldn't be further apart. Yet she's on my mind every day (again that is, I used to have a stretch of about a week where I never thought of her). Odd... Yeah I catch your drift, I saw my ex about 5 weeks ago when I was out drinking, I knew she was there so I kinda turned my head to avoid it, but when I looked back she was looking at me and smiled. I smiled back and went on my way....to think I used to love that girl, have sex with her etc...now it's an awkward smile and nothing more Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 This has just made me cry, I don't think I should read any more on this topic its too painfull for me. Sorry about that... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Yeap, sometimes it seems as if it was a dream. There's a very good video about it. Just watched the video, it is so true. The part where she drives away really hit me, it was the same for me when my ex picked up her things then just drove away for the last time. Link to post Share on other sites
saz123 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 It's important that exes become strangers. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 It IS strange, even more so when your ex's behavior does a complete 180 and they morph into this person you've never met. My ex-husband did that, and it messed with me, wondering where this behavior had been the last eight years. And if THIS was who he was or if he was actually still the man that I married. My therapist and I spent many sessions unraveling this, trust me. But the good aspect was that I was more than happy to see him go, acting like he did. Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 This has just made me cry, I don't think I should read any more on this topic its too painfull for me. I am sorry. You must be going through a tough break up. Let your feelings out here, it should help a great deal. Not everyone is like this, but talking, or in this case writing about things can help you getting a grip on them. All the best to you PS: I was really down like you are probably now, about ten months ago. I'm doing a lot better now. You will too. Link to post Share on other sites
jezzika Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I find it weird when exes remain friends. That always seems so odd to me. I know people that claim to be friends with all of their exes. I couldn't even imagine that. I don't even see how it's done. Maybe the relationships ended very differently than most, maybe they didn't care as deeply...I don't know. I think not being friends with your ex is perfectly normal and healthy. Actually, just recently, a friend who is in the middle of a divorce told me that he had really wanted them to be friends after all of this. He left her! Just packed up and left. I was a bit stunned wondering how in the hell he thought that being friends would be possible but he really did for some reason. Very weird. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I totally agree Jezzika. Being friends with exes... doesn't work whether I left them or vice versa, it's always awkward. Or upsetting, or angering. Or boring The ones I left I'm not interested in, the ones who left me I don't want to dignify them by giving them attention. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Halcyon Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I don't think it's strange at all. I think it's normal. You go from being extremely close with someone. Then at best you are 'friends' you will never have that same closeness again to me that is weird basically limiting how you interact with someone you used to be so close with. It's just easier to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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