Ex texted me asking how I am

[Cedar27]

Thank you all again for your input, advice, and support. I can't tell you all how much it means to me that I am not alone in this situation.

 

Also, I would really like to thank you Cedar27 for your input too. I understand that everyone gives advice from their perspective and from their experiences, so it really benefits me to be able to see this situation from other people's perspectives.

 

As much as I liked the idea of blocking my ex so that she would have to come back physically for any type of contact. Some part of blocking her did always feel terrible to me, and I kept blocking and unblocking her until I just kept her as unblocked for now. You can say that I don't have a backbone if you want. I know that I am still not over her. Despite thinking that it could be hard being with her again, I know that I want to be with her. Moreover, in my mind, I have always been working on at least 2 things. I have always kept the possibility of being with my ex in the future, and I have always kept working on myself and made sure that I'd be awesome even if she didn't come back. For a long time now, and even now still, I rely too much on others for what I should do. However, every now and then, I realize what it is that I really want and should do. What I should do is stick with what I have been doing this whole time. I should continue to keep the door open for her because I want to be with her. At the same time, I should also know that we may never be together again, that if that happens, I will find someone else, and that I will still be great. I know that I can do those things. That is what I have been doing so far, and even though there are times when I am down, I will still always keep my chin up and walk towards a better future.

 

With all that being said, I think that I want to see if she still wants to have dinner with me. I will be mostly free this weekend, and I will ask if she wants to have dinner sometime then. I want to see what she has to say. I know that this event may knock me down and hurt, but I know that I can come back from it. I know that if I don't see what she may have to say, I may regret that. I want to live life without regrets.

 

Thank you again Cedar27 for opening my eyes to a new perspective. I know I still love her, and as long as there is something to fight for, I will keep going. However, I also know that there may be a point when there will be nothing left. I want to thank everyone again for helping me through this.

 

Glad to help buddy, and I agree with you. She finally reached out to you, that's what you wanted wasn't it all along? See what its about! Let me know how things turned out for you.

Edited January 25, 2015 by Cedar27

[lawbstar]

I had dinner with her earlier today. I picked her up from work. We went to grab a burger. Then, I took her home. This meeting was a lot less tense than the time I saw her a few weeks after the break up. We did not talk about anything serious. Before she was about to leave, she hugged me. Then, I told her I needed to tell her something. Before I left to go pick her up, I convinced myself that if it does not seem like she wants to be with me, I will tell her that I am still not over her, so I think I should move on as long as she still does not want to be with me. I can't be just friends with her because that would confuse me too much, so I think that we shouldn't talk for a while. I told her all that because I didn't want to be strung along anymore. I am not exactly sure how she took it. I felt pretty bad about it at first after I did it. I felt like I might've severed the possibility of seeing her again in the future. However, a little later, I felt somewhat empowered to walk away. I felt better knowing that I deserve someone who will chase after me since she broke up with me. I realize that I am not okay with just seeing her every now and then to catch up. If I am to be with someone, I want to see them often.

[kenmore]

Congratulations, you just proved Cedar's point.

 

I have said the same thing in different ways / posts, but the "all size fits one" approach to counseling is quite damaging sometimes.

 

I have always said to follow your own heart. If you are pissed, then keep away. If you are hurt, you need to heal. If you wish for reconciliation, try to make that happen.

 

Sure, you may put yourself in the way of much more hurt, but in the end you will have done what YOU thought was right! Not what some people who don't know you from Adam but want you to be in the same boat think.

 

Some people do have a low tolerance for emotional pain, and they should exercise caution in following their hearts because the pain one can get back can be excruciating! But if one wishes for reconciliation, I say more power to you! One thing that has been drilled into my head as a new insurance salesman is that if you don't put out some effort and really try for something, it won't happen.

 

I sent my wife my disclosures tonight via Email as a courtesy. We had been joking that if I did not try to get her house, it would be worth a blowjob (she has always harbored a fantasy of being a whore.) After I sent it to her I said this is not worthy of a blowjob, you now owe me a date and a night of violent sex!

