ttgg88 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 my ex says Its just wrong timing for us... but I believe on fate... if we meant to be together we will find each other again" what does this mean honestly... she say she is confused and has anger she needs to get over. But I just don't understand days before the break (which i was mad and said I think we should split up)... we were madly in love. Now she won't take me back because she is coconfused. I was ready to move on and she texted me and said we could work on things. Now she doesn't know what she WANT... I need help. She still want to be here for me as a friend. Which I find hard because I'm still in love with her. Don't want to do no contact because she still wants to chill together. and I feel this will only make it worse. I feel if a friend ship is all I can have then I should take it if I ever want to have a chance. We have made plans to move TOGETHER and everything... now I don't know what she wants Link to post Share on other sites
Ducktape Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 The answers to your questions are in your other thread Link to post Share on other sites
SUNFLOWER2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I do believe if it's meant to be it will be. Trust me I am in a similar situation. I miss my ex and love him and want him back, he broke up with me because of "confusion" I will tell you this I don't contact him but yet he contacts me every 4-5 days and wants to talk and then hang out. It's hard seeing him because I love him but I do it because I also want to see him....you have to do what's best for you but try to start moving on because like me we don't know what the future holds and have to try and be prepared either way Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 That's true...and she has even said I don't want you waiting around...but at the same time said I do want you around and I know it's selfish but she doesn't know what she WANT. So it's like I will be there if she changes her mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Even told her daughter we were dating again....then changed up three day's later and said she is confused. I will stay around if she loves me and know it. Just need to heal and me to be extremely patient. But at least you have committed to that. I can't sTay around knowing she doesn't know if I'm the one....when I was a month ago.... Link to post Share on other sites
SUNFLOWER2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 yes it's really hard and confusing to be on this end of it. my guy told his brother we were taking a "break" but with me he ended things so that's weird, his brother sent me a nice message saying he hopes we work it out and end up back together but that fate will have it's way and I know that's true. I keep trying to remember what's meant to be will happen and be patient but it's hard because some days my heart feels like it might explode Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Me to and in sorry you are going through that...it really sucks. She has sent me txt of dudes trying to get with her twice and she tells them she is working on things with me....but tells me to move on. It's like huh...I don't get it at all. Like you said I try and believe what's meant to be will be. But it's sooo hard. I wish I knew how she felt exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 ttgg88, in your shoes I would say to her: "I am going to completely disappear from your life until the beginning of February. I will not ring you, text you, email you, or do anything to generate or initiate contact with you, at all. I will completely disappear until <day> the <date> of February. Until then, I think it best you do the same. Do not ring me, text me, email me or do anything to generate or initiate contact with me, at all. The day after, I will meet you at *such-and-such* bar/cafe/ restaurant, and you must let me know, that day, there and then, what you want to do. Stay with me, or not? I think for both our sakes, you must have found a definite answer by then. Only then, can we go forward and do whatever is needed, depending on what you decide. But you need a clear head, away from me, to sort your mind out. I need a clear head, away from you, to get my act together. We cannot go back to the way things were. That's what tore us apart in the first place. But we need this space, to focus." Then, finish talking to her, and do all of the above. Stick to it, religiously, and do not break No Contact until the agreed day, date and time. If there is any hope at all in either of your hearts, to make a go of this, you must establish boundaries and do whatever it takes. And it WILL take work, from both of you, if she agrees to stay with you. But you will also need to take the time to work on yourself, if she doesn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 You don't think this will push her away? Or make things worse? Link to post Share on other sites
towardthefuture Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 You don't think this will push her away? Or make things worse? My only thing I would say is that you have a better chance with her if she sees you as displaying STRENGTH (setting your own terms) which is an attractive quality, not WEAKNESS (succumbing to her whims). You don't have a surefire solution here at all, but if you're looking to tilt the needle I'd say in the question of strength vs weakness, you'd do better with strength. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Ok so what strength should I display. Should I send that letter? Help please Link to post Share on other sites
