phenix Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 (edited) Hi all, thank in advance for your opinion. It all started 3.5 years ago when I met this girl over the summer, we hit it off, but at the end of the summer she had to go back home, and so we spent the following year in touch through skype. We clearly had feeling for one another, though the distance kept up from having anything official, we would call each other every night and got closer than ever. During that time, I got intimate with a couple of women, and when she learned about it, she got extremely hurt. I knew I f*** up. We spent months thereafter not talking. Eventually things rekindled and she forced me into a relationship (long distance) to gain exclusivity, which I agreed with fully. We had the best relationship for half a year thereafter, we would meet twice a month, and our time was simply magic together. She would bring up marriage everytime... it was THAT good. Her trust issues (at least thats what she says...) then came back to her and she said she could not trust me hence broke up with me. I was devastated. Ive been chasing her thereafter, and for 8 months we have been on and off, it went from having the time of our life together and her saying she would marry me someday, to weeks later saying she doesnt trust me and blocking me out her life (literally blocking my numbers). I loved her too much to stop, I kept thinking one day she will realize that I a fully committed to her and she would go back to having the best times of her life with me as we used to when we were official. So the on and off kkept going for 8 months until very recently. A month ago, we met again and as usual, had the best time together and as usual, she said that if im patient we could get married someday. A month after saying this (today), she decided to break it up for good. She blocked all means of communications and said she will never talk to me again. I messaged her with other means of communication such as websites to text, and she ended up threatening me of legal action. I really fell off my chair, I never thought a girl that loved me to the point of marriage.. just a month ago,, would ever say that. I am broken up. I loved her so much. I dont understand how women can say things and then instantly change their mind the next day. I have been super stable emotionally with her since we started dating. Sometimes i feel like she just wanted challenge, and when it got away, she faded. I cant take her off my mind. She damaged this relationship so much. Well according to her she will never talk to me again.. just a month ago we were together and in love (at least seemingly). This time though I feel like she will never come back. Thoughts? Edited January 21, 2015 by phenix Link to post Share on other sites
bigtrouble Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Something happened and she's not telling you... If they suddenly become indifferent and cut you off cold. Chances are they may have met someone... Sorry for your loss... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Agreed with the above reply. I can see someone's hand in this. Based on what you wrote you regained her trust already after you messed up, her considering marriage was a proof of that. Then she suddenly does the 180 and can't trust you again without any trigger? Well, she's bringing out old issues to justify her actions. She's blaming it all on you so she can retain her good image while you bury yourself in regret. Go no contact, don't be friends and move on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Yes, I do agree too, there must be someonelse in her life, sorry mate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lokin4AReason Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 someone else is in the picture and she doesn't know at how to react to the situation .... again this is a time kinda thing. until she can decide at what SHE wants and unfortunately, your ll be on the back burner till than ( could be a week, a month, a year or more ) =0/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author phenix Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Thanks everyone for the replies. I do also think that there might be something she does not tell me. All I know is that for the pasts 8 months we have been on and off, every time we had an issue, she would blame it on the fact that she does not trust me when she is away form me. Eventually she missed me and we would meet again, as if nothing had happened. I know that this whole time, she hasnt been with anyone else, but idk perhaps this time is different.. Or maybe the fact that every time she pulled away I showed weaknesses turned her off with time. Oh well, it is fascinating how someone can turn 180 just like that. Oh well, now she accuses me of having given her trust issues. It sounds a bit intense to me. IMO, like doc love says, when there is high level of interest, anything goes. So i tend to not take the trust issues, or anything for that matter, as a valid excuse and to blame only myself for showing weaknesses or doing anything else lowering her interest level to the point where she blocked all my numbers and said we will never ever talk again. Its funny she took the time to say that she wants me to be happy in the future before blocking me, what gives?. So weird. In all case, Im going NC (not that I have a choice lol) and thanks all for commenting. Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 The 180 degree turn completely blows. There is allways a reason. So sad that more people can't be decent and just be honest. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 180 = another guy in the picture, and she doesn't have enough time to devote to you, and doesn't want to lead you on (for now). Once that ends, she'll be right back. That's when you do the smart thing, and cut her off cold turkey this time. Not worth wasting the prime years of your life away harping on this one on and off girl. You don't wanna be 40, hung up on the same girl, and not willing to give anyone else a chance on the off chance that she might come back into your life. That's a scary position to be in. Don't be that guy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 People can harbor trust issues REGARDLESS of what the reconciliation looks and feels like. Read the section on Infidelity (yeah I know you weren't married etc) same issues of trust for her. All it takes is a trigger and I reckon she had too many triggers, was getting "in too deep" (same feelings as before) and BANG fear hit her from your previous actions. I know that feeling. It happened in my 2 LTRs between marriages. Both men started proposing in the first year & became quite obsessive about my "let's see" responses. Frustrated with me whenever I responded. They both lasted 3 - 4 years. Without a single doubt in my mind, I would've married them IF I could have trusted them. My instincts were spot on. I couldn't, luckily I didn't. I'm not trying to have a go at you. It's just plain to see that she needed TRUST to go the next step and couldn't. IMO Lion Heart. Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 The issue isn't that she says one thing and does another. Clearly the issues with trust have always been there just under the surface. Many times women choose to cut it off completely in order to protect their heart. She clearly has feelings for you, but she also has severe doubt about your relationship at the same time. Honoring her request is the best option you have here. Relationships of love require two willing participants and trying to force the issue only backfires. I generally view break-ups as good things because they either end a relationship that won't work anyway or they allow the two partners time away to reflect on how they really feel about one another. Many couples who end up getting married have experienced at least one break-up in their relationship. If you genuinely love each other it will come back around. My thoughts and prayers are with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) i do not even think you like women much in general, i mean to say, one mixed up girl translates into your thread title about women in the plural although you are only discussing one i think she sees a womaniser in you, sorry, but you screwed others while you knew her (hardly love's young dream) and nobody willingly marries womanisers you might get back together, best of luck Edited January 22, 2015 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
Author phenix Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 (edited) thanks all for your input. Its tough to deal with these things when you dont expect them, when you dont want them to happen. I guess though that looking back I realize that despite what she was saying (that she loved me soo00oo much), she was not displaying as much love towards me with her actions. She wouldnt reach for my hand as much for example. Could be another guy, but I think I have overpursued her wayy too much in the past 8 months. A guy needs to know how to control his emotions, I didnt. Will know next time. Or maybe it really is trust, although ive been loyal to her the whole time we started dating. I just feel like if she loved me THAT much, she would have moved mountains for me if needed. She wouldnt have left. Edited January 23, 2015 by phenix Link to post Share on other sites
bigtrouble Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 thanks all for your input. Its tough to deal with these things when you dont expect them, when you dont want them to happen. I guess though that looking back I realize that despite what she was saying (that she loved me soo00oo much), she was not displaying as much love towards me with her actions. She wouldnt reach for my hand as much for example. Could be another guy, but I think I have overpursued her wayy too much in the past 8 months. A guy needs to know how to control his emotions, I didnt. Will know next time. Or maybe it really is trust, although ive been loyal to her the whole time we started dating. I just feel like if she loved me THAT much, she would have moved mountains for me if needed. She wouldnt have left. Yeah Ref flag. Then hold her hand if she appears cold, boom... You know how it ends... Link to post Share on other sites
Author phenix Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 (edited) After three weeks of no contact, she reached out to say she is sorry for the drama and hopes I'm well. We exchanged some messages and she ended up saying that she realized today shewill never meet someone as great as me but she would rather settle for less with someone she trusts. I told her that I'll respect her decision if so but that it'd be a waste of potential. She said she really wish I didn't hurt her in the past. I re emphasize that I've been loyal to her ever since we got official and I'd never hurt her again. Thoughts people? I love that girl. Edited February 1, 2015 by phenix Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 After three weeks of no contact, she reached out to say she is sorry for the drama and hopes I'm well. We exchanged some messages and she ended up saying that she realized today shewill never meet someone as great as me but she would rather settle for less with someone she trusts. I told her that I'll respect her decision if so but that it'd be a waste of potential. She said she really wish I didn't hurt her in the past. I re emphasize that I've been loyal to her ever since we got official and I'd never hurt her again. Thoughts people? I love that girl. Stop talking to her. She said she doesn't want to be with you, you made it clear that you want to be with her, so there's nothing more to say. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 She doesn't trust you...why? Is it because you slept with a couple of women, after she went back home after your summer romance. You were a free agent then. The summer fling was over, even though you both had really strong feelings for each other still and stayed in touch, you were not her bf. You did not cheat on her. Well at least she ended up contacting you and giving you closure which was good. Better than dumping someone for no real good reason, and totally blocking all attempts at communication for them to find out whats going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author phenix Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 She is dating someone else. This is a big turn off for me. I dont want her no more. I am happy to say, I am moving on. Thanks everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 At least you found out the truth. So sorry it wasn't the outcome you had hoped for. Pretty lame of her not to be upfront and honest with you and string you along. Link to post Share on other sites
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