 

I have no expectations and obviously she won't give me sex for not trying to steal what's hers, but I believe the fun banter is healing for us both, and one just never knows. At least it's not telling her to shove it where the sun don't shine!

 

Ken

[kenmore]

P.S. Nobody will "chase after you". If they do, be very concerned.

[Cedar27]

I had dinner with her earlier today. I picked her up from work. We went to grab a burger. Then, I took her home. This meeting was a lot less tense than the time I saw her a few weeks after the break up. We did not talk about anything serious. Before she was about to leave, she hugged me. Then, I told her I needed to tell her something. Before I left to go pick her up, I convinced myself that if it does not seem like she wants to be with me, I will tell her that I am still not over her, so I think I should move on as long as she still does not want to be with me. I can't be just friends with her because that would confuse me too much, so I think that we shouldn't talk for a while. I told her all that because I didn't want to be strung along anymore. I am not exactly sure how she took it. I felt pretty bad about it at first after I did it. I felt like I might've severed the possibility of seeing her again in the future. However, a little later, I felt somewhat empowered to walk away. I felt better knowing that I deserve someone who will chase after me since she broke up with me. I realize that I am not okay with just seeing her every now and then to catch up. If I am to be with someone, I want to see them often.

 

What you did was absolutely perfect in my opinion. This is the kind of closure you needed. The ball is in her court now. Officially.

 

Granted, you could have just kept having meetings with her week in, week out, staying positive and trying to build the relationship back up discreetly. However it sounds like you don't have the stomach for that. Most don't. They are your ex after all, not some new chick you are trying to court. Also, with that scenario, there is the possibility of her just stringing you along as a friend and you will get nowhere back to a relationship. You clearly can't deal with that kind of scenario, and I don't blame you.

 

You did good. Keep us updated

Edited January 26, 2015 by Cedar27

[kenmore]

What you did was absolutely perfect in my opinion. This is the kind of closure you needed. The ball is in her court now. Officially.

 

Granted, you could have just kept having meetings with her week in, week out, staying positive and trying to build the relationship back up discreetly. However it sounds like you don't have the stomach for that. Most don't. They are your ex after all, not some new chick you are trying to court. Also, with that scenario, there is the possibility of her just stringing you along as a friend and you will get nowhere back to a relationship. You clearly can't deal with that kind of scenario, and I don't blame you.

 

You did good. Keep us updated

 

Sorry, I couldn't disagree more.

 

What he said to her was "I still love you and want you but can't handle you teasing me, so if you change your mind, I'm waiting."

 

Cool and aloof is the key!

 

Tease back. Take a few punches (God knows they take plenty at us.) Be an equal.

 

Not to put anyone down, but it reminds me of my wife's ex. He is a great guy! Thoughtful, kind, smart...but he's a puppy dog!

 

Anything she wants, he's there (he's also the father of her daughter.) It doesn't matter if she just needs him to pick up the daughter for her convenience, even though it's a 40 mile round trip for him, it's always "sure".

 

It's a stretch, but the whole "do what you want and if you decide you want me, I'm yours" attitude is for the birds. Sure, if you want reconciliation, work for it, but be sure to maintain what you need too.

 

It's all a two way street. Nobody is 100% to blame and nobody has 100% of control. It needs to be as equal as it can be. Shutting anyone down is also detrimental. Who will want to try again after getting shut down? That's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[lawbstar]

I definitely could have kept having meetings with her week in, week out, and hope for the best. I had the stomach for that before, but you're right, I cannot do that anymore. I feel like I've done everything I could to save our relationship so far, and I feel like she has not put in nearly as much effort as I have. If I kept on going, I would have just run down my own dignity, and that would definitely be counter productive on my part.

