Chiffon Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Short version is my husband for 3 years cheated on me with an ex gf I never knew about a year ago. I had medical reasons that prevented me from having sex for one month. The ex gf contacted me through FB and told me everything. I waited 3 months till I confronted him and he confirmed their 2 month affair.We went through marriage counseling to figure out with he cheated and how to move forward. It the time I was surprised he cheated since I have been a cheater myself in past relationships. I understood more for how he felt than how I the one cheated on could understand. We moved forward with our marriage that I thought was pure bliss. Fast forward to four months ago a guy online, we chatted back and forth for months til one day we met in person and unexpectedly, we had amazing sex. The guy wasn't my usual type of guy but something about he made me really like him. Even before I cheated, I was trying to make my husband and I marriage go beyond the affair, but I would still have days of sadness. I couldn't stop thinking about if I made the right decision or not. Now, I feel terrible about my marriage for what he has done and now, what I've done. The new guy seems to like me but keeps asking me what am I gonna do about my marriage. I don't know what to do. Ask questions or leave a comment below: Is it time for me to just leave the marriage all together, stay in the marriage or just keep the affair going on? Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 First things first, you need to be honest with your husband. You are having a revenge affair. From there both of you will be able to make a decision about your marriage. The questions you asked, no one can answer but you. Continuing with your affair is not going to solve anything. In fact it will only make it harder to reconcile or produce a nastier divorce. Be honest with your husband and don't trickle truth. I know this is going to sound harsh, but both of you have failed your marriage. It's going to take both of you to repair it. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I agree with what jbrent said. I don't think you guys really love each other. You've only been married for 3 years! Cheating on someone means you don't respect them or the relationship. You said that you cheated in the past, but you haven't learned anything from it. Counseling isn't going to help...mutual respect is the only cure-all and I'm afraid that boat has sailed. Y'all just need to call it quits before children are involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Sounds like you two deserve each other, to be honest. Spare the rest of the dating world from you two and stay together. Because the fact that you can say that you talked to a guy online for "MONTHS" and then "unexpectedly" have sex... ugh. I just don't get it. If your marriage got to a point of "pure bliss", when then talk to a guy online and then meet him in person? Why? And you are asking for our permission to keep the affair going? How about this: Marriage counseling. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Bunnies!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Tell your husband the truth so he can divorce you. Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 It does not sound like either of you really want to be married. For him to cheat on you when you are suffering medical issues is cruel and ridiculous. While I understand your hurt and anger, cheating as revenge was not the answer. Either you two commit to being married or you divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Short version is my husband for 3 years cheated on me with an ex gf I never knew about a year ago. I had medical reasons that prevented me from having sex for one month. The ex gf contacted me through FB and told me everything. I waited 3 months till I confronted him and he confirmed their 2 month affair.We went through marriage counseling to figure out with he cheated and how to move forward. It the time I was surprised he cheated since I have been a cheater myself in past relationships. I understood more for how he felt than how I the one cheated on could understand. We moved forward with our marriage that I thought was pure bliss. Fast forward to four months ago a guy online, we chatted back and forth for months til one day we met in person and unexpectedly, we had amazing sex. The guy wasn't my usual type of guy but something about he made me really like him. Even before I cheated, I was trying to make my husband and I marriage go beyond the affair, but I would still have days of sadness. I couldn't stop thinking about if I made the right decision or not. Now, I feel terrible about my marriage for what he has done and now, what I've done. The new guy seems to like me but keeps asking me what am I gonna do about my marriage. I don't know what to do. Ask questions or leave a comment below: Is it time for me to just leave the marriage all together, stay in the marriage or just keep the affair going on? The relationship is destroyed. You can never maintain a level of trust. And keep the affair going and stay in the marriage?! You are clearly confused and incapable of having a lasting relationship. You cheated in past relationships likely because they lacked quality and you will continue this pattern until you seek counseling for whatever issues you have that cause you to enter into relationships that are unsatisfying or unfulfilling enough to garner full commitment from you or your partners. This new man, if you're honest with him about your past, will see through all this and it is unlikely that he will stay with you. Even if he does, he will never trust you and further you will not trust him because your current husband cheated as well. You need to divorce your current husband and drop the new man. Don't divorce your husband because you think you're going to be with the new man. Work on yourself, get centered, learn to forgive yourself and your husband and stay single for a while. You will not be able to have a quality relationship until you do this. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Is it time for me to just leave the marriage all together, stay in the marriage or just keep the affair going on? is this really a serious question? Stay in the marriage and keep your affair secret or stay in the marriage and tell your husband you're screwing another man? The first thing you should do is look into a better marital therapist. Doesn't seem the last one was very effective. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 While I understand the whole revenge cheating thing I think your actions are more akin to a personality disorder than simple revenge. I think you would be best served by getting a divorce then counseling for yourself. You have basically admitted to being a serial cheater, not a healthy lifestyle to live. Link to post Share on other sites
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