How to obtain a second chance?

[Crossing]

Hello i am new to this forum,

 

I got dumped by my ex 4 months back, the break up was sudden and within a week she was seeing someone else. However i cannot stop thinking about her, despite this i would take her back.

 

I was wondering about trying to initiate contact and what to say, i must at least try this last time in order to put my mind truly at rest, else i may regret it.

 

I have tried dating other women, but i just don't want to, my heart is still with her.

 

I believe she may of left me because i was immature as to why i think she has found an older guy.

 

My mind is made up i must try once more. text her with "sorry for everything, I still love you"

 

is this a bad idea?

 

I know from all the mistakes i've done i've learnt alot, i think she may need time but i just want her to know i'm here. Meanwhile i am trying to get over her because i know my chances are very slim.

[Satu]

Hello i am new to this forum,

 

I got dumped by my ex 4 months back, the break up was sudden and within a week she was seeing someone else. However i cannot stop thinking about her, despite this i would take her back.

 

I was wondering about trying to initiate contact and what to say, i must at least try this last time in order to put my mind truly at rest, else i may regret it.

 

I have tried dating other women, but i just don't want to, my heart is still with her.

 

I believe she may of left me because i was immature as to why i think she has found an older guy.

 

My mind is made up i must try once more. text her with **"sorry for everything, I still love you"

 

*is this a bad idea?

 

I know from all the mistakes i've done i've learnt alot, i think she may need time but i just want her to know i'm here. Meanwhile i am trying to get over her because i know my chances are very slim.

 

*Yes, its a very bad idea, which will result in you getting hurt and rejected all over again.

 

**She rejected you, and went off with someone else, and you need to apologise?

 

No contact, no contact, no contact.

[evanescentworld]

Hello i am new to this forum,

Hi....

 

I got dumped by my ex 4 months back, the break up was sudden and within a week she was seeing someone else. However i cannot stop thinking about her, despite this i would take her back.

That's not the point.

She wouldn't take you back, she's past that and over you....

 

I was wondering about trying to initiate contact

 

Wonder no more! The answer's "DON'T!!"

 

and what to say,

Say nothing. Be as silent as the grave and never speak to her again....

 

i must at least try this last time in order to put my mind truly at rest, else i may regret it.

It doesn't matter what you think, say or do.

If she had any notion whatsoever that breaking up with you was a mistake, you'd know it.

Nothing you say or do, will have the slightest positive effect.

In fact, doing anything of the kind will set you back right down to square one again, with just as much pain, heartache and sadness. If not more.

Double rebuttal....

 

I have tried dating other women, but i just don't want to, my heart is still with her.

No, you need to quit dating until you feel you won't be making comparisons, or be a rebound guy. That's just not fair, on either the young lady, OR yourself....

 

I believe she may HAVE left me because i was immature as to why i think she has found an older guy.

No.

She left you because she no longer loved you. She didn't want to be with you, and moved on. The fact that she found an older guy, is immaterial.

She found another guy, full stop....

 

My mind is made up i must try once more

Then 'un-make' it. This will come to no good, will backfire and devastate you.

She doesn't want to know.

And if you DO send anything, she will just see you as needy clingy and desperate.

And if she DID move on because she felt you were immature, this will simply confirm it.

 

text her with "sorry for everything, I still love you"

 

is this a bad idea?

Absolutely, definitely. her response would be, "I don't care, and it doesn't matter, I don't love you. Please quit bothering me."

 

I know from all the mistakes i've done i've learnt alot,

Irrelevant. her opinion on that, is that it's too little, too late. You should have seen things going wrong, back then...

 

i think she may need time but i just want her to know i'm here.

She's perfectly, fully aware you're 'there'. She just doesn't want to know, or to contact you. She knows where you are, she's simply not going to take a backward step. Or glance, even.

 

Meanwhile i am trying to get over her because i know my chances are very slim.

No, you're not trying to get over her.

If you were, this idea would not even have come into your head.

You want to get her back.

That's not doing anything to 'get over her', is it?

