M_Theory Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 (edited) Am I expecting too much from women when I start the initial communication? What I mean is, I expect the give and take to be 50/50. If I message, text, or call a woman, I expect her to reciprocate likewise, within a certain amount of time. If we have already talked on the phone, and I call and leave a voicemail, I expect her to get back to me without me having to call again or text. But when I have to repeat contact with her, I tend to quickly assume that she's not that interested, or else she would have got back to me in a reasonable amount of time. I think I compare a woman's actions to mine, thinking I would never act that way, so why would she? Am I expecting too much from some women? Are a lot of women the type that just expects the guy to call her back if she was busy? I realize I'm pretty strict with communication, I tend to get riled up a bit when it happens once, and if it happens twice I always let her know how I feel. But many of the women have acted pretty surprised that I'm complaining about it. Do most guys brush this off easier than I do? I'm wondering if I'm just expecting good communication too soon, and most people just see it as no big deal, or maybe just something they expect to deal with while trying to get their foot in the door. Edited January 21, 2015 by M_Theory Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 They're supposed to be relaxed, friendly relationships, not business partnerships running to a timetable! People have lives, and people have lives which do not revolve around you, certainly not this early! At this stage, I feel you're being far too restrictive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_Theory Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 (edited) I understand that to a point. But if I was interested in a woman, and I missed her call, I would surely make it a point to get back to her, either later that day, or the next day at the latest. Isn't that what anyone else would do? Edited January 21, 2015 by M_Theory Link to post Share on other sites
rbrock2323 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 If you call her and she doesn't respond or seem the least bit interested, then move on. Don't be an ass or a rude prick, that would just validate any reason she had for not being interested in you. Let her miss out and go on about your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_Theory Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 If you call her and she doesn't respond or seem the least bit interested, then move on. Don't be an ass or a rude prick, that would just validate any reason she had for not being interested in you. Let her miss out and go on about your life. Yea I get that. But I'm talking about when the woman is actually interested, but maybe she's just grown up knowing the guy will always call back. There's a lot of women that size a guy up based on persistence. I just have a very hard time telling the difference between a woman expecting persistence vs a woman that's not all that interested and hoping I take the hint :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Different people have different approaches to communication. Some people will reply quickly, others will not. They can reply when they feel like it or not reply at all. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 In general I agree with you, it should be back and forth. I wouldn't get too stressed about it if it only happens occasionally. Work, commitments, friends etc can get in the way and people of both genders can "miss their turn". Don't be too strict and allow for people to have lives. But if it becomes a regular habit and you're constantly having to push for a response, then yeah, I would assume interest level is low. Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_Theory Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 In general I agree with you, it should be back and forth. I wouldn't get too stressed about it if it only happens occasionally. Work, commitments, friends etc can get in the way and people of both genders can "miss their turn". Don't be too strict and allow for people to have lives. But if it becomes a regular habit and you're constantly having to push for a response, then yeah, I would assume interest level is low. But how am I supposed to tell the difference between low interest vs bad communication skills?? From a guys point of view they appear the same. I also know a handful of married couples that are together ONLY because the guy was persistent, even when the woman admitted she wasn't all that interested. I could be throwing in the towel and not even know it's the wrong decision. But because it's dealing with women, sometimes no means yes and I dont even know it. That's what drives me totally nuts....because it seems nobody is black and white about this except me. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 But how am I supposed to tell the difference between low interest vs bad communication skills?? From a guys point of view they appear the same. No, from YOUR point of view, they appear the same... I also know a handful of married couples that are together ONLY because the guy was persistent, even when the woman admitted she wasn't all that interested. You know a handful more than I, then... I know of loads of married couples who are together because they're on the same wavelength.... and they know they are, because they amicably discuss their preferences and boundaries.... I could be throwing in the towel and not even know it's the wrong decision. But because it's dealing with women, sometimes no means yes and I dont even know it. That's what drives me totally nuts....because it seems nobody is black and white about this except me. There's a clue there, then, isn't there? If nobody is black and white about this, except you - then you must be the square peg.... right? Try the three strikes rule. If she does it once, assume there's a good reason. If she does it twice, assume there may be a reason, and talk to her about it. If she persists and does it a third time, then assume there's no good reason, ask whether this is a habit, and if she prevaricates and makes excuses - Sayonara!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 But because it's dealing with women, sometimes no means yes and I dont even know it. Wow, I thought this myth had been dispelled quite some time ago. You also made the statement that some women may believe it's the guys responsibility to chase them down because of the way they grew up. I understand your point and agree that its common courtesy to return a phone call, even if it's to tell the guy she's not interested. "Most" women are progressive thinker and to believe otherwise is just as unacceptable as the way you've been treated by what I'm going to assume is a limited number of the female population. "Most" women are well versed and follow through in a socially acceptable manner. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 .....because it's dealing with women, sometimes no means yes and I dont even know it. ... Wow, I thought this myth had been dispelled quite some time ago. Good grief, how did I miss that little gem - ?! Holy crap....! Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_Theory Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 "Most" women are well versed and follow through in a socially acceptable manner. MOST women fancy being "chased" on many different levels. And from my point of view that's not socially acceptable. It's tomerated by men because they usually want something from her. I think it should be 50/50, both showing equal respect. Not have women grow up just assuming it's the guys job! Link to post Share on other sites
TabbyHearts Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I agree and I think the approach you take is the simple kind of approach I would take as well. If a guy texts me, or calls me, and I'm interested, I respond. Initiating is a different story, especially in the beginning and given all the advice women are prone to hearing about "letting him chase you". One rule of life however, is you cannot expect everyone to do what YOU would do. As much as we like to think that people have common decency, we often find the opposite to be true. Btw, have you actually ever been out on a date? A sure way to gauge her interest is to see if she agrees to see you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ebelskiver Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I prefer 50/50 communication myself but I've certainly had issues with guys taking their sweet time getting back to me. If someone calls and doesn't leave a message, I don't view that as something I need to respond to. If they text something that's funny, but may not necessarily require a response, I usually won't respond. But if it's a conversation that requires a reply I will get back to them within a few hours depending on work, etc. When a man and woman are intimate for the first time I DO expect the man to initiate contact the next day if he doesn't want to be seen as a creep and a user. In the beginning a try not to be too responsive (texting back immediately) because you don't want to give the impression of a lovesick stalker. But I do get back within a day in most cases. Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_Theory Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 try not to be too responsive (texting back immediately) because you don't want to give the impression of a lovesick stalker. But I do get back within a day in most cases. Why are there always unwritten rules for every aspect of interaction when it comes to dating???? All I know how to do is communicate like a regular person. Obviously everything is a big game that I just don't understand Link to post Share on other sites
rbrock2323 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 There's a lot of women that size a guy up based on persistence. I just have a very hard time telling the difference between a woman expecting persistence vs a woman that's not all that interested and hoping I take the hint :/ And they are immature if they can't comprehend a busy man with a good job not having the "persistence" required by them to seem serious enough to date. Let them date the financially unstable bum who needs to latch onto her...talk about someone willing to be persistent.. Link to post Share on other sites
CT98 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I'm with the OP, if a woman can't be arsed to reply to a text or a phone call, what's the point? She's either not interested or plain rude. Link to post Share on other sites
Rko28 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 After a few dates and shes comfortable getting her phone out in front of you judge her then. eg: If she has her phone with her all the time and replies instantly to texts she receives during that time then id assume shes not interested or playing games. If she takes an hour to get back to you then you wait an hour to reply back Link to post Share on other sites
charlo Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 To be honest, I think 90% of it is the age-old dating "trick" (probably not the best word) of trying not to come across too eager. A lot of men say that they like the chase or that women being too keen puts them off, so I think sometimes women try not to come across like that, I know I have done it at some points and some of the guys I've been with have even done the same. Then again, it could just be down to lack of interest. I guess you won't know unless you ask - that's assuming you even get a reply. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I like balance in the communication as well. Stuff like this happens all the time and I either call them on it, or just quit if I'm not very interested. I assume that if they can't respond and show some enthusiasm that they'll be the same way in a relationship and I just don't have much patience for it. There is a subtle version of it that I see in online messaging... woman initiates with a flirt or one-line message and I respond with a couple of paragraphs to get a conversation started. She might write one good message and then drops off to short answers, virtually no effort. I respond with a short answer, like yes/no or that's cool, and wait. A day or two will pass and she initiates again with a short message... I tell her that I'm not feeling the enthusiasm and that I'd love to have a nice conversation but it requires two people making an effort. Sometimes they disappear, sometimes they start making the effort, and sometimes they come clean and say that they wanted me to pursue them. I explain that I think relationships should be fully reciprocal, and I don't mind taking the lead but I'm not inclined to continue unless there is energy flowing in both directions. Some get it, some don't. The ones that try this stuff are usually the same ones that have their profiles loaded up with clichés like "knight in shining armor," "sweep me off my feet" or "can you intrigue me." Nah, just not interested. I like intelligent, evolved women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 Am I expecting too much from women when I start the initial communication? What I mean is, I expect the give and take to be 50/50. If I message, text, or call a woman, I expect her to reciprocate likewise, within a certain amount of time. If we have already talked on the phone, and I call and leave a voicemail, I expect her to get back to me without me having to call again or text. But when I have to repeat contact with her, I tend to quickly assume that she's not that interested, or else she would have got back to me in a reasonable amount of time. I think I compare a woman's actions to mine, thinking I would never act that way, so why would she? Am I expecting too much from some women? Are a lot of women the type that just expects the guy to call her back if she was busy? I realize I'm pretty strict with communication, I tend to get riled up a bit when it happens once, and if it happens twice I always let her know how I feel. But many of the women have acted pretty surprised that I'm complaining about it. Do most guys brush this off easier than I do? I'm wondering if I'm just expecting good communication too soon, and most people just see it as no big deal, or maybe just something they expect to deal with while trying to get their foot in the door. Maybe try not to expect things or decide how people should be, and just see how people are. If you find someone's communication frequency or responsiveness annoying, I wouldn't pursue the relationship. I had a friend who had the same expectations and norms that you have, especially the part I bolded. But lots of people don't. Only a couple of men I dated did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts