Does Meeting The One Make Even The Longest Distance Work

[ExpatInItaly]

It is sort of insulting when people try to convince me that hey, he was never that into you and he just purely wanted sex form the get go.

 

I don't think it is that far fetched they maybe a guy was just really into me and then changed his mind once he got to know me/or it was the long distance thing that he decided was a deal breaker.

 

I think people assume the worst out of people.

 

I always avoid players these days, I have picked a few smooth talkers up that I have NOT written about - men who ask for my number and pretend to want more than just sex, when I can just SENSE they are players....

 

I think I am at a stage in my dating life where I can tell if a man sees me as relationship material or sex material.

 

I don't think it's so much that people here are trying to tell you he wasn't into you. I think it's more that you seem to have gotten quite attached and continue to repeat the same things in various threads that concerns some posters.

[okc85]

It is sort of insulting when people try to convince me that hey, he was never that into you and he just purely wanted sex form the get go.

 

I don't think it is that far fetched they maybe a guy was just really into me and then changed his mind once he got to know me/or it was the long distance thing that he decided was a deal breaker.

 

I think people assume the worst out of people.

 

I always avoid players these days, I have picked a few smooth talkers up that I have NOT written about - men who ask for my number and pretend to want more than just sex, when I can just SENSE they are players....

 

I think I am at a stage in my dating life where I can tell if a man sees me as relationship material or sex material.

 

 

you're the one implying that he wasn't into you.

 

Guess what, some people WONT move mountains to be with someone very long distance. Because they emotionally protect themselves!

 

Plus, I don't understand why you would want a VLDR if you're all about being single and free these days (according to your posts)

[Leigh 87]

you're the one implying that he wasn't into you.

 

Guess what, some people WONT move mountains to be with someone very long distance. Because they emotionally protect themselves!

 

Plus, I don't understand why you would want a VLDR if you're all about being single and free these days (according to your posts)

 

 

 

But for certain guys who excite me enough I'll do long distance.

 

I go on a lot of first dates. Rarely go on second dates. I need to feel really attracted to them and have fireworks or sparks as it makes for a more passionate relation when it comes to the bedroom part.

 

The times I do meet a guy who i have that fire for, I'll not only go on a second date but I'll agree to try out long distance.

 

I either don't bother with men at all past date one. ....or, the men I am actually interested in I will move mountains for within reason. Long distance is within reason. Doing something I'm not comfortable with is not reasonable.

[okc85]

But for certain guys who excite me enough I'll do long distance.

 

I go on a lot of first dates. Rarely go on second dates. I need to feel really attracted to them and have fireworks or sparks as it makes for a more passionate relation when it comes to the bedroom part.

 

The times I do meet a guy who i have that fire for, I'll not only go on a second date but I'll agree to try out long distance.

 

I either don't bother with men at all past date one. ....or, the men I am actually interested in I will move mountains for within reason. Long distance is within reason. Doing something I'm not comfortable with is not reasonable.

 

 

I guess I just don't agree with you on the sex part. I've had great sex with people I didn't feel that initial 'spark' with. Mostly, that instant spark has led me astray. I've fallen for charmers. They just know how to play the game, and they aren't always genuine. We have to be careful in the dating word.

 

I really think you're doing yourself a disservice by dismissing men after just one date. People are nervous on first dates! What do you really know about a person after one date? Sure, if you're just straight up not attracted, that's one thing. But if you liked the guy, but just didn't feel insta-sparks, you'd still dismiss him? You might be missing out on quality people.

[Leigh 87]

I guess I just don't agree with you on the sex part. I've had great sex with people I didn't feel that initial 'spark' with. Mostly, that instant spark has led me astray. I've fallen for charmers. They just know how to play the game, and they aren't always genuine. We have to be careful in the dating word.

 

I really think you're doing yourself a disservice by dismissing men after just one date. People are nervous on first dates! What do you really know about a person after one date? Sure, if you're just straight up not attracted, that's one thing. But if you liked the guy, but just didn't feel insta-sparks, you'd still dismiss him? You might be missing out on quality people.

 

 

I have had the best sex with the men who I felt instant chemistry with. There is never the same sizzle when you didn't go through the infatuation phase and when there was not natural passion present. And I am 28 and in no rush to settle down. I don't need children although I do love them and would love to take on step kids.