 

As much as I still want to be with her, I also don't have that much time to spare for her. Our lives have drifted a part a bit. She moved and lives a little further away from me now, and it takes me over an hour to commute to school. Thus, I don't have that much time, and I don't want to waste it on something that might not be. If she showed that she still wants to be with me, I am sure that we would be able to work something out, but for anything less than that, the effort is not would not be worth the results.

 

To kenmore, I don't necessarily want her to chase me, but if we were to be together, I would need her to show me that I am actually worth something to her. I feel like she has not fought to get me back, so why should I go back easy when she was the one to let me go in the first place.

 

If she doesn't come back, then she is definitely not worth my time either, and there will be someone else better for me out there.

[Cedar27]

Sorry, I couldn't disagree more.

 

What he said to her was "I still love you and want you but can't handle you teasing me, so if you change your mind, I'm waiting."

 

Cool and aloof is the key!

 

Tease back. Take a few punches (God knows they take plenty at us.) Be an equal.

 

 

Kenmore, you bring up an interesting point and I can't really disagree with you. But this is a peculiar situation. If lawbstar was to play it cool and aloof, he would be stressed out of his mind and it's hard enough for him just to see her. Like you said before, no two people are the same. If lawbstar was to just see her casually every now and then, not bring up feelings/relationship/break up issues, and slowly start to get her attracted to him again, it MIGHT have worked better. But at what cost to lawbstar? Sounds like he had a nice positive time with her, and just mentioned at the tail end how he felt about where they go from here. Thats a lot better than spending the entire meeting talking about depression, break up stuff, getting back together etc.

 

It sounds like he is emotionally exhausted from this whole thing, and really doesn't have the time, energy, or patience to do what you said above. That ship has sailed. Right now it seems more important for him to keep his distance and be at peace with this last meeting, then have her around more often and being reminded of what he doesn't have.

 

Kenmore is right though. Obviously if you are REALLY going to put in the time/effort into getting your ex back, one good way is to play it cool. Don't even bring up getting back together, your feelings, etc. Just show her your fun side that made her attracted to you in the first place, be confident, wait for the next meeting, and repeat. Then make your move. But does lawbstar have the energy and a current healthy emotional state of mind to do that? I think in order to go that route successfully, it comes with time and acceptance. This brings up true confidence and positivity in a person, and not a "fake it until you make it" character you put on every time you see your ex.

 

Although I do think the whole "I am not over you" statement probably didn't need to be added, I don't think it hurt his chances much. The ex sounds like she needs time to think about everything, and no matter what he did she would likely be in the same place. No one word or statement is going to make or break the reconciliation. I think for lawbstars situation, and where he's at in his life, he did about the best he could do.

 

Perhaps in a few months he could readdress where he's at and see if he's grown enough to see her occasionally without the emotional hangover, and then try to build the attraction back in a more organic way. He may even find at that point he's better off putting his energy into a new woman, who knows. But he did what he had to do. He told her where he's at, and for now that's good enough. She also understands now that she just can't use him as an emotional tampon and buddy, that if he's going to be in her life it has to be as a boyfriend. Does this work better than the whole aloof and cool thing? Maybe, maybe not. But it's a hell of a lot easier emotionally right now for lawbstar. Plus he isn't constantly waiting around for that day of reckoning where she accepts his kiss or pushes him away, only for him to deal with the emotional fallout from that.

 

Something tells me since the ex texted him and agreed to go out for a burger, something about him still lingers on her mind. Now lawbstar is pulling back saying he can't just be her buddy. Let's face it, he did a lot better than most men in that situation.

Edited January 26, 2015 by Cedar27

[Cedar27]

 

It's all a two way street. Nobody is 100% to blame and nobody has 100% of control. It needs to be as equal as it can be. Shutting anyone down is also detrimental. Who will want to try again after getting shut down? That's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Are you saying that because he told her he doesn't want to be friends and see her right now she's getting shut down?

[lawbstar]

I am feeling pretty down now. After I told her that I didn't think we should talk for a while, I felt really bad about it. I felt like I might have threw away her coming back to me. I slipped back into really wanting to be with her again. I called her today to see if we could do something together soon. We talked casually for a few minutes. I asked her to come buy a scarf with me, but we couldn't find a day that worked for the both of us. I had my hopes on trying to reconcile one last time. To try to start again from the beginning. Because I am close with her sister, I texted her sister after I called her, and asked what she thought of my idea. Her sister told me that it's a waste of time. Her sister asked her casually if she would get back with me. My ex said probably not anytime soon and that she doesn't feel the same way anymore. Her sister thinks my ex just sees me as a friend now.

 

I am disappointed that I let myself believe that I should try to do something again. My emotions are really mixed up because the last time I saw her before we broke NC, which lasted for about a month, I told her that maybe not now, but I would want to try again in the future. She told me then that she is okay with hanging out, but she did not want a boyfriend, so I hugged her, kissed her on the cheek and left. She texts me a month later, and texts again the day after when I don't respond to her. When I see her, she hugs me before she leaves. That was the first time she initiated any type of physical contact with me since the break up. She was never too physical before. Maybe she has changed.

 

I am confused and just disappointed.

[Cedar27]

Lawbstar,

 

If you really want to try and make things work with her….you have two options:

 

1. You can just leave her alone and see if she comes back with you.

2. You can hang out with her occasionally. Act very casual, be the old attractive you, have no expectations.

 

Obviously option 2 is harder emotionally, but then again you will be able to actually see her and possibly build that attraction back. The downside of this is that you may be completely friend zoned, no matter how charming you are…and then she doesn't get a chance to really miss you. You also may be devastated that you put all this time and effort into someone that still has 0 interest in you. Then again, the downside to number 1 is the more time that passes without you in her life, the easier it might be for her to move on forever.

 

You need to ask yourself which one of these you think is best for you, and for her. Also, be at peace with the possibility she may never come back. Work on rebuilding an exciting life again, make friends, meet women (even just casually), do fun things! I know it's hard and some days you simply want to sulk and shuffle around the house in your pajamas…….believe me, I know. But by doing these things, not only are you creating a new fulfilling life again, if you do happen to see her/other women they will be able to see that you are really a fun person to be around!

 

Like I said before, you really have to act as if its over. Probably not a good idea to bring relationship stuff up again after this. You have really been doing all the chasing and the feeling sharing, etc. You have pretty much said all you can say too.

 

So it's up to you what option you want to do.

 

You could keep the lines of communication open, while at the same time don't be her emotional dumping ground and don't just jump whenever she asks you too. Desperation will be what kills you here. I would say if it bothers you this much to cut off contact and leave her alone, you could just do the whole casual hang out thing here and there. Don't be overly fake positive, be real, be a confident guy that's building a life back, be a bit flirtatious even, and be interested in listening to what's going on with her.

 

I must say though, it sounds like this is going to be super hard for you to do this.

 

There are no easy answers here. It's really about your comfort level. What do you think would be the harder option: Stopping contact altogether and allowing her to contact you if she ever has a change of heart? Or finding a kind of middle ground where you aren't her friend but you aren't together, but you see each other here and there for the time being so you can see if you could get that spark back.

 

I think often times when it's meant to be, people will come back into your life regardless of what "method" you take to get them back. So don't act like if you make the wrong choice here and she never comes back, it was your fault.

 

But above and beyond all this, while you are holding the door open for you ex to come back in your life…..hold that door open for other women too! You never know who might come along. Most importantly, hold it open for YOURSELF so that you can build a productive, happy, and enjoyable life again. Because no matter what happens in the end, you'll always have to live with yourself.

Edited January 28, 2015 by Cedar27

[Atmosphere77]

Lawbstar, I'm in a similar situation. It's been about 4 months since my breakup. Unlike a lot of people on this site I saw all the signs of her losing attraction for me. Unfortunately, her way of "letting me know" was to be a nag, make bitchy comments, stopped initiating sex, etc. She started to be jealous of my hobbies instead of being a part of them and I felt she started to take advantage of me financially.

