When people pursue the obviously wrong choice.

[Emilia]

Hot tater is nerdy

Eternal Sunshine is nerdy

Phoe is nerdy?

 

There could be a pattern here.

I'm nerdy and it's been to my advantage more often than not. I usually get compliments, have just got one now in the office about 'depth' but then again I go for introverted guys with a similar mindset.

 

Maybe it's about matching like with like.

[Robert Z]

I keep reading this and trying to get my head around it. I'm a total nerd and have always been attracted to nerdy women. But now that I think about it, I have only dated a couple of nerdy women. And I don't know why. Thinking back, I don't think they generally seemed receptive to typical introductions.

 

I do remember being put off by a couple of women who made it clear that sex required a serious commitment. One girl told me she didn't believe in premarital sex. Honestly, at that point I had no interest. I'm not going years without sex based on a long shot.

 

Are you all open to friendly sex or is this out? If that is the vibe, that you aren't interested in sex, then most men probably pick up on that. And if you want a man who doesn't want sex until things get serious, good luck. That narrows your selection tremendously.

Edited January 22, 2015 by Robert Z

[verhrzn]

I'm nerdy and it's been to my advantage more often than not. I usually get compliments, have just got one now in the office about 'depth' but then again I go for introverted guys with a similar mindset.

 

Maybe it's about matching like with like.

 

Hmm not sure there. I'm nerdy at well (by nerdy we mean video games, comic books, cosplay, that sort of thing, yes?), and I love nerdy, introverted men. Absolutely my type.... But I have very similar experiences to Phoe. Guys ignore me, aren't interested, etc., even online.

 

Also interested, since I consider myself very well put together; low debt, very good job, very responsible.

 

Perhaps there's just a huge element of luck and circumstance to love? Perhaps it's nobody's fault. Perhaps there absolutely nothing wrong with Phoe, Eternal Sunshine, or myself, and there just aren't enough guys out there who want a serious relationship to go around. Maybe love is just mysterious, difficult, and can't be reduced to ticking off boxes?

[verhrzn]

Are you all open to friendly sex or is this out? If that is the vibe, that you aren't interested in sex, then most men probably pick up on that. And if you want a man who doesn't want sex until things get serious, good luck. That narrows your selection tremendously.

 

Sadly, this might be accurate ladies. When last single and looking, I made an effort to not sleep with guys until we were in a serious commitment. Ironically, this was prompted by advice from this forum. I kept ending up in Friends-With-Benefits scenarios because I'd go on a few dates with a guy, sleep with him, and then find he wasn't interested in a relationship. I kept getting burned over and over, and I was told I needed to stop being so, ahem, free with my favors, because it meant guys didn't respect me, didn't need to "earn" me, etc.

 

But then my male friends told me the reason guys weren't interested after going on several dates with me is because I didn't put out. "You make him think you don't like him."

 

Soooo.... kinda seems like an impossible game to win there.

[hotpotato]

I keep reading this and trying to get my head around it. I'm a total nerd and have always been attracted to nerdy women. But now that I think about it, I have only dated a couple of nerdy women. And I don't know why. Thinking back, I don't think they generally seemed receptive to typical introductions.

 

See? Lol

I do remember being put off by a couple of women who made it clear that sex required a serious commitment. One girl told me she didn't believe in premarital sex. Honestly, at that point I had no interest. I'm not going years without sex based on a long shot.

 

Are you all open to friendly sex or is this out? If that is the vibe, that you aren't interested in sex, then most men probably pick up on that. And if you want a man who doesn't want sex until things get serious, good luck. That narrows your selection tremendously.

 

/threadjack

I wish guys I date would get that vibe. They seem to think im gonna have sex by the second date. Yes, I do want a man to get to know me first. Is that a bad thing nowadays? See, if I say I want to date, I want to date. Ive tried having sex with men, then theyd complain that we didnt talk much. Um when were we gonna talk, when hes bending me over? Lolz One guy told me the women hes dated seriously (he never wanted to date me until now, 6 years after meeting) were not as liberal with sex.

 

Men want the sex, but still categorize women. If yourw having sex very early, the woman must maje it seem like shes making an exception for him. Shes not that kinda girl, but she just cant resist him.

[hotpotato]

Hmm not sure there. I'm nerdy at well (by nerdy we mean video games, comic books, cosplay, that sort of thing, yes?), and I love nerdy, introverted men. Absolutely my type.... But I have very similar experiences to Phoe. Guys ignore me, aren't interested, etc., even online.

 

Most guys ignore me unless theyre very old. I think phoe has a similar problem. Please correct me if im wrong. If I got asked out 2x a year by someine age appropriate, that would be a lot.

 

Also interested, since I consider myself very well put together; low debt, very good job, very responsible.

I can say much of the same. If youre put together, what is a man gonna add to your life?

My last ex left for a woman who on the surface doesnt look like she has much going for her. Dig deeper. She had a lot oc men vying for her attention. She had a baby who needed a stable male figure. Maybe she wasnt that put together in a conventional sense, but there was plebty of opportunity for a man to assist her.

 

Perhaps there's just a huge element of luck and circumstance to love? Perhaps it's nobody's fault. Perhaps there absolutely nothing wrong with Phoe, Eternal Sunshine, or myself, and there just aren't enough guys out there who want a serious relationship to go around. Maybe love is just mysterious, difficult, and can't be reduced to ticking off boxes?

[hotpotato]

I'm nerdy and it's been to my advantage more often than not. I usually get compliments, have just got one now in the office about 'depth' but then again I go for introverted guys with a similar mindset.

 

Maybe it's about matching like with like.

 

Tried dating dorky dudes, doesnt work lol. Ive figured that I need to date 6'5 250 lbs super macho football players. I need to be sating Warren Sapp lol.

 

Im a lot like Phoe-cute, like to work out, smart, nerdy, etc. Its difficult for average dude to feel like hes making a difference in that situation.

 

Also, dating gurus advise strong women to be careful about how they present themselves. Its best to ease a man into seeing a woman as strong and capable.

[Frank2thepoint]

I'm late to the party.

 

There's a woman who worked at my work for several years but is no longer there.

 

She was stunning. Beautiful face, perfect teeth, nice hair, nice body, very sweet and funny personality.

 

Not once did I ever see a man pursue her or hear a man at work talking about her. She totally flew under the radar at work.

 

Just because a woman is physically attractive, does not mean her personality is open for socializing. Some women just put up walls, probably unintentionally, that makes them unapproachable.

 

 

In many cases, a woman, for instance, is drawn to a man because they are like their fathers or brothers or someone close to them. They aren't really looking at that person, but the idea of that person.

 

One woman I dated and happened to get to know very well, has a history of dating men that are like her father. Her father never gave her praise, or acknowledged her good ideas. She was/is looking for her father's approval. Majority of her long term boyfriends were men that were emotionally unavailable, never complimented her, nor appreciated her. I did the opposite of these men and I'm not surprised she flaked on me. And I'm glad she did.

 

 

I think guys need to feel "needed" and these women know how to work on that need for a guy. I have my own place, money, etc. A guy would feel useless around me. My last FWB would constantly ask if he could do this/that and he even took it upon himself to do this or that (Ie. Handyguy stuff).

 

Men do want to feel needed and wanted. A man wants a woman that wants him around, shows interest in his life, and invites him into her world. I'm not talking about codependency or financial dependence. I'm talking about genuine interest. If a woman keeps talking about her independence, the man will just figure the woman is emotionally independent and has no need for a man, not even to do activities together.

 

 

The problem is that I can't have a "learning moment" when I have no idea what I did wrong and no idea what I could've done differently. If anything I've learned that I perhaps ought to keep more of my thoughts to myself.

 

If you start posting here often enough, people are going to try to take you down. One of the major forms of entertainment on the internet is pointing out others' flaws/mistakes or pointing the finger.

 

People just love saying, "You can't get anybody because the opposite sex can see your bitterness." Yea, right. I know hordes of cheaters, abusers, and downright HORRID people that have no problem getting tons of dates.

 

You didn't do anything wrong Phoe. You have some thoughts, you shared it, as others are sharing their thoughts too. As JuneJulySeptember mentioned, there are some people that love putting others down, such as labeling you bitter, when all you have are some thoughts and wondered the community could give insight. It's an unfortunate consequence of interacting with people. Try not to let them get you down.

 

 

You're so right about this. I used to spend so much time paralyzed by what people thought of me. Why doesn't he find me sexy? Why didn't he want to hang out with me? God, who cares? I think I'm pretty swell, and if he doesn't, his loss. My whole life changed once I realized that.

 

People that want a relationship, and are in relationships, care what others such as their crush/partner think of them. Your example suggests complete and total independence, including romantic opportunities.

 

 

You probably give an impression of something off-putting too. Men base their attraction on instinct even more so than women.

 

There must be a reason why despite decent looks we don't attract guys. Not sure how to change it though.

 

I concur with this assessment. Men do use some instinct and emotion to determine if the woman they are talking with is worth pursuing for romantic interest. Sometimes women will put out vibes that they aren't looking for anything beyond a quick conversation. Circumstances do arise, and it could be nothing intentional. But some women are unapproachable all the time. They don't push the conversation, they don't ask questions, they don't show any interest. Their guard is up, they make snide comments, maybe too sarcastic that it comes off very negative. Lack of eye contact or lack of genuine laughter to humor is off-putting.

 

Another thing, albeit subtle issue, is who the woman interacts with regularly. For example, the type of men. I've seen women light up when talking to tall, dark, preppy-looking men, while barely give the time of day to guys that don't fit the description. Sometimes it's also a clique thing.

 

 

Hmm not sure there. I'm nerdy at well (by nerdy we mean video games, comic books, cosplay, that sort of thing, yes?), and I love nerdy, introverted men. Absolutely my type.... But I have very similar experiences to Phoe. Guys ignore me, aren't interested, etc., even online.

 

Many nerdy men are not very socially adept, or at least confident with women. Also, the same men don't have other hobbies to round them out. Which makes them a bit dull. Same assessment about the sport buffs, that love to sit around watching sports all day, and talk about sports with their buddies. So if you are attempting to attract nerdy men, you will be hard pressed to get such men to initiate.

 

Perhaps there's just a huge element of luck and circumstance to love? Perhaps it's nobody's fault. Perhaps there absolutely nothing wrong with Phoe, Eternal Sunshine, or myself, and there just aren't enough guys out there who want a serious relationship to go around. Maybe love is just mysterious, difficult, and can't be reduced to ticking off boxes?

 

Ironically, where I am, there aren't enough women that want a serious relationship.

[Phoe]

That's all good but from what I have seen, men like women that make an effort. It's not that they want a whining Princess that complains about everything but they like women that know how to be a bit sexy and sassy. They respect it when a woman knows how to make the most of her looks. They want to be proud of having her on their arm making their mates jealous.

 

You are perfectly entitled to decide for yourself whether you wish to be low maintenance or not but people will have a certain perception of you based on that and as a regular poster likes saying: 'perception is everything'.

 

I think some of that is related to the stress you feel you would exprience by being out there more, being more competitive with other women, etc. That sort of outgoing visibility is attractive and men like it. You don't have to do it and it is completely your choice but you will be ignored more by the opposite sex as a result. Obviously not by all but by many.

 

In my experience it doesn't pay in life to be modest and quiet. Not from a work promotion point of view, not from a sexual point of view.

 

You're likening low maintenance into no effort, and they are not the same!

 

I do put in effort. I shower and shave daily, I wear my hair down or in a nice ponytail. I groom and file my nails, take care of my skin, wear concealer, blush and mascara, and I wear classic clothes that fit well. I look polished, and I put effort into that, but I don't slave over it. I don't spend hours on it, I don't spend lots of money on it. I keep it all natural and polished.