 

I am not doing myself any kind of disservice because I am going after what I want and I have really, really enjoyed my dating life = it is working for me thanks, I enjoy dating the men that compel me to dated them and I am learning a lot about dating, men and myself. I have also been lucky enough to have experienced two long term relationships and one semi serious one lasting nearly 1 year - I feel happy that I have gotten to experience dating, relationships and heartbreak.

 

 

 

I have learnt a lot from this last encounter - I wont be rushing into things because of some fire works the next time I feel them and it seems to be mutual (with the guy in question).

 

 

The men I have had fire works with have always had more explosive and passionate sex with me, when comparison with the non spark men who had to grow on me. There just isn't the same sizzle in the bedroom.

 

Plus I love going through the early stages of dating when there are fire works present - you cannot keep your hands off one another, you make out on the street because you cannot help yourselves. I do not ever want to bypass that stage of dating - and the fireworks are needed for that I am afraid.

 

 

I am happy to wait a few years totally single in order to have the relationship that begins in the fashion that best suits my needs.

 

 

If I were older and desperate to find a lasting relationship it would be a different story and I would be right to follow OTHER peoples advice as to the fire works - I would need to be realistic about my approach to dating. I have a few years ahead of me before I will be actively seeking a relationship and so it is realistic for ME, to wait and hold out for instant attraction and sparks.

 

 

Thanks for your concern but I am fine thanks living my life in the way I see fit, it works for me and I am really happy with the dating experiences I have accumulated.

[MovingOnIsHard]

It sounds like you're addicted to the infatuation stage of dating. How are you ever going to find a long lasting relationship in the future with that kind of mentality?

 

It's like you're jumping from one bed to another all in the name of experiencing "fireworks" and "sparks". Doesnt sound stable to me.

[Rejected Rosebud]

It sounds like you're addicted to the infatuation stage of dating. How are you ever going to find a long lasting relationship in the future with that kind of mentality?

 

It's like you're jumping from one bed to another all in the name of experiencing "fireworks" and "sparks". Doesnt sound stable to me.

There is not necessarily anything wrong with it though, Leigh has told us many times that this is what she enjoys at this stage of her life!! Where I get confused though is when the exciting bed jumping gets mixed up with "falling in love" and relationships! That will cause unhappiness I'm afraid!

[okc85]

It sounds like you're addicted to the infatuation stage of dating. How are you ever going to find a long lasting relationship in the future with that kind of mentality?

 

It's like you're jumping from one bed to another all in the name of experiencing "fireworks" and "sparks". Doesnt sound stable to me.

 

 

It's not sustainable or realistic. Anyone who's had a LTR knows that the infatuation fades. I think it's great to enjoy the infatuation while it lasts, but I think a lot of relationships fail because people expect that feeling to last forever, but it's just not how we evolved.

 

Perhaps it's fine if she just wants to keep chasing that high, though. But eventually it'll get old. Another downfall of being human- we need change eventually. That's when she'll truly be ready for an LTR.

[Diezel]

I am not doing myself any kind of disservice because I am going after what I want and I have really, really enjoyed my dating life = it is working for me thanks.

 

If it is working for you then what are all your countless threads about?

 

It seems to be evidence to the contrary, that it is NOT working. But yet, you're the only one who seems to think it is.

 

There is nothing wrong with doing whatever you want to do, but when you start complaining about it over and over and over, you need to understand why people say the things they are saying to you. That's the problem though, your tunnel vision has you caught in whatever YOU want to see of your own life. Your threads seem to be about finding people who share YOUR vision of dating and less about finding different views and perpsectives and maybe switching up whatever you need to do.

 

EVERY single ONE of your threads is the same thing masked as something else.

 

Really, I cannot wait until you start school because maybe then you will occupy your time with more constructive things than discussions about "fireworks".

[Leigh 87]

It's not sustainable or realistic. Anyone who's had a LTR knows that the infatuation fades. I think it's great to enjoy the infatuation while it lasts, but I think a lot of relationships fail because people expect that feeling to last forever, but it's just not how we evolved.

 

Perhaps it's fine if she just wants to keep chasing that high, though. But eventually it'll get old. Another downfall of being human- we need change eventually. That's when she'll truly be ready for an LTR.

 

 

I know infatuation fades.

 

But I need to BEGIN a long term relationship with the infatuation stage.

[Leigh 87]

If it is working for you then what are all your countless threads about?

 

It seems to be evidence to the contrary, that it is NOT working. But yet, you're the only one who seems to think it is.