Instead of trying to talk to her (which I dreaded) I decided I wouldn't be treated like this. I started coming home when I knew she'd be ready for bed so I wouldn't have to deal with her. I played on the internet and ignored her if she was in a foul mood (she had other negative issues in her life at the time, not just me). I also cut the money off. Oh, you want to go there for dinner? Let's just stay in I'm not hungry, etc.

I was totally stressed. My blood pressure was very high even when I was calm. My doctor wanted to put me on meds. (it's now normal for someone 10 years younger than me lol). I wanted her to end it. We still had good times but I saw no way for her to go back to being the best girlfriend I ever had. So finally I got the "We need to talk".

We sat down and I was gung ho for the breakup. Might have been able to save it then but probably not. We agreed to end it but then we talked for a few hours. It felt great to actually communicate even if it was mostly negative and I saw she still had feelings for me. She had to go to bed and I was going to leave. I ended up crawling into bed with her just to hold her and she ended up sexually attacking me. The next morning she kissed me and left for work. I assumed we were gonna work it out.

A few hours later I get a text " Well that was a great way to end it I guess" I agreed and decided to play along still thinking it wasn't over. I went a few days without contact. Then I started to bug out. Sent her the "I think if we just communicated we could have solved most of our problems" etc. She didn't want to discuss "us". I tried to be as unpathetic as possible but you all know how that goes. During this time she would also send me similar texts like "I'm so sad" "miss u" etc. 3 weeks after the breakup she even asked if I wanted to meet up for drinks. At the time I thought it was too soon and also feared she'd have second thoughts about it and cancel.

 

 

Finally I told her I loved her and I'm going to take this time to get my own **** together etc. The usual. I then stopped initiating contact. She would still send me a "How are you" text every 5 days or so. Sometimes I ignored, sometimes I'd respond. Sometimes I'd write I'm good, how are you? She'd say she's ok too and then blow me off.

So then I found this site. I posted my breakup story and all the texts between us. Most of the responses I got was that I was beyond pathetic and never talk to her again. Go NC, heal and move on. I felt like such a loser I changed my login name lol. Between that and reading hundreds of posts from other dumped people got me in a very negative mood.

Now I have no idea if another guy was being lined up but I'm positive I wasn't cheated on atleast. She wouldn't do that. In the past 4 months I'm sure she's slept with people as have I. She could be in a full blown relationship for all I know.

So 2-3 months back I get a "hey haven't heard from you in while" text. I responded with the "everythings good" BS. She's good etc. Then I get the "Glad you're good" blow off text. I snapped and told her something like " what are you trying to get out of texting me? I'm not gonna be your emotional tampon while you're out ****ing other guys etc" Whatever I said is in my old post. She got pissed and said she missed me and this just proves that I'm an ******* etc. I apologized and said "lets take some time apart and down the line lets meet for a drink. If there's anything still there maybe we can start from scratch. She said ok. I sent her a good morning text the next day to let her know I wasn't an ******* and then stopped initiating contact again.

 

 

She then texted me I guess 3 weeks later around thanksgiving. We texted back and forth for a few minutes. She included a few XO's which I think would be strange for someone to send if they were just checking in with an ex. She seemed to want to keep talking but I was still in fear of being blown off. She asked me a question and I just never responded. I assumed I wouldn't hear from her until Christmas/new years and I was right.

I started reading a lot about relationships and how men and women differ when it comes to them. Once I was over the physical pain of losing her and I could eat again I also tried to stay off this forum which helped a lot. BTW, I'm not blaming the advice here for anything. Everyone is trying to help. I listened and made my own decisions. I agree though it is a depressing place.