 

And i work out regularly, am fit, and take care of my body and my health.

 

And still I continue to feel like a broken record, like I have to shout it from the rooftops, that I am not a quiet person. I am not quiet. I am not unconfident.

 

I am always a leader. Was always a leader in school, and am always a leader at work. I am assertive, I have a voice and I use it. People respect me.

 

In fact, I had an interesting conversation today. The younger men at work, the boys, say... 19 years old, fresh out of high school? They're always afraid of me. Always intimated. They're not accustomed to interacting with a mid 20's woman who's physically and mentally strong, confident, and who is always raising the bar and challenging you.

 

One of the young boys at work this morning was joking how he's intimated by me. "I wouldn't want to be alone in a fight with Phoe. She probably knows Jiu Jit Su, and carries I knife on her. I wouldn't stand a chance!"

 

Similarly the other day I was bantering with a good friend at work. We always get very sassy with each other. He will make a sarcastic quip, and I'll instantly snap right back with something equally as sarcastic, and he feigns shock and says "Phoe! Why are you yelling at me! I thought we were friends..." it's a really comfortable friendship that has lots of sassy banter and laughter.

 

Anyway, the other day we were bantering back and forth and a different young boy walks in the room and is looking for something, and kinda notices the banter we're having and seems a bit scared, and my friend says "Josh, never mess with Phoe, okay? She will own you." and he's just like "Oh! Yes. I know I would never mess with her!" and quickly leaves.

 

The young ones always seems a bit scared of me, because I am strong and confident.

 

The late 20's and up guys at work aren't intimated though, because they have a little more life experience than the young ones and they know that a strong woman is nothing to be afraid of, and that I'm actually a great person to have around and to be friends with. They think I'm an awesome person and genuinely enjoy my company.

 

There's nothing meek and quiet about me. Not a single person who knows me IRL would ever say something like that, yet despite how often I repeatedly say here that I am a confident ans strong person, no matter how many times I offer stories to illustrate my point, people still go back to the default "Phoe is meek and quiet" bit.

 

It's incredibly absurd.

[Phoe]

I really meant more so romantically. Since you get no romantic attention, potential suitors aren't able to tell you whether you come across as meek because you have none of which to speak however you've stated a few times in the past you seem to be met with derision by men in general, whether you were interested in them or not. Which also gives that impression.

 

 

 

Phoe, gently, this whole thread is based around the fact that you're not like other girls, only the ones in your office this time...you know, the ones getting all the attention... You worded things a little differently here and posed it as a genuine question with a desire to "learn" but the basic tenor is "Why are those women getting dates instead of me when I'm so different and much better?"

 

I'm seriously not trying to berate you because I have zero qualms with you but it's almost like you have selective memory and/or next to zero recollection of your post history. If a guy says women are xyz in a thread, you are very quick to assert how you are not like that and go on to list the multitude of traits about yourself we're now all well acquainted with.

 

The tacit implication there is how unlike other girls you really are. Perhaps that's not your intent but that's the way it comes off. And honestly, if "people" - unbiased people from all walks of life at that - are saying they get a certain impression of you, how much longer can you assert we're either misunderstanding or projecting? I mean, we can't all be crazy.

 

 

 

No one's saying that. What we are saying is that with you, it's as if you seem to take "low maintenance" to an entirely different level at which point it is more akin to no maintenance. You don't have to be a high maintenance train wreck but FROM THE TONE OF YOUR POSTS it's as if you equate having any standards at all as being some sort of dreadful, challenging bitch.

 

 

 

Okay well, there's absolutely nothing wrong with having pride in that, but maybe have your pride a bit more....quietly? Because you and I have very similar standards/requirements and like-minded attitudes yet only a handful of people around here would even know that about me because I don't constantly make a point of mentioning it.

 

Anyway, you've made this whole post more or less about your chill and low maintenance attitude or what have you and how you don't want to change that about yourself while simultaneously on a thread where you claim to be wondering how to change yourself into a more desirable woman. Idgi .

 

I said it before, this thread is about those women specifically. Just that handful.

 

This thread is NOT about the other women at work, who are normal women who behave normally. I mentioned it in an earlier post that there is no point in me mentioning those women, because this thread is not about them.

 

People jump to extremes so quickly...

 

Yes, I am different from the women I am discussing. So are you. Many women are different from each other.

 

At no point has this thread, or any thread or post of mine said "I am different from all women. I am so different from every woman who exists". No. In fact, I've said it MANY times, that there are plenty of women similar to me.

 

And in the threads where men are complaining about a certain trait that some women have and I say "I'm not like that", that's not me saying "I'M SO DIFFERENT FROM ALL OTHER WOMEN!", that's me offering up and example to the poster that "hey, not all women are like that. I'm not like that, and I'm just one of many who are not like that."

 

At no point was it ever a "yeah, all women act like that, but I'm the ONLY one who doesn't, because I'm the ONLY woman who is not like other women. I'm so different!"

 

And if that's honestly how you see things, then that's simply your own perception. That's nothing of my doing. That's simply how you are choosing to see it, and frankly it's quite inaccurate, but my repeated attempts at trying to explain myself commonly fall on deaf ears. I say it many times that I feel like a broken record on this board, trying to explain myself but people choose to stick with their default interpretation of me, rather than see me from a different perspective.

 

Most amusing is the fact that you tell me to have my pride about myself more quietly. A thread filled with "Phoe you need to be more confident, Phoe stop being quiet and meek. Phoe stop being a pushover. Phoe stop having low self esteem"... and when I wave my flag proudly and say "Hey, I like this about me, I'm happy with this, and I'm proud of it and I don't give a rip if you think it's lousy" , I get told to quiet down.

 

Nope. I Won't.

[Phoe]

I keep reading this and trying to get my head around it. I'm a total nerd and have always been attracted to nerdy women. But now that I think about it, I have only dated a couple of nerdy women. And I don't know why. Thinking back, I don't think they generally seemed receptive to typical introductions.

 

I do remember being put off by a couple of women who made it clear that sex required a serious commitment. One girl told me she didn't believe in premarital sex. Honestly, at that point I had no interest. I'm not going years without sex based on a long shot.

 

Are you all open to friendly sex or is this out? If that is the vibe, that you aren't interested in sex, then most men probably pick up on that. And if you want a man who doesn't want sex until things get serious, good luck. That narrows your selection tremendously.

 

I don't have sex without exclusivity, which in most cases, meant a relationship for me.

 

I don't do FWB's, I don't do casual, I don't have one night stands or hook ups.

 

I'm selective about making sure I only have sex with someone who has made clear intentions of wanting a relationship or being exclusive with me.

 

Sadly, people think I am a prude because of this, but that's so far from the truth. I am a very horny and high sex drive woman. I am kinky. I love sex, I want to do dirty, nasty things, and I am very giving. I just haven't yet been with a man who is on that same wavelength.

 

If men are put off by the fact that I won't offer up sex easily and quickly, that's fine by me. I have no interest in doing that differently.

[Phoe]

I concur with this assessment. Men do use some instinct and emotion to determine if the woman they are talking with is worth pursuing for romantic interest. Sometimes women will put out vibes that they aren't looking for anything beyond a quick conversation. Circumstances do arise, and it could be nothing intentional. But some women are unapproachable all the time. They don't push the conversation, they don't ask questions, they don't show any interest. Their guard is up, they make snide comments, maybe too sarcastic that it comes off very negative. Lack of eye contact or lack of genuine laughter to humor is off-putting.

 

Another thing, albeit subtle issue, is who the woman interacts with regularly. For example, the type of men. I've seen women light up when talking to tall, dark, preppy-looking men, while barely give the time of day to guys that don't fit the description. Sometimes it's also a clique thing.

 

Many nerdy men are not very socially adept, or at least confident with women. Also, the same men don't have other hobbies to round them out. Which makes them a bit dull. Same assessment about the sport buffs, that love to sit around watching sports all day, and talk about sports with their buddies. So if you are attempting to attract nerdy men, you will be hard pressed to get such men to initiate.

 

I always try to be friendly and warm. Which isn't hard. And genuine laughter is always abound. I laugh all the time. Sometimes at work my friends and I just have so much fun and we are laughing and laughing and laughing, and I turn around and see that another group of people are just silently watching us looking quite confused. Or there are times when someone says something and I find it funny, and I start laughing by myself and people turn to look and I think to myself "God I am laughing all the time. I need to calm it down. People must think I'm a nut just laughing all day..."

 

I talk the same friendly way to everyone, no matter how they look. The tall dark and handsome preppy guy gets the same treatment as the short, awkward nerdy guy. I'm friendly to all.

 

While I think a nerdy guy is the best fit for me, and those are the kinds of men I get along with best and am friends with, I don't actively "try" for any particular kind of guy. I'm open to all possibilities and just look to attract any kind of pleasant man.

[Frank2thepoint]

I always try to be friendly and warm. Which isn't hard. And genuine laughter is always abound. I laugh all the time. Sometimes at work my friends and I just have so much fun and we are laughing and laughing and laughing, and I turn around and see that another group of people are just silently watching us looking quite confused. Or there are times when someone says something and I find it funny, and I start laughing by myself and people turn to look and I think to myself "God I am laughing all the time. I need to calm it down. People must think I'm a nut just laughing all day..."

 

I talk the same friendly way to everyone, no matter how they look. The tall dark and handsome preppy guy gets the same treatment as the short, awkward nerdy guy. I'm friendly to all.

 

While I think a nerdy guy is the best fit for me, and those are the kinds of men I get along with best and am friends with, I don't actively "try" for any particular kind of guy. I'm open to all possibilities and just look to attract any kind of pleasant man.

 

You have a positive personality Phoe. You have some flaws, which you've mentioned, and a few bumps along the road of life concerning relationships, but so does everyone else in the world. I don't read anything boastful or overly prideful concerning the description of your behavior. You are just giving specific examples that probably make some people on this forum uncomfortable, or at least they disagree with.

 

Concerning nerdy men, what type of nerdy man are you trying to attract? The CoD jock that smack talks over VoIP, whom possibly even cares about his health and also exercises? Or an IT nerd that fires up Steam games on an occasion, but mainly gets a hard on from improving his technical skills? Or the the really shy, bordering anti-social video game and anime nerd? Nevertheless, you may have to reach out to such guys at Meetups, video game stores, comic book stores, or better yet, Comic Con since you are close to it on the West Coast. Even nerd-like conventions can be good to meet such men.

[Phoe]

You have a positive personality Phoe. You have some flaws, which you've mentioned, and a few bumps along the road of life concerning relationships, but so does everyone else in the world. I don't read anything boastful or overly prideful concerning the description of your behavior. You are just giving specific examples that probably make some people on this forum uncomfortable, or at least they disagree with.

 

Concerning nerdy men, what type of nerdy man are you trying to attract? The CoD jock that smack talks over VoIP, whom possibly even cares about his health and also exercises? Or an IT nerd that fires up Steam games on an occasion, but mainly gets a hard on from improving his technical skills? Or the the really shy, bordering anti-social video game and anime nerd? Nevertheless, you may have to reach out to such guys at Meetups, video game stores, comic book stores, or better yet, Comic Con since you are close to it on the West Coast. Even nerd-like conventions can be good to meet such men.

 

Thanks Frank

 

I haven't thought that hard about what "type" of nerdy guy I would like. A variety of different nerdy traits would be appealing to me.

 

Almost every crush I've ever had was on nerdy guys. From video game nerds to my young physics professor in college.

 

I'd love to go to Cons but it never happens! My friends go a few times a year and do cosplay.

[Robert Z]

Sadly, people think I am a prude because of this, but that's so far from the truth. I am a very horny and high sex drive woman. I am kinky. I love sex, I want to do dirty, nasty things, and I am very giving. I just haven't yet been with a man who is on that same wavelength.

 

 

I don't know if they think you're a prude because of what you would or wouldn't do in bed. It is probably because you don't do sex without a serious commitment.

 

If men are put off by the fact that I won't offer up sex easily and quickly, that's fine by me. I have no interest in doing that differently.

 

Well then, it has nothing to do with being nerdy.

 

I suspect you are blaming nerdism when the truth of how you feel about sex is more likely the issue, and men can probably sense that. I'm not saying it's good or bad but how things work. Men want sex and most aren't going to live as priests while waiting for women to make up there minds.

Edited January 23, 2015 by Robert Z

[hotpotato]

Most men dont want to date women who are liberal with sex.

[Robert Z]

Most men dont want to date women who are liberal with sex.

 

 

I think that is just an excuse to justify how you feel about sex.

 

 

I don't know anyone who had to wait months or longer before having sex with the women they eventually married.

[serial muse]

I think that is just an excuse to justify how you feel about sex.

 

 

I don't know anyone who had to wait months or longer before having sex with the women they eventually married.

 

I didn't see anything about months or longer in her post. She said exclusivity. I don't know anyone who had to wait months or longer for exclusivity to be decided.

[Robert Z]

I didn't see anything about months or longer in her post. She said exclusivity. I don't know anyone who had to wait months or longer for exclusivity to be decided.

 

Really, you think most men will go exclusive after a few dates; or even a few months?

[Robert Z]

Have you all considered that sex wasn't the issue when men lose interest. Maybe the chemistry just wasn't there. A romp in the sack will show that pretty quickly.

[hotpotato]

I think that is just an excuse to justify how you feel about sex.

 

 

I don't know anyone who had to wait months or longer before having sex with the women they eventually married.

 

And how do I feel about sex?

What I say comes from years of dating experience plus being in male dominated environments. Men categorize women, and theres no point to pretend otherwise.

 

Is it really that burdensome for a man to get to know a woman? If phoe or any other woman, doesnt want to have sex with any man who gives her a lil attention, thats her choice. And thats fine. Phoe has already said shes not a prude anyway.

[hotpotato]

Have you all considered that sex wasn't the issue when men lose interest. Maybe the chemistry just wasn't there. A romp in the sack will show that pretty quickly.

 

I go by what men say, and general consensus is that sex too soon is slutty on her part even if he asked for it. Also, the relationship goes in a different direction if sex happens too soon. Btdt.

Women are not obligated to have sex with a man just because he wants it.

[verhrzn]

Really, you think most men will go exclusive after a few dates; or even a few months?

 

A few months?? Seriously? So, waiting a month or two for sex is just way too long for men... but making a woman wait for exclusivity for a "few months" is totally okay?? How does that logic work?

[carhill]

Yeah, if the OP goes against her intrinsic nature of retaining sex for committed relationships, it's easy to slide down the path of making 'wrong' choices because she starts out with a choice which goes against her intrinsic psychology surrounding sex.

 

As a guy, I always felt pressure to have sex quickly, not necessarily from the women per se, but rather watching the success of men who were overtly sexual and did have success with women. To the extent I indulged those pressures, which was a choice, it did impel some other choices which turned out to be 'wrong'. To me, it's a continuum.

 

TBH, to me it sounds like the OP knows herself well and simply is having difficulties finding a compatible man. Happens! That difficulty apparently sparks doubt and the inclination to bend boundaries as a solution. Perhaps that can be viewed as good information. Try things and if they work, that. If not, that. All along, with an eye on one's intrinsic style of forming bonds and conducting relationships, keeping the goal in mind. A healthy relationship. Such are rarely easy and involve many individual choices.

[serial muse]

Really, you think most men will go exclusive after a few dates; or even a few months?

 

A few months? Yes of course by then. Or they'll decide they're not interested, which is fine too.