 

I absolutely love my dating life thanks. It is working well for me. It makes me happy.

 

I am thrilled that I got to experience an intense albeit short romance. Don't regret it for a second - the high I had was worth the one or two days where I missed his calls or texts.

 

So yeah - my dating life makes me happy. Hence it is working for me.

 

I am glad I have gotten to experience two long term relationships each lasting over 2 years each. I am lucky that I can now reflect and learn a lot about myself and what I need out of NEW relationships.

 

I wouldn't say two long term failed relationships mean my dating method isn't working - at least I can get guys, have relationships If I so choose, and I have plenty of men which I can learn from and make better decisions based upon my failed romances.

 

Going against who I am and accepting further dates from men I am not excited about dating WOULDNT work - because it is just not me, I don't want a relationship badly enough to entertain men I don't have a spark with and feel 0 excitement for.

 

I prefer to go date men who excite me and who I WANT to go on a second date with.

 

There is nothing wrong with doing whatever you want to do, but when you start complaining about it over and over and over, you need to understand why people say the things they are saying to you. That's the problem though, your tunnel vision has you caught in whatever YOU want to see of your own life. Your threads seem to be about finding people who share YOUR vision of dating and less about finding different views and perpsectives and maybe switching up whatever you need to do.

 

I don't complain.

 

I simply prefer am instant spark. I like to get butterflies and actually feel excited about a man I date - or else, I am, very happy single and they can be my friend; not a lover.

 

EVERY single ONE of your threads is the same thing masked as something else.

 

Really, I cannot wait until you start school because maybe then you will occupy your time with more constructive things than discussions about "fireworks".

 

 

Look, there is nothing wrong with me only bothering to date the men that actually excite me.

 

I have had long relationships with men I had no spark with - it never resulted in explosive sex.

 

The fireworks guys provided me with more explosive sex.

 

I want what I want, and as long as it is realistic, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what I want.

 

There are many instances of couples falling in love hard and fast - with natural passion and intense chemistry from the get go.

 

And then there are slow burners - no attraction at first from at least one party, the at least one party has to "grow" into the other person.

 

I choose the former - and that is just fine thanks.

[Leigh 87]

It sounds like you're addicted to the infatuation stage of dating. How are you ever going to find a long lasting relationship in the future with that kind of mentality?

 

It's like you're jumping from one bed to another all in the name of experiencing "fireworks" and "sparks". Doesnt sound stable to me.

 

 

I am not stupid I do realise infatuation and fireworks don't last. Hello, I do realise that??

 

I do have two happily married parents who married at age 21; they had instant spark and hey, they are HIGHLY compatible. Totally happy for over 30 years.

 

Oh - and I have been in two long term relationships - you do know that, right?

 

Each relationships lasted over 2 years - so yeah, I am well aware you cannot be in that "want to rip each others clothes off" stage constantly.

 

I am not looking for a relationship but if I fall into one it will have the infatuation stage.

 

Many couples miss out on the infatuation stage; not me. I need that part. However, I am well aware that a long term relationship doesn't remain int he honeymoon period and I am fine with that.

 

And so what if I want to have short lived infatuation based flings rathe than settle for a slow burning, boring style that doesn't appeal to me? It makes me happier having the butterflies and explosive sex even if it is short and sweet - than it would settling into a loooooong term thing and having to miss the infatuation stage because I settled for some " really nice guy" who I lacked that primal attraction to.

 

So what if I am not wanting a long term relationship this second? You expect everyone to want that?

 

From now until I graduate I couldn't care less if I have a relationship and after I graduate and have my great job - then yes I will think about love, and I will actively seek it out by putting myself out there.

 

Right now - you're right, I do just want to jump into bed with a few short lived flings who I am passionate about and who share intense chemistry with me.

 

If one happens to be compatible sure I wont knock a relationship back, but I do realise it takes a while to find the combination of fireworks AND long term compatibility.

 

Within a few years I definitely think I will just come across both components I am after; I will find the spark and explosiveness and fireworks - and ill find it with a guy who happens to be compatible.

[Leigh 87]

By the way - Irish guy called me two nights ago.

 

He just wanted to say he was sorry it didn't work out.. he meant everything he said to me and he genuinely though for a moment that he wanted to just give things a real go with me.

 

He wanted to know how I was doing. He is leaving the country very soon.

 

He had left me alone until this point as he understood I needed to just move on without talking to him.