I started to date a new girl. She's great but I would rather be with my ex at the moment. The new girl and I were out for new years and ran into one of my ex's friends. The next day the ex texts " Happy new year! I'm happy if you're happy with someone else! I want you to have a great year and I think about you often" Something like that. 4 days later I reply and we texted and caught up with what we are up to. Family etc. Nothing about our relationship and I'm not even sure if her friend told her about the girl I'm dating or if she was just speculating.

I told her I had to go because I was leaving to go play guitar at an open mic. She said "that's great, maybe i'll come see you play sometime" I said " Well either way Keep in touch. I miss you" She said " I miss you too! Nite"

Now I'm glad I said that. It kinda was a test. We had a nice long conversation and I know for sure the ball is in her court and she knows my door is open. That being said, it's been 3 weeks and I've heard nothing from her. I still think about her for most of the day. I feel much better knowing that I've done what I could. I made a lot of mistakes I'm sure, but I don't regret them anymore. I could text her right now and get a response but for what? I'm not gonna be a buddy. She has to come to me if she wants me.

My birthday is in 2 weeks. I assume i'll get a happy birthday from her. She'll just get a "thanks" back. Hers is right after valentines day (doubt i'll get a text on that day lol) but I'm not gonna send her a happy bday.

Lawbstar: You have to decide what you're gonna do. And if you tell her what you are gonna do then you have to stick to it. I might have been pathetic and chased at the start but I'm ok with the decisions I've made. I do feel if she saw me in person it would help but I'm only recently ready to see her in person and may not get that chance. I look great (lost 20lbs) and I'm a happier person since she last saw me.

If you're ex lost her feelings for you I would suggest doing what I'm doing as a compromise . NC might make her miss you, and I Do believe it will make you heal faster, but hey, **** it right? Chasing and being a friend will only turn her off more most likely. Let her do all the contacting. Don't act weak but pay attention if you go this route. Is she contacting you because she might want to get back together or is she keeping you on the back burner. That's the risk but anyway you go is a risk if you want her back. And if she doesn't come back you'll know you did what you could and eventually you won't care anymore. It's still an emotional rollercoaster but you will heal this way. I feel 100 times better than I did at the beginning of the breakup. Sorry I wrote so much lol

[lawbstar]

Cedar27, I plan to leave her alone. I am also doing and will continue to do much of what you have mentioned (i.e. moving on with my life, leaving the door open for someone new to come in, being happy by myself). I do not have the time, nor do I want to put the effort into pursuing her. I have done everything that I possibly could, so hearing that she just doesn't feel the same anymore was a pretty big hit to me at first. It was hard for me to sleep that night. However, then I realized that she must have really felt the same since she broke up with me, so what is the difference now. She did not want to be with me when she broke up with me, and she still does not want to be with me now. Nothing has changed on her end. However, I am becoming more comfortable with where I am, and I am becoming more comfortable with who I am. This break up has been hard. I imagine all break ups being hard. However, I have been able to learn from this break up and from my relationship. Through my relationship, I have learned to believe in myself more, and I am continuing to do that now while I am healing from the break up. I do believe that if two people are meant to be together, then it well just happen. I would be lying if I still did not have the smallest hopes that I might be with my ex in the future. However, as time goes by, my hope diminishes, and I am okay with that. I am still accepting that she may never come back. I am still accepting that she does not feel the same way anymore. I ended up finally deleting our pictures off my phone a few days ago. I did not really feel much from it except just missing the fun times we had.

 

Atmosphere77, I guess we are in similar situations even though there are some differences as well. It is okay that you wrote so much. I enjoy reading about other people's experiences and stories. I apologize if my reply to you is not as long as you'd like it to be, but I am pretty tired while writing this, so I am writing whatever comes to mind. I have done some chasing after my break up too. I do not regret any of it although I would not do anything of the sort now. I do believe that the best option for me now is NC. I also know that I should stick to what I decide to do. That is one of the hardest things that I am dealing with now. As much as I just want to move on and be over her, I know that I am not over her and want her to come back even though that probably won't work out now. One thing that really helps me is thinking about how everyone I talk to tells me that the break up was not my fault. I believe I am over the phase of blaming everything on myself. I have accepted that I might never find out why she really broke up with me. That is okay. I still feel as if I am not doing too bad right now, but I have been better. Day by day, things will always look up as long as you keep moving forward with a positive attitude. I wish you the best too, Atmosphere77, and thanks for sharing.

