He dropped me

[Chuff]

You are cherished and loved, and you will get through this.

 

xoxo

[privategal]

I hope everyone is doing well on their joirneys.

I am quickly approaching a solid 3 months of NC which seems good.

Have hit a wall in my stages of greif and keep skipping back to bargaining and I've had a few dreams of him lately...nothing crazy he is just in the background of my dreams and last night I vividly remember he was cold and not making eye contact in the dream.

I've been very proud. I say the chances of me breaking NC are extremely miniscule at best...I just dont want to, havent, and wont but wow I've found some raw pain as of late. Bargaining ALWAYS.

Just putting that out there. No real update but just to keep pushing through, endless unwanted thoughts.

[Sabella]

The pain and flashbacks really do come in waves, it's been really weird for me too. We are kinda close in time frame of our NC. I don t have as strong a desire to break NC, not like I did in the beginning, but it occasionally flashes past my mind still. When that happens I just tell myself those famous words we often say around here "he's exactly where he wants to be and who he wants to be with"

 

I have to say on the flip side there is a part of me that wishes he would reach out. It's just my ego talking though. I just want to know it's as hard for him and that I wasn't so easily disposable. I think that has been the most painful part, thinking I meant nothing to him and he is skipping along through life now carefree.

 

Is this the longest you've gone NC?

[rumblefish12]

I'm right there at 3 months NC as well. I'm really glad to hear that you are all experiencing this -- I felt like I was doing so well for so long. Then I slipped into the melancholy and the memories came flooding back. I'm glad I'm not alone.

 

I have so many conflicting thoughts too, such as: I won't break NC but I want her to know how much I miss her, and I want to know if she misses me and I don't want her to hate me and I wished that she also felt this is best, blah blah blah. In my mind it is some combination of she hates me or has completely moved on and doesn't think about me at all. Better yet, she's moved on with someone else (would not be a surprise at all).

 

This is all pure ego. I know in my heart for all involved I can't break NC and risk this starting up again, even if it means she hates me or she couldn't care less about me.

 

I saw a good quote the other day, "When I accept myself, I am freed from the burden of needing you to accept me." That helped. Also this, "And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation -- some fact of my life unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake." That is from the Big Book of AA.

[privategal]

Sabella and Rumble,

I've just come to the conclusion its just never going to be easy to walk away fron someone/something that we loved or had us snowballed into the strongest fantasy we ever lived through due to that secret bond, it really was just crazy making and so hard to get out of.

Rumble I know he misses me/she misses you...those feelings dont evaporate.

I could reach out today and he'd probably give me a friendly reply yet it wouldnt ease the ache that its all over.

He needs it to be done, as you need it to be done...and I too need it to be done.

Its just not easy.

It hurts alot...even knowing its best for both marriages and living authentic lives, its still extremely difficult.

Ive come through major, major darkness over the whole thing.

Thought I might never smile again.

Im doing ok. Just not everyday.

Those hard days and struggling with NC is a killer.

Im not gonna cave though.

In 15 years this likely is the longest weve gone but Im not beating any record this time...its NC for life and That may be why its SO hard cause I know I will never have a talk, a laugh, a memory, reassurance...ever again.

I hope time is my friend and time continues to heal as he isnt mine, was never mine, I want whats mine and for him to be 100 % for his spouse and family now. I always wanted that but wanted a tiny corner too...now I see the price is to high, people will get hurt, marriages will crumble.

I will deal with the pain of the loss and the hard lessons learned.

I regret it all so much and wish us all strength to keep soldiering on.

[rumblefish12]

Sabella and Rumble,

......

I will deal with the pain of the loss and the hard lessons learned.

I regret it all so much and wish us all strength to keep soldiering on.

 

I needed to hear this so badly today. Thank you. You have no idea how much that helps me.

[DKT3]

I stopped following your threads long ago because I felt such disrespect for your husband in the way you obsessed over this other guy, how you flat out refused to accept it was damaging to both him and your marriage. I'm in a different place now, and having read back through some (not all) of the thread I want to apologize for swinging 2X4s at you. I realized that you alluded to your marriage being arranged and that has honestly softened my stance.

 

I'm curious about the state of your marriage now....

[solonely9]

Hi, privategal.

 

Good to hear from you. I'm also approaching three months of NC. I broke it at the month and a half mark though. Big time. Called him three times in five days. He was distant and cold, and told me he would never ever be a part of my life again and not to expect anything from him in the future. I want to think that he is ignoring me, because he still has feelings for me and doesn't want to be drawn back into the A. I just can't believe that he simply got over me, but who knows. I too thought that I can always rely on him for support, but after what he told me above, I know I'm on my own in this. It does get better though. Hugs!

[privategal]

Hi, privategal.

 

Good to hear from you. I'm also approaching three months of NC. I broke it at the month and a half mark though. Big time. Called him three times in five days. He was distant and cold, and told me he would never ever be a part of my life again and not to expect anything from him in the future. I want to think that he is ignoring me, because he still has feelings for me and doesn't want to be drawn back into the A. I just can't believe that he simply got over me, but who knows. I too thought that I can always rely on him for support, but after what he told me above, I know I'm on my own in this. It does get better though. Hugs!

 

We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.

Im wishing you peace as I know the mind tries to trick us to not want to beliebe its over. We find all kind of stories to tell our heart so the heart wont hear what the brain has to say.

It is over for you.

I need to say that for you.

And its better that it is over.

The pain we are in is worth fighting through.

The affair is a dead end road where the end is a ball of flames.

Even in tremendous pain and recovery I am so grateful to be out and experiencing healing.

Your Ap used very cruel hurtful words and Im sorry he did.

Do not open communication to be hurt that way again.

Im praying for you.

[privategal]

I needed to hear this so badly today. Thank you. You have no idea how much that helps me.

 

Ive read alot of pain and struggle in your posts and understand all too well the battle for the right thing when your heart is not yet free of another. Keep going caise its all we can do. Its going to be ok. One foot in front of the other.