 

The way to get over her, is to delete all possible ways of contact, both ways, and focus on putting energy into getting your old self back, with more experience and lessons learnt, under your belt.

[Crossing]

Thank you for your advice both I will consider it, perhaps I just let her know I'm still love her and keep the door open. She truly is my world, I had neglected her I guess I will swallow my pride, let my feelings be known and let the chips fall where they may.

 

However I'm going to sleep on it taking into account the advice you've given perhaps this is just one of those bad days, with valentines on the horizon etc.

[evanescentworld]

Thank you for your advice both I will consider it, perhaps I just let her know I'm still love her and keep the door open.

 

What door - ?! There IS no door!! The only one who can 'keep the door open' is her! She's the one with the door, and believe me, she has well and truly slammed it in your face!!

You don't get to keep any door open! That's not your option or prerogative!!

 

You'd have to knock, but as we have already, very firmly told you that's a dreadful idea, forget this!

 

There - Is - NO - DOOR!!

 

She truly is my world,

 

No, she isn't, she's somebody else's world.

She's your ex.

It's finished, over, done with.

She is nothing to you, because she never entertains any thought of you.

 

I had neglected her I guess I will swallow my pride, let my feelings be known and let the chips fall where they may.

No, don't. Because believe me, she won't let them fall where they may. She will crush them underfoot and fling them back in your face.

Retain whatever vestige of dignity and self-respect you have, and stay No Contact!

 

Do NOT get in touch with her for any reason whatsoever! None!! EVER!!!

 

However I'm going to sleep on it taking into account the advice you've given perhaps this is just one of those bad days, with valentines on the horizon etc.

 

Don't take it into account - just take it!!

 

And for goodness' sake Valentine's Day? An over-blown commercial enterprise designed to extract as much money as possible from those wearing rose-tinted spectacles, who believe it means anything at all!

If it meant anything at all, the other 364 days of the year wouldn't matter!

 

It's just another day!

[mawkij]

The guys advice is so firm...cuz they know it is almost impossible that she ll take u back ....imagine you are running from sth u believe is harmful ...will you stop running and go back ??! And if u stopped and saw this thing coming to you again ...you will believe more its hormful ....the right thing to do is to run in an opposite direction and if its meant it will be...but dont go back believe me I get that idea every hour and I fight it ...cuz I want to feel good about myself...I want her to know I love myself more ...I respect myself and after all its her choice...she made her mind ...and believe me she is not mistaken...she thought alot and made comparison and she took the decision firmly and right after she got rid of you ...she was so happy ..and felt herself again...let her be happy

[Zahara]

Within a week she was already seeing someone else. Bet she was seeing him while she was with you.

[flightplan]

You have to listen to what evanescentworld is telling you. You have to go into silent mode and stay there.

 

It's painful, we've all been there. Listen to the voices of experience. Your situation is not unique, it's very typical. Do not contact her. Give it several months to a year and then reevaluate. She's human, she will miss you, but it may not be enough for her to ever reach out again. However, if you reach out, she will only see you as a nuisance.

 

I wish I had this advice over a year ago when I was in your position. I ended up making a fool out of myself, appearing needy and weak because I couldn't take the pain of not ever seeing her again. But it only pushed her away... and for good reason. They made their decision... respect it and go silent.

 

I won't say reconciling is out of the question, but it's not probable. But if you want the slightest chance, then listen to the advice you've been given. You're in pain and you want it to go away... but unfortunately, looking to the source of your pain (your ex) is not going to make it go away. If you cling to her, you will only prolong your pain. Let her go. Go Heal yourself and leave her alone. She will respect you more if you do that.

[bigtrouble]

Thank you for your advice both I will consider it, perhaps I just let her know I'm still love her and keep the door open. She truly is my world, I had neglected her I guess I will swallow my pride, let my feelings be known and let the chips fall where they may.

 

Just give her space. If she wanted you back she would have contacted you. I guess you are using NC to win her back and then after a certain period of time, you want to open those line of communication to make it easier, if she ever wanted to come back.

 

NC is all about your healing and self improvement. Read my signature, this is almost true in all cases.