[IfiKnewThen]

lawstar........i hate 3rd party information. i wouldnt merely go by what her sister says. i would want to hear it straight from the horses mouth.

 

so many 3rd party persons have been the direct result of ppl not being together or getting togethe,r in the end. dont just take her word alone. please remember that...

 

[lawbstar]

I get what you're saying, IfiKnewThen, but I am sure that her sister would not lie about my ex saying that she doesn't feel the same way anymore and doesn't think we'll get back together anytime soon. Also, I based this off of how she's acted the few times I've seen her since the break up. Things have changed. She barely initiates contact too. I think so far she's been contacting me about once a month.

 

I can't help but feel like I still want to be with her, but I don't think there is anything I can do to try to be with her again.

[MidnightinMadrid]

I am feeling pretty down now. After I told her that I didn't think we should talk for a while, I felt really bad about it. I felt like I might have threw away her coming back to me. I slipped back into really wanting to be with her again. I called her today to see if we could do something together soon. We talked casually for a few minutes. I asked her to come buy a scarf with me, but we couldn't find a day that worked for the both of us. I had my hopes on trying to reconcile one last time. To try to start again from the beginning. Because I am close with her sister, I texted her sister after I called her, and asked what she thought of my idea. Her sister told me that it's a waste of time. Her sister asked her casually if she would get back with me. My ex said probably not anytime soon and that she doesn't feel the same way anymore. Her sister thinks my ex just sees me as a friend now.

 

I am disappointed that I let myself believe that I should try to do something again. My emotions are really mixed up because the last time I saw her before we broke NC, which lasted for about a month, I told her that maybe not now, but I would want to try again in the future. She told me then that she is okay with hanging out, but she did not want a boyfriend, so I hugged her, kissed her on the cheek and left. She texts me a month later, and texts again the day after when I don't respond to her. When I see her, she hugs me before she leaves. That was the first time she initiated any type of physical contact with me since the break up. She was never too physical before. Maybe she has changed.

 

I am confused and just disappointed.

 

Hello,

I have been following this forum and believe me has taken every advice,suggestions and opinions to heart. It looks to me,my opinion

that you are way too vulnerable from the break up to consider meeting up with her in the first place. You were not ready for that,it opened up some wounds seeing her again,thats why most people (Not all,loved Cedar's advice too) said its best to commence NC and heal. I would have told her when she wanted to meet up,or whoever's Idea to go out and grab a burger that i'm not ready to catch up now,perhaps later.

Now you met her in person,caught up with her "hi hows it going,""no i'm not ready to be friends,so its best to not talk for a while", and now you are doubting yourself bc you're worried and focus what she thinks,and wants.how about you? don't you matter too?

Think on this,don't be too hard on yourself,but in my opinion, not telling you want to do if it seems that way,you need to step back and not worry too much about losing her. Remember if its meant to be it will be meant to be,look at BlackCat,completely ignoring her ex,even blocking him,he showed up at her door. There is one thing to be said,not to let someone take advantage of you or your feelings,don't doubt yourself either,you need time to heal so you can be more confident to your ex and to yourself.

I personally would skip trying to meet up with her again,since you previously told her its not a good idea. Stand by your word,and put yourself first,as BlackCat says its all about self respect,putting you first,don't worry what your ex thinks,she has lost that privilege,its time for her to make more effort if she is truly sincere wanting you back. Step back, and take care of yourself first. Hope it helps

Edited February 4, 2015 by MidnightinMadrid