 

He said he liked what a nice girl I was - he said he was able to tell me things he hadn't told anyone else. That he needed to talk to me again because I was such a nice girl and he wanted to make sure I was okay about how it ended.

 

I am glad he left me alone - and he hasn't contacted me since the phone call, so he is continuing to leave it be which is nice.

 

He joked that I had him badly - he had never texted or called a girl daily before - and that he kind of liked that he felt crazy about someone for a change and that he is sorry we both got carried away, even though he knew he was leaving the country. He said those "crazy" feelings sort of made him forget about reality and made him just want to " be together, and just see if it can work against the odds" type of thing.

 

Anyways it was nice to hear from him. I can see us being friends, occasionally writing messages of support and well wishes on facebook and perhaps on my travels I can totally see us going out and having a fun time together. As friends.

 

He said he would like to keep in touch occasionally and that yeah, he said we will obviously both always have a soft spot for one another.

 

He said he never thinks he will settle down, haha! Not for anyone, not even a local girl.

 

He said I helped him realise that even if he is crazy about a girl - that based on his character, he learnt that being crazy about a girl isn't enough for him to want to just settle down. That he is too wild.

 

Glad I could teach him something.

 

Every guy I have dated however briefly has taught me more about myself and what I need from a man.

 

With Irish guy - yeah we had passion, we felt crazy about each other but we didn't really flow well with our conversations - we could talk, he felt he could confide in me, but we have just ... were able to sit and talk for long periods of time. There were a lot of awkward silences!

 

Irish guy made me realise that I need a guy I have better - free flowing conversations with.

[okc85]

By the way - Irish guy called me two nights ago.

 

He just wanted to say he was sorry it didn't work out.. he meant everything he said to me and he genuinely though for a moment that he wanted to just give things a real go with me.

 

He wanted to know how I was doing. He is leaving the country very soon.

 

He had left me alone until this point as he understood I needed to just move on without talking to him.

 

He said he liked what a nice girl I was - he said he was able to tell me things he hadn't told anyone else. That he needed to talk to me again because I was such a nice girl and he wanted to make sure I was okay about how it ended.

 

I am glad he left me alone - and he hasn't contacted me since the phone call, so he is continuing to leave it be which is nice.

 

He joked that I had him badly - he had never texted or called a girl daily before - and that he kind of liked that he felt crazy about someone for a change and that he is sorry we both got carried away, even though he knew he was leaving the country. He said those "crazy" feelings sort of made him forget about reality and made him just want to " be together, and just see if it can work against the odds" type of thing.

 

Anyways it was nice to hear from him. I can see us being friends, occasionally writing messages of support and well wishes on facebook and perhaps on my travels I can totally see us going out and having a fun time together. As friends.

 

He said he would like to keep in touch occasionally and that yeah, he said we will obviously both always have a soft spot for one another.

 

He said he never thinks he will settle down, haha! Not for anyone, not even a local girl.

 

He said I helped him realise that even if he is crazy about a girl - that based on his character, he learnt that being crazy about a girl isn't enough for him to want to just settle down. That he is too wild.

 

Glad I could teach him something.

 

Every guy I have dated however briefly has taught me more about myself and what I need from a man.

 

With Irish guy - yeah we had passion, we felt crazy about each other but we didn't really flow well with our conversations - we could talk, he felt he could confide in me, but we have just ... were able to sit and talk for long periods of time. There were a lot of awkward silences!

 

Irish guy made me realise that I need a guy I have better - free flowing conversations with.

 

 

He sounds like a decent guy. Might be nice to keep him around as an email buddy. And yeah, you learned from the experience. Seems like no hard feelings.

 

But really, LDRs are super hard, so he is doing you a favor by letting you free. Sometimes when we love (or like) people, we gotta set them free. sooo corny, but so true.

[MovingOnIsHard]

I am not stupid I do realise infatuation and fireworks don't last. Hello, I do realise that??

 

I do have two happily married parents who married at age 21; they had instant spark and hey, they are HIGHLY compatible. Totally happy for over 30 years.

 

Oh - and I have been in two long term relationships - you do know that, right?

 

Each relationships lasted over 2 years - so yeah, I am well aware you cannot be in that "want to rip each others clothes off" stage constantly.

 

I am not looking for a relationship but if I fall into one it will have the infatuation stage.

 

Many couples miss out on the infatuation stage; not me. I need that part. However, I am well aware that a long term relationship doesn't remain int he honeymoon period and I am fine with that.

 

And so what if I want to have short lived infatuation based flings rathe than settle for a slow burning, boring style that doesn't appeal to me? It makes me happier having the butterflies and explosive sex even if it is short and sweet - than it would settling into a loooooong term thing and having to miss the infatuation stage because I settled for some " really nice guy" who I lacked that primal attraction to.

 

So what if I am not wanting a long term relationship this second? You expect everyone to want that?

 

From now until I graduate I couldn't care less if I have a relationship and after I graduate and have my great job - then yes I will think about love, and I will actively seek it out by putting myself out there.

 

Right now - you're right, I do just want to jump into bed with a few short lived flings who I am passionate about and who share intense chemistry with me.

 

If one happens to be compatible sure I wont knock a relationship back, but I do realise it takes a while to find the combination of fireworks AND long term compatibility.

 

Within a few years I definitely think I will just come across both components I am after; I will find the spark and explosiveness and fireworks - and ill find it with a guy who happens to be compatible.

 

 

Just make sure you use protection.

 

And by the way, even with condom use, you can still get STDs like genital herpes.

 

Happy bed-hopping!

 

(Signed by 25yr old nurse)

[MidwestUSA]

Just make sure you use protection.

 

And by the way, even with condom use, you can still get STDs like genital herpes.

 

Happy bed-hopping!

 

(Signed by 25yr old nurse)

 

(Consigned by 53 year old nurse. You pup!)

[elaine567]

He sounds like a decent guy. Might be nice to keep him around as an email buddy. And yeah, you learned from the experience. Seems like no hard feelings.

 

But really, LDRs are super hard, so he is doing you a favor by letting you free. Sometimes when we love (or like) people, we gotta set them free. sooo corny, but so true.

 

I thought he "let her free" when she mucked up spectacularly with his friends.

 

I drunk too much and offended one of his friends and alluded that my guy hated his boss.

 

After that he stopped initiating contact.

[okc85]

I thought he "let her free" when she mucked up spectacularly with his friends.

 

 

 

After that he stopped initiating contact.

 

 

Maybe. I just assume MOST people don't want a LDR with someone from a different country.

[GemmaUK]

By the way - Irish guy called me two nights ago.

 

He just wanted to say he was sorry it didn't work out.. he meant everything he said to me and he genuinely though for a moment that he wanted to just give things a real go with me.

 

He wanted to know how I was doing. He is leaving the country very soon.

 

He had left me alone until this point as he understood I needed to just move on without talking to him.

 

He said he liked what a nice girl I was - he said he was able to tell me things he hadn't told anyone else. That he needed to talk to me again because I was such a nice girl and he wanted to make sure I was okay about how it ended.

 

I am glad he left me alone - and he hasn't contacted me since the phone call, so he is continuing to leave it be which is nice.

 

He joked that I had him badly - he had never texted or called a girl daily before - and that he kind of liked that he felt crazy about someone for a change and that he is sorry we both got carried away, even though he knew he was leaving the country. He said those "crazy" feelings sort of made him forget about reality and made him just want to " be together, and just see if it can work against the odds" type of thing.

 

Anyways it was nice to hear from him. I can see us being friends, occasionally writing messages of support and well wishes on facebook and perhaps on my travels I can totally see us going out and having a fun time together. As friends.

 

He said he would like to keep in touch occasionally and that yeah, he said we will obviously both always have a soft spot for one another.

 

He said he never thinks he will settle down, haha! Not for anyone, not even a local girl.

 

He said I helped him realise that even if he is crazy about a girl - that based on his character, he learnt that being crazy about a girl isn't enough for him to want to just settle down. That he is too wild.

 

Glad I could teach him something.

 

Every guy I have dated however briefly has taught me more about myself and what I need from a man.

 

With Irish guy - yeah we had passion, we felt crazy about each other but we didn't really flow well with our conversations - we could talk, he felt he could confide in me, but we have just ... were able to sit and talk for long periods of time. There were a lot of awkward silences!

 

Irish guy made me realise that I need a guy I have better - free flowing conversations with.

 

 

 

 

He is doing all the right moves to get some more sex easily while he is still here.

You do 'get this' yes?

 

 

He may also be an Irish traveller as I mentioned before. Not a good thing - at all.

An Irishman who travels is worlds apart from an Irish Traveller.