hotpotato Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 A few months?? Seriously? So, waiting a month or two for sex is just way too long for men... but making a woman wait for exclusivity for a "few months" is totally okay?? How does that logic work? Right? Kinda sounds like he thinks men should be able to sexually sample women. If thats a man wants, there are venues for that (not dating world). Waiting for sex even a little is like some terrible, onerous inconvenience. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Really, you think most men will go exclusive after a few dates; or even a few months? I cannot understand this mentality whatsoever. Men are always on here moaning about how women have become so sexually liberal, how like "village bicycles" they now are, etc. And now you're saying that a woman has to be more sexually open? So which one is it? I think that Phoe is a very relationship-minded girl, there's absolutely nothing wrong with holding off on sex until she finds the right guy. She doesn't have to change her values to be able to get dates and she doesn't have to drop her panties for any ole random Joe just because he's a "man" or he paid for her dinner. So to you I now ask, really, do you think most women will have sex with a man after just a few dates; or even a few months? Not every woman is like that prostitute you're with right now. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Honestly, if I were you, I wouldn't care. I am not into guys who sleep around and/or get with with low quality women. I think I'm at a completely different level and I seek men my level, who are in the minority anyway. I don't know why they'd choose them over you, but IMO, most likely they deserve each other. For me, people like that are more like different species and I can't wonder why do they do this or that. A lot of people do a lot of different things that I wouldn't do. It doesn't concern me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 The whole premise of a sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship is mainly sex, so holding off is not usually an option for the sugar baby. It is a financial arrangement, the sb gets cash, gifts and sometimes even accomodation, and the sdaddy gets companionship and sex. I think therefore your take on normal relationships may be somewhat skewed, Robert Z. In an ordinary relationship, waiting for exclusivity is a woman's perorgative and any man not wishing to comply can be binned. In the same way a man wanting a hook up can bin anyone who will not put out on the first date. Sex is personal to everyone, we do what is comfortable and feels appropriate at the time for us. No-one should feel pressurised into joining the hook up culture if they are truly wanting a real relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 I think that is just an excuse to justify how you feel about sex. I don't know anyone who had to wait months or longer before having sex with the women they eventually married. I wouldn't want to date someone who expected me to sleep with them within a few dates. I'd be more likely to sleep with them if they respected my choice, and we continued to have fun together with our clothes on. A few months?? Seriously? So, waiting a month or two for sex is just way too long for men... but making a woman wait for exclusivity for a "few months" is totally okay?? How does that logic work? I'm also wondering about this. It's fine for a woman to compromise her values, to please the man, but he'll continue to see other women, because he isn't so sure about her? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoe Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 I don't know if they think you're a prude because of what you would or wouldn't do in bed. It is probably because you don't do sex without a serious commitment. I suspect you are blaming nerdism when the truth of how you feel about sex is more likely the issue, and men can probably sense that. I'm not saying it's good or bad but how things work. Men want sex and most aren't going to live as priests while waiting for women to make up there minds. That's a bit more extreme than how I actually am. I don't need "serious". Not even remotely. To me, "serious" is when a relationship reaches the "we are talking about the future and our lives together forever" kind of level. I just need to know that there is a exclusivity, and an intention to stick around an actually pursue a relationship with me. If a guy came to me and straight up said he had no intentions of being exclusive and wasn't interested in a relationship, but did want to see me regularly and casually, I'd thank him for his honesty and politely tell him that I am not interested in that arrangement. The good thing though? The way I do things has never been a problem for me. The men who date me, do so with intentions of actually pursuing a relationship and being exclusive. I've never had a man come on to me with the sole purpose of being interested in sex. Whenever a man decided after dating me, that he didn't want a relationship with me, he would end it and stop seeing me, rather than try to go for a casual setup. A man isn't meant to live like a priest, and he isn't meant to jump through hoops and "earn" anything or "work for it". Show me your intentions and don't pressure me, just take it easy, and soon enough the sex will come. Give me a few weeks, ya know? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoe Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 I think that is just an excuse to justify how you feel about sex. I don't know anyone who had to wait months or longer before having sex with the women they eventually married. I'm not making anyone wait for MONTHS on end... a month, maybe 2 if we aren't seeing each other as often. Anytime a man has waited longer than that with me, it was total mutual on his end. I've had a man wait 2 months to kiss me, neither of us feeling any pressure to move faster, and I had a man who waited 6 months for sex, neither of us feeling pressure to move faster. In fact, he actually was fine with not having sex altogether, because he was very anxious over the idea of accidentally getting me pregnant. We only ever had sex 3 times because he preferred not to and was satisfied with daily blowjobs instead. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 We only ever had sex 3 times because he preferred not to and was satisfied with daily blowjobs instead. How was that going to play out long term? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoe Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 How was that going to play out long term? It wasn't and it didn't. He cheated and left me. Nothing I could've done to change that but I learned from it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 I'm nerdy and it's been to my advantage more often than not. I usually get compliments, have just got one now in the office about 'depth' but then again I go for introverted guys with a similar mindset. Maybe it's about matching like with like. I think that's more of the case than guy's not being interested in nerdy girls. Yes, at the more extreme end of the scale - nerdy, serious, never smiling, no soh, conservative manner & dress style, plain looking, chunky build women will not get inundated with eager horny men. ES might have a hard time finding the right guy but from what I gather its not because no one ever wants to go out with her. Does she want a nerdy guy? Nerdy guys are not a big hit with women generally speaking, and they get judged in a negative light in terms of their lower sex appeal and lower machismo, so I don't see why women should be able to say its unfair to judge a nerdy woman in the same light. I think women with nerdy style leanings (but not extreme) do okay when it comes to a bf, but will likely be avoided more by the players and more sexually overt guys, which may suit them fine. Phoe, reminds me somewhat of my sister in manner & look, though I would not have called her a nerd because she was not that way inclined academically or did she dress conservative, and she had no problems when it came to guys. Dated from bad boys to yuppies, and not into nerdy quieter guys, but we lived in a major metro area, which I'm sure would make all the difference for Phoe Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoe Posted January 24, 2015 Author Share Posted January 24, 2015 Phoe, reminds me somewhat of my sister in manner & look, though I would not have called her a nerd because she was not that way inclined academically or did she dress conservative, and she had no problems when it came to guys. Dated from bad boys to yuppies, and not into nerdy quieter guys, but we lived in a major metro area, which I'm sure would make all the difference for Phoe As much as I'm inclined to believe I might have a better time in a more populated area, my almost 5 years in Santa Barbara have me doubting. I was single the entire time I lived there. Rarely got asked out, and could not get a boyfriend. At least here in this tiny town is where my 4 boyfriends came from. Santa Barbara was honestly the worst time in my life for dating. I felt pretty badly about it... Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 I really don't get it from the perspective I have of you on LS..unless maybe you don't smile much and that makes guys think that you are not into them (I think you said you do though when others mentioned it) I thought southern California was bad for guys due to the M/F imbalance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoe Posted January 24, 2015 Author Share Posted January 24, 2015 I really don't get it from the perspective I have of you on LS..unless maybe you don't smile much and that makes guys think that you are not into them (I think you said you do though when others mentioned it) I thought southern California was bad for guys due to the M/F imbalance. Well I've heard dozens of reasons why over the years on LS, each one just as plausible as the next. Some things I genuinely try to do differently. I do put effort into stepping out of the box and trying out different pieces of advice to see how they work. Some, I am unwilling to try, simply because it would be going against everything I am about. Things that are 100% not who I am, would feel disingenious to even attempt, and it would not be worth the payoff even if it did help my situation. Me being happy with myself will always come first, before attracting others. Link to post Share on other sites
EngnimaticResponse Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 I think the guys in your area may be spoiled. A lot of 25yo hotties. (on OKC) Esp as you get closer to L.A. As for my age range, 33-40, ehh not so much. Link to post Share on other sites
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