VeryBrokenMan Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I'm curious how long after your WS's affair was exposed that you came to the decision to divorce? And was it a moment of clarity and you knew for certain that was the right choice or was it still murky? Link to post Share on other sites
EverySunset Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I'm curious how long after your WS's affair was exposed that you came to the decision to divorce? And was it a moment of clarity and you knew for certain that was the right choice or was it still murky? A year after he pretended to be faithful and R, I found a file on our computer that showed me how useless all that "reconciliation" work is when they don't want to a actually commit to being faithful to their spouse. So after Dday 2... A year I won't get back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thummper Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Are you seriously considering this step now? Is your wife unwilling (or unable) to reconcile? Is she still hung up on the om? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeryBrokenMan Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Are you seriously considering this step now? Is your wife unwilling (or unable) to reconcile? Is she still hung up on the om? She is willing to R and has been NC for 3 months. I'm not sure if the affair is a dealbreaker or not for me. Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I'm curious how long after your WS's affair was exposed that you came to the decision to divorce? And was it a moment of clarity and you knew for certain that was the right choice or was it still murky? Literally one second after I found out. Moment of clarity, knew it was the right choice, never regretted, never wavered, never second guessed, and most importantly, never looked back. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
billy baru Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Literally one second after I found out. Moment of clarity, knew it was the right choice, never regretted, never wavered, never second guessed, and most importantly, never looked back. This^^^^. Me too, no way I can ever be with someone who supposedly "loved" me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 It took me 8 months to figure out that my wife was still lying. The continued deception was the real dealbreaker for me. I think it's one thing to try to reconcile with a spouse that had sex with someone else but it's quite another to know that your partner in life continues to have no problem lying straight to your face. I don't need that kind of partner. I would also say this coincided with my realization that reconciling no longer had anything to do with any love for my wife but was just about keeping the family together for the kids. I knew it was time to call it quits. I stayed hypervigilant the whole time we were reconciling. It took a lot of investigating to keep finding bits and pieces of the truth. Knowing that the wayward nonsense was continuing just really drove the final nail in the coffin. Unfortunately, a lot of waywards feign remorse and go thru whatever motions you require because it's the only form of damage control they've got. I really recommend you keep your eyes wide open since with your wife, the shoe fits (that phone call that your PI overheard tells the tale). 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MadJackBird Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 My story is like BetrayedH, I wish it was more like Toolforgrowth and billy baru. I wasted a lot of time in a false recovery. Reconciliation takes a lot of work and both parties have to be open and honest and willing to make things better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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