evanescentworld Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 So I did it...I sent her the letter. She said she thought it was fair. You mean the letter I "gave" you in my earlier post, or a different one? Was thinking about leaving a Valentine day gift for her and her daughter on the porch. Would this be a bad idea? Yes. No Contact is No Contact. Besides, you never know. She may take the initiative and send YOU one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Yes the the letter you gave me. I have 39 days left. Ok I won't send her anything. If she sends me something or a txt or anything should I ignore her. Or keep it short? Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Keep it short. "Thanks for the <whatever it is> Maintaining NC as agreed. looking forward to seeing you on *date* <name>" But don't now hold your breath and start wondering if she will/won't send you anything. Just keep going and wait for the agreed rendezvous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Ok I will do. Do you think that because I cheated and did wrong that I should be more considerate of her feelings? I was the one who put her here and now I'm coming with this. What do you think? She had told me a day before that she wasn't confused and that she knows this isn't for her right now.. possibly in the future. But I think she feels that way because we need this no contact away from me to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 You really need to quit asking so many pointless questions, to which there are probably no easy or hard-and-fast answers. You're over-thinking this. The answer to all your questions is "Who cares?" It's done. The period of NC is now established. What gives now, is unimportant. Wait until meet-day. Just focus on something completely different now, for the time you won't be in contact. Put her in your back pocket, together with you bus ticket, library card and those mysterious bits of blue fluff you always find in there. And forget about her, COMPLETELY - until the time you need to meet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 I understand completely. One more thing. I have gotten this ununbreakable bond with her daughter. She said she will avoid all ccontact and she will try her best no to contact me but if she do call it's her daughter. She is innocent should I pick up for her? Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 By all means. But if you get the 'mommy wants to talk to you now', you hang up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 So I was mad and told her I think we should split up. DIDN'T MEAN IT AT ALL. But since I have been the one begging and writing letters to confess my true love. We have been together almost 3 years. I cheated and lied and was just scared of long-term because I knew she was the one. It just scared the **** out of me. But as I stated I was the one begging to get her back. She said she was to confused and hurt and angry. We did not break up due to the cheating we had worked through that. This was mainly an attention freak out. I wanted to see her and **** kept getting in the way. So I was angry and said some things I didn't MEAN. But now she just doesn't know what she wants. So I did no contact. This is day 2. Anyone thoughts on who should contact who first. Valentine's day is coming up. Should I just stand my ground? she knows how I feel and she knows I want this. So it was nothing more I could do then to give her complete space. Because I didn't wanna accept friendship which I had did initially. But I'm just in love with her. Don't think me being her friend would be smart. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I'd say just hope she forgives you, but you did severely violate her trust and relationship boundaries. Apologize, say you want another change, then leave her alone to decide. I'm afraid that you may have screwed the pooch on this one, though. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 There is nothing you can do at this point. Reading your other threads, I feel that you will contact her on Valentines day and that would be bad because you are not together. Do what you feel you need to do, but you will just be pushing her further away. The ball is in her court. nothing is going to change with her right now and maybe never in regards to you, but if you really love her, then you will back off and give it time and maybe try to reconnect months down the road after some of the negative feelings have time to heal. there's too much negative emotion there right now. And being friends is NEVER NEVER smart. It will fail 99.9% unless enough time has passed and you both are indifferent and have no romantic feelings towards each other. Link to post Share on other sites
idoltree Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 So I was mad and told her I think we should split up. DIDN'T MEAN IT AT ALL. But since I have been the one begging and writing letters to confess my true love. We have been together almost 3 years. I cheated and lied and was just scared of long-term because I knew she was the one. I'd hate to see how you treat a woman who isn't "the one." This was mainly an attention freak out. I wanted to see her and **** kept getting in the way. So I was angry and said some things I didn't MEAN.Aaaaaand you're still acting out impulsively with no regard to the impact on other people. You haven't fixed the underlying problem, and the underlying problem is a doozy and short-term fixes won't work for long. But now she just doesn't know what she wants.Smart girl. But I'm just in love with her. Don't think me being her friend would be smart.I don't know what to tell you to do. I do know to tell you that if you like her more than a friend, then the baseline on how you treat her should be at least as good or better than how you treat your friends. You don't seem to meet that standard, unless you're a really bad friend. You cheated and then you broke up with her with a goal in mind, instead of truly wanting to end the relationship? You tried to manipulate, and now you're panicking because your scheme backfired? And that panic caused you to say some awful things that you "didn't mean." Actions have consequences, my friend, and this may be the lesson that you have to learn. To me, you've got three strikes. Why would she have ANY reason to trust you after that? You're still exhibiting the same impulsive lashing out after the breakup that you demonstrated with cheating and breaking up with her. I think the kindest thing you can do is take yourself out of the dating market and seek some self-growth and emotional maturation. I don't think a relationship is the solution to your issues. The way a person who was truly sorry and trying to change would handle this would be to let her go, with the knowledge that you've said your piece already. Letting her go is respectful and acknowledges that you messed up, and it would have to be her choice to come back to you. You could reach out with a "Happy Valentine's Day" greeting, but it has to be short, not intrusive, and you have to have no expectations for an outcome. You have to send it knowing that she might not respond and be okay with that. Otherwise, you're sending it with a desired outcome, and that's just more manipulation and control coming from you. So do either of those: let her go with love, or reach out once in awhile with low intrusiveness and no expectation of outcome. But mostly, get in counseling and figure out the root cause of you treating someone you "love" the way that you do. Because that doesn't look like anything resembling love to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ttgg88 Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 It was my first relationship...real one at that. She knows my root problem for I have told her. Me cheating was temporary which made me feel safe because it was all I ever knew. Until I met her. Fear is nothing to look down on. Yes we all make choices at the end of the day. And she has cheated in the past. No one she be judged. we didn't break up due to cheating. And how one week before we break up....She so in love with me. Now she confused. I don't get it. She txt me and said she wanted to work on things. Since then it's just been mixed signals that I don't think she is sending intentionally. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 She is confused, just leave her alone right now. If you care at all about her you will do this. If not, then it is just all about you and then you will make things stressful for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
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