Social circle encounter

[jwhite]

A few months ago was my two year anniversary of probably my most difficult breakup. Since then, I have a new circle of friends that I have been hanging around with and have had romantic encounters with two of the women from the group. The first was a one nighter and we have had no problems with awkwardness or anything. What I think is amazing is that we have not spoken a word about it and it is like it just disappeared; which I am fine with because it has not caused a problem with the group.

 

This past weekend, I had the second encounter. This time it is much more difficult for me. First, she ended it with her ltr of five years a few weeks ago...they had been on and off for about six months and I am moderately acquainted with the guy. Second, there is another guy who I am actually friends with and he is very close with the most inner circle of the group. Finally, there is another individual of whom she is very close to and he her, and I consider him one of my best friends, but he is much older than her and explained to me that it is not as it seems...ie she sleeps in his bed during parties. Nobody knows how their relationship really is, but I suspect that it is as he says...more or less. The point that I am having the most trouble with is the second guy. He REALLY likes her, probably borderline love. I have witnessed this but we have never talked about their relationship.

 

I should note that we have always been flirty with each other and kissed a couple of times (she is pretty much this way with everybody) but I suspected it was just play which I am fine with and never had any concerns about anyone else s feelings bc of this. So, a group of us went camping this past weekend. The second night she showed up and nothing was out of the norm until later when she asked me to guide her through the woods to the bathroom...everyone was going to bed. On our way there at sections where we had to make a turn on the path she would kind of stop and look at me. I knew what that meant, but kept on going anyway. We almost arrived back at the campsite and I couldn't take it anymore so I kissed her and it was on. Thankfully, for better or worse, I have a "problem" when I drink too much, so sex didn't happen, but everything else did. She told a couple of individuals in the morning about it and then everything that happened was out in the open.

 

I was questioned about my intentions the next night and I expressed all of my concerns about everything: dating within the group and how that is complicated, about the third individual (who was one of the questioners), and about the second individual...my current main issue. The third individual said that #2 will get over it, but I have been in #2's place before and it hurts... and it will hurt especially since I have gone farther with her. I thought about it for two hours on the ride home, the entire next day, and have looked up similar situations on the net that say to stay away.

 

I know that she is expecting us to continue in whatever role BF/GF or FWB i am unsure of, because she said I better call her this week. I have extreme reservations at this point and have made my decision about the endgame, but getting there is what I am unsure of. I do not want to hurt her or how she feels about herself. I want to just let it be, but I have a gut feeling I may have to say something. I thought I would come here last to get suggestions because it helped me so much in the past.

[Toodaloo]

Just a tip if one of your friends fancys someone and you want to keep that friend its normally best to keep your distance.

 

Talk to your friends and find out what is going on before you put your foot in it and hurt one of them.

[jwhite]

Here is my conversation that I have developed. Tell me what you think.

 

 

Me: Ask what have people talked to you about. What do you know has been said and to who?

 

Her: (Answers question above)

 

Me: (I tell her about the convos that went down the next night)

 

Me: I think that what we did was a mistake and I put most of the blame on myself for initiating it. I don't think it is a mistake that I find you attractive, nor do I think having that encounter on a carnal level a mistake because I liked doing it for sure. What I think is a mistake if failing to take into account other people who we both have connections with.

 

What i would like is for us exist as we were, and I don't think that will be a problem because of how you and I are. Also, I think it would be best if we didn't talk with anyone about it so they forget about it.

 

If the circumstances ever change, I do not know what the future holds.