towardthefuture Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Ok so what strength should I display. Should I send that letter? Help please Eh that letter is one way to go. If it were me I would say no to being friends, something like "I want to be with you. I won't settle for being friends." then go NC. If it's meant to be she'll come back. Only you can make the decision. Maybe the letter's a good idea. Whatever you do, just try to be setting your own terms and getting what you want, not settling for friends. Which you think is a lifeline but it's really a nail in your coffin. Link to post Share on other sites
blackcat777 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Don't worry about pushing her away... This is the wrong mindset. Instead, know your value, know you are awesome, the cat's pajamas. You deserve to be appreciated. It's hard to think this way when you FEEL the sting of rejection. Staying NC is the only way to talk business. You know your value, you're moving forward and not looking back. They can either chase, or you can congratulate yourself on finding your inner strength and dropping some serious deadweight of a person who would forget you at the drop of a hat. It's the only thing that can protect you from the madness of hot and cold half-responses that delay you from finding your peace of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Thanks so much. I appreciate it so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Y'all she read my original post on this on this one because I caused this. Look up ttgg88. Please Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 It's named " herrrrrrrrrrr" Link to post Share on other sites
Ducktape Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 ? You mean she read your other thread? How can we help with that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 (edited) No I want you and whoever else to read it. please read that then this one and share your honest truth. Please and thanks Edited January 20, 2015 by ttgg88 wrong anwser Link to post Share on other sites
Ducktape Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 You cheated on her a few times emotionally and physically and you treated her like crap. She doesn't trust you anymore, but most likely has a codependant problem or something and has difficulty to let go. So she gets close to you because she misses you, then remembers how much you hurt her, so she pushes you away. Rinse and repeat. That will pretty much go on until one of you grows tired of the cycle and break it off permanently. You're been too toxic to her for things to work out. That is my honest truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 (edited) I appreciate that...but she knows I was only scared of long-term commitments. I knew she was the one but things inside me were to out of whack to embrace it. Is it not possible for repair...or starting fresh. I only cheated once. Which was to much in my book. I know that this time away from her has allowed me to overcome my fears. I'm thankful for that and she has even acnacknowledged how much she has seen a change. She just has to forgive in my opinion. Cheating was temporary which was the opposite of long-term which in return made http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/508108-her copy and paste the link. .read this..this is my original post. Please help. As I stated this was my first real relationship. So I was scared of long-term. Before you judge understand that me cheating made me feel good because it was temporary which is all I was used to. I was scared . But this time allowed me to overcome my fear me feel safe. I was completely wrong. Edited January 20, 2015 by ttgg88 correct spelling Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Good grief, I'm sorry I ever commented. You've completely ignored my post. I told you what to do, because that's the best possible thing you could do... I read your other thread. The way you go on, you sound as if you've not even hit puberty. Will you just grow up, do the right thing and cut contact with her as I advised?? I told you in my post that this is the make-or-break situation you HAVE to go through. That's your only choice. Put it to her, and stick to it. There really is no better thing you could do. It's an ultimatum. And you have no other way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Ok will do this. But ultimately ultimatums won't push her away? And why haven't I hit puberty? Because I want this to work so bad? And don't want to push her away... Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Ok will do this. But ultimately ultimatums won't push her away? The ultimatum will compel her to finally decide what it is she wants. So she won't be confused any more, and neither will you. But a decision has to be made, either way. And why haven't I hit puberty? Because your needy, clingy desperate posts sound as if they've been posted by a 10-year-old. I'm sorry, for an apparently grown man, it sounds pathetic. You're being highly juvenile in your approach, both to us and her. Because I want this to work so bad? What you want, and what she wants, may be 2 different things. And you'd better be prepared for that. And don't want to push her away... Oh, you already did that. Or you wouldn't be in this mess now, would you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Thanks I will do this...thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 So I did it...I sent her the letter. She said she thought it was fair. I hope she see's this as a sign of strength. I will use this time to work on me and move towards moving on so that if she in fact doesn't want to move towards a new relationship with Me I can accept it and won't hurt as much. Really hopes this work and I pray she sees that she wants me in her life. Not as a friend but if so I love her enough to move on. Only day one. Have 39 more to go. Any suggestions? Was thinking about leaving a Valentine day gift for her and her daughter on the porch. Would this be a bad idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts